Have you ever had someone make a really vulgar or rude comment related to your pregnancy? I’m at 30 weeks, but I’ve avoided discussing my pregnancy with most people for a long time because I HATE it when people say, “[name]Don[/name]'t you know what causes that?” and then laugh because they think that’s hilarious. I suppose this “joke” stems from the fact that this is my 6th baby and my 5th one is under 2. I am in my 40’s and well-educated. Obviously, I know where babies come from. Anyway, the latest comment takes the cake, and I want to see what other people would think if it was directed at them: I posted something related to my pregnancy on facebook. It was a harmless, light-hearted post. I have only about 75 friends on fb, none of whom are total strangers, so it was like making a little comment among friends and family. Well, the mother of one of my son’s classmates, who at one time was my neighbor, typed something about being surprised that I’m pregnant (she clearly missed my fb announcement) and then said my husband “must be shooting nothing but babies out of that thing”. WHAT??? I was horrified and very embarrassed at the vulgarity of that comment. I wanted desperately to delete it, but it was stuck there for all my conservative and well-mannered friends and family to see. I trusted that no one would say anything that… nasty! Pretty much everyone I know is from the same conservative area, Bible-belt [name]Texas[/name], and I can’t imagine anyone saying something like that to a pregnant lady in front of 75 people. Am I being silly to find that comment so offensive?
Sorry to hear about this. I know how upsetting comments can be…from strangers and especially from those you know. You aren’t wrong to be upset about it. I hope it will blow over though and you can see her silliness and you are not hurt by the comment anymore. For the record, I think her comment was very weird and inappropriate. It was also rude to say something like that where all your friends could read it.
I “only” (lol) have 4 kids, but I already get these types of comments. In general, I do not think people intend to hurt others. They often just don’t know what to say or don’t know how to face situations that are unique/unknown to them. I’ve learned the following:
- People try to be funny (either just to be funny/lighten the mood or to cover up that they are uncomfortable with something)
- A smile goes a long way for my sanity…instead of getting upset or trying to figure out what they are really trying to say or why they don’t approve of my family… I just smile or say something simple like “yes, I’m so blessed.” or “we love our family”
- People are stupid on facebook. They act out of character, post things they think others will enjoy/praise them for, and just overall don’t treat it like a normal “real-life” conversation.
I’d talk to the person who posted this comment directly. It’s best to go to the source and explain why you felt the comment was inappropriate. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, I think your husband could talk to the lady.
I agree with above poster. I would either cut her out of my life, or talk to her. She is either passive aggressive and has an issue with you, maybe she’s jealous you have so many kids? Or she just has a crude sense of humor? Whatever the case, she sounds like she is bold and doesn’t hold back, so why should you? [name]Say[/name] something about it and tell her that her comment was pretty crude, say something like yeah I bet my mother in law loved reading that one…sarcastically. If you don’t want to deal with the likes of her at all and not even confront her, then de-friend her on Facebook and then give her a smile any time you see her but be too busy to stop and chit chat, she will then get the hint that your done with her.
Sorry that happened. You know her and so you know if she is just bold and says whatever flies out of her mouth or if she was being passive aggressive due to jealously or whatever. If it were me, then yeah I would raise an eyebrow at that comment.
At the time it happened, I would have advised you to delete it and to delete her because you were embarrassed for your social circle to read that. If she said something, then I would have said oh your deleted? I didn’t even notice, maybe my hubby did it after the nice comment you wrote about him and his thingy as you put it…lol! Unless it just happened then it’s too late for any of that.
People like that are just showing their poor upbringing. Comments like that are distasteful and common. I would delete the post, with the view that your other 74 friends and family don’t need to be exposed to a comment like that. If she asks just tell her you thought is was a bit risque to have on a site young people view.
I am a bit of a sarcastic lass, I would probably boomerang back to comments about “not knowing what causes it” with an enthusiastic reel about how you are so excited because you are hoping for at LEAST 5 more after this pregnancy. (Let them do the age maths…) Watch their faces… LOL
Oh my most hated pregnancy thing ever- the way people would feel they have the right to touch my belly without asking. Umm NO!
emiliaj
Unfortunately, that seems to be a very common attitude. DH and I recently told our friends we’d be trying for a third baby soon, and instead of congratulations, they laughed and asking if we even have a tv in our house.
I have a lot of pregnancy pet peeves too. I remember when I was about 28 weeks, I ran into a friend of my moms, and she said “Wow, you are HUUUUUUUGE! You should be careful, you’ll struggle to lose that weight!”. I was like “I’m not fat, I’m two people.”
Sigh. [name]Hope[/name] it gets better. Try to ignore the ignorant people and enjoy your pregnancy 
My [name]MIL[/name] has six children. She found that a great response to the whole, “[name]Don[/name]'t you know how that happens?” question is, “Yes, and we’ve gotten quite good at it, don’t you think?”
Honestly, I don’t know what it is about pregnancy and babies that makes people just lose all sense of decorum. I’m also always amazed at how many medical “experts” there are out there…
lol a few of my friends with big (bigger than mine) families have mentioned they got the “do you even have a tv” comment. I don’t really get it though. Are they saying if you had a tv you would have something else to keep you busy? Or are they saying that you are un-educated because you don’t have a tv?
I get the “do you know what causes it?” comments… but this TV one seems so odd to me. I just don’t see the relation between pregnancy and a TV.
That is rather vulgar.
It’s not something that would necessarily offend me, because my family and friends are far les conservative than yours. But, for example, if one of my customers said that, or if someone said that in front of my nana, I’d be mortified.
We are about to start TTC for #4 (technically my fifth, but we lost our son to SIDS two years ago) and we aren’t even telling anybody we know in real life because of the same thing. The comments. Nobody agrees with having a large family, and a lot of times I get the comment of “keep those legs closed!” which makes me irate. I mean I’m married. We’ve been married, it’s nothing new.
There’s all sorts of rudeness. I posted my baby registry on my facebook, and I had a lifelong friend respond with something like “Whoa, you still need stuff??!”. In front of everybody. Like I was being greedy. To be clear I had one baby shower with my eldest and I didn’t have another until my 4th. When I politely pointed out that I had to replace items for safety reasons after a decade, I had another lifelong friend attack me for having another baby and expecting everybody else to pay for it. I am no longer friends with either of those women.
You can delete the entire post. I don’t know about deleting a comment left on your post. That might just draw more attention though. Sadly children are not welcomed by society. I don’t have a large family but always wanted one.
Inappropriate on Facebook. *An astonishing number of people simply do not stop to consider the fact that their comment is not a private email between two people, but rather speaking in front of ALL of someone’s family, friends and acquaintances. *You can delete the comment if you like, but the woman who made it is the one who looks stupid and I suspect all of your close friends recognize this. *If it were me, I would just ignore it at this point. *If nobody else has hopped on her bandwagon and furthered her inappropriateness, she may be realizing that you and your circle do not find that kind of comment entertaining.
I agree with pp though, many people just don’t know what to say and try to be clever and funny, or else they are being snide an veiling it with humor. My observation has been that a snappy comeback handles both quite well – either by making a full joke and clearing the air, or by making the snide person’s comment exposed for what it really is.
Example: my best friend comes from a very conservative Baptist preacher’s family…of 8 kids. Her dad’s response to the ever-rude, “[name]Don[/name]'t you know what causes that” question was, “Why yes…and we like it!” Usually people were so blown away that he had turned the tables and made THEM the embarrassed character wishing for a hole to eat them up, it was completely hilarious. *Or if they just didn’t know what to say they realized how silly they sounded and join the laughter.
I think the TV thing is implying that if you had one, you would be watching it instead of making children. *If I ever get that one I’m going to shoot back something about our quality time being a lot more fun, haha!
Now the comment I’m getting weary of is, “Mama has her hands full!” If anyone has a great humorous comeback for that one, I’m all ears, because they might as well say “Wow you have a lot of kids!” And it would be better if they did, because then I could say something like, “Oh, you should see how many I left at home!”*
I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve heard lots of stories of crazy comments people make. I’ve definitely heard stories about people being told how huge they are, are they sure it’s not twins? That’s just what a pregnant woman wants to hear - you’re too fat to be carrying one baby in there! And about her looking like she’s going to pop when she’s like, 5 months pregnant.
And the belly thing - I admit, I’m totally fascinated by pregnant bellies but I feel totally weird just touching one. I don’t ever touch someone’s belly like that. Personal bubble much? I have felt my friend’s baby kick in her tummy before but she told me to feel it, I didn’t even ask haha. I just think it’s so strange. [name]Do[/name] these people just randomly go up and touch people?
Oh and one more thing I’ve heard is a lot of name suggestions. I’m so obsessed with names (obviously since I’m on here haha), I’m honestly a little scared of what kinds of suggestions I’ll get for my kids. I’m hoping my friends and family have good taste
I’ve had one comment when I was shopping out with my friend looking for an outfit for her to wear at a costume party. I think I was about 4-5 months, the belly wasn’t overly huge but since I have wide hips it probably made me look a bit big. The comment was from a young girl with a powdered face who said I wouldn’t find my size there and that I should look for a more suitable store like autograph (which is for + size women). I’m normally a size 12, which I think is a size 8 in [name]America[/name] and 10 in the UK, and my weight range has always been about 60-63kg. So I wasn’t too happy when I heard that, and being not very good at witty remarks all I could say was ‘Well, guess what? You’ve lost a customer.’ I hadn’t shopped there before, but after that I won’t be shopping there again.
But I suppose this is not as bad as some of the comments stated above, but it did hurt.
Ha! I get those all the time especially from my boyfriends family 
It’s like ‘‘I heard a name i liked the other day off the tele… what do you think to…?’’ It’s not that I find it inappropriate, I just hate all the suggestions lol.
I second everyone else and just shunt it off with a witty comment but I know what it’s like when your put on the spot like that… Facebook can cause lots of intentional arguments because we lose the facial expressions and tone of voice when talking to friends face to face, you can’t really gauge if they are being sarcastic or smiling and jokey or flat out serious xx But hey… Its her problem x
I wish I had a funny, whitty comment too! That’s the comment I get the most when I am out with my girls… it was especially true when our twins (our youngest two) were babies. I usually said “Yes, we are so blessed” or I’d direct my reply more towards my girls than the person saying the comment and I’d say “Yes we have our hands full huh girls, but we’re doing ok today right?” Another one alot of big families use is “Yep, and our hearts are full too.”
Mama has her hands full? what a [name]RUDE[/name] comment! [name]How[/name] about replying (if it is a stranger…) give a quzzical look then say “Oh this is nothing, I left the triplets at home. {INSERT NAMES} love spending time with their daddy” smile and walk off. Make sure you have some suitable eye opening triplet names worked out -somthing really rhyming perhaps? [name]Finn[/name], [name]Flynn[/name] and [name]Flannery[/name]?
That is BRILLIANT, and made me laugh! Thanks for brightening up my morning and for the tip
Sarcasm is my virtue,
Thanks for all the comments! I did send a very polite private message to the woman who left that offensive remark on my fb, explaining that I have many conservative friends and relatives and asking her to please help me keep my fb content G-rated. She actually defended it, saying the fact that I’m pregnant pretty much makes it obvious that I had sex with my husband! Ummmm, so that means I need to discuss the mechanics of conception with EVERYONE?? Classy. What kind of pervert sees a pregnant woman and says, “OOOO [name]Baby[/name]!” rather than “Awww, a baby!”?, lol. Anyway, I also got my adult daughter to show me how to delete stuff on fb. I know, that’s sad that I didn’t know about that…:o) Oh yes, and just when I thought the rude comments were over, an EXTREMELY overweight woman saw me this morning and said, “Wow, you are HUGE!!!”. [name]Gee[/name], thanks??