Seeking Advice: Changing Baby's Name

Girl Names
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[name_m]Hi[/name_m],

I have a two-month old baby, and since she was two-weeks-old, I have deeply regretted the name we chose to give her. We chose a name that is falling out of favor and feels dated to us, and it just does not feel like the name I’d have chosen had I more deeply thought about what to name her. I was sick most of my pregnancy and just sort of picked a name without giving it much thought. She is my third baby, and I have never experienced name regret before.

We want to change her name; however, in [name_u]California[/name_u], we have to get a court order to do so, and her original name will always appear on her birth certificate. The new name would just be added as an amendment to her original birth certificate. My husband and I are concerned that changing her name could affect her sense of identity and that she may someday feel weird to know that she had a different name. Also, on videos shortly after her birth, we use her name; I don’t want to delete the videos but am concerned that she may feel weird someday hearing herself called by a different name.

If anyone has experienced this, or if anyone has any advice to share regarding our concerns, please help. I feel like I cannot learn to love her name–it has been weeks now, and I still regret the name we chose. [name_m]How[/name_m] do I balance this name regret with my daughter’s sense of identity and wellbeing in mind?

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I don’t think its that big of a deal to change her name.
I know people that go by their middle names since childhood or have changed their own names when they’re older.

If you hate the name, I’d go by their middle name or a nickname. If that doesn’t work, I see no harm in changing it. You should love her name :slight_smile:

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I think you should change her name to the one you truly love.

She’s so incredibly young right now, it honestly won’t make a difference to her identity development. [name_m]Will[/name_m] she feel weird later knowing it got changed? Maybe a little, but I doubt it will bother her as much as you think it will. There are so, so many obstacles and struggles in a person’s life, this will be a blip on both of your radars a year or two from now. Yes, it’s a little awkward to announce a new name, but ultimately it will be worth it for you to love it. You could always just change her middle name and call her by that, if you think it’ll make the transition easier. I wouldn’t judge anyone I knew for changing their baby’s name. If it’s not the right fit, it’s not the right fit! Your family, friends, and daughter will understand. ([name_m]Even[/name_m] if they disapprove at first, they’ll get over it, I promise.)

The court order thing certainly sounds like a nuisance and I can see why it’s a bit of a deterrent. It’s annoying that they don’t let you just change the birth certificate, considering how young she is. But still, I think it will be worth it. You built this baby, you delivered her into this world, and you should give yourself the gift of feeling proud of the name you gave her. You deserve to be happy. And I think ultimately she will benefit from hearing her mother speak her name with pride rather than with an inward cringe.

Good luck!! The Nameberry community will be here for you if you need any help with her new name (or ways to deal with her current one if you choose to keep it)!

4

If you feel the need to change it then I would. She will understand and it mostly likely won’t be a big deal to her.

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If it were a year or two years old I’d feel differently because there is evidence that it can harm the child from then. If I were you, and worried, I’d write a letter or make a video to show her when she’s older to explain why you’re changing her name and how her new name better suited her etc. Given her age, you don’t need it, it might seem overkill but if it helps her - and you - that’s great! My nephew had a name change after a few weeks and no one ever mentions it. He is now 11 and doesn’t care!

6

You sound like a very loving mother so I don’t think you need to worry about a negative impact on your daughter from changing her name so early on: from reading what you’ve written, I think you would be able to do it in a way that was not harmful to your baby at all–it’s so clear you have her best interests at heart. But I do think it’d be a hassle to do a legal name change given the legal process you describe in your state. I would worry that it might cause some irritating (but not insurmountable!) administrative issues in the future, as it sometimes does for people who change their names as adults. For example, the adults I know who’ve changed their names need to fill out the old name on many forms, have to show extra documents in getting IDs etc. But I don’t know if it’s easier to have it done so early–I’d look into that.

In my view, if there’s a way to change her name informally without legally changing it, that would be the easiest way out–like using her middle name if she has one that you do like, or coming up with a nickname, even if it’s not that closely related (I mean, it could be something that’s not even directly taken from her first name–that often happens with nicknames and when they “stick” people will use them like this Firstname “[name_u]Scout[/name_u]” Lastname, or F. “[name_u]Scout[/name_u]” Lastname if they really want to keep the first name under wraps).

But if the legal name change feels worth any possible inconveniences then I would just frame it positively: “we felt after you were born that your old name didn’t suit you and we really love the name we gave you” (the changed one, which is what she’ll know herself as). And a variation on that to family/friends. [name_m]Say[/name_m] you choose to change her name to [name_f]Rose[/name_f], “The more we got to know [name_f]Rose[/name_f], the more we realized OldName wasn’t right for her. We’re so glad to have found the right name for [name_f]Rose[/name_f]!” (message: [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is her name, it’s not up for debate!). I wouldn’t say anything negative about the old name, just that it wasn’t the right fit. And definitely don’t delete those precious videos! You could always keep the original name as a (second?) middle name, so that there’s more continuity.

Congratulations on your baby (2 months is such a precious age!). I’m sure you’ll get this all sorted out, and that your daughter’s identity and well-being will not be harmed in the process. Good luck! I’d love to know what you choose!

7

In response to PP, I’d like to clarify that a name change done at the OP child’s age will be irrelevant for things like (most) job/loan applications (since obviously a 2-month-old would not have any relevant records under their old name, which is different than when an adult changes their name and the old name would need to be supplied for reference/background/etc. checks).

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I think now is the time to move forward with the change while she is still so young. You are a wonderful parent to be so considerate about possible effects the change could have on your daughter, and as such a great mother I’m sure you will raise a lovely, well-adjusted daughter who if anything will find the whole situation funny and will also be grateful that you cared so much about her identity to make the effort to give her a name that truly suited her. [name_m]Will[/name_m] she be able to use the new name without the old one on her ID/license? Since that’s used so much more often than the birth certificate I think that would be much more important.

9

At worst it wouldn’t be any different than a maiden vs. married name when a woman changes her last name (so if you’ve changed your name because of marriage and your maiden name doesn’t appear then the OP’s daughter’s name wouldn’t either if changed). Like I said before if anything her original name would have less relevance in the adult world than a marriage name change since only her birth certificate (albeit with an amendment showing the new name too) and any other records she’d already have would be under the original name (and certainly none of her work/school/police/etc. history, which is why for example an employer would care about a former name).

10

Honest opinion? I’d wait a couple months. I think a lot of women have name regret as part of the postpartum hormonal madness, and if you’re going to go through the process to change it, let’s make sure it’s something you really really want to do. The name appealed to you at one point, maybe wait until a more steady state time in your life to decide? A couple more months here or there is not going to make or break your child or cause an identity crisis.

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11

I’d like to reach out and let you know I am going through the exact same thing. Hugs! I know how hard this can feel.

I, too, started to regret my daughter’s name at about 2 weeks and our backgrounds are very similar. The whirlwind into new motherhood had quieted down and reality set in a bit and I thought “omg, what the f*ck have we done”. I cried for 6 weeks straight I think. It feels like you’re trapped in a nightmare a bit, I know.

I’ve reached out and talked to many people for advice over these past 9 weeks since I started regretting it. The overwhelming response has been to change it, and most if not all people that have said they changed their baby’s name or knew someone who had said they felt an immense sense of relief afterwards. I know it seems like a huge deal that you are knee deep in it but it really isn’t.

Your daughter won’t feel any sort of identity crisis over it. My parents came very, very close to officially naming me [name_f]Branwen[/name_f] and it was a rather emotional decision 30 years ago. My mom mentioned she cried and cried over it- they had been set on the name but it stopped feeling right once I was born. They lived in the UK where they had several weeks to register and they left it up until the deadline. They named me [name_f]Tamara[/name_f], which was another favorite. We have a laugh over [name_f]Branwen[/name_f] now and both parents much prefer [name_f]Tamara[/name_f] and I do too. I don’t mind one bit that [name_f]Branwen[/name_f] was my name for the first 6 weeks of my life and it’s just a funny story. I definitely did not want my lovely mom to cry about my name. I am happy that she and my dad made a decision that made them happy- that’s all I care about. I would hate it if they kept their original choice and it grated them to this day- THAT would make me feel bad, not at all the fact that my parents changed it.

I think at this point if you still dislike the name, it’s not going away. Lots of people dismissed me and said I had PPD/PPA but it was incredibly frustrating to explain that everything else was going completely well except for my daughter’s name. I feel like these comments shook my confidence and made me unnecessarily second-guess myself, I should have just went ahead and changed it several weeks ago.

I will admit I struggle with feelings of guilt over this since I haven’t change it yet - but digging deep this is my lack of self-confidence and self-esteem talking because I feel silly that I made a mistake (when I shouldn’t). We obviously love our daughters very much and THAT is what makes a good mom, not what we name our children. I’m sure that in many years’ time your daughter would love to hear the story about how you loved her name so much you changed it.

I say don’t worry about the court stuff, just do it. I don’t want you to feel name regret years on.

If you Google “baby name regret” lots of threads will come up. [name_f]Kelcey[/name_f] Kintner of Mama [name_u]Bird[/name_u] Diaries did this when her daughter was 8 months old I believe and she is very happy with her decision. I actually reached out to her and she very graciously helped me to process some of this.

I’ll try to check Nameberry frequently but please reach out if you want to talk about this with me!

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[name_m]Hi[/name_m] @tiffy88 i love to talk with you about the same issue. Is there a way we talk? I am based in [name_u]California[/name_u] US.

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[name_m]Hi[/name_m], I just saw your reply to this topic in my email and wanted to say that I’d be happy to help if you have any questions on this. I am the original poster and ended up changing my baby’s name back in 2018 when she was 4 months old. I was so, so depressed over this issue, and in hindsight, I made way too big of a deal about it. She is her new name, and it fits perfectly. No regrets. Let me know if there are any specific questions that you have. I remember how alone and depressed I felt and would hate to leave anyone else in the same boat!

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Thanks so much for replying back!! I am exactly ehat you are describing. So so so desperate. I just dont feel comfortable chatting here. Is there a way we exchange private msgs here by any chance?

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I sent you a private message on here

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