Should I Change My Name?

I’ve never, ever been fond of my name in the slightest and while I don’t necessarily have any negative associations with it, I just really hate it and I very highly doubt it will ever grow on me. If I do decide to change my name it will most likely not be for at least 5 years (although I might do it sooner) and I am going to give this much more thought (even though I’ve been wanting to change it since I was very young, it’s more serious now because it will be legal for me to change it without parental consent in a year) and do a lot more research. My biggest worries are that I will regret it and the negative ramifications it might have on my relationship with my parents. I haven’t come across any name that suits me, really. There’s a few names I would love to be named, but they don’t fit me at all. Do you have an opinion on any of this?

Since you’re not looking to change your name immediately, that gives you plenty of time to ponder the issue and try out different name(s) to see how you like them.

As for your parents, obviously you know them better than we on the internet do and can more accurately gauge how they will react. Maybe start off by bringing the topic up in a lighthearted way, like asking if they had to pick out another name for you, what would they pick? If you don’t want to drop a bombshell on them all at once, it might be a good idea to ease them into the subject, that way they don’t feel so blindsided by (what seems to them) to be an impulse decision.

It seems like you’re giving yourself plenty of time to work out the details. Hopefully you’re able to find a name you love and suits you between now and then. Good luck!

This!

However, I’m all about being direct (just say you’re unsatisfied with your name and you have been feeling like this for quite a while :P).

Ideas:
Find out why your parents named you this.
If you were named after someone / something, you could keep that connection ([name_f]Marie[/name_f] after great-grandma [name_f]Mary[/name_f]? What about [name_f]Marigold[/name_f], [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f], [name_f]Marianna[/name_f], [name_f]Marilyn[/name_f]?).

Which name is more “important” (personal value) for your parents: your given name or your middle? Keep the more “important” one as a middle (or keep both!).

Ask your parents for suggestions (and know why they like such names).
Which names they had in my mind during the pregnancy? I’m [name_f]Lu[/name_f]ísa, but my parents also considered Júlia. You can see the similarities: 5 letters (4 of them shared), one graphic accent and, at the time, the same popularity level. Plus similar nicknames (but no need for one): [name_f]Lu[/name_f], [name_f]Lulu[/name_f], [name_m]Louie[/name_m]; Ju, Juju, [name_u]Julie[/name_u]. Maybe your parents choices were similar too ([name_f]Jessica[/name_f] and [name_f]Melissa[/name_f] etc).

Some people are lucky and have known what they want to rename themselves since the made such choice, others “look like” their same since birth. You and I don’t fit our names, though.
If I had to change my name, I would go with [name_f]Eva[/name_f] (pronounced like [name_u]Evan[/name_u] without the N in my country). Why? It’s easy to spell, I have never met anyone with the name, it’s not strange in my region, it doesn’t need a nickname [but I could be called [name_f]Evi[/name_f] or [name_f]Evita[/name_f] (which I love) if I desired] and it sounds PERFECT with my surname.
[name_f]Do[/name_f] I look like an [name_f]Eva[/name_f]? No. I probably look like an [name_f]Evi[/name_f] or like an [name_f]Evita[/name_f] when I dress up. But I love [name_f]Eva[/name_f] and, logically speaking, it fits anyone (not tied to a specific culture, social class or time period). So yeah, if I had to change my name I would pick [name_f]Eva[/name_f].
Why don’t I do it? I don’t hate my name like you do, I just don’t have any emotional attachment to it. I have already found the perfect way for people to call me: my surname.

Sincerely, I don’t think you’re going to regret changing your name.

More Tips:
Pick a name without nicknames/ short. This way you only need to adapt to one name and not one name and its nicknames.

Names easy to spell/ intuitive spelling (again, easier to adapt to).

Make the legal change before enrolling college/ working full-time / starting “adult life” (less burocracy).

Use timeless names. If don’t, don’t go with dated or trendy.

Good luck!

@vestigesofsummer & @lu_brasil thank you so much for your tips!

Anyone else have any advice, opinions, experiences, etc?

Well, I can speak from my own experience, because, I was planning on changing my own name until recently!

My name is [name_u]Haley[/name_u] [name_f]Alannah[/name_f]. [name_u]Haley[/name_u] as in [name_f]Hayley[/name_f] minus the first y and [name_f]Alannah[/name_f] as in [name_m]Al[/name_m]-on-nah. My parents chose it to be unique, and, in my small town, it was very unique indeed!

I think I first considered changing it at around 5-6 years old. By the time I was in kindergarten, I was beginning to learn that correcting my name was going to become a daily issue. Everyone would presume it was spelled [name_f]Hailey[/name_f] or [name_f]Hayley[/name_f], despite my spelling being the most popular the year I was born. I remember being in Grade 1 and playing around with different spellings of my name. I distinctly remember liking [name_f]Hayleigh[/name_f] and [name_f]Haylee[/name_f], lol. There was one problem though - most of my classmates had nicknames, and, there was a [name_f]Holly[/name_f] in my class, and we were often being confused for one another.

Shortly after this, I remember announcing to my mum that I was planning on telling my classmates and teacher to start calling me [name_f]Alannah[/name_f]. [name_f]Alannah[/name_f] has a lot of nickname options, and I was quite excited. However, it was shortlived, as six-year-olds are stubborn, and everyone pretty much refused to call me by my middle name. It also proved to be even more of a hassle to correct, as the typical pronunciation is [name_m]Al[/name_m]-ann-ah.

I spent the next 12 or so years disliking my name, and wishing I could change it. I often considered changing it to [name_f]Claire[/name_f] or [name_f]Rachel[/name_f], because I felt that they suit me, but I never had the guts to do so. I began college in a new town when I was 18, and there was no one I knew there, so I figured that I could test run a name change.

I tried going by [name_u]Haley[/name_u]-[name_f]Alannah[/name_f], which kind of caught on, but fizzled out pretty quickly, because it’s a mouthful. (I do write the little hyphen in all the time though. I like it better that way, and may change it to that when I get married next year).

I had one or two friends who would call me [name_u]Allie[/name_u] instead, which I really liked, but again, it died out pretty fast.

I attempted it a final time when I went back to high school at 19, but again, it never caught on.

Last year, when I began my Journalism studies, I thought long and hard about a pseudonym to write under, and about changing the spelling of my own name. I’ve considered changing it to [name_f]Hayley[/name_f], but then would come the problem of re-doing all the corrections I’ve done in the past 21 years. I’m starting to become “known” in the industry at this stage, through my school paper and different projects I’ve done, so it’d become difficult to change now.

I do kind of wish a nickname would catch on though. I may try giving [name_u]Allie[/name_u] another go.

So there’s my experience with name changes. My mum understood why I wanted to, and felt bad that my name caused me so many problems. When I suggested changing the spelling though, she was completely on board and actually helped me look at different ones I could go with.

I would do some research, look into your favourite names for yourself, compile a list, include anything important to you - meaning, popularity, etc. and try your best to include your family in your choice. They may not take the news of a name change well, but they might be a little less upset if they are involved in the process.

Edited for privacy

Chatelaine is pretty, and would go over well here, but I think that’s more because of a famous women’s magazine with the same name here. I definitely recommend including your mother, it made quite the difference when my mum was a part of it. The other names she was considering when I was born were [name_f]Olivia[/name_f], [name_f]Lillian[/name_f] and [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], which I’ve considered, but only [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f] seems to fit me. However, like you, I have [name_f]Lottie[/name_f] on my list, and it’s one of the few names S/O agrees with, so I would like to use it lol.

Have you considered [name_f]Felicity[/name_f] nn Lissy? or Fliss or Fizz?

[name_m]Feel[/name_m] free to PM me if you have any questions about it! I’ve familiarized myself with the paperwork process thanks to the many times I’ve almost gone through with it lol

Edited for privacy

So I told my mom that I want to change my name about 10 minutes ago and she was NOT happy! I don’t know why I didn’t say I’m thinking about changing my name, but for some reason I didn’t. She looked kind of hurt and she asked me why and I said because I don’t like my name and I’ve been wanting to change it since I was like two. She said that’s not true. It’s true that yes, two is an exaggeration, but I have wanted to change my name since I was very, very young. Probably more between 4-6. Then she told me well, you can’t change your name and I said, I can in two years, I mean one year. She looked so defeated and hurt. I quickly changed the subject after that. I really don’t know why I didn’t give more thought to how I wanted to tell her and why I wasn’t more tactful, but I, quite unfortunately, wasn’t.

I am sorry to hear it caused trouble with your mom. You were just being spontaneous when telling her -hope she’ll be more understanding after some time and after you explain more. For what it’s worth, I pronounce your name correctly at the first try. :smiley: Chatelaine is quite lovely, and very, very unique. Out of curiosity, do you go by any nicknames? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you like your middle name? It seems like your mom truly does love your name, so maybe consider keeping it in the middle if you do change your name?

I am not sure if I can speak from the experience here, as I do like my name. I have a “pseudo” I use often but so far I don’t plan to officially change it. My pseudo was started as… well, a pseudo (because my real name gets misspelled >80% of the time despite being the original anglicised spelling and I want a simpler name that’s still related to my real name), but over time it sticks because it feels so me and I answer to it automatically. So that’s my advice. Try it for at least several months and see if it feels like your name. Try to introduce yourself to strangers with that name. Try it often, even online.

[name_f]Felicity[/name_f] is a beautiful name. :slight_smile: I also like [name_f]Amelia[/name_f] and [name_f]Arabella[/name_f] for you from your list (not sure if you prefer names in your sig just for future kids or not though).

Edited for privacy

I legally changed my name when I was 19. [name_m]Just[/name_m] like you, there’s nothing technically wrong with my birth name, but I swear I hated it so much I cringed at every school roll call. I knew for a fact since I was very young that I would change my name and had gone through many phases as a little kid. Some short-lived, like [name_u]Raven[/name_u], and some went on for years, like [name_u]Dana[/name_u]. Eventually I actually changed it to a name that was fairly new in the idea of which to choose (had it on my list for probably 1 year, maybe a little less or a little more). I had a list of baby names for future daughters, and basically chose my #3 in order to save #1 and #2 for possible daughters. I am in LOOOOVE with my name. I like writing it down, listening to it, and have people know my name every chance I get. I literally admire my driver’s license etc. Seriously, you feel so good when you love your name vs when you’re insecure about it or hate it. My mom was supportive though and my dad isn’t in my life, to answer the parent part. You just need to let your parents know how this is a personal issue for you.

my birth name was Elva Ruth shudder, and my new name is Cassia Josephine.

@zmkimball Thank you for your reply! I’m the same way, for sure. If I do decide to change my name I will probably go with one that is further down on my list that I will probably not get to use, but I still love very much. It must be so amazing to love your name! I’m glad to hear that your mom was supportive. If you don’t mind me asking, how did you tell your mom that you wanted to change your name? [name_f]Cassia[/name_f] [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] is lovely, by the way :slight_smile:

well she knew my whole life lol. The earliest I remember was being 5 years old and talking all the time about how I wanted to change my name to [name_f]Lauren[/name_f] like my best friend. I think I demonstrated such an intense and consistent dislike for it throughout my entire childhood that it was no surprise when I finally said I’m gonna do it. She actually accompanied me to do all of the court paper work. You sound like you’ve had a similar dislike for a long time, but your mom is unaware, so I think that actually might be a reason for her to be a bit taken aback by suddenly saying “i’m thinking of changing my name”, if it was unexpected for her. Since you’re going to wait some time to possibly do it, I suggest you subtly get her used to knowing that you don’t like it.

@zmkimball Yeah, that’s the thing is I know I’ve told her that I don’t like my name and I planned on changing it when I was older, but she must not have thought that I would stick to it. I’m glad you’re mom was so supportive. I asked my mom to not be mad at me for wanting to change my name and she said it makes her sad. Hopefully she will come around, or at least feign being supportive. Thank you for your reply :slight_smile:

Any more advice or experiences?

I’m like [name_u]Haley[/name_u]–I almost went through with it. I grew up constantly hating my name, and I’ve wanted to change it for as long as I can remember. I was constantly vocal about it–somehow, [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] has grown on me in the past few years, so I mentioned that I didn’t hate my name one day at the dinner table, and my mom was FLOORED. She was like, “But you’ve always wanted to change it!!!”

lol.

My main issue is that I dislike the unisex nature of it. My uncle’s brother is named [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], nn [name_u]Lee[/name_u], and I don’t know, I’m fairly girly. I love wearing dresses and the color purple and romcoms and florals and laces and … I’m a total girl. I appreciate the Avengers as much as any other avid fan, but when it comes down to it, I’m much more girly than I am tomboy, and I feel like [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] holds me back in that regard. Sure, I can be girly and be named [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], but there’s always this voice in the back of my head, “[name_u]Ashley[/name_u]‘s a boys’ name. Uncle [name_m]Bruce[/name_m]'s brother is [name_u]Ashley[/name_u].” blah, blah, blah. Plus, [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] is so common and trendy for my age group, and [name_f]Marie[/name_f] is so filler (plus, I’ve always hated [name_f]Marie[/name_f] with a huge passion). I want something that feels feminine and fresh. But [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] has grown on me, so I feel like I really have no reason to change it, but I don’t really want to be [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], either.

And like you, none of the names I’ve tried have seemed to fit me like [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] does.

I have a short list of names I still consider for myself–like unexpected nicknames that only work on a stretch (like [name_f]Lise[/name_f]/Liesey, [name_f]Lena[/name_f], or [name_f]Lela[/name_f]–[name_u]LEE[/name_u]-lah), and other names that seem to almost suit me, like [name_f]Aurora[/name_f], [name_f]Annabel[/name_f], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], or [name_f]Lydia[/name_f]. I’ve started thinking lately that something feminine and classic, but short and sweet (like [name_f]Claire[/name_f] or [name_f]Grace[/name_f]) might suit me better than the more elaborate [name_f]Aurora[/name_f]. [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] is my top choice for me right now, though. Though I won’t change my name legally, I might decide to go by a name that’s not my legal one, like [name_f]Aurora[/name_f], if I can ever make up my mind. I think my mom would get it. She knew I hated [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] for so long. My sisters hate that I want to go by anything but [name_u]Ashley[/name_u], though.

Plus, I really want to do international mission work/start a nonprofit that works internationally to encourage people all over the world, and I feel like with that, you need a name that isn’t just going to work in the US, but also the UK, Germany, [name_u]Sweden[/name_u], [name_f]Italy[/name_f], [name_u]Brazil[/name_u], Thailand, or South [name_f]Africa[/name_f]. I’m not sure [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] really does that. I’d thought to work with [name_f]Marie[/name_f], and just use whichever form of [name_f]Mary[/name_f] is the most popular in each country–like [name_f]Marie[/name_f] in [name_f]France[/name_f], [name_f]Maja[/name_f] in Scandinavia, [name_f]Maria[/name_f] in [name_f]Italy[/name_f] and [name_u]Brazil[/name_u], [name_f]Majken[/name_f] in the Netherlands, [name_f]Mariam[/name_f] in Armenia, etc., but I don’t feel like ANY of those names suit me, haha! I think Liesey (especially with [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] + the “S” in my surname) or [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] suit me really well and work pretty well internationally, but, at this point, I don’t plan to change my name legally. In addition to my nonprofit pipedream, I also want to be a [name_m]Christian[/name_m] novelist, and plan to use a pseudonym there. At this point it’ll probably be [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] something or other. Maybe [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] [name_m]Drury[/name_m], although that’s a lot of "R"s (although, admittedly, better with [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] than my own surname).

I just kept trying names until I found one that suited. Some names would stick for a bit, then it would be clear that it was really not the name for me.

If I did change it, I’m thinking I’d probably be [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] or [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f]. [name_f]Grace[/name_f] was my grandma’s middle, and I really miss her, and I miss not getting a family name like my other siblings. [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] was my parents runner-up for me, and I like it a lot.

Good luck!

I’ve always thought your name is a big part of who are. I think your name (first, middles and last) should be like your whole self in a nutshell, you should be able to feel like yourself in your name and you should identify yourself with it. I think names are to a person like a title is to a book. The right one makes everything much better.
I think my name fits me prefectly, so much so that even though I have no relationship with my father I’d never change my surname, not even if I married (though women keep their surnames where I live). I just think of it as my and my sister’s surname, not his.
If you don’t feel like your name fits you I think you should change it. Of course, you should think long and hard about it because it’s really a hussle to change your name and, being as important as they are, you don’t want to regret your choice. You clearly have that covered though
I can see why your mom might not be on board with this. Parents usually think long and hard about what to name their kids and seeing them hate it is probably a hard blow for them. But they also usually want to see their kids happy and if changing your name will make you feel better I’m sure your mom will come around. Talk to her, help understand and give her time. I’d my bottom dollar the she will support you once she truly sees how important this is for you. I do think you should make her part of the decision.
As for experience in name change, I know that where I live ([name_f]Argentina[/name_f]) you need to have very strong, pertinent reasons to change your name. Think bullying, transition, difficult name, etc. My mom, fos instance, changed her name (she added her mother’s surname after her father’s) because she had a classmate at college with the exact same name and it was a mess. Her brother had to change it because he had the exact same name as a robber and they put him in jail for a few days as a mistake.
I know that if I ever want to make it internationally, I’d have to change my name or at least use a pseudonym. Neither my first, nor my middle or my surname work in countries that don’t speak Spanish. Hell, sometimes they don’t even work in countries where they do- my first is only five letters long and I can’t count all the times people have messed it up. It’d be hard for me to do that (change my name, that is) though, because I really feel like me name suits me and I haven’t found anything else that does.

Sorry, this was a bit all over the place. I hope that at least some part of this rambly mess helps you. As I’ve said before, best of luck finding your own name- and I hope your mom understands!

@ashthedreamer I don’t personally see [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] as a boys name, but since you have an uncle named that I can definitely understand why you do and always have. [name_u]Ashley[/name_u] is a very, or at least used to be, a very popular name and I obviously, completely understand feeling like your name doesn’t fit you. I don’t hate my name as much as I used to and for a while decided I wasn’t going to change it, but I’m not so sure now. [name_f]Lena[/name_f], [name_f]Aurora[/name_f], [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], and [name_f]Lydia[/name_f] are all lovely names! I think a shorter name would fit me better, too, but I just prefer long, frilly names for myself, even though I’m not particularly frilly or anything. I am more of a girly-girl than a tomboy, but I’m not really either. I love [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] and it’s one of the names I’ve been considering for myself. That’s strange about your sisters. That’s lovely you want to start a nonprofit :slight_smile: [name_f]Mary[/name_f] and [name_f]Marie[/name_f] are both nice names, but [name_f]Marie[/name_f] I more like because of The Aristocats, silly I know. Trying out different names will definitely be something I will be doing as well. [name_f]Aurora[/name_f] [name_f]Alexandra[/name_f] [name_f]Grace[/name_f] is very nice. I’m so sorry about your grandma! My grandmother died in [name_f]May[/name_f] last year, but we weren’t close. That’s kind of strange all of your sisters got family names and you didn’t. I’m not close with any of my family members except for my parents, so I don’t have any family names to choose from. Thank you again, and good luck! :slight_smile: