Potential for Namer's remorse?

I’m due in 5 days and we only recently decided on [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] to join siblings [name_f]Isla[/name_f] and [name_m]Grant[/name_m].

[name_u]Emmett[/name_u] is to honor my sister [name_f]Emma[/name_f] who died almost a year ago to the day of this baby’s birth. [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is my dad’s name ([name_m]Grant[/name_m] has my FIL’s name for a mn).

[name_f]My[/name_f] husband adores the name and it’s meaning but I still don’t feel quite right about it. Here are my reasons:

  • I picture an old man when I think of [name_u]Emmett[/name_u], can’t see it on a baby
  • I worry it sounds too much like [name_f]Emma[/name_f] when said allowed, hence too strong/painful a reminder of my sister
  • I worry that it’s too obvious a name, nearly like we think he will replace [name_f]Emma[/name_f] seeing as his birthday is so close to the anniversary of her death.
  • I find myself wanting to explain the names meaning when someone asks what we chose, like just saying his name is [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] is not good enough, I need to back it up by explaining it is meaningful?

Most of all I just can’t picture him being named [name_u]Emmett[/name_u], but frankly I can’t picture this child at all. We weren’t going to have a third but decided somewhat spontaneously to go for it (a decision that was made in the wake if my sisters death…), so this whole pregnancy I’ve worried that maybe we made a mistake. I know when we see him all the doubt will vanish, will a name suddenly seem to fit then too?

Does this all sound like a recipe for [name_m]Namer[/name_m]'s remorse or just the ravings of a very pregnant, hormonal woman?

Thanks for reading!

This seems like a tough situation, Im sorry for your loss!

Maybe bring a few names to the hospital and decide when you meet him.

Have you considered-

[name_m]Ephraim[/name_m] [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_m]Emrys[/name_m] [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_u]Emery[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m]

For what its worth, I think [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is a handsome name and will hold a lot of meaning for your family. But you have to do what makes you comfortable too, so if you change your mind don’t worry about it! Maybe you can use a name that reminds you of your sister in a different way (her favorite song, artist, tree, place?)

Aww, [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is lovely, and I love [name_f]Isla[/name_f], [name_m]Grant[/name_m], and [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] together. I’m not sure what to say about the baby image–I think it’s really handsome, and can easily picture it on a small child.

I can relate on the [name_f]Emma[/name_f]-[name_u]Emmett[/name_u] thing, though–I remember how adamantly I wanted to honor my grandmother when she died, but I couldn’t really go near her name at all. I eventually landed on [name_f]Lily[/name_f], which is a rather roundabout (but very sentimental!) way to honor her. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you already feel like it’s too painful of a reminder, when you say [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] out loud?

I don’t think anyone will assume you’re trying to replace [name_f]Emma[/name_f], even if it is so close to the anniversary of her death. You obviously love her, and I’m sure a lot of people will see the beauty in you wanting to keep a part of her alive and remembered and passed down to your little baby.

Why do you think you feel like [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] isn’t good enough? Can you pinpoint an answer to that? I think [name_u]Emmett[/name_u]'s great, and wouldn’t feel like it’s any less of a name than any other name out there. [name_u]Emmett[/name_u]'s really in, stylistically, too, so I feel like it’d be received really well?

I don’t know what to offer, in regards to namer’s remorse–I’ve never experienced it (or naming in general!), so I can’t really predict, but I think [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is a really great name. I would tentatively keep in mind something along the lines of “he will be [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m], unless it REALLY doesn’t settle with me once he’s here”. And you can decide then. I’m not sure what else to offer, maybe someone else will have better advice? No matter what happens, chin up, and good luck, and congratulations on baby! :slight_smile:

I think that it’s a lovely way to honor your sister, who you obviously felt very close to, and even without the connection [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is a handsome choice!

I think it has to be up to how comfortable you are going to feel calling out his name for the rest of his life. [name_m]Will[/name_m] the connection to your sister bring you a wave of grief every time? It’s hard to know years from now how you will feel, as she only passed recently and those kind of events stick with people for a long time.

If it was me I would pick something else because you never know how you are going to feel and if you’re already having thoughts that the third baby is a “mistake” then you don’t want to trouble yourself more by piling on raw feelings right after you’ve given birth. You could give them the middle name of [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] instead, to still honor her but maybe it won’t be a constant reminder?

Really it’s up to you and how you feel. If you think that having your son named after your sister will bring you pride and good thoughts of the life you had together, then it’s a wonderful idea.

This is a very trick situation and I’m so sorry for your loss but also happy for the new addition :slight_smile:

I have the same problem with an honor name. It is tough to imagine calling a new baby by a name that reminds you of someone else that you loved. I decided to put the honor name in the middle so that it isn’t used as much. Perhaps you could use [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] in the middle and pick something that you love to call your son? Two middles is also an option.

It sounds like you are having a rough internal struggle about everything. I’m so sorry. I know it is hard to get excited about things when you are still deeply grieving, even the happiest moment of all, the birth of a new baby. Such conflicting emotions can cause great stress, which sounds like what is happening right now.

For what it’s worth, I know two little [name_u]Emmett[/name_u]'s and one adult [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] and they all wear the name very handsomely. If it’s too painful, I agree that maybe it is best to move [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] to the middle or give your little guy two middles since the one you are planning on using is meaningful as well. If the only reason you want to use it is to honor your sister and you feel the need to explain it, then maybe you should bring a couple other options to the hospital with you and see what feels best when you hold him and talk to him for the first time.

I wish you hope and healing during your grief and am sending lots of love to you and your family!

I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister.
I think you should wait to see the baby before you finalize your decision. You seem to have a lot of misgivings.
The name [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] sounds handsome and a natural fit with [name_m]Grant[/name_m] and [name_f]Isla[/name_f], without any explanation of meaning, to me. The sentiment behind it is only icing on the the rich cake of a delicious-sounding name.
Perhaps [name_u]Everett[/name_u] would be a good substitute, if [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] is just a hair too close to [name_f]Emma[/name_f] for you? It’s also very handsome, retains the original rhythm, meaning, and integrity of the chosen name, and sounds wonderful with [name_m]Grant[/name_m] and [name_f]Isla[/name_f].
No baby can ever replace your sister; that is a given fact. She will always be missed. But a new little one (especially given an honor name) can help to heal the raw wounds of grief. [name_f]My[/name_f] brother named his son, the first grandson, after my father’s father, whom we lost quite young and in a very horrific way. Having his grandson named after his deceased father has brought our dad (and indeed, all of us) much peace and healing. [name_m]Little[/name_m] B’s name continues to be a source of comfort, pride, and delight within our family. I wish the same for you, whatever you decide to name your little one!

I love the name! [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] is a name that works for all ages.

I think your bigger struggle is your grief over your sisters death. I am so sorry. Hopefully you will have some clarity when your precious baby is born. Hugs.

You definitely sound like you need to tell your hubby not to announce the name for awhile, you should wait a week or two to make sure that callimg him [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] doesnt make you too raw. If its painful I would encourage you to pick a name that cheers you instead, and have [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] as two middles.
[name_m]Felix[/name_m] means happiness, and this little boy is bringing your family much happiness at a sad time - why not [name_m]Felix[/name_m] [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m]. [name_f]Isla[/name_f], [name_m]Grant[/name_m] and [name_m]Felix[/name_m] are a great sibset.
Whatever you choose, love it!

I have an [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] who is now 3. I love the name and he loves it too! He proudly tells us - “I’m not a monster, I’m [name_u]Emmett[/name_u]!” etc while playing. You won’t regret choosing [name_u]Emmett[/name_u]. It is such a nice name and sounds great with [name_f]Isla[/name_f] and [name_m]Grant[/name_m].

Mmmmmmn now I want cake!

So Sorry about your loss. Here are some ideas:

[name_m]Bryant[/name_m] [name_u]Emerson[/name_u] *[name_m]Bryant[/name_m] as a nod to your husband, goes well with [name_m]Grant[/name_m]. *[name_u]Emerson[/name_u] for your sis.

[name_m]Bryant[/name_m] [name_m]Emil[/name_m]

[name_u]Ellery[/name_u] [name_m]Bryant[/name_m]

I think your [name_f]Sister[/name_f] would be thrilled at this new life in honor of her. I am sure she will definitely be his guardian angel!

I am so sorry for your loss. I can see why you are having such a hard time coming up with a name to honor her. I ,too, think [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is very handsome. Have you thought about using her initials and [name_m]Brian[/name_m] as a second middle?

[name_u]Everett[/name_u] (Name that starts with her MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_m]Evander[/name_m] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_u]Emery[/name_u] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_u]Evan[/name_u] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_f]Elin[/name_f] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m] (prn EE-lin)
[name_m]Eric[/name_m] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_m]Emilio[/name_m] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_m]Ewan[/name_m] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]
[name_m]Erwin[/name_m] (MI) [name_m]Brian[/name_m]

To your question about Potential for Namers Remorse: I think there is a fairly simple answer to this. Would you consider/do you like [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] for a son if it didn’t honor your sister? If your answer to is yes then I think the name is perfect for you. If your answer is no then I’d find something else.

I understand the desire to choose a name that honors your sister - however, you also want to make sure that you are honoring your child by choosing a name you love or at the very least enjoy. I get what you are saying about [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] being too close to [name_f]Emma[/name_f] and potentially being painful - she died so recently, it is so close to that first anniversary and you are pumped full of pregnancy hormones. There couldn’t be a worse time to try to make a rational decision about whether this name is too much for you to handle on a daily basis. But, I think that if you answered “yes” to the question above then the connection to [name_f]Emma[/name_f]'s name will bring you more joy than sorrow.

4 years from now on a random [name_u]March[/name_u] monday you are going to love that you honored your sister with the most precious thing you have, your child. Yes, on her birthday and family holiday’s it will be bittersweet but nobody will ever think you are trying to replace her - a sister is irreplaceable. Instead people will understand how incredibly important she was and is to you. So important in fact that you want her to have an influence on your son’s life, even if he will never get to meet her in person. It’s beautiful and anyone who doesn’t get that, well I feel bad for them.

You could use [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] & [name_m]Brian[/name_m] as middle names and pick a less troubling first name.

[name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] is a lovely name, and I can understand why you’d be anxious. You could always use it as a middle name.

As someone who has named all of their children (so far) after their own parents or in-laws who are all deceased, I say go for it. It’s a way for me to preserve their memories. And my children are always curious about the people they’re named after.

Thank you sincerely for all of the thoughtful responses.
I melted down to my mom a little bit yesterday and she was adamant that I stick with the name and trust my husband on this (seeing as he doesn’t have the hormone overload that I do right now!) He loves the name, and to the PP who asked if I would use the name regardless of the connection to my sister - I think the answer is yes. I knew a little boy named [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] in the last town we lived in and he was so handsome and wore the name well.

I am also trying to come up with a couple of backups in case we meet him and it doesn’t fit. I woke up this morning with the name [name_m]Thatcher[/name_m] on my mind. [name_f]My[/name_f] husband had said he liked it at one point, though I don’t know if he still does. I have a nephew named [name_m]Archer[/name_m] though, is that too close? [name_m]Little[/name_m] [name_m]Thatch[/name_m]…I think it’s handsome. I used to really balk at the idea of two middle names but I think my family is excited enough about [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] and [name_m]Brian[/name_m] that if at the last minute we just decide to name him, say, [name_m]Thatcher[/name_m] [name_u]Emmett[/name_u] [name_m]Brian[/name_m] then it would be alright.

Re: [name_u]Everett[/name_u] - my husband has been voting for this all along too, but it’s a family name on my mom’s side - the kind of family name where EVERYONE in the family is named that so just really overdone. I’m not a fan of most of the other E names (though I liked [name_u]Evan[/name_u], hubs vetoed).