I need some advice on revealing or not revealing the baby’s name before they are born. My husband and I are expecting our first baby,a boy this May. We have decided on the name Theodore, with the nickname Theo and we are absolutely in love with our choice. The problem is, we decisded long ago to keep our choices private (I have gotten negative feedback in the past and I never wanted to go through that when I was naming a real child) We live in an area where people use names like Carter and Austin instead of names like Theodore and Edward, so we already know most people won’t like it. We have already been calling the baby exclusively Theo for about a month now but when people ask us what his name will be, we tell them either we don’t know yet or we tell them we’re going to name the baby when he arrives. My mother is not a fan of Theodore at all, she insists our resistance to telling other people his name is because we are unsure of his name or we are embarrassed of it. This of course does not bother my husband at all but every time my mother expresses a negative attitude towards Theodore or criticizes our decision to keep the name secret until the baby is born, I second guess our decision. My mother’s best friend has two grandchildren on the way ,both of which have their names revealed (one of which will be a Carter) so I know where her opinion comes from, but I never really understood doing that, I mean what if we change your mind?
Should we begin to reveal the name to people just prove to my mother We’re not embarrassed of it? Are we crazy to want to keep the name secret until the baby is born?
P.s thanks for making it through that whole thing! Oh and I don’t know if this makes any difference but DH, my mother and I all work in the same building with about 300 employees, so those are the people who ask about the ahem on weakly basis.
I’m a fan of keeping the name secret until the birth. It’s more of a surprise that way, and if people do have negative opinions about [name]Theodore[/name], they’re less likely to say it when they see a little bundle with the name. I would stand firm and say that I want the name to be a surprise, that it’s your decision, and that that’s the final word on it.
I kept my sons name a secret until he was born… We had pretty much decided that he would be [name]Josef[/name] but we still wanted to see him before we made the final decision… We had another 2 we were considering…
We just told people that we had some ideas for names but we would tell them after he was born! And who cares if you mother doesnt like [name]Theodore[/name]! Its a great name ( one of my favorites)… once she sees the baby she wont care what his name is!
[name]Ah[/name], your mistake was that you did reveal the name–to your mother. We don’t reveal it to ANYONE. My daughters don’t know what their sister will be called. I have discussed a bit with a very close friend who is expecting a girl a month before we do–just to make sure we don’t name our babies the same thing. I didn’t tell her the name, but made sure she wasn’t considering our top choices.
Seriously, tell your mom you haven’t finalized anything, and let her wait like everyone else. She has shown herself to be someone who will criticize a perfectly nice name. [name]Theo[/name] is such a great nickname too. I bet you will get warmer feedback than you expect.
I would keep it a secret too if I was in your situation. When I was pregnant the first timeI told everyone my name choice, and ended up changing it because of so much negativity from my mom. I later regretted it. I know its hard, but stick with the one you love.
I agree… keep it a secret because other peoples opinions/reactions can really influence your final choice, even if you do love the name (as above poster mentioned). Obviously you are not embarrassed of your name choice - sounds like your mom is just trying to find any way to get you to change it to something she likes. Stick to your guns!
Keep it a secret Tell her she gets to know the gender, but not the name. You want to keep some surprises for the birth. Moms are just silly sometimes… they think they know everything
My husband and I are actually waiting to see the baby before we name him/her, that way no one has a choice but accept it haha. Keep it a secret, it will be more exciting that way
Aww, I’m sorry your mom’s giving you trouble about your name choice. [name]Theodore[/name] is fabulous, and the nn [name]Theo[/name] is really cute. I agree with the others to keep it a secret! I don’t have kids yet but whenever I do, I’ll be keeping it a secret, too. Not because I’m afraid of reactions (I pretty much already know the reactions people have to my favorites), but because keeping it a secret is half the fun!
You obviously aren’t embarrassed by the name you’ve chosen (which, honestly, is a bit funny, haha–if you were embarrassed by the name, why would you pick it?!), so I would just take your mom’s reaction with a grain of salt. Hopefully being able to reveal your son’s name will be a bit of a fun secret for everyone else.
I say keep the baby’s name a secret. I know my hubby and I will be keeping it a secret because in the past when we’ve said a name we liked ([name]Sloane[/name] for a girl), everyone’s reaction really turned us off. We don’t want to be swayed by other people’s opinions!!
I [name]LOVE[/name] your name choice, and equally [name]LOVE[/name] your list on your signature!!!
I have two words for you… DONT TELL… I knew with both my boys that lots of people wouldnt like my choices, so we certainly didnt tell anyone before hand. People will still have an opinion after bub is born, but they are less likely to be quite as rude (at least to your face) after bub is born… To be honest, I really didnt care whether people liked my choices or not, although I knew who would and wouldnt like it!! The reason for me not to tell, is that I didnt want to be put off… I think if you change your choice soley due to other peoples reactions, you will really regret it! ANd don’t write off your mum growing to like the name - although she never said anything, I knew my mum didnt like my middle son’s name to start with, but now she tells everyone how much he suits his name and how perfect it is!!!
Enjoy!
I revealed my son’s (age 4) name and got a lot of flack for it. No one liked it at all. I stood my ground and didn’t change it though. When it was my husband’s turn to choose the name for our daughter (age 4 months) he revealed his choice(s) and kept changing his mind. He said it wasn’t because people didn’t like it, but I know that was why. He finally decided on one that everyone liked (I was okay with it, but it was a little too popular for my tastes). I got to pick her middle name, and I kept it a secret because it was alittle more “out there.” Turns out, everyone LOVED her middle name. I’m not sure I would have gotten the same reaction to it if I had told it to them in advance.
Next time around, we’re keeping the first and middle name a complete secret. I definitely think that’s the way to go!
I think a lot of it depends on yours and DH’s personalities…If you are easily swayed by the opinions of others, definitely don’t reveal the name because it may change your mind and you’ll probably regret it (like a pp said). If you’re the type of people who aren’t afraid to go against the grain, tell people if you want to. We revealed our daughter’s name to anyone who asked because we were 100% on her name, regardless of any negative reactions (and believe me, we got plenty!) In some cases, it might also depend on if you have anyone close who is expecting as well. I’ve heard plenty of sad stories on here about name thievery.
If only to keep you from second guessing yourself, I would keep it a secret. I will never forget my [name]MIL[/name] telling me she would call our firstborn [name]Ryan[/name] instead of [name]Trent[/name] because she like the middle name better. When pregnant with [name]Keeley[/name] we received negative and hurtful comments about her name being “weird” when it is, in fact, a very old name. We are preggo again and thinking [name]Dominic[/name] will fit him. I’ve already received negative comments so your letter has convinced me we will keep a secret. Thanks for posting it!!! [name]Lisa[/name]
I hated my brother’s baby name, recently. I really, really hated it. It was horrible. I felt nearly compelled to say something about it while knowing that I absolutely should not, and I didn’t. It was much easier to deal with as a fait accompli, and it’s much more fun to find out what my friends have picked when the baby comes, and to meet the person together with the name. In your situation, I might share, but I really look forward to lying to people about our names while I’m pregnant. I figure after I scare my family (and, more importantly, my boyfriend’s family) with really outlandish names, they’ll be relieved by whatever we choose, because we already have some choices lined up. [name]Both[/name] of us dislike our incredibly normal, boring family names, and want something a little less predictable, but have parents who, you know, chose to name us very traditional names after family members. So you could consider telling your mother that you’ve changed your mind, you’re going with [name]Theophilus[/name] or [name]Ebeneezer[/name] or [name]Hannibal[/name], and that when when [name]Theodore[/name] gets here she’ll be happy with it!
haha @henrye has a bit of my tactic I see. We have let the outlandish ones out pre-pregnancy and have people quite worried. They will probably be relieved when they hear our names.
I would keep a secret but as another poster said… I think if you keep a secret you have to REALLY keep it. Meaning nobody can know other than you and your hub. It’s only fair that way… and the politics of one family knowing over the other could get disastrous.
I have been debating all this myself and am pretty positive we are going to keep secret. It will be hard because I’m sure we will be pressured by people saying “but I really want to get something monogrammed for the baby!” Which is totally an excuse to squeeze it out of you so they can just find out (because you can always monogram after baby!!)
Another perk in my mind is this: what if… you see the baby and feel he is not a [name]Theodore[/name]?? I mean I hope he is because I love the name, but for the sake of playing it out… if you wanted to change the name once meeting the baby you could without people saying “Hmm… I really liked your 1st name choice better.”
I also think that when people hear a name now it is just that: a name. A name that may have a negative association for them or maybe they just don’t like it, but it’s just a name (and most people assume its up for negotiation). When they meet the baby and then hear the name, they are meeting a [name]PERSON[/name] who holds the name. Totally different.
[name]Just[/name] some things to think over! As I am thinking over these myself
Thanks so much everyone for your amazing feedback. You are all right, of course! I feel a lot better about our decision to keep the name secret now (although admittedly, I should have kept it from my mother as well). I think I’m going to go with the whole “it will be a surprise” aspect when I tell other people to give it a more positive spin in their eyes. I wish I had of thought of the telling outlandish names first idea! Pure genius
I agree with PP’s: keep it a secret, to avoid all the rude comments.
That’s what I plan on doing. If people bug me about what the baby will be called, I’ll either say “We’re not sure yet” or throw out some completely crazy name so they’ll be relieved when they hear the real name we’ve chosen, like henrye and shutterbuglove have said.
I think that if keeping the name a secret is what you want to do, than you should do it. [name]Don[/name]'t just tell people to prove your mother wrong. If she doesn’t like the choice, than so be it. It’s not her child, she already had a chance to name someone. [name]Theodore[/name] is a strong, handsome name. Anyone can be judgemental when all they are thinking about is the sound or whatever, but once it’s attached to your little [name]Theo[/name] they’re minds are likely to change. If you do decide to tell, remember that. People’s opinions are much less important than your own and theirs really aren’t based on anything and the name is likely to grow on them.
Tell her she gets to know the gender, but not the name. You want to keep some surprises for the birth. Moms are just silly sometimes… they think they know everything 
