I’ve always loved names, and have carefully curated a list over the years … And now we really are pregnant! But my husband has no real interest in names whatever… He can’t even remember the names of our friends children half the time, and is so out of touch, he still thinks the popular names of today are totally ‘out there’ etc !! I just don’t know how to kickstart the conversation without just “do you like ____ ?” … And the weeks are ticking away :S
I’m honestly wondering about getting a hard copy name book to flick thru together to start the cogs whirring …? [name_u]Or[/name_u] I could show him some Nameberry lists by style and ask him what type jumps out? Does anyone have any ideas/advice/experience please?
I totally get it!! I’d start the conversation with my husband (pre trying because I loved names haha) and he’d just roll his eyes and say no to more than half the suggestions because they were weird.
But just start! [name_m]Even[/name_m] if he has no interest, this is your child, and he will care about naming the baby! And if you speak to his logic and explain discussing the baby names now makes way more sense than waiting until the last minute. And you don’t HAVE to figure out the names RIGHT now either! I’m a firm believer of settling on a two or three names that are top contenders and keeping them on deck for the day you have your baby. Maybe you have one name that is IT but having the other names that you both know you agree on can make it feel more comfortable in case your baby and born and that name just doesn’t seem right anymore.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] start the conversation! He may not be into it but naming the baby is a discussion you get to have together and should both be apart of.
In agreement with @hannahcarmeen’s comments. And because you have a list of names you really like that you have “carefully curated”, I would start with it. He may really like some of those so I would suggest starting there rather than starting over from square one in an open book and he chooses something that you can’t warm up to.
[name_f]My[/name_f] spouse is very much not a name person and I have found that a piece of it is accepting that he is unlikely to have strong opinions. What has worked for us so far has been for me to share names I like and ask what he likes best and least from that set.
In my case I have a partner who is generally laid back and would probably be ok if I felt strongly in favor of something he didn’t like, but it at least helps me to narrow my own focus a bit. I don’t know if yours is as flexible or if he both doesn’t much care about names and thinks a lot of things are “too weird,” but even then it might help to focus on him noticing what he likes best from names you already like.
Yes I think that is an issue, I can’t wait for him to become madly passionate about choosing the perfect name!! He would defo be flexible if I felt strongly about a name. I’m only going to be unhappy with whatever name we choose if I am expecting him to have very strong opinions on it. I know he will eventually love whatever we choose as his own child grows into it as you say @hannahcarmeen
A physical name book seems like a good idea - something you can both sit down with and look at. You could also send him nameberry lists via a message - drop one every few days, with a ‘do you like any of these?’
You could start at a time when there’s time and not too many distractions, by saying something 'I’ve been thinking about names for baby recently and I’ve got a list going - I was wondering if you’d like to look over it with me?
You could ask him if there are any names he wants to consider for the baby - anyone he wants to honour in their name?
You could show him the top name lists of where you are, so give him a sense of what’s popular and what’s not.
If he won’t engage, I’d say, narrow down your own list, come up with a few options and tell him that you’re thinking of this, this or this for the baby, what does he think?
[name_f]My[/name_f] husband was the type to offer joke suggestions and be otherwise (mostly) uninterested in name talk. What seemed to help him was when we found out the gender of our baby. It seemed to help to be able to talk about names for our son…something concrete rather than an idea, if that makes sense?
I have also seen similar reports on here and irl, too. I think sometimes it is difficult for the non-carrying parent to think about things baby because their bodies aren’t directly affected by it.
Also, some people just aren’t into names. We on here tend to talk about trends, styles, popularity…but not everyone cares about that and that’s okay.
I suggest trying to be patient with him and the process. Keep making your own lists and bring up ideas every now and then. Maybe see if he’ll make his own list and compare, looking for common ground. Perhaps finding out what you’re having could help. I understand how frustrating it can be but your baby will have a name!
I would start with your list, and for my husband the most improtant thing was hearing the names over and over again. When we had our first baby he was totally out of touch, and was suggesting names like Jessica/Kelsey names that were popular when we were kids. And he needed time to become familiar with the names I liked.
With our first baby, I waited until after the 20-week ultrasound to start talking names with my husband. We didn’t find out the sex because I wanted a surprise - it just seemed like a good point to do it, when we could really start to picture the baby as a real baby (does that make sense?)
I handed him two lists, one for boys, one for girls, of my absolute top favourite names. He crossed off every single name on the boys’ list, but picked out 10 names on the girls’ list that he liked.
So I gave him a second list of boys’ names that weren’t my top favourites, but that I would be happy using. He noticed one straight away - it happened to be the surname of his favourite author - and said, yes, I like that name. So that was it!
For the girls, we spent a lot of time talking about the 10 names and why we liked each one. Eventually we were able to whittle it down to one which he liked the best. It turned out to be my 2nd favourite girls name of all time, so I was pretty happy with that choice.
We had a boy first, and then a girl, so we got to use both names we had initially picked out. With #3 and #4 (twin girls) I went back to square one because so many names I liked clashed with our kids’ names, but that’s another story!
Thank you this is really helpful and today I took the plunge and read out a few names that included some of my favourites, but also some similar style names that I would be happy to use and he surprisingly did have a couple of serious suggestions that I would actually be happy using!! @Greyblue thank you these are great suggestions, the nameberry lists are really useful for looking for similar style names to ones we both “don’t mind” but don’t love
Thank you thats really helpful. We have just recently found out the gender and I think as you say he just needed a little more time for it to sink in, something “real” to talk about … We are also having a boy and altho he is not the type to show a lot of emotion he has admitted he is really excited to be having a son
When I was pregnant, I got my partner to Google up names and give me a list. We both had lists and just vetoed names off each one until we dwindled it down to about 5. We did this with both kids. His style was VERY different to mine but we managed to get our children named! [name_f]Every[/name_f] now and again we’d both think of new names just until we found one that ‘clicked’ and that was that. Our daughter is named after a song we both like so that was easy, but with our son it took a bit of convincing and I settled for one of my top 3 boy names.
There are several apps available (Kinder, [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Names, etc.) where you and your partner link your accounts and then swipe on names that you like/dislike. Then you will be able to see what types of names he likes, and maybe it would seem like a fun game to him.
We ended up talking more about what sort of names we liked/wanted first, and as luck would have it we’re broadly on the same page when it comes to style. From there on it wasn’t so bad, I read off the most recent baby name data names that fitted our loose style and we discussed and narrowed down from there
