I have been in love with the name [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] forever! We would plan on using the nickname [name_f]Cece[/name_f]. However, my husband’s parents think we shouldn’t use the name since it might offend his grandmother.
[name_u]Story[/name_u] is my husband grandparents had gotten divorced and his grandfather remarried a women who went by [name_f]Celia[/name_f]. (She has since passed). Everyone knew her as [name_f]Celia[/name_f]! We even asked my father in-law if this was her full name and he said it was. Only recently have we found out that her full name was actually [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f]. Since learning this my in-laws say we shouldn’t use they name.
We have been looking at different names for months now and cannot find anything we like or agree on like we do with [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f]. Would it be terrible to ignore my in-laws wishes? Or can we feel okay going with it? I feel because no one knew her as [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f], they only knew her as [name_f]Celia[/name_f] it would be fine, but I’m not sure if this is my clouded judgement.
Oh umm… Tough situation. I really don’t know. Maybe you could find an alternative spelling? Idk. I guess it could be fine if she went by [name_f]Cece[/name_f]. [name_f]Cecily[/name_f] is cool too!
I think you’re fine. Has anyone asked your husband’s grandmother how she feels? If you’re worried about offending her, I would ask her directly instead of talking to your in-laws. Maybe there is a way to honor your husband’s grandmother in the name, too, like through a middle name?
So this may be a controversial opinion, but I always think of it this way.
If I were to wait until the birth to tell everyone the name, they’d just have to deal with it- regardless of any unknown or known negative associations, because there’s a real living and breathing child in front of them with that name. They’ll just have to accept it or use a nickname. So its no different if they know the name beforehand in the grand scheme.
I say go with it. The connection is not particularly nice for the grandmother, however this is your child and Im sure once she sees the baby anything negative will no longer matter.
I would ask your husband’s grandmother (or have your in-laws ask her) if naming the baby [name_f]Cecelia[/name_f] would bother her. If it does (and I can see why it would), then I would find something else. If she’s fine with it, then go ahead and use it.
When it’s just a case of in-laws not caring for a name then I’m always team use it anyway but in this case, there is a legit reason for them to have a problem with it.
I think that it’s best to ask grandmother’s opinion on the issue directly. And if there’s no issue for her - use it.
[name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] is a lovely name.
I think the fact that you’re asking the question indicates that you are not comfortable using the name if it will upset the grandmother - this situation can be handled differently depending on the relationship you have with and the kind of person you are so I think we should focus on how YOU feel and what can be done in your shoes.
The grandmother is the only one who can tell you if this will upset her. The safest bet is probably to tell her you plan on calling the baby [name_f]Cece[/name_f] and see if she can handle that. If she doesn’t then ask/guess if the full name is [name_f]Cecelia[/name_f], then if you’re comfortable keeping it from her, I would say she doesn’t necessarily need to know [name_f]Cecelia[/name_f] will be on the birth certificate.
When close friends of mine announced their daughter on social media, they only presented her given nickname ([name_u]Penny[/name_u]) which is what everyone calls her. Only through chatting with them in person did we learn her full name is [name_f]Penelope[/name_f]. I still don’t know her middle name. So this is an example of how you can control the details that get out there. Anyone that you tell the full name to you can also tell to only use her preferred name/nickname in front of the grandmother so as to not upset her.
Well, my first thought is: yes, use it if it’s what you feel you should name your daughter. She’s yours and only yours, so only you and your husband should have a say on her name.
I can understand that your husband family can feel a bit awkward about the name, but:
No one called his grandfather’s wife [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f].
It’s your husband’s parents not his grandmother who think you shouldn’t use the name, what does his grandmother say? Furthermore, I’m sure the love for a granddaughter/great-granddaughter is bigger than the hate/dislike for a name.
You already have your heart set on [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f]. [name_m]Don[/name_m]’t you think you would regret not using this name in a future?
In fact, you’re talking about your husband’s grandfather. I find a bit strange not wanted to used [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] because it was his wife’s name. It’s like saying: well, we don’t approve your second marriage, sorry. And this is a coincidence, you’re not naming your daughter after her, it just happened to be the same name.
I would use it! You said it yourself, she went by [name_f]Celia[/name_f] and you didn’t know [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] was her full name until a little bit ago. Another option is [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f], which has a similar sound and a prettier meaning (no offense, but it’s [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] “blind” vs [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f] “heart of the sea”). You might not like [name_f]Cordelia[/name_f], that’s ok. It was just a suggestion.
Maybe talk to grandmother and see if her answer sways you one way or the other?
I’m usually not a fan of sharing the name beforehand or allowing other negativity to cloud a name you like but since the scenario has presented itself it’s best to deal with it head on now rather then have name regret later. If after talking to grandmother your comfortable with the name I say go for it others will get used to it in due time.
Cece could be a nickname for so many other names. I’m not saying don’t use [name_f]Cecelia[/name_f], but I am saying that if you control what info goes out, many people won’t know what [name_f]Cece[/name_f] is short for.
Also, is his grandfather the only person in his family to have ever gotten a divorce? Are any other names from divorced couples off limits? If not, this is hypocritical. Also, while this may protect your in-laws from being uncomfortable, has anyone actually asked his grandmother what she thinks? How uncomfortable is his grandfather going to be knowing that A) you didn’t use a name you love because your in-laws weren’t comfortable with it and B) his second marriage isn’t being recognized by the family even after his wife has passed away?
I would honestly sit down with each of your husband’s grandparents separately and ask these questions instead of going off of what your in-laws are saying. If they were to ask his grandmother, how likely is their judgement of the name going to cloud the dialogue as go-betweens for you as a couple and his grandmother?
Hmm I personally wouldn’t use it. Sounds like there is a lot of pain attached to the name in your husband’s family. There are so many other wonderful names to choose from! Maybe…
I would ask the grandmother. She might not care the way others think she will and if she does then you can better make a decision based on how she reacted. Like others have pointed out, there are many names that offer [name_f]Cece[/name_f] as a nickname if it ends up feeling too weird to use, but I don’t think there’s need to worry until you hear it from her.
I would speak to the Grandmother see how she feels about [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f] advise that you love the name and see how she feels about you using [name_f]Cecilia[/name_f].
Just wanted to second @diamondestiny’s suggestion of [name_f]Cecily[/name_f]. Very close to [name_f]Cecelia[/name_f] and gets you the [name_f]Cece[/name_f] nickname.
