Hello, everyone. My husband and me couldn’t get pregnant for 6 years. That’s why we found the surrogate mother to realize our dream. We were so happy when we found out that she is pregnant. I was sure that everything would be ok. Now she is 6 months pregnant and I’m getting crazy. She is making me crazy. I was asking this girl to move to my house. She rejected my offer. I understand that she is a free person and she needs space, but I have to control her. Am I crazy? I want to be sure that my baby will be fine. [name_f]May[/name_f] be the problem is with me but I want to be sure that she is eating healthy food. Once I offered her to go to the seaside with my husband and me. And what do you think? She said “No”. I just don’t understand why she doesn’t want to spend time with us.
She lives in a separate flat. We signed an agreement that we can visit her whenever we want. As a rule we visit her twice a week. But sometimes I have more free time and I try to visit her more often. She says that we are too annoying. Can you believe it? She is pregnant with our baby. We are paying her a lot of money. And she thinks that we are too annoying. That’s ridiculous.
What should I do? Should I stop worrying? [name_m]How[/name_m] can I assure the surrogate that I’m just trying to take care of my baby? I need help.
Honestly, I think you’re over thinking and that you need to give her some space. She’s pregnant - she’s hormonal, uncomfortable, etc. If she doesn’t want you all over her all the time, I think that’s perfectly fair.
It may be biologically your baby, but it’s currently in her body, so I’d give her the room to make her own decisions. You don’t own her. She’s her own person.
Maybe try talking to her about the fact that you’re not trying to be annoying or disrespectful, but you just want the baby to be okay. And maybe say that your there if she’s needs help or to talk about things - nutrition etc. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t tell her you have a healthy meal plan for her, ask her is she’s interested in exploring it with you. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t be too overbearing, she’s already going through a lot for you.
Try not to be anxious, an work on it together. 
xx
I second everything [name_u]Kay[/name_u] said above. Sorry, but you do not have to control her. It’s your baby, but she is her own person. You may tell her that you’re there if she needs anything, or you may bring her food when you visit her, but that’s it. You do not control her entire meal and she is not required to live with you. I think you’re just over worrying.
You have a surrogate not a slave!
She’s not of your possession, she doesn’t have to do what you say. You can visit her twice a week if that’s what you’ve agreed but stalking her is not necessary. She’s a whole person herself and she needs to live her life. She’s already doing a lot meeting with you TWICE a week! [name_m]Jesus[/name_m]! Poor girl!
I’m having trouble believing you’re serious with how cartoonishly villainous the phrase “I have to control her” sounds, but on the offchance you’re for real, I’ll humour you.
Your difficult position and the amount of money you are giving her does not negate her personhood and the rights that come with it. Those rights include autonomy and privacy. Meaning, she doesn’t have to see you and she can eat whatever she wants. It doesn’t matter whose baby she is carrying. She has those rights, and they are non-negotiable. Your circumstances don’t change it and your money doesn’t change it. You will deal.
I agree with what everyone else said. And @tfzolghadr made a very good point that maybe she doesn’t want a friendship because having an emotional distance from you guys may be better for her after the birth. And I think that’s totally fine. Honestly I think even visiting her twice a week seems a bit much. I know surrogate pregnancies are different and it’s a process, but if she is already 6 months pregnant then I would think the baby is healthy. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you have reason to believe otherwise? Have there been complications? If no, then I think you may be over worrying. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you ever ask how’s she’s feeling? I know when I was pregnant my [name_f]MIL[/name_f] only cared about the baby. And would constantly ask about the baby but never once asked how I was feeling. Obviously it’s different because this is actually your baby, but maybe she is also feeling unappreciative. I mean she is doing ALOT for you and your husband to have a child. I think you just need to step back and relax a bit. Give the girl some space.
Hello my dear friend welcome to this forum and I hope you will find good advice for your problem here. I can understand your situation and it is very common to face such situations in case of surrogacy. You should not worry too much and you should not think too much about it. If you signed a contract with her that there is no problem and she will take complete care of your baby during pregnancy. She is going through period of pregnancy and you should understand that it is very hard time for her. She is going through many physical, emotional and hormonal changes. It is very uncomfortable time for her and she wants her privacy in it. I can understand that you are worried about your baby but I will suggest you not to think about it too much. You should give her some time and she will be comfortable at her own place. It is a good thing that you can visit her twice a week and you should respect her privacy also. I can understand that you also have feelings for your baby and it is normal. But you should think about her life also. She is not a wrong woman and she just wants her own life. You can’t own her if you are paying her. It is very important for you to understand this situation and you should take it normally. You should not worry too much and you should be normal with her. She will also take care of your health and she knows that how she will maintain such condition of Health and pregnancy. I will suggest you give her time and everything will be happy. I hope it will work for you and you will be blessed with a beautiful baby.
tfzolghadr pretty much said everything I wanted to say!
You trusted her to carry your baby, and now you need to do exactly that - [name_m]Trust[/name_m] that she’s taking care of it. It sounds like you need to back off a lot. It’s OK to be excited and worried, every expectant parent is, but your going way overboard. Stop smothering her and take this time to get ready for your new baby.
I get where you are coming from. But you should give your SM some space. She is in a position where everything could be stressful. and even if you are trying to take care of her or worry about her, it does not mean that she feels fine with you being so overprotective.
we and our Sm live in different countries. And even though it makes us a bit more anxious, we think it is for the better. our manager takes care of our SM and our SM visits the clinic once a month or more often depends on the stage of her tx.
You sound pretty overbearing tbh.
You obviously trusted her enough to carry your baby so you should give her space and privacy. The baby she’s carrying is yours, yes, but she is not your posession. I understand you have waited a very long time for this baby and must be very nervous but I think you need to take a step back and allow her some breathing room.
Why are people replying to a 1.5 year old post? [name_f]Serena[/name_f] [name_f]Joy[/name_f] here has had her baby from the poor girl a long time ago. Presumably.
aaaahahahahaha [name_f]Serena[/name_f] [name_f]Joy[/name_f]…