So Frustrated and Confused

Girl Names
1

So, if I wasn’t second guessing myself before…

Now I am definitely confused!

I keep being told that names like [name_f]Millie[/name_f] are too cute, but [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is a nice alternative for [name_f]Rosie[/name_f] (I dislike [name_f]Rose[/name_f] on its own though - it feels very bland to me. I figured that, if [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is stronger, then [name_f]Millie[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f] should be better than just plain [name_f]Millie[/name_f], because it provides options that everyone seems to want, and it has one cute name, one with more backbone and history. So, I get some feedback on it - only to find out it’s even cutesier!

So, question time:

a) If [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is so lovely and a wonderful alternative to [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], why is it cutesy when paired with [name_f]Millie[/name_f]? (Honestly don’t understand that, so just looking for clarification).

b) Should I basically throw out every name on my favourites list because they don’t seem up to standard with Nameberry tastes, and therefore won’t work in the real world (unless I’m lucky enough to move to the UK, where all of these are perfectly acceptable names)?

c) I’m not really one for using a name I dislike just to get to the nickname I like - why couldn’t I use [name_f]Gracie[/name_f] or [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], and then she could go by [name_f]Grace[/name_f] or [name_f]Rose[/name_f] if she wanted to? It’s dropping one letter, or I could name her the name I don’t like and add two to it for a nickname? I’m confused on this.

d) I’m torn because some people are saying cutesy names are fine and it’s my style so I should stand by it - but a larger number are telling me that the names I like are (mostly) only good for one thing - nicknames.

[name_m]Just[/name_m] when I thought I had my list - LOL.

Help with clarification on these/confidence boosters please?

2

I’ve said this before, but I think your list is lovely.

This isn’t malicious so don’t take it the wrong way because I’ve been there too; I think you’re possibly too set on having your names validated. And when people give negative opinions on your favourites (this IS to do with Nameberry in general having something against shorter or cuter names), of course you get upset and seek even more validation so ask for even more opinions and its sort of a vicious cycle.

I very rarely ask people’s opinions of my list on here anymore because I’m worried that other people’s negative opinions will put me off names I love. My current top runner is [name_f]Bibi[/name_f] [name_f]Annabella[/name_f] - ridiculously cutesy by Nameberry’s standards, paired with something overtly frilly. I know the majority will dislike it, but it has a significance to me which I don’t want to be spoilt so I don’t even ask.

But if you really do want people to carry on discussing your list, I think you have to toughen up a bit too. Obviously don’t tolerate outright rudeness, but try to understand that when you ask for opinions some of them are going to be negative, but they’re not often meant personally.

Obviously you have your own taste, like everyone does, and that’s fine. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because it’s not [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] and [name_f]Josephine[/name_f] doesn’t make it bad. Have confidence in the names you like!

3

Perhaps it’s more about double-barrelled names in general? I usually respond to such names with a feeling of, “Oh, they’re trying to be unique or clever” or “They want everyone to think their child is special”. Pretty much, I respond to them as though they are made-up - which irks me because “there are plenty of perfectly good names out there already!”

Let me say, I [name_m]FEEL[/name_m] BAD ABOUT REACTING LIKE THIS! I think it’s rather closed-minded of me. I can understand why people combine names: they often sound nice together! Maybe they just really loved both names and couldn’t decide, or it’s a tribute to someone important to them.

People often do it for girls, I’ve found, more so than for boys. And they usually put two very “pretty” names together - and the result is that the name sounds too pretty (by my subjective standard). My prejudice then tells me, “They want everyone to think of their daughter as pretty/beautiful/special”. I realise just how cynical and judgemental that sounds!! I guess it stems from childhood jealousy about not being the pretty one, or the one with a non-special or non-pretty name.

ANYWAY, that’s me being honest about it (perhaps I should be saving it for therapy!!).

People are often inclined to give their daughters pretty names, and double-barrelled names often give off a pretty vibe (for instance, you’d rarely find someone putting two more unisex/masculine names together, like [name_u]Sawyer[/name_u]-[name_u]London[/name_u]…!). My feeling about why people often see them as “cutesy” is that it’s somehow easier to see such names on small girls than on grown women - and I do think that many people name their children with childhood in mind, rather than the life ahead of them.

4

a) If [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is so lovely and a wonderful alternative to [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], why is it cutesy when paired with [name_f]Millie[/name_f]? (Honestly don’t understand that, so just looking for clarification).

[name_f]Rose[/name_f] is lovely and simple yet strong with R beginning. [name_f]Millie[/name_f] is soft and sweet with the soft beginning middle and end and throwing a flower name on the end makes it sweeter not stronger. The R in the middle doesn’t take away from the soft sounds.

b) Should I basically throw out every name on my favourites list because they don’t seem up to standard with Nameberry tastes, and therefore won’t work in the real world (unless I’m lucky enough to move to the UK, where all of these are perfectly acceptable names)?

You should reflect on advice you get here, decide if the points others make matter to you enough to change your opinion about a name, and adjust your list accordingly. You should use the opinions of others to inform your choices not dictate them.

c) I’m not really one for using a name I dislike just to get to the nickname I like - why couldn’t I use [name_f]Gracie[/name_f] or [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], and then she could go by [name_f]Grace[/name_f] or [name_f]Rose[/name_f] if she wanted to? It’s dropping one letter, or I could name her the name I don’t like and add two to it for a nickname? I’m confused on this.

I agree with [name_f]Rosie[/name_f] and [name_f]Gracie[/name_f], the bears could use [name_f]Rose[/name_f] and [name_f]Grace[/name_f] as nicknames and the problem is solved. I know someone christened [name_f]Katie[/name_f] who did just that - as soon as she was old enough to go by [name_f]Kate[/name_f], she did just that and has never looked back. I think the people who struggle more with cutesy names are ones where there is no natural alternatives. A [name_f]Millie[/name_f] might struggle with this.

d) I’m torn because some people are saying cutesy names are fine and it’s my style so I should stand by it - but a larger number are telling me that the names I like are (mostly) only good for one thing - nicknames.

Only you can decide how much the opinions of others matter to you on this issue. Only you can decide what image you want your children’s names to project. You now know that a large number of people will be introduced to your little [name_f]Millie[/name_f] and may ask “what is that a nickname for?” Only you can decide if it matters to you.

5

I think oliviasarah gave great advice.

Personally, I knew a [name_f]Rosie[/name_f] growing up. That was her real name, not a nickname, and it didn’t doom her to never having a career or whatever other horrible things people say will happen to a kid with an overly cute name. Whilst I personally don’t like [name_f]Millie[/name_f], if you and your partner love it, that’s what matters. Most normal balanced humans are not going to dislike your kid just because of her name - if anything they will grow to love the name from having positive associations with your child. For what it’s worth, I don’t think [name_f]Millie[/name_f] is too cutesy, it just reminds me of old ladies. I’m only just catching on to this trend of naming babies after old people, I had the same reaction when the [name_m]Will[/name_m] and [name_f]Kate[/name_f] named their kid [name_m]George[/name_m] :smiley:

Additionally, people on nameberry are a small selection of society at large, and they are the name snobs of the world, for want of a better term. I don’t think you can necessarily take the opinions you see here and assume everyone you/your child meets in real life is going to have the same opinions.

It’s great that there are people who love names other people wouldn’t use, you’re saving us all from hearing the same old tired names. Doing the world a favour even. So don’t stress. If you and your husband love it, go for it. If your kid really hates it they can change it when they grow up. Names are not a life sentence.

6

I definitely think that’s it too - I know my real taste doesn’t fit in with Nameberry at all, so until this point, I had pretty well convinced myself that I liked the names that were popular on here. I’ve always had a lack of confidence in myself, and I think that, combined with the fact that Berries do seriously seem to have something against shorter names ending in the ‘ee’ sound, (I understand why [name_f]Amelie[/name_f], [name_f]Sylvie[/name_f] and [name_f]Sophie[/name_f] are different, they’re [name_m]French[/name_m] forms of [name_f]Amelia[/name_f], [name_f]Sylvia[/name_f] and [name_f]Sophia[/name_f], but why are [name_f]Elodie[/name_f] and [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] ok when [name_f]Daisy[/name_f] or [name_f]Rosie[/name_f] aren’t? :S), is causing me to feel like I NEED to know that Berries accept my choices - because I think of their opinions as a worldly view, if the vast majority on Nameberry dislikes/hates a name, I see it as like, the whole world hating the name (even though Nameberry’s top name, [name_f]Imogen[/name_f] is only in the top 100 list for like, 4 countries).

I understand that people are going to be negative - that doesn’t bother me all that much. It’s when I get a handful telling me that it’s my list and I need to stand by it, and then I try to, but then a larger number are basically telling me to abandon my taste because my child would likely end up hating me because I named them something cute? I’ve just never gotten behind the idea of naming a child something just to get the nickname I want. I know in the UK and [name_f]Ireland[/name_f], there’s likely successful middle aged [name_f]Rosie[/name_f]'s, [name_f]Katie[/name_f]'s, [name_f]Daisy[/name_f]'s, and [name_f]Millie[/name_f]'s (actually, I read about a doctor from the UK who goes by [name_f]Katie[/name_f]), but somehow, as soon as you get to [name_u]North[/name_u] [name_u]America[/name_u] - those names become childish and, almost wrong to be liked/used as a proper name.

I doubt I’m going to ask for opinions on first names again. Usually I just need help with middle names - but something tells me that, if I ask for middle name help, the first names’ll still be critiqued and I’ll still be told to choose [name_f]Rose[/name_f] over [name_f]Rosie[/name_f], [name_f]Emilia[/name_f] over [name_f]Millie[/name_f], [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] over [name_f]Daisy[/name_f], etc. :confused:

FWIW - I like [name_f]Bibi[/name_f] [name_f]Annabella[/name_f] - [name_f]Bibi[/name_f] isn’t a name I’d normally go for, but the combination’s lovely together.

I’m definitely going to work on my confidence more, but I think you’re right in what you said earlier - I need to move myself to the UK :stuck_out_tongue:

7

Bah, I hope some of my above post makes some sense! I just re-read it and am not sure about that!

Having said all that, I [name_f]DO[/name_f] look beyond people’s names! If I met a kid named [name_u]Abbey[/name_u]-[name_f]May[/name_f], I’d probably have that initial prejudicial reaction, but then I’d stop myself and bother to actually get to know the child (and the parents) - and give myself a slap on the wrist for being so judgemental and snobbish.

So, name your child what you like! I’ll still respect you and him/her as human beings :slight_smile: Personally, I like most of the names in your signature - they are all good, stand-up names. Like many others on NB, I do think it’s nice for the child to have a more formal name, not just a nickname name - but then again, some nicknames ARE more attractive to me than the full name (e.g., [name_f]Maisie[/name_f] vs [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] - I love the former but would never use the latter!). So just go with what you like: people are much bigger than their names.

8

a) There is something about double names that can compound the cuteness quotient. Like, [name_f]Katie[/name_f] [name_f]May[/name_f] sounds wayyyyy more cutesy than just [name_f]Katie[/name_f] by itself, or especially [name_f]Katherine[/name_f], even though there is nothing that screams “cute” about [name_f]May[/name_f].

b) Of course not.

c) I get what you’re saying here, but I have to admit that it kind of boggles the mind that someone could like [name_f]Gracie[/name_f] so much and dislike [name_f]Grace[/name_f] to the point of refusing to use it. I mean, I understand liking [name_f]Maisie[/name_f] but not [name_f]Margaret[/name_f], as those two names are very different. But [name_f]Grace[/name_f] and [name_f]Gracie[/name_f]? I just don’t get what is so different as to be offensive about the more formal name.

d) I think you might have a better response if you focused more on asserting your own opinion and articulating why you like the names that you do. The way you’ve phrased your post… you’re confused, you’re torn, you don’t understand… is just begging for people to swoop in and offer a contrary opinion.

FWIW, I like [name_f]Millie[/name_f]. :slight_smile:

9

[name_m]Just[/name_m] found this article about differences between US and UK naming:

http://www.britannica.com/blogs/2012/08/how-to-tell-a-british-baby-from-an-american-differences-in-naming-trends/

Check out point 1!!

10

That’s how I’ve always felt about the issue - then I came to Nameberry, LOL. My great grandmothers are kind of an example that the Nameberry logic of naming a child isn’t always the best way to go. One’s given name is [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] [name_f]Florence[/name_f]. She LOATHES [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] (and I mean like, about as much as Berries loathe the kre8tiv spellings of names, like Alycesaundra), so she’s always gone by [name_f]Dolly[/name_f] as an adult, and she used to be a banker - a job where one would usually want a stronger name. I think the last time someone called her [name_f]Margaret[/name_f] - she threw a fit. The other was from [name_f]Scotland[/name_f], and named [name_f]Mary[/name_f], but as far as I know, she hated [name_f]Mary[/name_f] and chose to be [name_f]Molly[/name_f] as an adult.

I guess I ended up getting so caught up in the Nameberry logic of things, that I forgot about how my great grandmother chose a nickname over her proper name as an adult, and how my grandmother was given a cutesier name in the 1940’s when she was born ([name_f]Bonnie[/name_f]).

I agree with you though - a name shouldn’t make a person, the child can change their name whenever they want really. My mum said she would let me change mine when I turned 18 if I wanted (I changed my mind though), and I would tell my child the same. My dad only goes by his middle name, I didn’t know my dad’s name was his middle name until I was 8! My grandfather was the same way.

11

I suppose with [name_f]Katie[/name_f]-[name_f]May[/name_f] or [name_f]Gracie[/name_f]-[name_f]May[/name_f], it makes sense, haha. With [name_f]Grace[/name_f], I just know a lot of them, to the point where I dislike it, but [name_f]Gracie[/name_f] seems to sound more underused to me - I don’t know any [name_f]Gracie[/name_f]'s, so I prefer that. I agree that I need to work on my wording though - I think when I get to the point of asking for middle name help, I’m going to be assertive and say like ‘the first names will not change, they’re my style’.

& Thank you, I like [name_f]Millie[/name_f] as well - it reminds me a bit of my great grandmother tbh :slight_smile:

12

that article is perfect - and it does reinforce what I thought - nicknames were crazy popular 100 years ago, but they’re the only vintage names not to make a huge comeback! (Which makes no sense to me, but oh well :P). Thank you for pointing that out!

13

As an aside, my SO doesn’t like any of my name choices. The other day, he suggested [name_u]Avery[/name_u] - for a boy! I said, “What?! That’s become more of a girls’ name!” I’d begun to think of it as girly, because I have been reading NB a lot and seeing [name_u]Avery[/name_u] as the number 13 name for girls in the US (180-odd for boys).

As an Australian, however, I’ve never known anyone called [name_u]Avery[/name_u], young or old, male or female. [name_u]Avery[/name_u] has, upon researching it, never been in the top 1000 for either sex in Australia.

THEN, I looked at the UK data. I looked for the name [name_u]Avery[/name_u] for both girls and boys and could not find it in the top 1000 for either!

That’s just an anecdote, but it demonstrated to me that there really are big differences for some trends between the US and UK. As an Australian, I’m hoping [name_u]Avery[/name_u] doesn’t take off here for girls, because I now want to use it for our son! My gut instinct is that it will… But I’m hoping we follow UK trends as well as US ones (really need to look into this).

ANYWAY, maybe your tastes are just more compatible with trends in another part of the world! I kind of like it when I’m different from the people around me - maybe you could take delight or pride in that too? :wink: xo

14

Those are fine names that plenty of people use and are easy to spell and pronounce - strangers on the internet are fine to ask an opinion of but don’t let us unduly influence names you genuinely love.

Having said that I think hyphenation causes mayhem with email addresses and exact match spelling in general so I’d vote against it.

15

Parts one and two from another interesting article (2010/2011):

http://www.babynamewizard.com/archives/2011/8/british-baby-names-vs-american-baby-names

http://www.babynamewizard.com/archives/2011/8/british-baby-names-vs-american-baby-names-part-2

So interesting!

16

My tastes are DEFINTELY British - could be because my grandparents are from the UK and my mum is the only one of her sisters born in [name_f]Canada[/name_f] - so my upbringing was kind of influenced by that (I’m very close to my mum’s mother). Some of the reasoning behind the names, like [name_f]Daisy[/name_f], is sentimental for me. I think I’m going to be tougher on myself and make myself take pride in being different (something I’ve always really struggled with).

17

To be honest - I don’t love hyphens either, but I was desperate for the name [name_f]Millie[/name_f] to be seen as ‘ok’ and ‘usable’. But you’re right, they’re easy to spell and pronounce, so little confusion would be there.

18

Haha, so the stereotypical stuffy English names are more common here than [name_f]England[/name_f]! That’s funny actually! :stuck_out_tongue:

19

I found that funny, too! Very interesting.

As an Australian primary teacher, I see a mix of styles - I consider some names more “English” and others more “American”. But reading about this topic, my views on what is “British” or “American” are certainly being challenged!

Here’s some info about Australian naming trends, in case you’d like to see how your names would fit in here! :slight_smile:

http://mccrindle.com.au/ResearchSummaries/2013/Baby-Names-Australia-2013_McCrindle-Research.pdf

20

Because [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] and [name_f]Elodie[/name_f] aren’t nicknames? [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] is it’s own name, it predates many of the longer forms like [name_f]Lucinda[/name_f] etc.

I get that it’s not your taste, but it does seem pretty consistent to me. I’m not trying to bag you out.

I do try to follow my own self-imposed rules - I must admit I like neither [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] or [name_f]Elodie[/name_f] for myself actually - but I do see a difference between nickname names and names that just happen to end in an “ee” sound.

I don’t have taste that matches NB taste in all ways either; though maybe going in the other direction (stuffy? the dreaded “boring”?) I don’t really feel bad about it. I know people aren’t really trying to pick on me. I hope you don’t feel like I ever tried to pick on you.

I don’t feel pressured to “name them what I’ll call them” so please don’t feel forced to do the reverse, both especially at the same time would be very sad and silly. :slight_smile: