S-I-L Strikes Again!

General Name Discussion
1

Hello all :slight_smile: [name]Hope[/name] you’re all well.

As some of you may remember, my [name]SIL[/name] had a baby girl whom she named [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Joy[/name]. I had been quite upset, as one of my daughters (born before her cousin) is named [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Jane[/name]. My [name]BIL[/name] & [name]SIL[/name] told the family yesterday that they are expecting again, another little girl. Due to [name]BIL[/name]'s job, we hadn’t seen them for a few months and so this came as a bit of a surprise, particularly as she is quite far along. We are delighted for them and couldn’t be happier at the prospect of another little girl to love. However, last night over dinner after telling us the good news, she announced that baby would be named [name]Isabelle[/name], with the middle name [name]Rose[/name]. Now, as some of you know again, one of our girls is named [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Rose[/name]. I can’t see why she is doing this. Or even if she realises she’s essentially using the same name for her daughters as we have for ours. Once can be excused but twice? I just don’t know if I’m being too picky? I’m delighted for them and can’t wait to meet my new niece, but I just can’t see why she has chosen another name so similar to my daughter’s? I know I don’t “own” any name, simply because I have used it and it wouldn’t be an issue if this was the only time, but she has already given her daughter almost the exact same name as mine!
[name]Do[/name] share your thoughts and opinions as perhaps I’m being unfair in my thinking.

[name]Gracie[/name]

2

Are you kidding? I hope that you don’t honestly think for an instant that you are being unfair or picky. That is absolutely absurd! Why on earth would she steal your names like that? And in this case, I definitely consider it stealing. I mean what? She knows those are her nieces’ names! The only way i could say this was acceptable would be if there are tons and tons of kids in the family… But even then I’d think it was bizarre.

I think the worst part is that she doesn’t even acknowledge the weirdness of it! Right? She didn’t say something like “I know it seems like we’re copying you, but [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name] have been my favorite names since I was a little girl… I hope it doesn’t bother you!”… I mean, she should say something to you. I can’t believe you have restrained yourself and not said something to her! [name]Do[/name] the Clementines at least have different nicknames? Or did she steal that from you, too?

I’m guessing you don’t have a very good relationship with her? And you said [name]BIL[/name] too, right? Maybe your husband could talk to him about it. If not to get them to pick a different name, at least to get to the bottom of why.

It’s just so bizarre… I don’t even know what to say really, good luck to you! And you’re a better woman than I, I’m sure I would have pitched a fit by now (and I’m very non-confrontational in real life, not so much online, haha). Anyway, good luck to you! And be sure to keep up updated!

~[name]Lyndsay[/name]

3

I totally agree with [name]Lyndsay[/name]-- that is completely insane, and there is no way you should think you’re overreacting!

You have [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Jane[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Rose[/name], then your [name]BIL[/name] and [name]SIL[/name] have children and name them [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Joy[/name] and [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name]?? I have to write it out like that to see the full craziness of it.

I can’t believe someone would not only be so rude as to steal your names, but I also wonder how they can justify it to themselves, without feeling totally lame and unoriginal? I would have to talk to them, just because it would be so awkward always wondering what they were thinking to copy you like that. What does the rest of the family say about this??

4

Oh wow…that is just wrong of the S-I-L

5

Totally agree with the other posters, she must realise that the names she is choosing already belong to your girls!
I think it shows that you are the bigger person by remaining enthusiastic about her pregnancy while the reality is she is stealing your favourite names!
[name]Hope[/name] she chooses a different name for her baby, good luck!

6

I think you should let her know how you feel. Obviously, maintain civility, but leave her in no doubt that you find this unacceptable and you don’t feel comfortable with the idea of her using [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name].

I don’t understand why she would feel the compulsion to use two of the names you have, and my only answer is that perhaps she lacks naming inspiration, or finds it difficult to make a decision and values your taste. Maybe you could talk through some other names with her? Offer ones you think sound good with [name]Clementine[/name], but you haven’t used.

You are perfectly justified in feeling irritated and bemused. I could understand the second use of an [name]Isabel[/name] variant + [name]Rose[/name], even though I would never repeat names myself, because both are quite popular choices, but after also duplicating another, much less popular name like [name]Clementine[/name]? It’s really not on, and I’m surprised someone else in the family hasn’t said something about it.

Perhaps she would like another -belle/a name :
[name]Annabel/name
[name]Arabella[/name]
[name]Mirabelle[/name]/a
[name]Rosabelle[/name].

Or another [name]El[/name]-/-elle name :
[name]Eleanor/name
[name]Elodie[/name]
[name]Eloise[/name]
[name]Giselle[/name].

Or another Is- name :
[name]Isadora[/name]
[name]Ismene[/name] (IZ-men-ee)
Isola
[name]Isolde[/name] (iz-OLD-uh).

Of course, these are still similar to [name]Isabelle[/name], but not the exact same name! Oh, and perhaps more [name]Rose[/name] names :
[name]Ambrosia[/name]
[name]Rosa[/name]
[name]Rosalie[/name]/a
[name]Rosanna[/name]/e
[name]Rosette[/name]/a.

I hope all the situation gets resolved soon, [name]Gracie[/name]! [name]Auburn[/name]

7

This is absurd! Does she really want her children to have the exact same names as their older cousins? [name]How[/name] awkward is that? This sister in law has gone so far beyond the line that I really think she needs a confrontation. I’m curious as to how other members of the family have reacted when hearing this naming news. Doesn’t everyone else think it’s crazy too?

8

What do the gradnparents-who already have granddaughters named [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name]- have to say about it? Seems like they would be in the perfect position to tell their son (or daughter-whichever is your brother’s sibling) that they aren’t too keen on having grandchildren with the same names! Talk about confusing in their old age!
My take is that surely your [name]SIL[/name] knows what she’s doing. It would take a complete idiot with no self-awareness not to realize she is stealing your kids’ names! Maybe she assumes you are too nice to say anything. But if anything, she is short-changing her own daughters, who will never have their “own” names in the family.
Maybe you should bring it up like," It’s so nice of you to make my children your girls’ namesakes, but I really think your daughter should have a name of her own."

9

I’m trying really, really hard to wrap my brain around this and am failing miserably.

lskdjgaskdgjalsdkgj WHAT?!?!!?

That is the most bizarre thing I have ever heard. It’s fine and flattering if she likes your name choices, but why can’t she just be the aunt to the girls with the gorgeous names? Or ask for your help in choosing perfect names since she thinks you have such wonderful taste? But to use essentially the exact same names as you is just weird. And unoriginal. And, wow, I’m truly flabbergasted.

My cousin’s wife and I both love [name]Josie[/name] (well, I like [name]Josephine[/name] nn [name]Josie[/name], she likes just [name]Josie[/name]), but I would never name my daughter [name]Josie[/name] if she uses it first. That’s just WEIRD.

Honestly, I’d ask her politely if she even realizes what she’s doing (how can she not?). Then try and find a way to explain how off-beat it is and offer some suggestions similar to [name]Isabelle[/name]/[name]Isabella[/name]. Or maybe have your [name]MIL[/name] say something, like, “[name]Don[/name]'t I already have an [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name] for a granddaughter?” LOL. [name]How[/name] confusing for family get together’s!

Like you said, you don’t own the names, but I feel like it goes without saying, most people don’t use a name another family member has already used. I used to babysit for a little [name]Patrick[/name]. I went to prom with [name]Patrick[/name]'s cousin, [name]Patrick[/name]. I always thought it was odd that they had the same name… I mean, there are 23510258 names out there!

Best of luck!

10

Thank you all for replying, I really appreciate it. I feel better that I’m not alone in being annoyed about this!
She did not mention anything about the name being similar to my [name]Isabella[/name], however, my eldest daughter, [name]Maddie[/name] (6) piped in “Ooh Mummy, does that mean we’ll have two Emmes AND two Bellas?” to which my [name]SIL[/name] replied, “No, [name]Madeleine[/name], we’ll have a [name]Belle[/name] and you’ll have a [name]Bella[/name]”. Out of the mouth of babes! And that was that, she said no more and moved on to talk about something else! We do often refer to [name]Isabella[/name] as [name]Belle[/name], as does she and my [name]BIL[/name], so I don’t know if this is her trying to justify using a similar name, by saying she’ll use a different nickname. But it isn’t different, as we alternate between [name]Belle[/name] and [name]Bella[/name]. As well as the fact she uses the exact same nickname for her [name]Clementine[/name] as we do for ours, despite the fact she could have easily gone with one of the many alternatives.
My [name]MIL[/name] is beyond furious, as she was when they announced they’d be using [name]Clementine[/name]. [name]SIL[/name] can be difficult to get on with and they are not close, in fact, she isn’t very close to any of the family at this point as relationships seem to have deteriorated. I try my best with her, but I’m constantly biting my lip around her :frowning: I adore my niece, and my [name]BIL[/name], and would hate for this to cause a problem with them, which is why I am reluctant to cause a fuss as I know [name]SIL[/name] would not take kindly to my questioning her. If my OH said to his brother, I doubt it would have much impact as she wears the trousers and calls the shots, so I don’t think he has much say at all in the decisions made.
However, I think I’m going to have to say to her. If I don’t, my [name]MIL[/name], has told me she will. I’d rather it came from me, as I don’t want her to feel that it’s her against the rest of the family. I have no idea what I’m going to say to her, but want to make it as non-confrontational as possible. Perhaps give her a baby name book? I just don’t know. I have offered to have my niece tomorrow to allow [name]BIL[/name] & [name]SIL[/name] time to go look at houses as they’re planning a move, so I’m going to have to think of what to say between now and tomorrow morning (UK time).

Sorry, I’m a bit all over the place, I’m sure this post is too! Thanks again for replying, it really means a lot to me.

[name]Gracie[/name]

11

Oh and she is my [name]SIL[/name] in the sense of being my husband’s brother’s wife :slight_smile:

[name]Gracie[/name]

12

As you think about what to say to your s-i-l, I would at least ask her to explain WHY (!!!) she would do that… not once, but twice!!! I think she owes you an explanation. You might also ask her to “clarify” that her daughters can consider her daughters their namesakes. If she makes the totally lame claim that [name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name] are different names, I would mention that your daughter ALREADY goes by both “[name]Belle[/name]” and “[name]Bella[/name],” and point out that [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Clementine[/name] are exactly the same. I’m sorry your s-i-l is doing this. Some people are so outrageously weird!!! Wishing you luck!!! Please let us know how it goes.

13

Wow this entire situation is so bizzare! I mean, not only did she basically, admit or at least pay attention to the fact that she has stolen your names in almost the exact same forms, but she had the nerve to say something to your daughter about it. I say you have every right to be angry with her.

As for you not owning a name, while you dont own the name from everyone, but in a sense, you do own it from your family and close friends. Mostly because it gets entirely to confusing to have two Clementines and two [name]Belle[/name]'s/[name]Bella[/name]'s running around the same place, i mean calling out for them when they are all running around must be totally chaotic. So in my opinion, to an extent, you do in fact own the names, maybe not the middles, but surly the first names and certaintly any right to combo’s of the names that sound so similar!

The only situation i can think of, where this would be close to exceptable, would be if she did not know you at all or very well, and didnt really know fo your childrens names, and wasnt close with the family, and it was a giant coincidance. However, it appears as though she is blatlently and knowingly and seemingly proudly stealing your names! I have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to use the names of someone so close in family. I mean when i am looking for names for name combos, i wont use any of my cousins or any of the great grandchildren and great grandchildrens first names as first names because at one point in time, even though it wouldnt be often at all, they will be around each other, and i can picture th elook on my granny and grandaddys faces when they look at the birth announcment and say, isn’t this [name]Becky[/name]'s daughters name? Or [name]Kimberlee[/name]'s sons name? And i dont think its really fair to do that.

Besides that fact that it is totally unfair to you, and you must be a siant to have not said anything because though i am typically non confrantaional person(much like [name]Lyndsay[/name], i am some what over the internet but not hardly in person), i would deffinatly had said something when they announced [name]Clementine[/name], because there is not really a viable chance that it wasnt taken off of your daughter’s name. But anywho, besides beign unfair to you, it’s truly unfair to the girls. They will probably either think it is cool when they are younger or totally hate it, but i cant imagine after a certain age that they will like constantly being confused with so-and-so’s [name]Clementine[/name], vs you and your husbands [name]Clementine[/name].

I will say i think the best thing to do would be to say soething in the calmest way possible. Which may be hard because if she is like your explaining, i imagine her being highly confrantational and very melodramatic. But i think it would be good to start out saying soemthing about how your flattered that she seems liek your taste in names, but that you think having two children with such similar names may cause confusion and problems with children as they grow older and that you are willing to try and help her to come up a new name. Or you could straight out ask her why she chose the name [name]Isabella[/name], just to see what her reasoning is, and then decide from there, because if its after her dead mother (which i doubt but you get the point), you would feel pretty lame making a fuss. Then you could evaluate and give her a baby name book or something to that affect or maybe even make a list for her.

However from what i get from her, she doesnt sound like a very plesant person to deal with, if all of her family relationships are depleated and she angers alot of family then she may just be very defensive and angry that you are questioning her name, i am thinking something dramatic like “how dare you question the name of my child its not your child to name” kind of situation. So th best thing to do would be to evaluate the situation as it goes and see what happens.

It’s terrible that you are in this situation in the first place, however i do hope that you can resole it and maybe patch things up with you S-I-L Good [name]Luck[/name]!

14

WTH?! This is the craziest thing I have ever heard. She is either the biggest copycat in the world, or she’s clinically insane. [name]How[/name] does she think having cousins with pretty much the exact same names isn’t confusing and weird?

She can’t NOT KNOW she’s stealing your names. Sounds like you, your husband, and your In-laws understand what it is she’s doing and I’m glad they’re on your side, so to speak. Wow, this makes me want to punch a small animal. If someone ever did that to me…

Please let us know how your talk with her goes. I’m sorry you’re being put through this.

15

Wow - if I were in your situation, I would imagine myself very mad. Having one name stolen would be disappointing, but two first names, two middle names, AND two nicknames? I could go on about how wrong that is, but that won’t get us anywhere, will it? I would definitely tell her that you’re bothered by her using your name choices, though maybe start it a bit more subtly, as in, “Have you noticed that our daughters’ (well, her daughter and daughter-to-be) names, [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Jane[/name] and [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Joy[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Rose[/name] and [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name], are very similar - almost identical, in fact?” or something along those lines, because she can’t really say, “No, I haven’t, actually,” because it’s VERY obvious. Or maybe, “[name]Isabella[/name]/[name]Bella[/name]/[name]Belle[/name] is very excited to be getting a little namesake, just like [name]Clementine[/name]/[name]Emme[/name] was.” Sure, it’s nice that she admires your taste so much, but maybe it would’ve caused less problems (or none at all) if she would ask for your opinion on some names. Well, hopefully everyone will know that she copied you, and not vice versa.

Best of luck!

16

WOW. [name]Just[/name]”wow. That is ridiculous.

~[name]Frances[/name]

17

PLease let us know what she says when you talk to her! This is going to be on my mind all day!

18

This is absolutely uncalled for and to be honest, completely insane. Who would do that ? Is this woman very jealous of you? [name]How[/name] could your brother go along with this? Can you have a private conversation with him perhaps?

19

Wow! I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I cannot imagine how angering, frustrating and unsettling this must be for your family. Believe me, if I was in your situation I would not have acted as calmly and graciously as you have so far! You [name]SIL[/name] must know what she is doing- it would take a seriously out-of-it person not to realize that [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Clementine[/name] are the same name and [name]Isabella[/name] [name]Rose[/name] and [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name] are only one letter apart!! Now, if the situation was different, if, let’s say you only had an [name]Isabella[/name] and your [name]SIL[/name] wanted to use the name [name]Isabelle[/name], then I’d say, okay, [name]Isabella[/name] is extremely popular, as is [name]Isabelle[/name], and it’s not that big of a deal- but throw the same middle name AND the fact that her older daughter is named [name]Clementine[/name] into the mix? Ridiculous. So, if I were you, when I have a conversation with her, I’d say something along the lines of:

“I know you must have put a lot of thought into the name for this baby. You should know that I myself put a great deal of thought into naming all my children and their names are very special to me. But, I must admit that I find it a bit puzzling that after I named my daughters [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name], you followed suit. I really think that it can negatively effect our children in that I want my daughters to feel like individuals within their family, and having cousins with nearly identical names would make them feel decidedly unspecial, don’t you think? If you’d like I can definitely introduce you to some extremely lovely names that are similar to [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Rose[/name]”

If she is standoffish, rude or if she argues that [name]Isabella[/name] and [name]Isabelle[/name] are different names then I think it’s time for a family intervention. At that point it’s beyond just you and her. And if that seems severe, harsh or over the top… then I’m not sure there’s much you can do. You also should point out to her that since she’s causing so much animosity over the name of this child she is alienating herself and ultimately her unborn child because of this feud. Again, I’m so sorry you’ve found yourself in this situation and I wish you the best of luck! [name]Just[/name] be diplomatic and stay calm :slight_smile:

20

So the girls have the exact same last name (and same initials) as each other too!!

Whether you already know the answer or not… You might want to ask your s-i-l how she thinks the girls’ grandparents feel about having two granddaughters named [name]Clementine[/name] and granddaughters named [name]Isabelle[/name] & [name]Isabella[/name]. That is a very relevant and non-offensive question to pose to her, yet it should compel her to face-up to the situation at hand.

You might point out that the issue has a direct impact on YOUR family because constant clarifications will need to be made to prevent confusion over your daughters. You can no longer take it for granted which girl is being referred to when an extended family member mentions either girl’s name. When your daughters give their grandparents cards or anything with their name on it, the grandparents may not know or will later forget which granddaughter it was. Since the girls have the exact same initials and same last name, there will be no convenient way to deal with it. Within the family, I’d say it is essentially identity theft.