I’m curious if those of you with more than one child had reservations about trying for a second if the first was so ‘perfect?’
[name]Every[/name] parent thinks their child is marvelous, and I’m no exception. But it extends deeper than that-- I think of all of the thousands, or hundreds of thousands, of things that can go wrong during emrbyogenesis and fetal development… all of the birth defects… all the things that could happen during delivery… frankly, I’m amazed my son [or any child!] has turned out to be so perfect and healthy.
[name]Antoine[/name] is physically very cute; he combines the very best characteristics of his father and of me; his personality is calm, sweet and reflective; his development is on-track with no concerns; he started sleeping through the night at 7 weeks of age; he never cries (I have to tie tinkly toys to his crib to know when he wakes), etc. I just feel like I won the baby lottery the very first time I bought a ticket.
I’d like a second child, and the way my training is structured I need to do it relatively soon. But I’m worried I’ll be pressing my luck if I roll the dice again.
Did anyone experience similar worries, and how did you overcome them?
My first was my difficult sleeper etc, and before i had a cycle we got pregnant with B or else there might not have been a second!
Other then our sweet [name]Felix[/name], we have had very healthy, beautiful children and now on our last according to the ultrasound, all looks well. I have experience with high needs babies ([name]Seb[/name] and Vio) so I am not worried. I used to think I could never love another child after [name]Seb[/name] so much, and another mother told me that your love multiplies it doesn’t divide and 4 children later i can honestly say that is wise and in my case, true. I love each of my kids for the beautiful and unique person they are and cannot imagine life without them. I refuse to let fear make choices for me. Since you are in the medical world (I am by proxy having family members who are, my sister is a float pool nurse at the local children’s hospital and also.does post partum/ newborn.nursery…so I get to hear all about the hundreds of things that cam and do happen each day there, worst case unusual senerios etc. So I am sure having such a perfectly formed, healthy child and working where you do makes you feel the roll of the dice should you get pregnant again. <3
Thats all my advice on this topic. DH is getting a vas. after this baby comes. I know that even ultrasounds are not 100% accurate, so something could present itself at birth. So far, the only troubling physical thing we have had to deal with was that Limus was born with an extra toe, and we chose to have it fixed for a variety of reasons after his first birthday, and, before that it was part of him, this sweet little guy that i love so much so.I.didnt feel as if he had something “wrong”: kwim.
I definitely have had the same feelings but they are rapidly changing… [name]Rowan[/name] just turned one and she was a perfect baby. Never cried, slept through the night, she’s adorable and giggly, always happy… but lately she is starting to show signs of the dreaded “toddlerhood,” Not sharing, hitting when she gets tired, running when she has something she isn’t supposed to, cramming teething biscuits in between the couch cushions, biting… and I’ve started to realize that while she is my daughter and I will always love her dearly and think she is smarter, prettier, more talented, etc. like every other parent, she is still a toddler and she can be a brat sometimes. It just happens. You will eventually come to the conclusion that your child is not perfect and good 100% of the time. Yes, when we’re in the grocery store and some kid an aisle over is throwing a demonic tantrum, I look at [name]Rowan[/name] in the cart and she’s smiling back at me and waving to people I do think “My kid is so much more behaved than your spoiled brat” but us parents can wear some huge rose colored glasses sometimes… So, no…I am no longer scared of the second child being evil or demented, or even colicky. We can handle it, and the next kid will have a unique one of a kind personality just like [name]Rowan[/name].
Hey blade!
I’m married to a surgical resident (He’s in his 7th yr- he took 2 yrs out for research) so I always love seeing your posts- your name and signature make me smile because I think of him! (That’s not creepy right? lol)
Anyway, the genetics factor - yeah it’s a dice roll, I’ll give you that one. However, depending on your personal convictions, you could potentially eliminate this as a factor at all. For our family for example, we believe God gives us the child who is meant to be in our family.
The “good baby” factor - ok dice roll there too! #1 was our “worst” baby. She cried constantly and was one of those “high needs” babies. Looking back, I wonder if I would have done things differently though if she were born now. Perhaps it was inexperience or hyper new mom syndrome in some cases where I exaggerated or fed into her needs? So from my point of view, you seem to have had a great experience with #1 so you should go into #2 with a calm attitude and some confidence that “you can do it! go Mama!” On the other hand, and I doubt you are like this because I can’t see a surgeon with this type of personality (haha!), would you freak out if #2 wasn’t a good sleeper? Would you be angry if he or she didn’t sleep through the night so early (that’s rare!) and cried much more often? I bet you wouldn’t. You’d roll with it and love the little one just the same. Motherhood challenges everyday and one of the fun parts is getting to know your kids and how they respond to different situations!
My only other advice is that if you feel like it’s not the right time, it’s completely fine to wait. [name]Even[/name] if that goes against “the perfect timing” or what you always pictured as spacing between your kids or any other rule. If you are having doubts about adding #2 at the moment, give it time and keep enjoying your little guy. [name]Don[/name]'t rush it.
We are trying for number 2 right now. My son has Cystic Fibrosis, so there is dice roll 1. I just had an ectopic pregnancy, and that puts me at a higher risk to have another, dice roll 2. This month I ovulated late, which makes ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage rates go up, but we tried for it anyway. Why? Because all life is a risk. I could die or get seriously injured driving to church tomorrow, but I’m going anyway. My next child could have CF or something worse, but I’m trying anyway. Our lives would be rather empty without risk, I think. I’ve known people whose children died young, but none of them wishes they had never had them. We couldn’t cherish life like we should without the risk of losing it. And as far as the easy baby thing goes, you have to pay for your raising sometime right My son wasn’t easy (though he wasn’t colicky, so that nice), but i wouldn’t change him for the world. He is stubborn and frustrating, but he is also funny and sweet and smart. He is who he is, and i love him to pieces. No one can make your decision for you. You have to decide what you want, and what is right for y’all. Good luck! And try not to worry too much. Most babies are born healthy, you only hear about the unhealthy ones more.
I am so glad to see this post because I am very interested to read the answers! Honestly, I had always wanted a child and my first pregnancy was so enjoyable for me that ever since I have just assumed any additional ones would be equally wonderful. I had about one month of morning sickness and absoultely nothing else go wrong the entire length, until I delivered a perfectly healthy (breech) baby via c-section at 38 weeks. Of course, just like everyone else here I thought he was perfect.
I did everything I believed I should do as a mom to ensure that he was happy and healthy… I breastfed for 11 months, I kept him up to date on vaccinations, I started co-sleeping with him once he was older and had outgrown his bassinet because it seemed to calm him. I was proactive against germs, I watched for any allergies, I charted his milestones, I asked a million questions at his pediatrician visits. And he has never had any major health or behavioral issues. I do 100% feel like I lucked out and don’t deserve such a son.
I used to imagine having 3 kids around 2 years apart… Currently I am a single mother of a 3 year old with no prospect of expanding my family any time soon. I would love to have another baby, and sometimes fear that he is ‘missing out’ by not having a sibling. It is hard to imagine ever loving another child this much, and if he is destined to be my only one I would still be perfectly happy with that. But knowing that I’m not even close to expecting sooner rather than later is certainly a bit overwhelming at times.
Additionally my best friend is pregnant with her first. (Que the baby fever!) I was so happy and assured her this would be the best thing ever, but there were so many thing that went wrong with her pregnancy that it still makes my head spin. She had blood tests that had to be re-ordered, a shadow on the ultrasound that she was told could be indicative of a heart problem, placenta previa threatening bed rest… I had no idea how stressful pregnancy could be! Call me naive, but I figured I would be able to conceive the second I wanted to, have another risk-free pregnancy, and deliver another perfectly healthy child. Now I am definitely much more wary of jumping into something that I might not be prepared for. I’m not sure I would be able to cope if the “unexpected” were to happen… I do know that I would most likely risk it though.
You obviously have to do what feels right for you and your family. Truthfully, with your job, I would feel much safer that if I ever needed any medical assistance it would be swiftly available. If you think it is the right timing, I wouldn’t let theoretical worries stop you from experiancing the joy of having two perfect babies. Good luck to you, [name]Blade[/name]. I always love reading your thorough posts. =]
I am so glad to see this post because I am very interested to read the answers! Honestly, I had always wanted a child and my first pregnancy was so enjoyable for me that ever since I have just assumed any additional ones would be equally wonderful. I had about one month of morning sickness and absoultely nothing else go wrong, until I delivered a perfectly healthy (breech) baby via c-section at 38 weeks. Of course, just like everyone else here I thought he was perfect.
I did everything I believed I should do as a mom to ensure that he was happy and healthy… I breastfed for 11 months, I kept him up to date on vaccinations, started co-sleeping with him once he was older and had outgrown his bassinet because it seemed to calm him.
I was proactive against germs, I watched for any allergies, I charted his milestones, I asked a million questions at his pediatrician visits. And he has never had any major health or behavioral issues. I do 100% feel like I lucked out and don’t deserve such an amazing son.
I used to imagine having 3+ kids around 2 years apart… Currently I am a single mother of a 3 year old with no prospect of expanding my family any time soon. I would love to have another baby, and sometimes fear that he is ‘missing out’ by not having a sibling. It is hard to imagine ever loving another child this much, and if he is destined to be my only one I would still be perfectly happy with that. But knowing that I’m not even close to expecting sooner rather than later is certainly a bit overwhelming at times.
Additionally my best friend is pregnant with her first. (Que the baby fever!) Everything is fine, but she had so many scares that it still makes my head spin. Blood tests that had to be re-ordered, a shadow on the ultrasound indicative of a heart problem, placenta previa threatening bed rest… Call me naive, but I figured I would conceive the second I wanted to, have another risk-free pregnancy, and deliver another perfectly healthy child. Now I am definitely much more wary of jumping into something that I might not be prepared for.
You obviously will do what feels right for you and your family. Truthfully, with your job, I would feel much safer that if I ever needed any medical assistance it would be swiftly available. If you think it is the right timing, I wouldn’t let theoretical worries stop you from experiancing the joy of having two perfect babies. Good luck to you, Blade! I always love reading your thorough comments. =]
I don’t have kids but when my mom was pregnant with me I know a lot wasn’t what she expected. She was pregnant with twins (me and my brother) and we were actually delivered a bit past our due date. I had a weak heart beat the entire pregnancy and during labor my heart actually slowed way down to wear they thought I’d die. My twin brother, the healthier one, actually wound up being stillborn or died shortly after birth because his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.
So with that pregnancy my mom gained 50+ pounds, lost a child and had a baby that was small and a bad start. Then she had a miscarriage at the beginning of her second trimester about a year and a half later. At that point I’d been cleared of most issues beyond asthma and allergies. Then she got pregnant with my youngest brother and gained 30-ish lbs. My brother was born a grayish color and he stayed in the hospital about a week. He’s now 15 and is autistic an has serious behavioral issues. So its really all chance but I think rolling the dice even if you aren’t so luck one round is good.
Seeing as we had twins the second child debate was sort of mute. [name]One[/name] of my boys is easygoing, and mild. The other has a fiery temper and is incredibly high energy. I could imagine that if I’d only had the easygoing one, gotten pregnant again and gotten my wonderful little spitfire (who is also, consequently, a broken alarm clock stuck on 4:45 am) it would have been quite a shock. However, they are both amazing and I love them dearly. I feel incredibly luck to have each of them in my life and I actually love that they are such different little people. It is going to make the rest of my life much more interesting.
As a side note I know that I was such a difficult baby that my parents waited 4 years before trying for another child. They knew they wanted one but just couldn’t face the baby stage again. Then they got my sister and saw how easy it could be. All kids are different. Fast forward to high school, oh did the tables turn! I was the easy-going, rule-following, little angel, where as my sister was, well, not. At all. She definitely gave them a run for their money. Easy during one stage doesn’t necessarily mean easy for life.
My son wasn’t easy (though he wasn’t colicky, so that nice), but i wouldn’t change him for the world. He is stubborn and frustrating, but he is also funny and sweet and smart. He is who he is, and i love him to pieces. No one can make your decision for you. You have to decide what you want, and what is right for y’all. Good luck! And try not to worry too much. Most babies are born healthy, you only hear about the unhealthy ones more.