Rights to a Name

I’m currently pregnant. I had am ectopic pregnancy last year and i was convinced it was a boy (before we knew it was ectopic) so my husband and I picked our a boy’s name - [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. We decided to keep it as our boys name.

My sister-in-law has no children. At her wedding last week she asked us if we were going to tell the name this time around (we didn’t with my daughter). I said no. She then turns to a guest and says, “Well we have a boy’s name it’s [name_m]Jack[/name_m].”

My husband and I immediately exchanged looks I spoke up and told her that was actually the boy’s name we picked out. I told her we were planning on [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. She said [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] was the middle name they also picked.

[name_m]Jack[/name_m] is not a family name so it’s odd we both came up with it. [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] is my husband’s middle name that has passed down through generations.

So if we do have s boy is it ok to name him [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]?

I think you are fine to use it. It also makes sense why you would use [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. But I would be prepared to have your sister-in-law name a future child [name_m]Jack[/name_m] too. I think it would be ok for them to use the name even after you since they have already indicated their desire to use it. I don’t feel it’s that strange you both came up with the same name. I know of 4 [name_m]Jack[/name_m]'s, 2 [name_m]Jackson[/name_m]'s (and 2 [name_m]Jaxon[/name_m]'s) and 2 [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]'s (one goes by [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] and the other by [name_m]Tommy[/name_m]) so I think it’s pretty popular. I do like the name.

Best of luck and congrats!

No one can claim a name, especially for popular names. [name_m]Jack[/name_m] and [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] both rank in the top 100.

In cases like this i am firmly of the opinion that whoever has the baby first has first dibs on the name.

She can’t claim a name if she’s not even pregnant. If you have a boy use the name.

You are pregnant and I’m presuming she is not? If that is the case, you get 100% rights to the name. If she has something to say about it, tell her you in fact chose that name the last time you were pregnant and you love the name and that’s the name your child is going to get. Then when she is pregnant, let her worry about if she wants to use the same name as you.
The one who has the baby first gets first dibs on the name!!

Ugh, don’t you hate situations like this! I would talk to her and explain that it was the name you chose with your first pregnancy and you still plan to use it. This is sticky, because it could cause anger and hurt feelings. I know everyone says that no one owns a name, but you have to take family dynamics into consideration. Personally, I think you should get the most considerations since you are already pregnant. Good [name_m]Luck[/name_m]!

My best friend is a triplet, and her brother’s name is [name_m]Tim[/name_m]. Apparently there are also two cousins named [name_m]Tim[/name_m], and that is there grandpa’s name and I believe also an uncles. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t worry about it.

It’s a hard situation, but yes, you can use the name. You’re pregnant, she’s not. Wh knows if she will ever have a son? And if she do, it’s quite likely that she has changed her mind about [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] at that point. I think you’re good.

People are so weird. I think it’s so bizarre when people will try to claim a name before they are even pregnant. I mean, they may not have children. Or they may have all girls. Or they may find a different, perfect name later on & decide to use that instead.

You are pregnant, and you can do what you want. If you’re having a boy & you’ve decided to call him [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], do it. If your [name_m]SIL[/name_m] wants to get her back up about it, and act like you ‘stole her name’ fine. If she has a boy at some point & decides to name him [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] as well, that’s not the end of the world either.

Also, why was she even talking about baby names at her wedding? Bizarre.

I don’t know. Babies came up a lot at my wedding. I feel like I have some inpatient grandparents. :slight_smile:

First let me start by saying that I am very sorry for your loss of your first baby. I can not even begin to imagine what that must have been like.

Next I’ll say that [name_m]Jack[/name_m] is a very popular name right now, and has been for a while. It’s perfectly normal that two ladies about the same age would be affected by the same trends. When I was little I used to think if I had a daughter I would name her [name_f]Isabella[/name_f], I never knew any Isabellas and it’s a family name, Second choice was [name_f]Clara[/name_f]. [name_m]Both[/name_m] of those name have of course sky rocketed in last decade. I never thought myself affected by naming trends, but when name I’ve loved for a long time start upward movement right at the same time that people my age start having children, obviously I’ve been affected. Same principle comes applies to you and your sister’s love of [name_m]Jack[/name_m]. [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] seems like a natural middle name, and the JT seems to go together very well as both initials and a nick name.

That said you are pregnant now. If you have a boy, go a head and name him [name_m]Jack[/name_m], and don’t feel bad about it, you are no name theif. Your sister may not get pregnant, or if she does she might have only girls, or she might start working with a selfish jerk named [name_m]Jack[/name_m] who farts a lot, and thus the name will be ruined for her. ([name_m]Alexander[/name_m] was ruined forever for me because of this scenario and I had really loved the name before that). She could still name a son [name_m]Jack[/name_m], or she might name him [name_m]John[/name_m] and call him [name_m]Jack[/name_m]. Or she might find another name that she loves more.

Good luck and just focus on a happy healthy pregnancy. Congratulation and best of luck! :slight_smile:

I think it’s great that you said something in the moment! All too many people would just silently stew & stress about it, but you let her know that [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] is your top choice & that is awesome! The way that I look at it, you informed them of your intentions to use the name [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] so it’s up to all of you if one or both couples will back down from using it for the sake of giving your children unique names from each other or to avoid starting trouble between yourselves.

[name_f]Do[/name_f] you have the same surname? Sharing the same first/middle/last is problematic.

I think you should use the name you intended to as long as you won’t be angry if/when they use it too. It’s possible that they will have all girls, or no children, or that [name_m]Jack[/name_m] is just a passing phase or that it will lose it’s shine once it becomes her nephew’s name or that to avoid a fight she will opt for something like [name_m]John[/name_m] or [name_m]Jackson[/name_m].

It doesn’t hurt to bring it up & have another conversation with her about it.

Use [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. Nobody can claim a name.

Aw rats. That’s awful. Well, you can definitely have the name. But you might not be able to have it without hurting her feelings. You KNOW she wants it now and that changes everything. I recently had someone claim something really meaningful that I wanted and hurt all the more that she knew I wanted it and still claimed it. In that situation, neither party really had a better claim though. That said, you are already pregnant, clearly didn’t just get the idea from her and definitely have control over that middle name. I also know a [name_m]Jack[/name_m] [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] myself, so it IS very common. I would definitely have a conversation with her because while I think you can and should use [name_m]Jack[/name_m], you want to make sure it’s not going to ruin more than your [name_m]SIL[/name_m]'s name plans.