I am at home pregnant. I am not a stay at home mom. I work part time and my husband works full time.
I will go up a bit with my hours when the baby on the way is in School.
We have 1,5 incomes right now. We live in an area that is pretty average so we live comfortably.
Thanks for the response!
I hope you don’t mind that I’m responding once more (don’t want to take up the thread) but since you mentioned you are considering mommying and nannying, I thought I’d elaborate a little bit, just to offer perspective.
Being a SAHM would have been the ultimate dream, but this is definitely the next-best scenario for us. The cons first: I started working with the kids before I became pregnant, then when it happened unexpectedly, their mom and I agreed to have me bring my baby with me and take on all three. well, I’m obviously paid to be there, and the kids already have their own schedules, so by far the worst part is having to sometimes put their needs ahead of my son’s, something I didn’t fully expect when I was still pregnant. Example: one kid has camp in the morning, the other in the afternoon. When I get there, I have to get them both ready for the day, pretty hard to do with a baby but not impossible. But then he gets tired for a nap, and I can’t put him down because I have to load the kids into the car to take them to said camp. He screams the whole way because he’s tired and hates the car. Then when we get home I have to let the other child entertain herself for a while while I try to put the baby down. If he DOES fall asleep, I usually have to wake him from his nap early to put him back in the car and go get other kid from camp.
The difference between doing this as a SAHM to your own children and doing both for yours and someone else’s child, is that I have to follow the rules, habits and schedules that someone else (their mom) has decided on for them. Their needs end up taking precedence over my son’s, because I’ll lose my job if I dont attend to their needs, since that’s what I’m being paid to do. Not that their mom doesn’t try to account for my baby when making choices - she does - but ultimately the kids still have many needs that are hard to fulfill when my own needs so much, and his needs are so different from theirs.
The pros though: I get to be with my baby, even if we’re not always doing what I’d like to be doing with him. I can’t imagine putting him in daycare (wouldn’t be a choice anyway) so this is certainly ideal. Most people aren’t getting paid and get to be with their children simultaneously, so I try to look at that as a positive. Also, the kids absolutely adore him, and it is extremely sweet to see. They try to help (usually they make it harder, but they try!) and call him their baby. [name_f]Pretty[/name_f] heartwarming.
This makes a lot of sense! Thank you for elaborating. It’s so sweet the kids have a bond with him - I can definitely see that happening. The five kiddos I watch have asked me if I’ll still be watching them when I have kids, I think they were a little shocked when I said they’d likely be my age by then 
Something tells me they’d be very excited if I suddenly showed up with a baby, but obviously that will not be happening!
@readingreverie Pregnancy was hard but worth it in the end! I am grateful I had support during that time. I agree you can’t control everything but I did have a negative experience with public school honestly. I was a straight A shy student and I got bullied and I always wish my parents had homeschooled me because I became depressed and public school kinda ruined me. Homeschool is really great because you have the control of the influences they experience on a daily basis while they are learning, what they are learning. I have a boy and he is hyper and I know boys especially slip through the cracks in public school because they weren’t built to sit for such long periods at a time and need an education tailored to how they are naturally. I’m sorry if I sounded rude like I judge all parents who public school and work, that’s not the case at all every family is different. I just have a specific family member that judges me and her kid is definitely negatively impacted by the way they live but that is one scenario that irks me. I do have trust issues leaving my kids with people too, I have not let my son stay with anyone except my own parents so far and that was one time for an emergency. It just gives me anxiety and I can’t relax. Also, as a baby he is naturally dependent and I am his primary caretaker so I do not want to lose the trust we have been building and I don’t want him to feel scared like I have abandoned him.
No, it’s totally fine! I love being a babysitter, and have bonded so strongly with my kiddos - I wouldn’t change that for the world. So I obviously know some babysitters are just good people and genuinely just love spending time and caring for children, but I also don’t want to risk anything unnecessary! [name_f]My[/name_f] children will likely only be staying with my own parents, my grandma, my sister, and perhaps eventually my husband’s parents. It’s so understandable!!
I’m sorry people are making looks or comments when you say you want to be at SAHM. I feel like it’s hardly an uncommon thing, so it seems odd to me that people view it as a peculiar choice. I suppose a lot of mums do have away-from-home jobs and that is becoming quite common, but I would have thought the ratio was more like half-and-half. I don’t think SAHMs are exactly a dying breed!
Answering your questions:
For those of you who are stay-at-home parents or have a partner who is a stay-at-home parent, what does life and finances look like for you?
I am currently at home on Maternity [name_m]Leave[/name_m], and my hubby works full-time. I guess you’d say we have a more “traditional” approach to life, in the sense that I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning, etc - not because we adhere specifically to gender roles, but because I am at home and enjoy those things, and it’s how I contribute to our family while not earning a monetary income. I also do our financial paperwork and mow the lawn sometimes because I enjoy those more “male” jobs too. Life is generally pretty relaxed because our daughter is still a young baby, so there’s no school work or sports or anything like that in the mix yet.
In terms of finances, we share everything. We’ve never had “his and hers” money. It’s aways been “our” money, regardless of who works or who earns more.
How many children do you have?
[name_m]Just[/name_m] one, currently; she is nearly 12 weeks old. We plan to have more though (how many more is yet to be seen!)
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you intend to go back to work once your children reach a certain age?
We plan to home-school, so I would only go back to full-time work once the youngest child is old enough to be home alone and responsible for their own studies.
Was there any deciding factor that made you think staying home was the right option for you?
[name_f]My[/name_f] hubby and I are Christians and believe that our children are gifted to us from [name_m]God[/name_m] to love and raise. For us, schooling and teaching is included in that “raising” and we believe that parents are the ones that should do the majority of said teaching. Of course, children also learn through their community, etc, but they learn so many fundamentals in the safety of their home with their parents. [name_m]Even[/name_m] though having one parent at home might mean tight finances here and there, the well-being of our children is more important to us.
On another note, I was raised by two working parents and my Mum was the higher earning one / busier one. I don’t begrudge my childhood, but I can definitely see there are things I missed out on because she was away so much. When I was about 16, it dawned on me one day that I hadn’t had long periods of quality time with my mum in years. I know my parents did what they needed to / what they saw was best at the time, but that’s not what I want for my family if I can help it.
And I know it’s a touchy subject, but how do finances work in your family?
Currently, hubby is our income earner, and his wage pays all our bills, etc. I need to refresh our budget and really crunch some numbers to make things work smoothly on one income. I am shopping around for cheaper phone providers, etc, and looking to save where we can. We used some of my saving to get us through the newborn stage, but I hope to not touch our savings going forward. Thankfully, in Australia, the government gives primary parents 18 weeks of paid leave, so we have a little extra money to play with once that comes through.
Does your partner have an average, below average, or above average income?
Average.
Did you leave a job that had a high salary?
[name_f]My[/name_f] job also had an “average” salary, but I earnt more than hubby.
Did you save up money to be able to stay home?
We didn’t save specifically for me to stay at home, but we did have savings.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you intend to find a part-time or WFH position once your children are old enough?
[name_f]My[/name_f] employer has said they will take me back in whatever capacity works for me, if I decide to go back to work. I would only choose to work a maximum of part-time hours from home while we have little children.
Sorry for writing again. I will answer your questions now.
Well I am at home and do a lot but I expect him to do stuff at home, too. Wenn we are both worling we just do what needs to be done when it needs to be done. It is done by the person who sees it or starts it first. We do not have agreements ir anything. We want our children to know that both parents are equal and that both are equal in the Housework and monetary work.
After our first my husband stayed at home. He reduced is hours after the twins to be home more and do more.
We look where we spend money. We want the kids to understand that we do not need everything. They run errands with me and stuff like that. We only buy what we really need.
We have 4 children. A 5 year old girl. 3 year old twins. A girl and a boy. Our youngest a boy was born a few days ago.
I will definitly go back to work. As soon as 4th baby will go to daycare.
The diciding factor to not stay at home was my Childhood
My mother was a SAHM. Where it was a disaster after my father left us. My mother suddenly needed a job. We hardly had money after he left us. That changed with my step-father whom I call dad. I never wanted to be without a job just incase. My husband understands that and it was clear to him that I would never give up my job completely.
We both have average jobs and we did not save up for anything.
Though we are saving up for one thing. We plan to take the kids out of School for about one year in about 7/8 years when the youngest is 7 or 8. We want to travel through Europe via train and backpack with them. So we are saving up for special things. One day we wamt to travel the US with the kids too, without taking them out of School.
@_thelittlefairywren Thank you for the response! Maybe it’s just where I live or the general population of parents of people my age! All of my friends parents all worked, but I do think it’s becoming more common in my town for the next generations to have a SAHP. Thanks again!
@Anna03 Thanks for the reply! That trip to Europe sounds fun!!
[name_m]Will[/name_m] do tjat when this baby will be 7.
Kids will be 12, 10 -(twins) and 7 then. [name_m]Will[/name_m] do one year plus the summer vacation so about 14 months. [name_m]Will[/name_m] do it in depths.
Hi, so honestly I’m bypassing all the previous comments.
How many children do you have? I am a sahm ti 4 ages 8,6,4 and 15mo!
Do you intend to go back to work once your children reach a certain age? No. I mean maybe when they’re all in college I’ll reevaluate but I’ll be at this point pushing 60 when that happens. So I wouldn’t be trying to go back to a previous position or anything.
Was there any deciding factor that made you think staying home was the right option for you? Prior to my own kids my career/ passion/ hobby/ ministry were taking care of and teaching other children. My career was infant/ toddler/ preschool teacher…. Living that career made me realize I didn’t want that life for my children. As a ECE educator I was with other peoples kids from 8-6 5 days a week. I had kids grow such attachments some even cried if I left before their parents came. Call me jealous but I didn’t want some stranger having that kind of temporary bond with my children. For that stranger to see my kids firsts. To teach my kids about life…. To maybe even know my kids better than me. Plus all the rules and restrictions of childcare life as well as all the rules and restrictions with building school education
And I know it’s a touchy subject, but how do finances work in your family? Does your partner have an average, below average, or above average income? I would say above. We’re not rolling in the dough though . We’re both pretty spending cautious. Hubby avoids accruing debt at all costs. But hubby is big on not wanting to buy things “used”- no yard sales, thrift stores, marketplace. And in some things he’ll find holding out for quality items worthwhile over buying something cheaper right away. Kids clothes usually come from Walmart or kohls if not grandma splurging. (Because I do have a mother that loves to spoil- and I’ve found letting her meet needs a good compromise). We went a few years without a dining room table because we needed to pay off baby delivery bills and our house that we built first. When we got engaged we bought land to eventually build on but lived in an apartment for several years before we could build. Being one income and the income being hubby’s he’s oversees it all and doing all the bills but our money is an “ours” not a “his”
Did you leave a job that had a high salary? Absolutely not. If anything a decade later almost and it’s still hard for me to not be stuck in the judging expenses today against my past $13/ hour paycheck. I find myself apologizing when I discover prices of things I’m wanting/ needing or hard to bring up things for the kids that are important to me - like swim lessons or day trips. And then shocked when hubby will easily be like “of course” or “sure”
Did you save up money to be able to stay home? No. Saving wasn’t a possibility with how small my salary was.
Do you intend to find a part-time or WFH position once your children are old enough? We homeschool. So old enough would be college…. Maybe high school at the earliest. But at that point iI would have no business trying to get back my old position. Maybe a classroom assistant at the most.
@Alix2016 Thank you for the response! I do think it would be a little bit hard to be determining the cost of things and weighing it against an income you’re not quite used to. It’s nice to hear you didn’t particularly save money to stay at home. It seems like with the cost of things now it’s not really too much of an option until I’d get into a relationship and bills would be split.