Was hoping I could get some opinions on this particular situation.
Last year I was reading a book and came across a name I absolutely fell in love with. So much so it ended up going to the top of my names list. It’s not a common name by any means, I hadn’t even heard of it until I read this book.I’m currently 5 months pregnant, and that name had been one of the top choices since the day I found out.
A month ago my cousin had her first baby and the name she chose was the very one I had fallen in love with. It was pure fluke that this happened, as she and I sadly don’t talk much anymore despite growing up quite close and being very close in age, though we usually can pick things right back up where they left off quite easily whenever we do see each other during rare family gatherings. She also did not announce the baby’s name until they were born, and gave no hints as to what names she was considering.
Is it safe to say I can’t use the name anymore? I know there’s plenty of instances where families have multiple people with the same family name but this feels quite different as not only is the name unique, but it’s also not a family name either, and I don’t want to come off like I’m “stealing” the name when technically that isn’t the case since I came across the name before she was pregnant.
I know it would be easier to consider another name, but I would hate to give up a name I’m so attached to
For me, yes that would make the name unusable. If it was a common or family name, it might be different, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable using it as a first name myself
I would say you can use it anyway 
if you’re not close, and she is a cousin, then your kids aren’t going to interact too much which is where any confusion might come in. You could reach out to your cousin about the situation and tell her about finding the name in a book and your intentions of using it predating her even being pregnant. I wouldn’t let someone else using a name stop you from naming your child what you love, but especially if you only cross paths occasionally and if you’re okay with there being a small amount of speculation/drama in the family. I have two cousins who share a name with one of my brothers, there being a similar situation as yours where my mom found the name in a book and had it picked before she was even pregnant, and than cousins on either side of my family named a baby the same name right before my brother was born. No one has even commented on it, outside of some joking “your [name_u]Landon[/name_u], my Landon” stuff. And a simple explanation of you having had it already picked out seems like a “great minds think alike” scenario over a “name stealing” one imo
I had literally the exact same situation happen with my daughter. We had a name picked out since before our wedding and then struggled with infertility. The name isn’t THAT uncommon, but it’s somewhat unique. The odd thing is we had it picked out as it’s a family surname in my husbands family. Anyway as I was struggling to get pregnant my cousin turns up and uses the exact name we picked out. First and middle. It’s still so bizarre to me that that happened. Anyway I didn’t say anything at the time because it was kinda irrelevant since I wasn’t pregnant and no one has rights to a name lol. But I ended up pregnant with a girl eventually and still used the original name. She doesn’t speak to me now because of it. She probably does think I copied her but I don’t really care. Also our kids have never even met anyway. I say use it if you want. The only people I wouldn’t use the same name as is any of our siblings kids because they would be first cousins and have the exact same name and see eachother frequently
I’d say you probably shouldn’t use it unfortunately, unless you almost NEVER see your cousin and there aren’t other family members who would know both babies well. If you’d still like to use it as a middle name or something like that I think it would be fine, though I would probably talk to the cousin first to explain the situation and make it clear that you aren’t trying to copy her.
I would say you shouldn’t use the name, especially if the kids are close in age. However, I think you could use a similar name and/or a name with the same nickname.
I would also tell your cousin your problem and see what she thinks. If she says you should use it, then I don’t see a big problem if the kids won’t really know eachother.
if you love the name then use it.
Personally I wouldn’t feel comfortable using it. Maybe as a middle name though!
I would probably still use it. I think it’d be nice to contact your cousin directly (either before or after the birth) and let her know that you had picked the name out from this book before you even knew she was pregnant. Not in a asking permission kind of way, just letting her know.
It sucks, but I wouldn’t do it. Putting myself in your cousin’s shoes, I’d feel very uncomfortable if my cousin used the same uncommon name that I also just used for my baby.
[name_m]Can[/name_m] you ask her?
For me, personally, I would deem it unusable. But i know every has different circumstances. I have cousins whom I also do reach keep in touch with nor have they met my children. There are a few names used in my family that were top names for me. But i do think my extended family would think it would be odd if i used a name they already chose.
I think it really depends on the name and just how “uncommon” it really is. If it’s in a book, it’s definitely on other peoples radar not just your cousins and yours.
However for me, I wouldn’t use it. [name_f]My[/name_f] family has done really well with no repeat names (I have 23 first cousins on my moms side) I think only [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] has been used twice out of all the babies born (and there’s a lotttt)
So we had drama in my family because I’d picked out kids’s names as favorites from a young teen and so had my sister. Then my sister married a guy who was Russian and the name she liked (Polly) went out the window. We became pregnant at roughly the same time. I’d chosen [name_f]Caitlin[/name_f] [name_f]Louisa[/name_f] years before as they are family names, and my husband agreed, but my sister’s husband insisted on [name_f]Katya[/name_f] for a girl. We would have had a [name_f]Katya[/name_f] and a [name_f]Kate[/name_f]. It drove me nuts. [name_f]My[/name_f] sister had a boy, so it didn’t happen.
WEll, our kids are nearly forty, and looking back at it, how dumb, right? I mean, there are multiple family members named [name_u]George[/name_u], for example, with no drama.
So: use the name in good health. Let your cousin know, but just enjoy loving your kid’s name.
For me the name would be unusable now but I admittedly had strong preferences toward a unique name particularly in light of our very common surname.
We actually had a similar situation except we were the cousin in this situation and gave our daughter a name that had never been in the top 1000 only for a cousin on my husbands side to use the same name several months later. I was extremely annoyed to say the least particularly since we weren’t given a heads up at all.