Okay. So I don’t like my first name and began using my middle name when I went off to college a year and a half ago. I want to make [name_f]Nicole[/name_f] my legal first name when I get married (since I’ll already be changing my name, i’ll just do it all in one go). I am not getting married anytime soon (unfortunately, but I will wait patiently to marry my boyfriend because I know he’s my forever).
But there’s a problem, 14 of them actually. My nieces and nephews (all but the youngest and the unborn one) call me Aunt [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f] or some variation (Titi [name_f]Tiffy[/name_f]). The youngest will call me Feenie when she actually starts speaking (she’s only 6mo) and I’m fairly certain of that because that’s basically the only thing my best friend (heart sister) calls me anymore after her niece decided it was my name like 6 years ago. And the newest little one is another heart sister’s baby and she’s already told me that I get free reign to “brainwash” her child to call me whatever (I’m still figuring this out because this kid won’t know my other nieces and nephews.
If it weren’t for my biological nieces and nephews, I would change it without a second thought, but I have so many and they range from 13 to 2 1/2. I really do not like [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f] and want it gone. I’m not the biggest fan of [name_f]Nicole[/name_f] either but didn’t really have anything else as my family is 110% against me changing my name. At this point with my family though, I think only half of them will have a major place in my life once I’m married. I am certain my little ones will still be in my life though and I don’t want to wreck havoc on them. I just want [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f] gone. I have never liked it and have talked about changing my name since middle school, and now that I am an adult, no one can tell me I’m not allowed to.
I’m not sure you’ll be able to do anything about the nieces and nephews. The older ones might understand your new name, but the little ones likely won’t. I think you’ll still be called [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f] quite often unless you rant and rave at your family about it. That’s just what I’ve witnessed with adult name changes. Kids are much more open to change than adults though, so they might default to [name_f]Nicole[/name_f] as they grow up.
I agree with the first comment. Kids are more open than adults when it comes to change. They’ll be okay but adults may try to convince them that name-changing is not okay. You are an adult and should be able to change your name as you please given that you really don’t like it. I think your family should respect how you want to be referred to.
Of course you should change your name if it really bothers you. If you don’t mind, you can let your nephews and nieces keep calling you [name_f]Tiffany[/name_f], or you can ask them not to. It’s likely that at least some of them will make the effort to call you by your new name.
I used to dislike the name [name_f]Tiffany[/name_f] because it is so tied to the 1980s, but then I learned that it has Greek roots. It is a very old name and a variation on [name_f]Theophania[/name_f], which is in the same epic league as other classical Greek names like [name_f]Persephone[/name_f], [name_f]Hermione[/name_f], [name_f]Athena[/name_f], [name_f]Theone[/name_f] and [name_f]Helena[/name_f]. Pretty darn awesome and powerful, those Greek names. It really made me appreciate [name_f]Tiffany[/name_f] a lot more.
If you haven’t already, you should Google your name ([name_f]Tiffany[/name_f]) sometimes. It has interesting roots and a fantasy author even coined a term in its honor (“The [name_f]Tiffany[/name_f] Problem”).
I’m telling you all this because it sucks to feel bad about your name. I hated my name till I was in my twenties and then learned to appreciate it (it’s not [name_f]Tiffany[/name_f], lol). Changing your name is a big deal, which you already seem to know. I think it’s best to try everything you can to mend your ‘relationship’ with your name before putting yourself through such a big hassle.
I know very well what my name means, where it originates, and all that fun stuff. It also is a type of Muslin. I just hate it because it is almost identical in sound to my sister’s name, [name_f]Stephanie[/name_f]. And I’ve never enjoyed the way it sounds and I doubt I will ever love my first name. I’ve used my middle name to introduce myself for a year and a half now and pretty much only use [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f] with family, who have said that, regardless of what I do, they will always call me [name_f]Tiffani[/name_f]. My family is very big on tradition and I don’t think anyof them would call me by any other name, especially seeing as they don’t right now and I don’t use my first name like [name_u]EVER[/name_u] anymore.
@agirlcandream, first I think you should explore more name options besides [name_f]Nicole[/name_f]. I’m in favor of a name change for you and since your legal name change will take some time, you should experiment and after you find your real name use it socially (with or without a legal process). [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t settle for anything less than a “true you”!
Second, your family’s reaction/s. I think after choosing a name, you should talk - individually or in small groups - with your nieces and nephews about having a new name and prefering to be called by it. They will get it wrong at first, correct them and keep doing it until all of them get it right. People confuse my name with other names ALL THE TIME:
“[name_f]Larissa[/name_f]”
“[name_f]LU[/name_f]”SA” (my actual name. Speak with certainity)
“What…?” (Person didn’t expect a correction so quickly)
“My name is [name_f]Lu[/name_f]ísa.”
“Ok…”
And we both go on with our lives. Simple. This dialogue happens weekly, normally the same person doesn’t commit the same mistake more than twice. Maybe instead of saying “my name is [ ]” say “my name is [ ], I changed, remember [beloved niece/nephew name]”? I really believe younger people will respect your decision more than older relatives.
Situation with older relatives: how to deal with them depends on their normal dynamic (if what works is being rude, be rude). I would say what my new name is and ignore anyone who doesn’t call me by it (if I was in a good mood, I would have a T-shirt with “my name is [ ]” written in the back and on the front for familly occasions). [name_f]Remember[/name_f]: people who don’t respect you and are toxic don’t deserve a relationship with you.
Oh, another thing. If you start using a new name socially, but you didn’t change iy legally yet, don’t tell people. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t tell the type of people who will consider anything less than a complete legal change illegitimate.
I think for nieces and nephews it’s OK to just tell them you’ve changed your name and what to call you now. I don’t think it will wreak havoc on them haha. I personally have always wanted to change my name, but haven’t yet and the struggle continues. Now my own little children know what my name is (ahhh no! lol) but whenever I change my name I plan to just tell them and I think it will be just fine.