S-I-L Strikes Again!

General Name Discussion
21

I can’t believe she would do this to you in such a barefaced, unashamed way, as if no one would notice. You have every right to be mad.

I feel really bad for her kids. [name]How[/name] will they feel when they’re older and work out that they’re basically just named after their cousins? I would feel bad if both I and my sister had the same names (or highly similar names) as my older cousins. I would feel like my mother didn’t bother to think of her own names for us or that she used our cousins names because she wanted us to be like them or actually be them or something.

This is very unusual behaviour on her part and needs to be acknowledged.

22

Whoa, not cool! not cool at all!
your S-I-L sounds like a quiet-but-deadly namer.
If my S-I-L named her daughter practically the same name ONCE I would have a hissy fit! YOU named your daughters first! I wonder if she even cares? you should totally mention this to her!

I’m sorry, this kind of thing makes me really upset!

[name]Isabel[/name]

23

wow, that is weird. I wouldn’t see anything wrong with it if maybe she had come to you and explained why she chose those exact names, but for her to just do it out of the blue like that is beyond absurd. I understand some people just love the same names, but to use it already knowing that there’s a child in the family with that name is not really cool.

24

I am stunned to say the least, but wanted to add my two cents.

I sort of believe this is already beyond you and [name]SIL[/name]; this has already changed a lot for your family (DH, [name]BIL[/name], [name]SIL[/name], Grandparents, [name]Clementine[/name]'s one and two and now poor [name]Isabella[/name] is being drug in!) This falls under the category of “Family Planing” and I think it’s time to involve the family. Not to gang up on her, but to give her no leverage as I can only think of one way this needs to end.

Now, let’s say you all try with all your might to get her to see the light of day and she fails to, were I you, and NB, I want your opinion on my opinion-

Start calling her [name]Clementine[/name] [name]Clem[/name], or [name]Joy[/name]. Yes, I’ve said it, and I stand by it! When little [name]Isabelle[/name] shows up call her [name]Isa[/name], or [name]Izzy[/name] ect.

This is only if all reasoning fails, and I would enlist the help of your [name]MIL[/name] and FIL and well as your hubby and daughters.

If she ([name]SIL[/name]) tries to correct you just say, “I think it suits her.” With everyone going by this “I think it suits her” philosophy she can’t fight it. If she tries to retaliate by switching your [name]Emma[/name]'s nn, everyone can agree that “She really is an [name]Emma[/name].”

So NB, am I crueler than the [name]SIL[/name] or could I have solved the problem, if the problem doesn’t resolve itself freely?

Blessings,

[name]Bella[/name] <3 (no, I’m not making fun of you, [name]Bella[/name] is my nn)

25

Haha, [name]Bella[/name], I love your idea! The [name]SIL[/name] deserves what’s coming to her! That would a pretty spectacular way to retaliate!

26

I also like [name]Bella[/name]'s suggestion and if she insists on naming daughter #2 [name]Isabelle[/name], call the child [name]Izzie[/name] and have the others in your family do the same. I once knew a family that had two Katies, but their last names were different so their grandma called them [name]Katie[/name] plus last initial. Without different last names, distinct nicknames will have to do. What a name-napper this woman is!

27

This is what I would say to her, “I’m really flattered that you like my name choices but I really find it weird that you are naming your children the same names as the ones I’ve already named my kids. [name]Isabelle[/name] and [name]Isabella[/name] are the same name. [name]Rose[/name] and [name]Rose[/name] are the same. [name]Clementine[/name] and [name]Clementine[/name] are the same, and let’s face it [name]Joy[/name] and [name]Jane[/name] are really similar.” I’d then listen to what she has to say in response, if she gets defensive say. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings it’s just you are causing me to resent you and I love you so I don’t want to have those feelings of angst towards you. I love my niece and I can’t wait to meet my new niece who I love already and she isn’t even here yet. I just needed to say it.”

If that doesn’t work try saying this one night over the phone or at a dinner where you are talking to her, “I’m thinking that if I have another daughter I’ll name her [name]Imogen[/name] [name]Penelope[/name] (for example you don’t have to use that name).” See if she changes her baby name to that, then you have averted the crisis. Using some form of reverse psychology.

Now if that doesn’t work talk to your Mother in [name]Law[/name] who will talk to her son who will talk to his wife. Maybe playing the Mom card will work.

If all else fails, give that kid a nick name and stick with it come hell or high water.

28

^ That’s a good idea, Sellens.
You could also say something like, “We thought about calling [name]Isabelle[/name] [name]Imogen[/name] (or whatever) but we went with [name]Isabelle[/name]. We thought about changing it for a long time, but by then [name]Isabelle[/name] seemed to suit her.”

29

Wow, that is crazy! My sister has three boys and I couldnt even allow myself to use a name that is similar to any one of theres. I mean why would you want your daughter to have the same name as her cousin?

30

I agree with above posters, as Im in a similar situation with a [name]SIL[/name] who tries to “make life difficult” in the family. In any event, she knows what she’s doing and obviously doesn’t care. She probably likes the fact that she’s getting this attention (even if it’s negative), and that everyone in the family is talking about her. Reasoning rarely works with people who think like this … I mean, seriously, what “reasonable” person names their children the exact some thing as her sister in law? I think the only way to deal with these type of people is to turn it around on them. If you make her think that it’s all about YOU, then she may rethink the strategy of stealing the name. [name]Say[/name] something like “I’m SO flattered that you adore MY names so much that you’re copying them! Everyone is coming up to me and congratulating me on my great taste!” [name]Lay[/name] it on thick! She’ll reconsider if she thinks it’s no longer all about her!

31

I’m the same! My cousin has a cousin named [name]Oliver[/name] and so I’ll never use it! My nephew is [name]Brandon[/name] and I love [name]Bram[/name], but I’ll never use it! Sheesh! My niece and nephew are [name]Kaelyn[/name] and [name]Cole[/name], so I have ruled out all names with a hard K sound! I am the complete opposite of this sister in law!

32

I think the best way to handle it is to be blunt. You can do it without being mean, but I’m not sure that she’ll listen to you if you aren’t straightforward. Now, I bet she won’t change her plans at all, because I kind of think she’s doing it on purpose. At least you can let her know that you aren’t thrilled with the idea and she’s gonna have to live with that. If she can then good for her. The other thing that your [name]SIL[/name] should consider is that her kids will always be “the other [name]Belle[/name]” or “the other [name]Emme[/name]” because they came second and your [name]MIL[/name] is already upset about the whole thing. I don’t think its to be vindictive to the kids, but I mean they ARE the second ones with the same name.

I can’t lie, if it were me, I’d probably do something similar to what [name]Bella[/name] said. I can be a real witch if someone messes with me like that, especially if it’s on purpose :). Good luck with your sitch! I hope it turns out well for you, or at least you end up feeling better about it :slight_smile:

33

I’m glad I haven’t completely destroyed my rep!

I can’t wait to hear what happens sweetheart, we are all rooting for you!

[name]Bella[/name]

34

I’m glad I haven’t completely destroyed my rep!

I can’t wait to hear what happens sweetheart, we are all rooting for you!

[name]Bella[/name]

35

I second this.

36

Wow, all of you guys have made really calm and sensible suggestions! I’m serious. I am normally calm and sensible, but when I hear of someone doing something completely irrational or mean (like your S-I-L), I play war (I’ve done it with my mean older sister. not anything to do with names…she is just a jerk).

I would make a point to mention, perhaps in a casual conversation, how similar your daughters’ names are. She’ll make an excuse…blah…blah…blah. I would then get every single relative/family friend to mention the same thing to her. Hopefully, she’ll get all blustered and frustrated and maybe, fingers crossed, she will change her mind. By the way, what does her husband think about this situation? Surely they don’t both think it is okay to steal your daughters’ names?! It’s not like you are expecting and are planning on using the names…you already have two living, breathing daughters with those names!

37

I agree with Laurann that you should kill her with kindness. That’s why I brought up the namesake thing. I think it would drive her crazy if she thought you viewed her treachery as flattering!

38

[name]Gracie[/name], Your [name]SIL[/name] is so freaking ridiculous. Two of your names! Does she not have any imagination? Plus they will have the same last name right? I feel like it should be your husband who approached his brother t discuss this matter. He should point out that there could be identity problems and just general confusion. Maybe you could give your [name]SIL[/name] a list of you unused baby names, since she obviously likes your style. Best of luck.

39

OMG. Can not believe that she can’t see that it’s really silly to have cousins with such similar names. I mean, I guess you could take it as a complement that she obviously thinks you have great taste in names, but seriously, I think she might have a problem. You are not being unreasonable or picky or anything even close - I’d be much angrier! It’s not you at all, you are entitled to feel the way you do.

40

She must have a serious competition complex!