Being pressured to name one way or another has been mentioned numerous times. Most of the situations we hear about seem to be external pressure from family, friends, coworkers, etc. They think the naming choices are too unique, want a family naming tradition followed, or just think they have the perfect names for your kids
Another kind of pressure I donāt think weāve really talked about is an internal pressure that you put on yourself, even though family may be open to whatever you pick. For example, being an only child and feeling like you need to honor all the different sides of the family, since itās up to you to repopulate the family gene pool
Have you felt pressured to name a certain way? Has anyone youāve known had this issue? External, Internal, or both? [name_m]How[/name_m] did you handle it, if youāve had a child? [name_m]How[/name_m] do you think youād handle it, if you havenāt? Other opinions/thoughts?
I try and look at it objectively - and may a little bit selfishly. At the end of the day, this will be my kid and I will be raising them. The name I choose should be something I love enough to want to give a child, not necessarily to please everyone else.
That being said, Iām not a parent nor pregnant yet, so I understand that my opinions may change when that occurs.
Iām not pregnant but weāre thinking of having a baby next year, and the naming aspect stresses me out. My mother in law isnāt supportive of anything weāve done in our relationship and I love unusual names soā¦world war 3 may occur. Sheāll want us to name the child after my husband (who is a junior) and I said no. I lost both of my brothers in the past 3 years, so it wouldnāt be right to honor his father who passed, but not my siblings. Plus I want my children to have their own names, their own identityās.
I plan on being very clear (and polite as possible) that Iām not asking for input and the name is not up for debate or discussion. Depending on how they take the pregnancy I may wait until the baby is born to announce a name, which I have seen a lot of people do. Ultimately it is your child so you have the final say on the same. If someone asks, just say youāre undecided that way no one gets their feelings hurt. The way I see it, the grandparents had their chance to name their children, now it is your turn.
I find I have a lot more pressure from myself than from anyone else when it comes to thinking about future childrenās names, just because I want it to be a wise choice and a choice I actually love. Also, being an only child (my husband-to-be is, too) I am well aware of the fact that more than one child is not necessarily wanted or granted. I donāt know that I will be suited to handle more than one after actually having lived with the stress of parenthood. I donāt know that I will be able to have more. The fact is, no one does. This makes the perfect name even more important to me, given that there may not be opportunity after opportunity to use all my favorites. Itās great to fantasize about the perfect two or three kids, but I donāt know that that will happen. Both my mother and mother-in-law have said that this choice will be ours alone and that they will love their grandchild, no matter what name we give him/her. That said, we all have strong opinions on names, similar tastes, and Iām sure people will all put in their two cents, whether their opinions are solicited or not, when I am pregnant. Ultimately, it will be our choice, and I would like to think I wouldnāt give into any pressure. We may leave it as a surprise in order to not invite any comments at all.
No because when it came down to having MY baby, I knew it was MY choice alone. [name_m]Even[/name_m] trumping my childs father. His opinion was very important and we worked together to come up with names but in the end I knew that no one could decide finally except for me.
I chose a very very unusual name. Easy to spell, recognise, and say, but very unusual and uncommon. My family was not so happy at first but also not shocked. 5 years later and we still hear the same things every time he is introduced ā_____??! Wow, what a cool nameā pretty muchā¦ there is always shock, then acceptance and feeling it is good.
All my family is over it, long time ago, anyone who knows him knows it is a perfect name for him, everyone likes it and have moved on. So donāt listen to pressure from other people. Only you know what is right for your child.
I definitely feel a lot of pressure when it comes down to naming. I share the same first name with my mother, and I feel a bit pressured (by myself only) to give a potential daughter the same name or a variation. My SO only has brothers and they all share the same first name (which is also their fatherās name). They will want for me to name a son the same way, but itās no option for me. However, I feel pressured to use their motherās name if I ever have a daughter, since all the sons carry their fatherās name. And if I choose to honor my mother, Iāll also āhaveā to honor my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] (who is an amazing woman with a not-so-amazing name). And then there is all the other people Iād like to honor if I could; my sister, my father, my grandmothersā¦
I have no husband to consider yet and I can see how that can cause a whole lot of pressure if itās not because of some kind of family tradition or a [name_f]MIL[/name_f] whoāll have certain expectations, it could be because his taste is the complete opposite of yours etc. etc. I always think of my parents and especially my mother, itās like theyāll also have to live with my choice and I feel like Iād somehow be humiliating them if I chose something they canāt pronounce or have trouble pronouncing or if they canāt spell it etc. So in my head when thinking seriously about names I always imagine my mother saying it, and because of that a lot of names are out of the question because I canāt get behind them anymore for a real child of my own. I probably wouldnāt share my thoughts with family during the pregnancy on the name because I feel itād be better to wait until after the pregnancy because I donāt want it to be their thing, in that respect itās none of their business, I just want them to be able to deal with the name practically after itās given.
So yes I feel pressured in the sense that I feel limited by my cultural and linguistic background because Iāve discovered so many beautiful names from different cultures on nameberry that I simply canāt use for that reason, but itās not like thereās a pressure from outside not to choose those names.
But Iād really need to wait for the boyfriend and husband to come in first because I get the feeling that thatās when the real trouble kicks in.
I canāt speak from experience, I think Iām about ten years away from even considering a child, but I think if somebody is worried about the opinions of family or friends, they should just keep their ideas secret until theyāve made the decision. I know that not everybody would appreciate my taste in names, but in the end itās my kid and my choice. Also, it depends on your own family, but I would think that if someone was going to be rude about your childās name, theyāre the one who is going to look like a jackass, not you.
Iāve never felt a pressure from anyone regarding my childrensā names. Of course, if there was a deceased family member to name after I would use that name, regardless of how I feel about it, but I wouldnāt consider it a pressure, more of a responsibility that I accept.
So far no one has had any issues with the names weāve chosen. We donāt discuss names (even between myself and my husband) until after a baby is born, so itās not like thereās months and months of heart wrenching deciding going on. Our parents have been loving and supportive of our name choices, and they respect us as adults and parents.
I wonāt [name_u]EVER[/name_u] let anyone convince me to name my baby something I donāt like. Iāll compromise with a significant other, but I refuse to just have my choices trod on. Personally, I tend to avoid conflict, but when it comes down to it, Iāll straight-up tell a family member to let me name the child that I carried for however many months whatever I want.
I think itās so interesting to hear everyoneās take. I know as an only child who is also the only grandchild for all grandparents, I put a lot of pressure on myself to find names that all my family likes (almost impossible since I have 1 name so far that everyone likes). Maybe those with siblings feel less pressure since there will be other grandchildren to be named?
Also, I think the dynamics within the family are interesting. Some people have certain traditions they want. Some families like mine will accept whatever they are named, but never come to like the name. Others just accept whatever name comes their way
Anyone else who has had experience or has an opinion, feel free to share.
I have felt internal pressure when it came to decide about my daughterās name. I am the second daughter of a family with two daughters. My sister is 5 years older than me, however her children are younger than my daughter. For some reasons she could not have children (she has two now though) and I felt that my daughter should have a name that honours the family members. It was very difficult to choose but I was sure and I chose my motherās name, [name_f]Daniella[/name_f]. My Russian husband insisted on [name_f]Maria[/name_f] and since she would have a patronym and a family name, I could not use a middle name. I started crying and finally he approved [name_f]Daniella[/name_f]. There is a big story of how and why I finally named her [name_f]Maria[/name_f]. My daughter has my two family names (my fatherās and my motherās, it is not common in Germany, except at least one of the two parents has two family names before the marriage, my mother had two, so I have my fatherās and my motherās paternal family name) so I didnāt like the idea of her having a middle name.
Both my parents and my in laws have made their tastes in names known.
My mother keeps pushing [name_m]Anthony[/name_m] down my throat since it has family ties to both of our families and wants me to name a daughter after her.
My in laws made a fantastic face when OH mentioned [name_m]Isaac[/name_m]. They prefer we use [name_m]Harry[/name_m] to keep with tradition despite them not using the name at all. And if we donāt they prefer us to use family names.
I feel very little pressure from either set of parents in regards to naming although Iām sure when Iām pregnant it will be very different. I will not however let them name my children; in laws will have named eight little humans and my parents had their chances as well.
I feel more pressure from my sister and my husband when it comes to names. OH wants names that sound āepicā but also would like to use family names and my sister will tell me in great detail why the name I love is a horrendous choice and my child will hate me forever for naming them that.
I feel very little internal pressure when it comes to names. Its my child and if I donāt love the name or if it doesnāt seem to fit them when they arrive I will do my best to find a name that does.
Well I havenāt handled it before (Not for a while), I think Iāve said this on a similar thread, but if someone in my family says something like āWell, I donāt think thatās the best choiceā I probably wouldnāt care vs. them saying āOH MY GOD NO!!ā and it would depend on how many people said that, too. If itās one member of the family and everyone else is like āGo for it!ā then I would still choose the name. If not, I would choose a second choice name I think.
Iām about to have my first, to be honest I donāt care what others opinions are (will not announce the name until he is born either). I also wasnāt internally pressured to use family names, I did think about it, as I am a sentimental kind of person but at the end of the day, it just came down to choosing what felt right rather than choosing what might be expected of me.
If not, I would choose a second choice name I think.