Hello everyone. I’m pregnant again (unplanned). I’m very worried about telling my husband as we had a very hard time with 7 early miscarriages between our 1st and 2nd one of which ended in an emergency hospital visit… My husband took everyone of them very hard and honestly wasn’t much fun for me either. I fell pregnant with my 3rd very quickly after my 2nd and although it was an uneventful pregnancy he literally didn’t sleep for weeks until we got past the first trimester. Obviously I have to tell him - wish I could wait to tell him until I get to 12 weeks but that would be wrong right? [name]Just[/name] looking for some reassurance I guess. I’d be very interested in hearing anyone elses stories if you feel up to sharing them - I just feel so alone in this. Many thanks, [name]Fran[/name]
Sorry to hear you’ve had such a hard time.
I have no personal experience in this. I don’t think it would be wrong per se to keep it from your husband until 12 weeks. After all,you’re doing it with the very best intentions. But I think it’s a heavy weight for you to bear alone given your previous experiences. You’ll be just as worried as he will.
I think that,even if your husband worries a lot about it once you tell him,it may be better for you both if you do. But explain how you’re worried about how he’d cope if something were to go wrong. It may help him realise that you need support too?
But that said,only you know what is best for your relationship.
I’m too am sorry to hear of your losses. My husband and I have had three losses, two early first trimester and one, last [name]December[/name] at 16.5 weeks. I think it’s important to grieve and go through the stages of loss. [name]One[/name] important step for me is to remember the positives and focus on the “happy times” and happy thoughts. Sharing the moments right now with your husband…such as the excitement of taking a pregnancy test, looking through baby names, looking at your other children’s baby books or a scrapbook of their first few days…something to focus your energy on the excitment of this blessing and new life. If you miscarry, it will be tragic, but you will have a positive base to remember and I think it’s important to go through that together. I don’t know if “wrong” is the right word, but I’d feel very strange keeping something like that from my husband. Unless he specifically told you not to tell him if you got pregnant again!
I understand that he was upset about your losses and he worried last time, but this is something you are in together. He was involved in making the baby. He needs to “step up” and deal with his worries and support you. I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I didn’t intend it that way! I’d be hurt if my husband didn’t want to know about our baby for 3 months so that he didn’t have to worry about it. I’d much rather he join in prayers and positive thoughts with me.
In fact, my husband and I are there right now. We are very newly pregnant (eek! I haven’t said this on NB yet!) and it is scary. Our last pregnancy was very emotional. I need him right now more than ever! He is not a worrier type, but we’ve talked about things and I know it’s in the back of his mind. [name]Even[/name] if this pregnancy ends in a loss, we will thank God for the life/blessing he gave us. I’ll also cling to early memories – specifically the look on my DH’s face when I told him the test was positive. It was such an amazingly joyful moment we shared.
Ok on a practical side:
Are you able to have early blood draws to test beta #s? an early ultrasound? Can your doctor test progesterone to see if you need to use a supplement? [name]Do[/name] you need extra folic acid? (there are some conditions that cause your body to not be able to process folic acid) With many early losses, you might also want to look into testing for blood clotting or an autoimmune condition called [name]Hughes[/name] Syndrome. It turns out I have that and it caused compilications in my pregnancies. Being able to identify if there is a physical condion that you can treat (I take a baby aspirin daily to prevent blood clots), it may ease you and DH’s fears.
Thankyou so much. thanks hayley. crunchymama I’m sorry to hear about your losses and am very impressed at your positive attitude through them. I shall keep everything crossed for you! Sounds a terrible thing to say but it does make me feel better that it isn’t just me… You hear all the statistics but it seems it’s such a taboo subject that I wonder if there are actually other people going through the same/similar situations. We had all the tests done when we had the run of miscarriages a couple of years - everything came back normal which apparently isn’t that uncommon? Went to the doctor today and definitely am pregnant approx 6-7 weeks he recons and did see a flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound so all good at the moment. [name]Doctor[/name] also said that as I’ve had 2 successful pregnancies since that run that he doesn’t see any reason why I should miscarry but as we don’t know the reason for those it is possible. I just can’t face anymore doctors visits on my own so I am going to tell him tonight. He’s scheduled another scan for 11ish weeks. So everything crossed and hope for the best!
I have no experience yet since we haven’t tried yet. And I don’t know if it’s any help, but stress on the body can lead to miscarriage, so if you can, try to relax, it’s very hard to not worry, but you can tone it down by taking a hot bath or getting a massage. Also if your husband is stressed, it can piggy back onto you, so help him relax about it because his worrying will make you worry, and it becomes a chain reaction.
Have you had your progesterone levels checked through a blood lest? If they drop that can contribute to miscarriage. If they are low a progesterone cream may be helpful.
I have just had a miscarriage so I understand it can be heartbreaking. Especially when we don’t know why it has happened. You sound like you have a history of unexplained miscarriage, that makes this a stressful time I am sure. While your husband may not cope well if you did miscarry again I think it is wise to tell him so you have his support.
Mother nature is very powerful, at the end of the day we cannot control nature, all we can do is accept what happens. Time will tell what happens, but so far so good and that is a big plus. Celebrate each day being pregnant, it is a gift. I will keep you and your little one in my thoughts.
Good [name]Luck[/name]! xoxox
You are welcome [name]Fran[/name]. I’m glad to share my experience. It’s somewhat therapeutic for me. I don’t want to be depressed and worried because I know I’ll get through it (with my faith) in the end, so there is no sense in me worrying now.
Seeing the heartbeat it a great sign! Did you go to the doctors on a [name]Sunday[/name]? lol or are you in Europe? As you know, the chance of miscarriage after seeing the heartbeat does down dramatically. And your doctor has a point- you have had two successful pregnancies. There is no reason to expect the worst! I have an ultrasound on Friday. I’ll be a few days away from 7 weeks. Hoping to see the heartbeat. So we’re practically due date buddies.
I bet your DH will be thrilled when you tell him.
Catloverd - pregnant women should not take hot (only warm) baths.
Although this was a long time ago and so much has changed, I went through very similar experiences. I had an immediate pregnancy after giving up birth control when I got married, and then went through a series of unexplained early miscarriages and one stillbirth between my first and second (living) child. It was a terrible time for me, especially after I lost [name]Rachel[/name] at seven months. I don’t talk about my faith too much, because it’s not really Jewish to broadcast one’s feelings, but I had an incredible discussion with my rabbi after we read the Torah portion having to do with [name]Sarah[/name]‘s inability to have a child that helped me work through my fears and feelings of inadequacy. I was under a specialist’s care when I became pregnant with my son. At almost three months pregnant the Gulf War (1) started and [name]Israel[/name] was bombed, and I started to bleed. It was very frightening but I was sent to bed and friends helped me to stay calm. I was eventually able to have my son, even though he did continue to try to come early (eventually he was five weeks’ premature). As it turns out, I have [name]Von[/name] Willebrand’s Disease Type I, a moderate form of the disease that wasn’t diagnosed until my daughter’s much more severe form was diagnosed. I am sure that my having [name]Von[/name] Willebrand’s was the reason for my miscarriages. [name]Von[/name] Willebrand’s is a somewhat common form of haemophilia, and if you have anemia, easy bruising, and long, severe periods, it’s possible that you might have it. My [name]Von[/name] Willebrand’s has been controlled by having a uterine ablation, but my daughter has issues even with the form of birth control she takes (birth control helps to prevent her from bleeding out during a period). It is unlikely that she could safely have children…
Anyway, sorry to ramble. It’s so difficult to deal with these issues, and I wish you the best, [name]Leslie[/name]
crunchymama: yes it was [name]Sunday[/name]…, had some spotting, panicked and so got myself down to hospital but nothing to worry about apparently. That is exciting re:due dates - let me know how you get on! emiliaj: progesterone level test was taken yesterday - waiting for results but they were normal with all the previous miscarriages - they literally tested everything with the previous run of them I had and came up with nothing abnormal: which honestly makes the worrying worse. I always find it helps to put a name to something. [name]Leslie[/name]: thankyou for sharing, thats such a difficult situation, sending my best wishes to you and your daughter. In other news told my husband yesterday evening so we can worry together now - everything crossed for the next 6 weeks. Thankyou all for your support. [name]Fran[/name] x
[name]Hope[/name] everything goes well for you and your husband [name]Fran[/name] x
Thankyou hayley! Good news went for a repeat scan he’s estimating I’m a 11 weeks and still pregnant! Slight surprise on the scan though: there are 2… Slightly in shock at the moment.
I’m really glad things seem to be going well. I vividly remember the moment we found out we were having twins at our 13 week scan. It is a huge adjustment in mindset and as you mentioned, quite shocking, but being a mother to twins is an incredible experience that we lucky few get to have. Congratulations on your babies!