Coming from the TTC 2015 thread, and I think I just need some extra encouraging words from other mamas.
My sweet little boy will be one in a little over a week. He was not planned by any means. My husband and I got married young, and while we planned on having kids in a few years, we didn’t plan on it so soon! Of course once we found out we were over the moon and it didn’t phase us a bit! We love every minute of it.
We always imagined ourselves with two kids. It’s what we had planned since we started dating. And now that [name_u]Jem[/name_u] is 1, we are both really anxious to get the ball rolling on number 2, because we want them to be buddies and close in age.
So, it all sounds great and wonderful! But here are my dilemmas-
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Since we started young, by the time our second baby is born we will only be 23 and 25. I feel like I will want a thousand more babies still since I have so much time left to do so! But my husband is really adamant about only having two. I’ve also always thrown around the idea of adoption. He said if I MUST have a third, it would be down the road and by adoption. Which I would love, but still- the idea of being started and then done in a matter of a couple of years is so sad!
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I’m incredibly nervous about taking time away from my firstborn. I know it sounds cliche but im worried that since I love him SO much, there is no way I could love another as much as him. Also I was an only child, and so o recieved all of my parents time and attention. I never had a sibling that I needed to share it with. So I feel this awful guilt thinking about giving anything less than 100% to my son.
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I Still worry about technicalities from time to time. I worry about morning sickness and getting it severe to the point of hospitalization (my mother had this). I had 0 sickness the first time and I feel like I can’t be so lucky twice. I worry about the time it’ll take from chasing my toddler around. I had awful PPA the first time and worried myself literally sick thinking something would happen to my baby. I’m worried about that and my ability to care for both children while battling it. I worry about something awful happening to me during pregnancy or birth and not being around for my son.
Thanks for reading! [name_m]Just[/name_m] needed a place to get this off my chest! I really have been baby crazy and everything is set and ready to go for #2. I’m excited 99% of the time! But then thinking about actually TRYING and all of this pops up into my head. Is this normal?? [name_m]How[/name_m] do I cope and get past it?
So here are my thoughts (in black):
- Since we started young, by the time our second baby is born we will only be 23 and 25. I feel like I will want a thousand more babies still since I have so much time left to do so! But my husband is really adamant about only having two. I’ve also always thrown around the idea of adoption. He said if I MUST have a third, it would be down the road and by adoption. Which I would love, but still- the idea of being started and then done in a matter of a couple of years is so sad!
Thing is, you never know what the future will hold. We were young and certain we were done at three, but things can change, especially as time goes by. Yes, there are pros and cons to having them close in age, but since all things eventually come to an end (regardless of the total number of children you end up with) you’ll mourn the baby years at some point. There’s really no need to anticipate that now.
- I’m incredibly nervous about taking time away from my firstborn. I know it sounds cliche but im worried that since I love him SO much, there is no way I could love another as much as him. Also I was an only child, and so o recieved all of my parents time and attention. I never had a sibling that I needed to share it with. So I feel this awful guilt thinking about giving anything less than 100% to my son.
This speaks to me because I had a lot of guilt/anxiety over that issue when I was pregnant with [name_m]Zach[/name_m]. I had this horrible feeling that I wouldn’t be able to give the big kids the time or attention they deserve. In retrospect, I was very depressed during that pregnancy. My therapist and doctors were a big help. PM me for more info on this, as there’s quite a bit to it (antidepressants, etc). For me, at great risk of sounding horribly cheesy, the love has multiplied. Time and energy? Not so much. But there are some truly cool and inspiring moments between all of our kids that I never could have imagined.
- I Still worry about technicalities from town to time. I worry about morning sickness and getting it severe to the point of hospitalization (my mother had this). I had 0 sickness the first time and I feel like I can’t be so lucky twice. I worry about the time it’ll take from chasing my toddler around. I had awful PPA the first time and worried myself literally sick thinking something would happen to my baby. I’m worried about that and my ability to care for both children while battling it. I worry about something awful happening to me during pregnancy or birth and not being around for me son.
Anxiety’s a valid concern, and one to bring up w/ a doctor–it’s treatable, and [name_f]IMO[/name_f] there’s no reason to feel ashamed about it. [name_f]Morning[/name_f] sickness sucks, but if it wasn’t terrible for you the first time, there’s not necessarily great cause for worry about the second time. Personally, mine didn’t get too bad until the 3rd or 4th (now it’s awful, but I can just tell myself it’s the last time, right?). The other thing is, you can try to find a mother’s helper if you do happen to have a difficult pregnancy. I’m calling in lots of help currently, between my babysitter(s), friends, neighbors (carpool help), and my husband and kids.
Thanks for reading! [name_m]Just[/name_m] needed a place to get this off my chest! I really have been baby crazy and everything is set and ready to go for #2. I’m excited 99% of the time! But then thinking about actually TRYING and all of this pops up into my head. Is this normal?? [name_m]How[/name_m] do I cope and get past it?
I think these are normal things to worry about, but you’ll be okay. Good luck and try your best to enjoy this time.
Thanks!! It’s nice to hear that it is normal worries. It’s funny because the entire time I was pregnant with my son I told myself he would be an only child! Then when I had him and worried constantly about him, I thought- there’s DEFINITLEY no way I’m ever doing this again! I spent the entire pregnancy and his whole newborn stage worrying. I didn’t even really get to enjoy it. That’s what I want to avoid this time, especially if it’s a possibility it’s the last time I’ll get to do it, and so I feel like I’m waiting for all those ‘what ifs’ to just disappear and they’re not! Should I be waiting for them to disappear? Or will they alway be there and I just have to do my best not to think about it? [name_m]Just[/name_m] throw caution to the wind?
With [name_u]Jem[/name_u], all of his firsts and lasts were happy things. I’m nervous that with the second one I’ll be so caught up on how t could be the ‘last’ first or last that I’ll be sad the entire time! Any ideas on how to cope with that?
I think that if I had the answers to those questions, I’d be a much wiser (and probably richer) woman. 
There probably aren’t any guarantees out there as far as how to worry just the right amount for optimal enjoyment and safety of your kids. The one practical thing I can say is this: I worry a lot less (and am a lot more forgiving of myself/others) when I feel well-supported. [name_f]Do[/name_f] whatever you have to do to have some kind of a helper. This is totally my soapbox, I know. But seriously.
Help is definitley awesome, and Unfortunatley something I lacked with the birth of [name_u]Jem[/name_u]. My IL’s live right down the street but irritate me so bad that I didn’t ever ask for anything. I know better this time. I also have made a lot of connections with some ladies from church who love to help, which is great. And my mom is only a two hour plane ride in a worst case scenario.