Registry etiquette?

I’m sure this topic has come up before but I’d appreciate some help!

SO and I are thinking of starting our registry. The reason being that since we’re transitioning between states, we’re lucky enough to have had friends offer to throw us a second, smaller shower before we move (since most of them won’t be able to attend if we wait until after the move).

We’re registering at Babies R Us because it seems to be the most convenient for everyone, plus I like the idea of the rewards program. But I seem to keep hearing conflicting information about what is and isn’t appropriate to register for. We have the basic checklist that BRU provides with suggestions about what’s “need to have” vs. “nice to have”. I just don’t want to have too much on the registry and seem greedy, or vice versa, too little and have people asking my mom/[name_f]MIL[/name_f] what to buy us at the larger, family shower.

A couple initial questions:

  1. Big ticket items (i.e. stroller, carseat, crib, etc.) - do we put them on the registry, or expect to buy them for ourselves?
  2. Is it a bad idea to register for a few small clothing items, so people get a sense of what we like? Obviously we’ll graciously accept whatever anyone would be nice enough to buy for us.
  3. We plan to use cloth and disposable diapers interchangeably, should we register for both and hope people aren’t confused?
  4. Bottle sets - register for 1 or more than one? I’ve heard some people say try 2-3 different brands, but I also am hoping to breastfeed at least until I go back to work and then pump, so I don’t want a bunch of bottles sitting around unused.
  5. [name_m]Price[/name_m] range - I’ve heard to register for everything so there’s a wide range of prices to choose from. Yea or nay?
  6. [name_m]Price[/name_m] matching. BRU price matches and will accept competitor coupons. I’m very money-conscious so I’d love to think of a polite way to let shower guests know about that without sounding like “hey, buy us stuff!” I don’t know if there is a way to do that, but I’d love your thoughts.
  7. Any recommendations for registry items that we REALLY need or should consider? We already have a high chair, swing, 1 pack 'n play, and a small stash of newborn size cloth diapers that were all purchased secondhand.

[name_f]TIA[/name_f]!

  1. Big ticket items (i.e. stroller, carseat, crib, etc.) - do we put them on the registry, or expect to buy them for ourselves?
    I would go ahead and register for the stroller and carseat. Odds are no one is going to buy them for you but sometimes friends or relatives will get together and combine their money to buy a big ticket item. Never heard of anyone registering for baby furniture (crib, dresser, changing table) so I wouldn’t recommend doing that.

  2. Is it a bad idea to register for a few small clothing items, so people get a sense of what we like? Obviously we’ll graciously accept whatever anyone would be nice enough to buy for us.
    I wouldn’t bother registering for clothes. When you’ve changed your baby’s outfit for the third time that day because they yet again spit up/peed/pooed on it, you’re really not going to care what it looks like. Plus, babies grow so fast, if someone gets you an outfit that isn’t your favorite, your baby is going to outgrow it in a few months so it’s not like they’re going to be wearing it for years to come. Also, picking out baby clothes is fun for people and even if you register for clothes, they’ll probably end up buying you something they think is cute anyway.

  3. We plan to use cloth and disposable diapers interchangeably, should we register for both and hope people aren’t confused?
    As with clothing, I wouldn’t bother registering for disposable diapers. We didn’t register for disposable diapers or clothing but received a good number of both as gifts. Lots of time people will just through a package of diapers in with whatever else they’re getting you. I would register for the cloth diapers though as those are a bit for specific. We did both cloth and disposable and registered for all our cloth diaper stuff. No one got confused and we received both as gifts.

  4. Bottle sets - register for 1 or more than one? I’ve heard some people say try 2-3 different brands, but I also am hoping to breastfeed at least until I go back to work and then pump, so I don’t want a bunch of bottles sitting around unused.
    We only registered for one and just bought more as was needed. I think it would be fine if you registered for two sets though, if you want to have some variety.

  5. [name_m]Price[/name_m] range - I’ve heard to register for everything so there’s a wide range of prices to choose from. Yea or nay?
    Definite yes on this. Some people will want to spend a ton of money on you and others just $15 bucks.

  6. [name_m]Price[/name_m] matching. BRU price matches and will accept competitor coupons. I’m very money-conscious so I’d love to think of a polite way to let shower guests know about that without sounding like “hey, buy us stuff!” I don’t know if there is a way to do that, but I’d love your thoughts.
    I wouldn’t worry about this. Most people aren’t going to shop around for the best price on a baby shower gift, so I doubt that many of your friends/family would even bother with price comparing and searching for coupons. Plus, most stores have their items priced about the same, so they’d only be saving a few dollars anyway.

  7. Any recommendations for registry items that we REALLY need or should consider? We already have a high chair, swing, 1 pack 'n play, and a small stash of newborn size cloth diapers that were all purchased secondhand.
    I would say just stick to the basics and you’re good. I would also put the colors and/or theme of the nursery on the invitation so that if people want to get you a blanket or some other accessory, they can get one that matches your decor. Also, a mesh crib liner is a great item. They cut down on the risk of SIDS and come in a bunch of colors.

[name_m]Hi[/name_m]!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I think your questions are very thoughtful and I wanted to offer my two cents hoping you’ll find this response useful.

I think a registry is extremely helpful, both for you and for your friends/ family. I would stay away from the store’s list of suggested items though as their lists are really excessive and are designed to push products on new parents. I would recommend just asking around/ googling what different folks recommend having and go off of that.

In terms of your specific questions:

  1. I would put big ticket items on the registry. No one has to buy them for you if they don’t want to, but it gives people the option to if they feel like it (and several people might pool together to purchase a big ticket item).
  2. while I would advice registering for items covering a large price range, I would actually avoid registering for baby clothes altogether. People [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] buying baby clothes. They just [name_u]LOVE[/name_u] it. They are so much more fun to buy than, say, diaper genie liners. You’ll get tons of baby clothes without ever asking for them, much more than you’ll ever need. Your kid will grow out of them before you’ll get a chance to use them all. Use the registry to ask for other things.
  3. register for both types of diapers. [name_m]Just[/name_m] list what you need and don’t worry about it. In all honesty, people will probably spend a total of 2 minutes perusing your registery and will then click on the item(s) that comes closest to how much they’d like to spend. (Which is why it’s great to have a variety of items in a variety of prices). Also, not that it matters, but many cloth diaper users also Use disposables. We definitely do.
  4. register for one bottle set (I recommend glass bottles that are slow flow if you end up using formula). If you need more, you can always get more. When it comes to feeding your newborn you just never know how it will go until you get there. Maybe breastfeeding will work out, maybe it won’t. Maybe you’ll pump, maybe you won’t. Maybe these bottles will work, maybe these will work way better… [name_m]Just[/name_m] get one set if you think you’ll need them and go from there. (If you are planning to pump, the pump will probably come with its own set of bottles, so you may not need any others, at least not in the beginning. Also, just wanted to mention that if you are in U.S., I think you can get a pump for free. Ask your OB about that if you are interested).
  5. absolutely yay. Give your friends/family lots of options so that even if they only want to spend a small amount on the gift, they can still feel like they got you something that you wanted/ were asking for.
  6. I would put this in the comments section if you like, but I wouldn’t worry too much about it.
  7. there is very little that you absolutely need to have. If I had to suggest something, this is what comes to mind: some bibs, a few pacifiers, a baby thermometer (a must!), crib sheets (but not bumpers/ bedding sets; those are cute but are a big safe sleep no-no), diapers (lots and lots of them!!), wipes (but definitely not a wipe warmer), diaper cream, diaper disposal system with liners, detergent for cloth diapers, pail liner for cloth diapers, baby shampoo, baby bath tub and towels (or you could use regular adult towels), baby mobile, maybe a play mat, baby monitor if you think you won’t hear your baby wail from wherever you’ll be… Also, I would think about what you might need once the baby is a little older: maybe some baby proofing items or baby feeding gear (plastic plates, silly cups, etc).

That’s all that comes to mind now. [name_f]Hope[/name_f] this was helpful. Good luck! I’m sure you’ll do great!

[name_f]Anna[/name_f]

  1. Definitely register for big ticket items. People often go in together on these. Also, if nobody buys them, that’s fine! You still get the registry discount (which makes a bigger difference on something like a car seat than say, baby washcloths

  2. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t register for clothes. People will get a sense of your style from things like the crib sheets you picked. People will also just buy you whatever baby clothes they like. People really get a kick out of buying baby clothes.

  3. I would register for both types of diapers IF you have a specific brand of disposables you would like so that people can know that you want Pampers vs Seventh Generation or whatever.

  4. Stick with one bottle set. You will thank yourself when you go to wash these and you don’t have to play a maddening game of match the lids to the bottles. Especially since you will be working, when you pick out bottles think “fewer parts” and “easy to clean.” [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t worry too much about bottles- most babies honestly are just fine with any bottle. If you have a feeding crisis, you will want to replace the whole set anyhow, right?

  5. Yes on the range of prices

  6. I wouldn’t bother mentioning the price matching. People who care about that will know anyhow.

  7. I found it helpful to divide things needed by baby activity. They eat, sleep, and poop. They need to be cleaned, transported, and entertained (not really on the entertainment, but baby toys are cute.) They sometimes get sick, thus you need first aid stuff. Thinkinh about it that way helps me feel like i have everything covered.

Some parents buy a ton of stuff to cover each category, others very little. The baby doesn’t care either way, so go with what makes you happy. Everyone is different when it comes to this. My personal favorite baby item and longest used thing ever has been the Ergo carrier. My sister doesn’t care for it and absolutely adores her [name_m]Rock[/name_m] N Play.

  1. Yep, why not! I love to have the opportunity to pitch in with other friends or family for big things, and I can’t be the only one.
  2. I would register for clothes. I personally do care about what my kids wear, and I didn’t want my kids to be colour-coded (and yet the amount of pink clothes they have is still somehow double all the other colours put together sigh) Besides, changing them 100 times a day is more fun and less chore if they have awesome clothes.
  3. I’d just register for the cloth, honestly, because even if you’re 100% cloth diapering some smart arse always buys you disposables, and you can just keep an eye out for good sales on the disposable ones when you’re doing your weekly shop.
  4. Stick with one. Thinking of bottles and pumps… the [name_m]Tommie[/name_m] tippie bottles are great, but the pump is shit. Seriously. I wish I read reviews before I bought this thing.
  5. Yes.
  6. I’d let people close to you know and encourage them to spread the word.
  7. If you can get them, I swear by love to dream swaddle-ups. [name_m]Worth[/name_m] every penny. Extra crib fitted sheets never hurt either.

Not having a baby, but I have seen plenty of registries.

  1. Yes, go ahead, many people do, and sometimes friends/family will pull together to get you stroller or even a crib! I see cases on craigslist where people have an extra crib for sale because a family member bought them one, so I just recommend not buying anything till after the shower or don’t put it on the list!

  2. I wouldn’t bother with this, most people will just go out shopping, see something cute and buy it. I doubt anyone is going to look for that specific onesie you requested. I’ve actually never seen clothes on a registry…

  3. I would register for cloth for sure, never seen diapers on the list, normally they just state “diapers also appreciated”, so unless you have a specific brand, don’t bother, just mention it on the invite or in passing, most people will assume you’d need diapers.

  4. I would stick with one or two, too many and it might become a matching game

  5. Yes, always vary prices, just like you would on a wedding registry, you never know what people will be willing to spend, or some might like to buy a bunch of smaller items instead of 1 big item.

  6. I wouldn’t bring it up, it’s kind of like your assuming they are going to go there and shop. I hardly buy items at the store parents are registered at, I do my own digging around for a good deal. I’m a fan of the universal registries for this reason.

  7. crib, crib sheets, bassinet, bassinet sheets (really depends if you plan on co sleeping) my rule of thumb is to have 2 items per person invited. For example: if you invite 50 people, you have at least 100 items - ranging in prices of course

My simple advice is to stick it all on there with a variety of prices. I think most etiquette failures happen AFTER the shower (no thank you notes, entitlement, complaints about what was bought/not bought, etc) but you sound very polite, so you won’t have that problem. Also, be prepared for the registry you so thoughtfully worked on to be ignored, lol. It’s a list of suggestions if people are stumped. At least that’s how I look at it.

A few specific points: people will buy you clothes no matter what, regardless of your style or requests. Like someone said, buying baby clothes is fun! About bottles, I would start with one bottle set and go from there.

About #7, I might list a little baby gym/play mat, a medicine kit, grooming kit, and burp cloths. Burp cloths for daaaays.

Thanks for all the feedback! I think you all confirmed most of what I was already thinking. I had never seen baby clothes/diapers on a registry either, but the mega-long checklist that BRU pushes on you lists both those items so I was like, maybe this is just something I haven’t seen before? I’ve only ever been to 2 or 3 baby showers total and one was a work shower so we all went in on a gift card and that was it.

As it turns out someone has apparently offered to buy our car seat/travel system for us (not sure who, SO was told to keep it a secret for now?) so we’ll put it on the registry, but it will likely get purchased well before that. Same with the crib & mattress since my mom wants to buy those, and that pretty much takes care of the big ticket items. Everything else seems to be $50 or less which is great [name_f]IMO[/name_f]. I actually feel uncomfortable letting people spend a lot of money on me, but we really need the help right now so I’ll suck it up :confused:

The other problem is convincing SO that a registry is necessary, he thinks it’s “greedy” and doesn’t see the point (he also doesn’t see the point of wedding registries - we’ve been to at least ten weddings together and I don’t think he’s ever used the registry when buying a gift). I told him it’s just so we don’t end up with like, 4 strollers and no car seat but the example didn’t seem to help.

We DEFINITELY plan to pick up thank you notes and make sure to get those out as promptly as possible after the shower(s). I’ve actually been meaning to get some because someone bought us the “What to Expect [name_u]Baby[/name_u]'s 1st Year” book and I haven’t written a thank-you yet! I don’t want to be like my bff who failed to send out thank you notes for any of her bridal shower, wedding, or baby shower gifts! I’m still a little bitter about that, I just think it’s so rude. My mom always made me send thank you notes for gifts/birthdays so it’s ingrained in me lol.

[name_m]Hi[/name_m]! I’m not a Mom, but I used to work at Babies R Us. I don’t have a lot to offer on a lot of the questions, but I do have some insight.

You can register for clothes, but we recommend you don’t. The styles change so often, that usually by the time shoppers are coming in for the clothing, it’s really hard to find that item. It’s either clearanced with only a few sizes, or completely gone. People get really focused on finding that specific piece, and without seeing it, it’s hard to find something similar. It’s frustrating for the shopper and the employee helping them. Usually things like the Gerber onesies are the best bet; they’re always in stock.

Also, definitely register for a range of prices. The people closest to you tend to spring for bigger items, and there are still options for people who can’t be as flexible with the budget. I went to a bridal shower, and the couple only registered at Pottery [name_m]Barn[/name_m]. As a recent college grad, my only option was a $50 chip bowl, which was embarrassing to show up with. If you give people options, they can feel more comfortable showing up with what they can afford.