Quality Time

In my house, with 10 kids, it is [name]UBER[/name] important to my husband and I to have quality time with them and to make sure they understand that they are unique, special, loved and important. A way for us to do this is everyday we make sure to have at least 20 minutes of one-on-one time with each child ( not including homework, which we ALWAYS do with our children. [name]Even[/name] our 14 and 16 yo) and every week we take one child out ( i do [name]Saturday[/name] and then he takes them out on [name]Sunday[/name]) for the day and have a special day with them. With a new baby it’s been hard for my kids to adjust and my 3 year old [name]Aela[/name] and 7 year old [name]Lincoln[/name] have been having a hard time following the rules and understanding that ( on [name]Lincoln[/name]'s part) he cannot hurt new baby [name]Nolle[/name]. We know that those two need the most attention right now because they are struggling the most with the new little one, but we feel like it would be unfair for us to spend extra time with those two and not all of them! And we simply do not have time to add even an extra 20 minutes of one-on-one time with all of the kids. Please help [name]Liam[/name] and I with this, because knowing that my babies are upset makes me cry every time i think about it because they are the sole reason i live and breath and i want them to understand that no matter what i will always love them.

I’m not sure I see a question here… you really have alot of questions for a mom of 10. I’d bet most people look to you as the expert.

Umm… like I said, I don’t really get what you want here. I don’t necessarily agree that one-on-one time daily is required with each child nor do I think that the children who are acting out and not following the rules should get the most one-on-one time. What I [name]DO[/name] think you need to do with the two who are misbehaving is keep them near you at all times. During the day as you feed, play with, dress, diaper, etc. the baby…involve them in the process. This way they feel involved, but you can also address any bad behavior immediately/on the spot. The key to discipline is consistency and catching the behaviors in the act so you can correct the behavior and explain why it’s not acceptable.

For our family, the one-on-one comes naturally…we don’t really set any specific time. We just know that I do math with DD#2 and DD#1 helps me with dinner or she can stay up later than DD2 one night a week to chat with us. It just seems easier to “manage” when we don’t manage it! And honestly, we enjoy doing things all together too. I expect the older girls to hang out in the living room while the babies are playing or while we read stories to them. I expect them to come set the table/help with dinner while we all entertain the babies and cook/prepare dinner together.

Oh i wish i could just spend time with them like that! honestly i get so much grief from everyone for having 10 kids because they think i don’t get to have a chance to get to know my kiddos. and i try my best! i really do! it’s hard. I know my kids are acting out because they are jealous ( at least i’m pretty sure) but i have no clue what to do about that! Thank you for your wonderful advice on how to interact Aela and [name]Lincoln[/name] in what i do when caring for Nolle. You are such a great encouragement to me after i’ve received many unpleasant words and comments. thank you so very truly.

Honestly, I can’t imagine that a mother of 10 kids would prioritize posting so much on Nameberry when clearly you have more important things to do, like spend quality time time little ones.

My parents and my youngest sister are in town for 3 weeks and are helping to keep an eye on the kiddos. My oldest 7 are in school all day, my 5 year old is in afternoon kindergarten, my mom has been taking care of my new baby for me and Aela takes lots of naps. I also have a neighbor who cooks for us on school nights, a tutor who helps my kids with homework when we need her, a cleaning lady and an ipad that goes everywhere i go. My free time i dedicate to NB and various other parenting sites instead of wasting my time on facebook or some thing like that. I’m getting tired of having to defend myself and my children.

Not to sound overtly suspicious, but I thought that the whole topic of this post was “Quality Time”. And here you are, saying you’ve got a lot of help with it. You say Aela needs a lot of attention, but now she takes a lot of naps.

Your posts are constant yet inconsistent, and certainly not characteristic of a mother of ten. “We’re too busy” “wait now, Aela could be a pageant baby” “wdyt of Twilight names?” “we don’t have enough time but we want an eleventh child” and so on.

[name]Just[/name] saying: You’re attracting a lot of suspicion from berries. Know that much.

This woman asked for advice, not judgement. And with ten kids, I’m sure quality adult time is precious, so if she feels like posting on these forums, what is it to you people?

flinches Sorry, then, if I came off a bit harsh; kasie, kenzi.

[name]Kasie[/name] has a good point.
[name]Kenzie[/name], sorry if I offended you.
Lynae

As an afterthought (and a spot of atonement), have you (kenzi) considered creating a timetable for your house? [name]Just[/name] map out the hours in your week, fill in what needs doing and it’ll be easier to figure out when your spare time is.

kenzi raising 10 kids is a huge job. I am sorry to hear that people are being so judgemental, try not to let it give you grief because it will undermine you whereas you need to stay strong and healthy for your children.

I agree with pp’s involve your youngest children with the new baby and give them extra hugs because that way they can understand that they are important. I wouldn’t try to give each child alone time each day just a hug, kiss, because you have to run a house as well as a home.

Best wishes I am giving you this advice in good faith because I wouldn’t want someone in need to miss out because we had misjudged you.

kenzi,

Realistically honey, no 37yo woman uses the word [name]UBER[/name]. I don’t want upset you because you are obviously a teenage girl who is in need of attention, and there is nothing wrong with that I needed it myself when I was a teenager. But it is obvious to all of us who have children that you don’t have a realistic grasp of what taking care of ten children would be like. It is a bit frustrating for people like me who come to this forum to check on some of the posted topics that are of interest and relevance to us to come here and find the entire first page filled with topics posted by you, many of which don’t really make sense. Why not just be yourself? Teenagers are welcome on this site and many of them give great advice. I would be much more interested in what the ‘real’ you has to say then what a fictious mother of 10 has to say.

Wishing you well,
[name]Andie[/name]

The only discrepancy I see is that you seem to be needing a lot of advice on parenting your children. I have a 4yr old DD and I’m quite confidant in my parenting style, so confidant, that I know when it comes to disciplining my baby (when the time comes) I’ll be able to use tried and tested methods and routines to get my message across.
I just don’t understand how you could have had 10 children without developing some sort of system. If anything, it should be younger moms like me asking you for advice!
I can only speak for myself, but if I was having trouble fitting in quality time, or controlling my children, or disciplining them, I probably wouldn’t have any more babies until I had developed a successful system. It would just be bringing another life into utter chaos.
As I said, this is my only issue. I don’t wish you any harm. Best of luck to you.

Look it is okay to use the internet for relaxation and so I don’t have a problem with that many people just need a few minutes down time to relax and then they are as busy as ever.

Nameberry welcomes everyone young and old and we will support you but we just want to feel confindent in you.

You put what I wanted to say so much better. Thank you, [name]Rollo[/name].

Not at all saying I don’t find her a little suspicious. Still didn’t think the harsh judgement was necessary :slight_smile:

[name]Rollo[/name] and lucykate219 say it better than me. Sorry if I came off as harsh again. I was just trying to pinpoint that berries were suspicious, and specifically why they were suspicious.

I have been on nameberry a long time and I have found that because the nameberries share a little love as they post those that come here want to come back again and again. So, I say keep our love levels up so that it continues to keep our little corner of the world (nameberry) a happy place to visit.

I really want to believe that you’re a genuine poster, because you have made a lot of threads that have been some interesting topics, the ear-piercing for example … but you also boggle me. Your profile date-of-birth is set as 26? Also, on this post you say that 7 are in school and one in kindergarten, but on another post you said that just 6 are in school? You’ve also posted as your [name]SIL[/name] on your account asking for help for wrong-sex-scan twins which is a really big co-incidence!

If you are a genuine poster then i’m really sorry to be so negative and hope I haven’t hurt your feelings … just finding it difficult to believe you are? I only have one DD so don’t know how I would handle issues in future, but would imagine that what Aela & [name]Lincoln[/name] (think it was these two you mentioned as having the problems with baby Nolle? Sorry if not x) are experiencing right now with the new baby is something you would have gone through before, especially with 4 adopted children as well??

I would just think back on how you handled this in the past and draw from your own experiences. Only you know how best to deal with your children, but I think PP posters suggestions of involving them with baby more could be really good suggestions.

Good luck.

Sorry about the confusion over everything lately you guys, especially my ‘obsessive’ posting on the forums and my age. My children ( mostly my daughters) like to mess around on my account and thought it would be a good joke to change my age and post forums in my name. they are little stinkers sometimes just wanted everyone to be clear about that. also i have 7 school aged children and i’m not sure why i would post that 6 are in school. it was probably a typo. i’m sorry that my being a part of the nameberry community has ruffled so many feathers and has become such a hot topic of the ‘posing mother of 10’ and that people think my posts are bogus (i can tell you, the one about my wanting an 11th child is NOT true. my daughter [name]Evelyn[/name] was off from school for the day and thought it would be fun to make a few fake posts, i’m just not sure how to delete them). Thank you for those of you who believe me and also thank you for those of you who are suspicious, because i know you mean well and i know that you are looking out for the people who use this site, wanting to keep it safe. If i was suspicious of a user i would do the same thing ( only i would not send them threats or hate mail because i suspected them). Thank you for your time.

  • [name]Kenzi[/name]