[name]Hi[/name] All,
I am going to take a leap of faith by posting here to see if you may be able to share some insight. I have become consumed by an ongoing naming dilemma that is very near to my heart.
My daughter is 2.5 years old. We gave her a name at birth that we thought was cool and sounded pretty on a girl. The name is traditionally a boy”s name. I had it picked out for years before I was even pregnant and decided I would use it for a girl or a boy. We gave her a feminine middle name to balance it out, which is [name]Eliana[/name] (pronounced [name]Elly[/name]-[name]Anna[/name]). I just love this MN but I recognize that it is very feminine. It was a suggestion by my father during my last trimester and is a namesake for a distant cousin in Europe.
I don”t think I was prepared for how much it would rattle me every time my daughter is confused for a boy because of her name (sorry, I don”t want to give away her FN here since I would prefer not hear comments from those who object to the name). [name]Ever[/name] since she was a few months old, I have contemplated using her MN, [name]Eliana[/name], as her first, but I have never been able to get behind it completely.
It is impossible for me to know if she might like having a ”boy” name as she gets older or if she would prefer not to stand out in a crowd. Or might her FN make her more interesting or popular? We often use her first and middle name back to back at home, so I feel that I could transition to her MN without any identity issues, even though it will take a lot of transition time.
There are so many points of view that make this issue complex for me. I do love her FN when I see it through my lense, but the trouble is, I am now saddled with the filters of other people who see it as ”all boy” and don”t view it in the manner that I do for a girl. Probably adding to my confusion is the fact that [name]Eliana[/name] is so feminine. I know that [name]Ellie[/name] would become a nickname and I”m good with that - it”s cute and she would have a more formal name to stand behind. BUT, I just don”t know if [name]Ellie[/name] has that same soul as her FN.
Has anybody ever struggled with similar issues? What considerations might I be overlooking? Does the temptation to change your child”s name ever go away? Thanks for any kind insight you can provide.
That is a tough one. I feel like that if I knew what her first name was I could make a more informed opinion. Is her name only used on boys? or are there girls with the name also? Is it something traditional like [name]Elliot[/name], or something trendy like [name]Mason[/name]?
Since she is 2 1/2 maybe you should ask her if she would like to be called [name]Eliana[/name]. If she were younger I would say there would be no problem changing her name, but seeing as she is older and already knows her name it may be confusing, not only for her but for everyone else who knows her by her fn. I think you will have a harder time explaining the switch to everyone else then you will to her.
Does her fn have any potential nns that may be more feminine?
[name]Just[/name] a quick comment… I know girls with the following names and they love them:
Lyles
[name]Spencer[/name]
[name]Lucas[/name]
[name]Elliott[/name] was high on our list but I didn’t have the guts (among a couple of other reasons) to use it for our daughter. If you love the name and you think she will too, I say then there’s your answer!
I really can’t answer your question without knowing your daughter’s first name. [name]Eliana[/name] nn [name]Ellie[/name] or [name]Ella[/name] is very pretty. I know a little [name]Eliana[/name].
Are there any possible nicknames for your daughters name? It’s hard to give solid advice without knowing what her name is. [name]Elianna[/name] is a beautiful name and if you can make the transition easily, then go for it. I know a woman named [name]Janna[/name], which is a mashup between [name]Jennifer[/name] and [name]Anna[/name] (her fn and mn). Her parents named her [name]Jennifer[/name] without realizing it’s popularity in the early ninties and in her childhood she started going by [name]Janna[/name] to avoid confusion. She transitioned fine. This is a different scenario, but it might be a similar situation.
I also do know women with masculine names who are fine with them. I know a girl my age (19) with the name [name]Kyle[/name]. She is very feminine and likes her name a lot. I also know females named [name]Ryan[/name], [name]Dylan[/name], [name]Markie[/name], [name]Micah[/name], and [name]Daryl[/name] and they’ve all kept their names and done fine.
I think it depends on the reason for making the change. Are you doing it because other people don’t like that you’ve used a traditionally masculine name for a girl? Or are you doing it because it bothers you that people mistake her for a boy at first? You love her name. You loved it for a long time before you were pregnant, and while you were pregnant, and when you met her for the first time.
Without knowing any more details, I would say call her what you named her (no need to transition to the MN), although I second pp’s idea of a nickname for the first name that might be a little bit more feminine as an option.
Hm… tricky, and difficult to assess fully without knowing your daughter’s name.
I think a pp suggestion of finding a feminine nickname for her first name might work better than switching to her middle name alone.
We’d be glad to give suggestions if you want to let us know her name. (I don’t believe any Nameberries will give you a hard time. That’s part of the policy here: once a baby is named, we love the name no matter what.)
You said at home you call her both by her first and middle name – would it be plausible to transition to using that publicly?
I feel like since she’s 2 and a half already, taking away her first name entirely might not be the best idea.
As long as you love her first name, I also don’t see any reason to change it. Try to let people’s comments roll off your shoulders. My guess is that as she gets older and gender differences solidify more, less people will confuse her for a boy.
I’m sorry you’re having so much grief over your name choice! But, you loved the name - and still do? - at one point, and I don’t know if you just want to throw that away. [name]Eliana[/name] is a very pretty name, but if it doesn’t feel right to you, and you think your daughter is more her first name, then don’t let the masses get you down!
I thought the suggestion of asking your daughter what she wants to be called was a good one - at the same time, it is a bit cognitively advanced for a child of her age to do so. However, she is starting to form her identity, and maybe that centers around her name. [name]How[/name] does she identify herself in person or in pictures? At the end of the day, maybe she likes her name - and maybe you do, too - and it really isn’t worth getting upset about what other people think.
A lot of girls have “boy” names nowadays, but people are still going to be curious about the gender of your child. It is simply a fact of life! We use names and defining gender features to classify and organize people - I’m sure you understand this. I’m not saying you brought this on yourself by choosing an androgynous name for your child, but people will get used to it, you will get used to it, and your daughter will get used to it!
I can’t say what you should do in this situation. If it were me, I wouldn’t let people get me down if I truly loved a name. But, if you don’t love it, and she is more an [name]Eliana[/name] to you, call her that. Good luck!
Another option (I don’t know if it’s a good one) is to change her first name to the female equivalent to the first name. For example if her name is [name]Charles[/name] you could change her name to [name]Charlotte[/name], but still keep the nn [name]Charlie[/name], so it wouldn’t be confusing to her.
Without knowing the name, I would say stick with her first name, especially if it suits her. You can definitely ask her, 2 and a half year olds - as Im more than sure you know - have a very good sense of who they are and what they like and don’t like. I am not suggesting you ONLY consider her answer, but if it is strongly positive for her name I would take that as a good sign.
And just in case this puts your mind at rest, I know quite a few girls with ‘boy’ names including [name]Kyle[/name], [name]Dylan[/name], [name]Oliver[/name], and [name]George[/name]. All are completely well-adjusted, and while they have been mistaken for boys on paper, the same cannot be said for personal interactions (as far as I know)
I didnt have time right now to read through everyones comments, and this has nothing to do with her name being traditionally a boys name. When my little sister was born they called her by her first name [name]Carmen[/name], but when she was a toddler she went by her middle name [name]Ashley[/name]. She decided all on her own after starting kindergarten that she wanted to go back to her first name [name]Carmen[/name]. Your daughter may have similar opinions at a young age (especially once she starts school). But being called by her middle for those years did not have a negative effect on my sister at all I know its not exactly the same as your situation, but both names belong to your daughter so going by one or the other or both at different times in her life really wont be a big deal.
Thanks everybody. I am starting to feel a bit more relaxed. This forum seems like a really supportive community.
Ok”you got me. My daughter”s name is [name]Jasper[/name]. I chose it because of the reference to a gemstone and the national park here in [name]Canada[/name]. I don”t think this would be such a dilemma for me if it weren”t for the rising popularity of the name on the boys chart (probably due to the Twilight series). This is something I didn”t anticipate almost 10 years ago when it was 600-700 on the chart. Many people my age had never even heard of the name for a boy.
You all have good points to share and I am comforted to hear of girls that are happy with their ”boyish” name. To answer the question, is she an [name]Eliana[/name] or a [name]Jasper[/name], well, believe it or not, it can depend on the day and even what she is wearing! She wore the cutest denim skirt and striking blue top last week to a dance, and she was definitely a trendy little [name]Jasper[/name] girl. Yesterday she wore a sweet summer dress and I had to bit my tongue because all that wanted to come out was ”[name]Eliana[/name]”.
[name]Jasper[/name] [name]Eliana[/name] is a very pretty name. Perhaps a more feminine sounding nn would ease the situation.
[name]Jas[/name] (pronounced like Jass - with a soft S instead of a more Z like sound) definately makes it seem more feminine to me. She always has the option of flipping her names when she’s older if it really does bother but. Personally I do like boyish names on girls and [name]Jasper[/name] isn’t the most masculine sounding nmae like say [name]Bruce[/name] or something.
First of all, can I just say how much I love the name [name]Jasper[/name] - especially given the meaning it has for you. I’m from [name]Alberta[/name], so as soon as I read “[name]Jasper[/name]” I thought of the beauty of the Rockies…what a fabulous image for a child
On a purely aesthetic note, [name]Jasper[/name] is reminiscent of [name]Juniper[/name] or [name]Jasmine[/name], so I can see its feminine side. I second pp’s suggestion of [name]Jas[/name] (also familiar from the movie “Bend it Like [name]Beckham[/name]”, as a nn for Jasminder).
I think the one thing we are not prepared for as new parents is the gap between the image of the name in our minds and the reaction it receives by others. I’ve been on the receiving end of this with my own daughter’s name ([name]Sorcha[/name]), who has been called everything from “Sorsha” to “[name]Zora[/name]” (and even “Zorka”!). But I think you just have to remember the love and the history and the intentions behind your choice, and know that it’s a gift to your child.
[name]Even[/name] if you feel you should compromise in certain situations, perhaps by using a nickname or her middle name with certain people, it doesn’t make her name any less “right” for her. In fact, I often include the history of my daughter’s name when I introduce her: “This is [name]Sorcha[/name]. It’s an Irish name that means clarity”. And that seems to make it easier for people to get a handle on So maybe that’s an option for you “This is my daughter [name]Jasper[/name] - it’s a special place to me in [name]Canada[/name]”, or “It’s a gemstone that has significance for me”.
I didn’t reply initially b/c I was thinking it was a much more manly name than [name]Jasper[/name]. IME children are called by many pet names which doesn’t seem to confuse them so if I were you I’d keep calling her by both her fn, her mn, and nicknames derived from these names. Give her some more time to grow into a name. Also if it makes you feel better even though I’ve gotten no negative reactions to my 2 year old’s name I still wonder if I should have gone with a different name. Mommy guilt - isn’t it wonderful?
[name]Jasper[/name]? It’s one I’ve never thought of for a girl, but I actually think it has a feminine sound to it, for sure! I’ve had a hard time coming around to [name]Jasper[/name] as a boy’s name, myself, and your little [name]Jasper[/name] [name]Eliana[/name] is making me see it in a whole new light for a girl! [name]Way[/name] to be ahead of the naming curve, mommy!
I empathize with your problem about both [name]Jasper[/name] and [name]Eliana[/name] fitting your little girl - I bet it is tough to not call her [name]Eliana[/name] on the days that it just “works,” right? Have you considered calling her [name]Jasper[/name] [name]Eliana[/name], just to see how it goes?
In any case, I think it is pretty cool, and I think her fun personality definitely makes her a jazzy little girl! Speaking of, I think if she were mine, she’d end up being called [name]Jaz[/name] (or [name]Jazz[/name]) - seems like her, from the little description you provided! If not, she could be a [name]Peri[/name], if you are looking for a nickname. A perfect balance between trendy and sweet, I think…
Good luck! [name]Hope[/name] you and Miss [name]Jasper[/name] [name]Eliana[/name] have a brilliant day!
If she were my own daughter, I would call her [name]Eliana[/name] nn [name]Ellie[/name].
But if she were the daughter of someone that I knew, I could see her as [name]Jasper[/name] or as [name]Eliana[/name]. I think I would prefer [name]Eliana[/name], but that’s just me.
With the whole Twilight effect, [name]Jasper[/name] is increasingly becoming more of a female name. I would stick to it where she feels good about her name and in her own skin! And [name]Jazz[/name] is a cute unisex name too.
I love [name]Elaina[/name] (a little different, but still… great choice for middle name!)
[name]Jasper[/name] is far from the most masculine name in the world!
The fact that it’s a precious stone really gives it a feminine edge if you ask me
Plus the Jass (or cooler, [name]Jazz[/name]) nickname makes it no less feminine than [name]Rose[/name].
[name]Perry[/name] could also be a nickname. It’s a GP of mine for a girl, and I think that if [name]Terry[/name] can be a well-used nickname for [name]Teresa[/name], [name]Perry[/name] would make a good one for your girl ^^ The [name]Perry[/name] opportunity actually makes me like [name]Jasper[/name] more, even though I usually steer away from J names! I considered [name]Perry[/name] as a nickname for [name]Persephone[/name] once, but quickly remembered [name]Posy[/name] so it kind of drifted away from me
You could also nickname her [name]Pepper[/name] which I always thought was awesome! (I’m going a bit overboard here, but I fear I’m on a roll…)
As for [name]Eliana[/name], it’s a nice name, but I always thought it was just a tad bit too soft and dull. Rounded and nice, nothing poking out at you to give it some edge or personality. (I’m not saying it’s without personality, but [name]Oliana[/name]/[name]Oleana[/name] would have more if you see what I mean) It’s the same with a lot of names like [name]Amelia[/name], [name]Amanda[/name], [name]Ellen[/name], [name]Mia[/name], [name]Natalie[/name] and such. I think a combination of kosher vowels (A, I and E) along with soft sounding, common consonants (D, L, M, N, T) makes for blander and less memorable name. Of course, the names have to be commonly heard as well, no one can say [name]Amadea[/name], [name]Manon[/name], [name]Imelda[/name] or [name]Timea[/name] are forgettable names, even [name]Amalia[/name] stands out even though she’s as close to [name]Amelia[/name] as it gets!
(I’m officially ranting)
What I’m trying to say is that [name]Jasper[/name] has more personality than [name]Eliana[/name], and I would rather be a girl [name]Jasper[/name] than a girl [name]Eliana[/name], BUT I really appreciate the feminine, kosher quality of [name]Eliana[/name] to specify the gender and ‘ground’ high-flying [name]Jasper[/name]. ^^
All in all I have to applaud your good choice of combo!
You did well, and I’m quite sure your daughter thinks so as well!
I also have to say that no matter what the papers say, she will be called exactly what she wants to be called! I know since I was the most annoying three year old ever when I insisted on being called ‘[name]Princess[/name] Sleeping Beauty’ for three months on end, and wouldn’t answer to ANYTHING else! [name]Even[/name] if they just left out the princess part I would just ignore them!
