Santa dos and don'ts

Parentberries
1

Has anyone heard this This American Life?

It’s long, but pretty interesting. It’s the story of a family that takes the magic (or the deception) of [name_f]Santa[/name_f] [name_m]Claus[/name_m] to a new level. In the wake of a certain nameberry mega-troll, I’ve gotten to thinking about [name_f]Santa[/name_f] [name_m]Claus[/name_m]. [name_m]How[/name_m] important is it in your family to create an atmosphere of magic around [name_u]Kris[/name_u] Kringle? [name_m]How[/name_m] far would you go to deceive your children in the name of [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] spirit? What’s your warmest memory of [name_f]Santa[/name_f] [name_m]Claus[/name_m] from your own childhood? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you remember the moment you learned he wasn’t real? As parents, how do you handle BEING [name_f]Santa[/name_f]? And what special tricks do you have up your [name_f]Santa[/name_f] sleeves this year?

2

I am very interested in this thread. As a child I was always told that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was fake. Never once in my entire life did my mother ever say to me or any of my siblings that there was such thing as [name_f]Santa[/name_f], and she actually very adamantly said that he was not real, so we couldn’t silently believe.
I always felt superior as a child, like I knew a secret only for adults and all of my other friends weren’t mature enough to hear it yet, but I’m having my first child and really wondering if I’ll follow in my mom’s foot steps or go the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] route.
Side story: My cousin is my age, and when we were thirteen she came in and was waving around a [name_f]Santa[/name_f] hat thrilled that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] had signed it while he ate the milk and cookies she made. She was very serious.
That was too far. If your kid is old enough to make their own cookies for [name_f]Santa[/name_f] it’s time to come clean.

3

We don’t do [name_f]Santa[/name_f] with our son. I mean, he has books that people have given him about [name_f]Santa[/name_f], we’re not hiding [name_f]Santa[/name_f] from him. We just aren’t telling him that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] is a real guy. He is only two right now, so he doesn’t get it yet. But we plan to tell him that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] is a fun game that people play at Christmastime, and that he can’t spoil the game by telling other people that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] isn’t real.

My husband did not grow up with [name_f]Santa[/name_f], so he thinks [name_f]Santa[/name_f] is kind of weird. Then his mom got remarried and he had new stepsisters who did grow up with [name_f]Santa[/name_f] and all of the sudden, there was all of this [name_f]Santa[/name_f]! Presents from [name_f]Santa[/name_f], leaving milk and cookies out for [name_f]Santa[/name_f], his mom pretending she could hear sleighbells- no discussion about it at all. He just found it confusing and weird.

My parents were really devoted to us believing in [name_f]Santa[/name_f], though. They kind of took it too far. I kept asking if [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was real and they kept swearing that he was- this is embarrassing, but I was in middle school before I finally figured it out. I was really upset that they had lied to me about it (I am sure that a lot of this came from being an angsty pre-teen. And also being embarrassed that I still believed in [name_f]Santa[/name_f] [name_m]Claus[/name_m] in sixth grade) I remember I asked them for a list of all of the other thing they lied about.

Seriously, I think it would have been fine to raise us with [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. I don’t think it’s really damaging or anything. It’s just that I kept asking and they kept saying things like, “don’t you trust us? Of course there is a [name_f]Santa[/name_f] [name_m]Claus[/name_m]! You have to believe in him!” I really don’t know why it was so important to them, this went on for way too long.

4

We’re not going to do [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. In our religion, we have our own thing. For the Norse, [name_m]Odin[/name_m] brought gifts. You would leave straw out for Sleipnir and [name_m]Odin[/name_m] would leave you presents. And if you are bad, Krampus gets you (that isn’t Norse particular, that’s just a Germanic thing). I don’t think we’re going to do Krampus because he’s terrible, but I like that I could say “Well, in our religion, [name_m]Odin[/name_m] brings presents. Better be good because the All-Father won’t bring you presents otherwise!” But she’s going to know she’ll always get presents from us, but if she’s not good, she won’t get a special present from [name_m]Odin[/name_m].

And we’re going to tell her that other people believe in [name_f]Santa[/name_f] and that’s fine. It’s just different for everyone.

All that being said, she’s still getting a picture with [name_f]Santa[/name_f] for her first [name_u]Christmas[/name_u].

For my own childhood, the daughter of one of my moms friends told me when I was 5 that Santa (and all the other stuff kids are supposed to believe in) were fake. So we did the Santa thing, but only sort of. We put out milk and cookies but we all knew mom and my step-dad were eating them. That’s about it. We’ve got a picture of me when I was like 3 on my grandpa’s lap as Santa and I’m looking off camera with this “Oh brother” look and my eyes rolled so obviously I never really believed much. :stuck_out_tongue:

5

My parents were (and are) pretty devoted to the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing, almost to the level of the parents in that first story. Some years, my sister and I would wake up with presents in our bedrooms–a new quilt covering us, a stuffed animal in our arms, that sort of thing. One year, when “[name_f]Santa[/name_f]” entered my room, I was still awake and peeking through my eyelashes, and could distinctly see the silhouette of a chubby person with a beard. I would later learn that my mother had dressed up as [name_f]Santa[/name_f] on the off chance that one of us would wake up. Now that is commitment.

My parents had lots of help, though–there’s a [name_f]Santa[/name_f] in our area, colloquially known as “the real [name_f]Santa[/name_f],” who just sells it. He’s ready with logical explanations for all the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] lore ("[name_m]How[/name_m] do I get into your house? Not the chimney anymore, I use a skeleton key. [name_m]How[/name_m] do I get around the world in one night? Time zones, duh. And I don’t make all the toys, I have deals with all the major toy manufacturers!") which all sound very plausible to a kid. He also has an uncanny way of reading children; he’s like [name_m]Sherlock[/name_m] [name_m]Holmes[/name_m] or something.

I stopped believing in [name_f]Santa[/name_f] when I was 10 or 11 years old, right around the time it was starting to get embarrassing. Then I kept up the charade for my little sister’s benefit for the next two years, then we had one [name_f]Santa[/name_f]-free year before my brothers got old enough to understand the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing. We’re still keeping up the illusion for their benefit; they’re 9.

I think I’ll do the same crazy level of commitment for my eventual future kids; I liked experiencing that magic. I also think I’ll tell them the truth once they hit fifth or sixth grade, depending on their maturity level, because being a middle schooler who still wholeheartedly believes in [name_f]Santa[/name_f] would be rough.

6

My mum was always telling us he existed she’s never told us that he didn’t exist mainly because she thinks my nine year old brother still believes he doesn’t mainly because me and my sister told him. If it gets to the level of [name_f]Brittany[/name_f] on Glee at 16 and still believing in [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. I was about 8 when I worked out he didn’t exist I’ve always thought quite logically about things so i thought how can he get around the world in one night. In my home town we have a christmas party in which someone dresses up as [name_f]Santa[/name_f] to this day she still says its [name_f]Santa[/name_f]'s helper to us when at 14, 12 and 9 we know its just a guy dressed up and I wish she would stop because I think she’s trying to think that maybe my little brother will stay innocent.

7

My mom never pushed it but she let me believe, I figured out [name_f]Santa[/name_f] wasn’t real on my own around age 7 or 8 and it didn’t scar me for life. My stepmom and my dad however wrote “from [name_f]Santa[/name_f]” on 50% of my [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] gifts until I was a teenager… ironic considering I bought most of my gifts myself, they just gave us money and told us to buy what we wanted, then wrapped it for us like a surprise. I don’t know what I’ll tell my kids, I’m not a [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] person or a parent yet, but I don’t think there’s any harm in letting kids believe as long as you’re not extreme about it.

8

My parents never did the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing. My dad’s a clergyman and his whole side of the family are devout Christians, so [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] was first and foremost a religious holiday in my family. My parents aren’t really into pretending/make-believe so I’ve known as far back as I can remember that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] wasn’t real. That was totally fine with me. I thought (and still think) of him as a fictional character like the Disney princesses or [name_f]Anne[/name_f] of [name_u]Green[/name_u] Gables or whatever. That’s probably what I’ll tell my kids too, that it’s a story- [name_f]Santa[/name_f] may not be real but he’s still a nice part of the holidays like cookies and decorations, and stories have their own sort of magic. My sister, though, was rather put out that our parents never did [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. One woman at my church said she and her husband didn’t tell their kids [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was real because when they learned he wasn’t, they might start thinking [name_m]Jesus[/name_m] isn’t real either even though they had been told he was (obviously not everyone agrees, but anyway).

9

This is an interesting thread. I never thought about not telling my kids about [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. My husband and I are not religious, but our parents are, and we grew up with [name_u]Christmas[/name_u]. We still celebrate [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] but more as a tradition rather than a religious holiday. I have many cousins with young children and I love the look on their faces when [name_f]Santa[/name_f] comes and they see presents in the morning. My parents were big on [name_f]Santa[/name_f], and my mom was upset when I revealed to her that I didn’t believe anymore, but I think it was a magical thing as a child and I don’t see the harm in it. I wouldn’t go to extreme measures to trick my kids into believing in him until an unrealistic age, but I think a few years of fun and magic is a wonderful thing. I have great memories from being a child and believing, and memories of after I knew he wasn’t real and keeping the charade up for my brother.

10

Oh I’m loving reading everyone’s stories.

Ksilvia - I was like that 13yo cousin of yours. I didn’t really believe once I was older, but I have a younger brother, so I felt this strong sense of obligation to maintain the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing for his sake. Used to rush into his room on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] morning and jump on his bed and wake him up with a festive blow to the head, “Get up lazy [name_f]Santa[/name_f] came!” I got really upset when he stopped believing and just wanted an extra hour of sleep.

Tarynkay, that is hilarious that angsty teenaged you asked your parents for a list of all the other things they lied about. Very cute.

Dantea, your tradition sounds magical. As a [name_m]Pagan[/name_m], is it [name_u]Yule[/name_u] that you celebrate? I’m really curious about it since it’s one of the baby names I’m contemplating. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you go wassailing? The idea of a solstice celebration appeals to me because I’m not [name_m]Christian[/name_m], but I love [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] traditions, the TREE especially, and the light and warmth during the darkest time of year. Krampus sounds creeeeepy. Is he like Struwwelpeter?

Geeknames, did you ever see the [name_f]Shirley[/name_f] [name_u]Temple[/name_u] “A [name_m]Little[/name_m] [name_f]Princess[/name_f],” the scene where [name_f]Sarah[/name_f] [name_m]Crewe[/name_m] and [name_f]Becky[/name_f] wake up in their garret under silk blankets to a roaring fire and warm muffins? Sounds like your [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] mornings. Your mom sounds like a spectacular [name_m]Claus[/name_m], and your neighborhood guy too. “Time zones duh.”

[name_f]Emiliana[/name_f] - [name_m]Ah[/name_m] yes, the burden of protecting the “innocent.” Sigh.

Greyer, sounds like your dad and stepmom were very pragmatic about gift-giving. Did you appreciate that, or did you miss all the fuss? I don’t like too much emphasis on presents, an overwhelming quantity of presents - the magical part of it is not about all the stuff.

[name_f]Azalea[/name_f], very funny about the woman at your church not wanting to equate [name_f]Santa[/name_f] with [name_m]Jesus[/name_m]. Well who needs [name_f]Santa[/name_f] anyway when you’ve got the baby [name_m]Jesus[/name_m]? My grandmother had the most beautiful crèche that she’d set up every year, and she’d wait to put the baby [name_m]Jesus[/name_m] in until [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] morning. She knew carols by heart on the piano… She was pretty [name_m]Christian[/name_m] but her kids were all heathens so I never got religion.

[name_f]Katie[/name_f], yes that look on a child’s face on Xmas morning is priceless… somewhere between joyous cherub and treasure-crazed pirate!

11

We celebrate the [name_f]Solstice[/name_f] (but we do presents and things on the 25th too). Tomorrow, we’ll do a fire and ritual, eat good foods, and herald in the Suns return. We have never gone wassailing though (I have by myself in the past though). To be honest, most of the symbols used in [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] have pagan roots and were used longer than [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] was [name_u]Christmas[/name_u]. If you want the details, you can PM me. :slight_smile:
Cody loves that I let him do Odin. I don’t worship the Norse gods, but Cody does and he likes that he can use his traditions fully. For Greek Pagans, there’s another holiday right now called Brumalia that has to do with Dionysus.
We’ll watch the sunset. We’ll light the house with candles to recall a time when fire and sun were the only light and decorate with evergreen boughs and pinecones. We’ll eat foods that are growing right now and share stories of the year. Everyone will light a candle and make a wish for the new year and the house will grow brighter, a symbol of the returning sun. Then we’ll build a bonfire and make wassail (wassailing being carolling and wassail being a type of ale with cinnamon and brown sugar. Great recipe). Do a little ritual, and then watch the sunrise.

Krampus is the evil version of [name_m]Saint[/name_m] [name_u]Nick[/name_u], basically. You should check out this website – Krampus.com :: home of the holiday devil :: Who's Krampus?

12

Interesting. Bookmarked to listen to later.

Creating an atmosphere of magic around everything is probably going to be pretty important to me. I do worry about crossing that line where my children feel like I’m just a liar (Big [name_m]Fish[/name_m] is one of my favorite movies), and encouraging them to give their imagination free rein. I often talk about fantastical things as if they’re real. I don’t really believe, but I like the idea of it all, pretending I suppose. I’m not sure if that’s healthy or not, but it works for me. :stuck_out_tongue: Walking through the woods was always a magical adventure with my grandma and my mum. There were witches and faeries everywhere, and I guess I never stopped pretending.

I have very few memories of [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], because we stopped celebrating when I was about 6. I think my first memory was also my last memory, and it was the [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] I discovered [name_f]Santa[/name_f] wasn’t real. My uncle was only a year older, and he convinced me and my little brother to stay up all night to prove [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was fake. Well, we stayed up, and caught grandma putting gifts under the tree. I don’t remember being sad, we were all laughing. My little brother may have been sad, I seem to have a memory of him crying (he’d have been just barely 5, he’s a Dec 23 baby), but I don’t know if that’s accurate.

I don’t think we’re going to go so far as dressing up like [name_f]Santa[/name_f]; in fact I don’t know if we’re even going to have presents from [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. I pinned a neat idea on pinterest the other day. It was, um, let me check. Yes, here it is. Kindness Elves. Now this, I love. That’s the sort of thing I’d like to do with our kids. My little cousin loves watching [name_f]Santa[/name_f]'s travels on the gps tracker they do for kids, and it’s a joy to watch her, so maybe we will do the whole presents/dressing up thing. I guess I need to do some talking with SO about what he’d like to do about [name_f]Santa[/name_f].

So, hmm. My answer is, gosh, I don’t know! Time to ponder.

13

In our house, we do not do [name_f]Santa[/name_f] either. [name_f]Maeby[/name_f] knows who he is, talks about him sometimes, but we have never told her he is real or that he brings her presents. Her presents have been sitting under our tree for a few weeks now, and she has shown such self control not to open them. We have given her one each day this week so she can enjoy each one, and she will open the rest this evening. She is so excited. When asked who brings her presents, she says “My mom and dad!” and is happy about that.

She has told us that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] is scary. She actually described him as “that scary guy with curly white hairs on his chin who wears red” and she was afraid that he was coming into her house (we have a fireplace and a chimney). Our preschool teacher was shocked that we didn’t do [name_f]Santa[/name_f], but I think she has gotten over it. She as also shocked that we don’t celebrate [name_m]Jesus[/name_m] so I think the [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing became an afterthought for her!

14

This thread is great. It’s so nice to see different perspectives.

I didn’t want to do [name_f]Santa[/name_f] at all (Hell, I didn’t want to do [name_u]Christmas[/name_u], but it’s such a big part of my partner’s family traditions that it wouldn’t be fair to say no.) but in the end agreed with my him to just let the kids believe as they will. I won’t be encouraging it, and if they ever ask me if he’s real I’ll be honest. I’m happy to label one present under the tree as “from [name_f]Santa[/name_f]” and leave it at that. If they want to leave out cookies and beer, more power to them. But I won’t be suggesting it.

If I have to do this [name_f]Santa[/name_f] thing though, I’m going to teach my kids that every year they have to leave something under the tree for [name_f]Santa[/name_f] to take back to his shop and fix up for other kids or be recycled the year after.

I grew up with [name_f]Santa[/name_f], and didn’t clue on until I was about to go into high school - even after I walked in on mum and her boyfriend eating [name_f]Santa[/name_f]'s cookies while wearing [name_f]Santa[/name_f] hats one [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] eve. I was a dense child lol. I’m not damaged by it at all, but at the same time I don’t feel like believing in [name_f]Santa[/name_f] made the holiday more enjoyable or exciting in any way. What I did know as a kid though was [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was an unfair bastard. The kids up the road were getting their own TVs, consoles, mountain bikes and all this other expensive stuff that my pensioner mother couldn’t dream of affording. We were showered with gifts too, but if we asked for barbie, we got the cheaper glamor doll version, etc. It didn’t make sense that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] gave other kids mambo and billabong but shopped at Target for us!

My other issue with [name_f]Santa[/name_f] as a part of holiday tradition is the greed. I hate seeing how greedy my little nieces and nephews are on [name_u]Christmas[/name_u]. I would like [name_f]Solstice[/name_f] and [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] celebrations to be about more than gifts to my kids and too much [name_f]Santa[/name_f] feels counterproductive to that.

15

My parents did [name_f]Santa[/name_f], and I don’t resent them for “lying” to me, which I see people mention a lot when they talk about not doing [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. One year I walked in on my parents putting the presents under the tree, and they told me they heard [name_f]Santa[/name_f], and came running out to meet him! They scared him though, so they had to put the presents under the tree.

I finally worked it out when I started noticing that [name_f]Santa[/name_f]'s presents and Mommy and Daddy’s presents had the same wrapping paper. After I found out, I felt like a big kid. First [name_f]Santa[/name_f], next the WORLD!

One year I did ask why some kids didn’t get presents from [name_f]Sana[/name_f]. My parents explained that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] couldn’t afford to buy presents for [name_f]EVERY[/name_f] child, so parents had to pay for it. Some parents can’t afford to pay [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. That’s when we started doing the Giving Tree and buying presents for the unfortunate children on the tree. I also had to chose one [name_f]Santa[/name_f] gift to donate after [name_u]Christmas[/name_u]. I think that was a great way to reiterate the joy of giving.

16

I think I’ll be doing the [name_u]Angel[/name_u] Tree (giving tree, whatever it is in your place) with [name_f]Persephone[/name_f]. We were extremely poor growing up (we make about 10,000 a year or less some years) and lived off the food bank and presents from the [name_u]Angel[/name_u] Tree. We got maybe a present each from the parents, clothes from my grandma, and presents from the [name_u]Angel[/name_u] Tree. I always felt a bit embarrassed to have my name on the tree (because we had one in our high school so everyone could see it) but I always felt grateful that someone would be kind enough to help us.

So I think I’ll be doing that with [name_f]Persephone[/name_f]. I’ll let her pick and [name_u]Angel[/name_u] and pick out the present for them (you know, they write on the [name_u]Angel[/name_u] what the person needs. A toy, clothes, things like that).

17

I loved [name_f]Santa[/name_f] as a kid! I used to write letters to the reindeer and elves and leave them under the tree. I was amazed when [name_f]Santa[/name_f] showed up at my day care’s [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] party under the porch light, smoking a pipe (I guess Santas wouldn’t do that now, haha.) I don’t remember specifically finding out he wasn’t real, but it wasn’t a big deal.

I’m still undecided about [name_f]Santa[/name_f] with my own child. Whether we decide to tell him [name_f]Santa[/name_f] is “real” or not, I know I will definitely try and capture the [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] magic as much as possible. It’s such a fun time of year for kids.

18

My mom went all out for [name_f]Santa[/name_f] and now I do too. I use special “[name_f]Santa[/name_f]-specific” paper and calligraphied tags that don’t match any of our other gifts, a little thank you card/special note from [name_f]Santa[/name_f] by the empty cookie plate, and leftover carrots nibbled by the reindeer. My mother would even throw glitter around and use her fingertips to make reindeer hoofprints. (I don’t this 'cause I don’t want to have to vacuum it up! )

Mom was such a great [name_f]Santa[/name_f], I probably would have believed up into middle school if I had been allowed to. She told me the truth in third grade when it became obvious I was ready to rumble with any kid who denied the jolly old elf.

This is [name_u]Noah[/name_u]'s first [name_u]Christmas[/name_u] not believing in [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. (He’s 7.) I was going to tell him next summer, but he asked me directly, so that was that. He was upset for a day, in denial for a week, and now he’s fine. He just asks that all our traditions continue which, of course, they will.

He’s already forming a plan for when he gets to be santa for his own kids someday. It’s all very hush-hush, but I will tell you it involves an anti-gravity sleigh and rented reindeer. :smiley:

19

[name_f]Happy[/name_f] [name_f]Solstice[/name_f] Dantea! I am totally going to pm you about pagan Xmasy practices. I feel like the poetry/myth and ritual part of religion is so nourishing, and I never had that growing up, so I’m curious about other ways. [name_f]Santa[/name_f] was as close to God as I got. Dude, Krampus! [name_m]German[/name_m] folklore has some crazy demons.

[name_f]Fey[/name_f], those kindness elves are lovely. Elf on the Shelf creeps me out, but this is a nice spin on it. Plus, they’re all handknit and Waldorfy.

Stephy - Aw poor [name_f]Maeby[/name_f] afraid of [name_f]Santa[/name_f]! He does have a dark side - the naughty list, the breaking-and-entering, the big red suit, and he lives in such a cold barren part of the world… I get where she’s coming from.

[name_f]Miri[/name_f], that is a really sweet idea about leaving a “recycled” gift for [name_f]Santa[/name_f] to spruce up for other children. The whole issue of fairness was perplexing to me too as a kid, and the fact that [name_f]Santa[/name_f] made me a puppet theater and Mrs [name_m]Claus[/name_m] knit me mittens from scratch and stuffed them with Sweet [name_m]William[/name_m] flowers, while my friend up the street got a Nintendo system. I like your idea of a single present from [name_f]Santa[/name_f]. I think I’d do the same, along with the stocking. [name_m]Just[/name_m] one special thing.

Birdies, you have to switch up the wrapping paper! My mother had special handwriting for [name_f]Santa[/name_f]'s presents. Very square, lots of umlauts.
The Giving/[name_u]Angel[/name_u] Tree sounds like a great thing. Dantea, that’s special to be able to pass on the kindness.

RJ - A pipe-smoking [name_f]Santa[/name_f]! Sounds authentic. [name_m]How[/name_m] cute that you wrote letters to the reindeer. I used to peel lichen off of trees and leave it for them (that’s what magical reindeer eat.)

[name_f]Hope[/name_f], your childhood [name_f]Santa[/name_f] sounds good and messy. I think it’s particularly convincing when he raises a rumpus, leaves cookie crumbs everywhere, etc.

20

@Dantea- When you mentioned the [name_u]Angel[/name_u] Tree, I thought at first it was a special family term named after you! Haha :stuck_out_tongue: That’a a great idea though.