I think I should change my name to anxietyhoarder…
So, this weekend there is a big church gathering. A lot of friends and random acquaintances will be going. H and I were planning to go, but I’m feeling a crazy anxiety over everybody seeing my bump (it’s pretty big for 11 weeks). I almost want to skip it because I’m not ready for EVERYBODY to know. My husband, family, and BFF think I’m nuts. It’s a combination of still being afraid of miscarriage and not being ready for my pregnancy to become public property in our extended community. I also have this culturally-based fear of the evil eye, that I don’t want people’s negative vibes affecting my pregnancy.
I know I will have to go to a public event sooner than later and I really want to attend this one. Does anyone have any advice or encouragement? Has anyone else felt this way?
I completely understand your nerves, I didn’t share the news with my immediate family/closest friends until 12 weeks, anyone else until 16. Actually, many of my colleagues still don’t know and I’m almost 20 wks! Whatever makes you feel comfortable.
Are you showing enough that its impossible to hide? I feel like I’m huge, but people I don’t see everyday really don’t notice. Depending on the people you’re around, someone might suspect but saying anything would be a risky move! [name]Just[/name] let them wonder for now.
[name]Winter[/name] helps! Baggy top with fitted cardigan or jacket over it does a decent job of hiding, I wear a lot of long scarves to camouflage! Big jewelry also works.
Hmm… I understand that you don’t want everyone to know. I lucked out and didn’t show for a very long time, my sister was like you though. She showed the second she got pregnant. Almost.
My advice: Hide under ponchos and capes! That has to be why they were invented right? Control top tights, big flowing dresses. Big jewelry (necklaces or earrings). Maybe not so churchy though… Seriously, wedge shoes, loose dress and thick poncho.
Wear a loose, flowy shirt if it makes you feel better and if anyone asks just gasp and ask, “[name]Do[/name] I look pregnant?!” They usually back off after that. I can understand wanting to keep it secret until you’re past your first trimester (this is something my husband and I are doing for the most part) but why do you think people would give you the evil eye? Pregnancy is a beautiful experience and should not be looked down upon. Unless I’m gravely mistaken, I would guess that the vast majority of people will be happy for you and your husband.
Find something to wear that gives you room to move and feel comfortable, but not quite an all out cape, like ‘I’m hiding something!’ A lot of it will also be the confidence you can pull off - try to behave as normal, not tug at your top or take constant peeks at your bump to see how it’s doing. The more confident you are in ‘everything is normal’ no one should have any reason to ask or approach you.
In general, I think people should really mind their own business.
Most people have a healthy fear of offending women via mistaken pregnancies. I myself don’t assume anything unless I see a small head emerging from a vagina. 11 weeks is still very early; your uterus is still grapefruit sized. You can easily conceal it until you make it to the point you feel comfortable sharing. [For me that wasn’t until after the anatomy scan, so 20 weeks.]
I married into a Middle Eastern family who still very much believe in the evil eye, though they’re kind of ashamed that they do. I always catch them surreptitiously fastening a bit of blue onto my son. Luckily that made it even easier not to speak about the pregnancy much, even though they knew very early. Is this church function you’re attending something within your own culture? If so, wouldn’t many people share that belief and keep mum?
11 weeks is still very early; your uterus is still grapefruit sized. You can easily conceal it until you make it to the point you feel comfortable sharing. [For me that wasn’t until after the anatomy scan, so 20 weeks.]