Confession: I was (and am) a bona fide Daddy’s girl. No getting around it.
I realize that there probably aren’t as many Dads on here as Moms, but I figure that Moms can share this with their partners. My partner is worried about being a dad. We found out last week that we are expecting a little girl, and he admitted to me that he was absolutely terrified about raising a daughter (sons, he doesn’t seem too worried about). So I sent him to my own father for advice, and set about writing down some of the things that my father did for me. I figured it could be of some help to other dads out there.
Bring home flowers every once in a while. It turns a bad day good, and it makes a good day great.
Hand write a letter each year. My dad gave me one each when I turned 16, 18, and 21. He gave me one the day I graduated high school, the day I moved up to college, and the day I graduated college. He gave me one right after my engagement, one on my wedding day, and one the day after we told him I was pregnant. It’s really amazing to go back and see my childhood through his eyes.
Take her fishing, teach her to throw a curve ball, teach her to change the oil and a flat tire. And teach her to defend herself, both physically and verbally.
Let her steer the car sometimes. (Make sure you still have a hand on the wheel though!)
Take her to father-daughter dances.
Take her out to eat, just the two of you, and let her keep the change. Then take her to the dollar store and let her buy something she wants.
Tell her that you love her, and that she is beautiful. It means so much more than you may realize.
Sit down and help her with her homework, even if you don’t understand it. Be willing to let her teach you.
[name]Don[/name]'t worry about giving the best birthday and [name]Christmas[/name] presents. Presents aren’t as important as being there.
[name]Don[/name]'t worry about being perfect. Everyone screws up sometimes. Laugh at yourself, and teach her how to pick herself up after she falls.
Rides on your shoulders, swinging her upside down by her legs, and throwing her across the pool may give Mom a heart attack, but sneak them in anyway.
And anything else that you want to add. We can start this as a list of tips.
Go to your daughter’s plays, recitals, performances, games, etc. [name]Just[/name] you being there will mean the world to her.
Be supportive of her extracurricular activities, even if it means some extra driving for you!
I wish my dad did those things with me. He wasn’t ever really there for me, and moved 12 hours away when I was 15. It’s been 4 years and I still can’t forgive him. When he was living nearby, he called me like an hour before my play started to tell me he couldn’t come. I cried for hours that night. He also didn’t go to my HS graduation. Unsurprisingly, we’re estranged.
This is beautiful. I wish my dad was like that. It’s just not his personality. He does a lot for me, but not in this way.
I think the most important things are:
Being there for her. Listen to her, go to her activities when you can (sports, concerts). She needs your physical presence.
I agree with doing the “boy” things with her. I think it’s important to do active things, mechanical things, video games, things that are typically “boy” activities. She will be well rounded and better find what she enjoys and excels at when she can see it all.
[name]Don[/name]'t just tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her she’s smart, funny, interesting, and the best thing that ever happened to you.
When she’s older, tell her stories from when she was a baby. I love hearing stories from my parents. I’m at that stage where I’m ready to have kids, and hearing stories from that stage in their lives is amazing.
Oh, and she will HATE YOU at some point. Like literally scream in your face that you are the worst person in the world and she absolutely hates you. Ok, not ALL girls do this, but a lot will at some point. [name]Just[/name] remind her that you love her and remind yourself that it will get better!
Aww these are so sweet!! and what a great idea to do!! I really love the ones about the letters and not worrying about being perfect…
Now, i’m not sure what all i can add to this because let’s just say my relationship with both my biological and step-fathers has been totally not right…but growing up, there are things that i really longed to have a father do with/for me…
Be spontaneous: there are times when life completely drags and it can be easy for a little girl (or any-aged girl) to feel ignored. So change things up once in a while…take her on a father-daughter ‘date’ to the mall or a restaurant. Go dance with her in the rain. When she’s older, show up at her school with lunch (if possible)…hop in the car and chase a rainbow…honestly, it doesn’t matter what you do, just show her that she matters to you.
[name]Don[/name]'t be afraid to do what she wants to do: i mean if she wants to paint your nails, let her. put on those heels and sit at a tea party, hosted by her. some men seem uptight to where they get embarassed, but as girls grow up, it seems like all too soon spending time with dad becomes ‘uncool’, so don’t skip out on opportunities that you get just because you might look silly.
Keep a journal: sometimes mothers keep a pregnancy journal…it’d be sweet for a father to do too. It’s seems like it would be sweet in your case, how your partner is nervous about being a good father to your little girl. have him write all that out, to her, in a journal and when she’s older…say 13 or 16, give it to her. I know someone who did this, and his daughter really loved it. She had been drifting from him, and he gave her his journal on her birthday and she got to see all of his nervousness and fears, and also all of his joys and hopes, when it came to expecting her. It helped her understand better.
[name]Just[/name] spend time with her: do yard work together or have her help with repairs around the house (within reason of course)…it gives you an opportunity to talk to her and gives some bonding time.
I guess what i’m trying to say is that just spending time with her and treating her right, and letting her know you love her and care about her will mean so much to her. These things seem simple, but trust me, when you don’t have them…you really feel it.
Oh yeah i forgot, i once had it told to me that fathers should ‘court’ their daughters as they would their wives/partners. No, not in any werid way…well the person explained to me that it means to go about maintaining her love and keep working at it like boyfriends do. You start dating a girl, and to show her you like her, you surprise her with little gifts…you call her up and check on her…you learn to communicate effectively with her…you do things to gain her trust and affection. Same thing with a daughter… I guess…idk the person explained it better haha.
I was always a daddy’s girl when I was younger, my dad could do no wrong in my eyes. [name]Rowan[/name] is quickly becoming one as well, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I think little girls have a biological response to stay connected and loving towards their fathers for protection purposes. My husband is a very modern, liberal man so he has no qualms about having to paint fingernails or have stuffed animal tea parties in the near future.
I also am a Daddy’s Girl. And he was there and still is as much as possible.
All of these are perfect. I would add:
Daddy/Daughter dates. My dad and I would go for coffee, etc or lunch
library trips if Dad is a reader, sporting events, etc - share your hobbies with your daughter. I love old Westerns, etc from watching old movies with my Dad.
let Dad dress her. its adorable and funny all at the same time.
that’s about it. your list is great, and so are the other additions.
Something my dad did for me that I always appreciated is to treat me like I had a strong mind and that my opinions could be worth hearing and commenting on. Teach her to think and encourage her to express well thought out opinions. Never make her feel like her opinions are less worthy of consideration than a boys–even if they are more emotional or less sharp tongued than a boys might be.
I was also a daddy’s girl. My dad used to take me to football (Soccer) games, which I loved. This made me have a love of sports and I always discussed the latest matches with the boys in my school. I would have all the boys discussing the next game around me and I would just join in and I was just loved it. [name]Even[/name] today I love sport and going to matches with my husband which makes him tell me I am the best wife because where I live not of wives or girlfriends go with their husband’s to the games.
~ Take her to football or sporting events.
~ [name]Tuck[/name] her in and read her stories every night.
~ Take her places, daughter and daddy days are special ones and are great for bonding.
~ Get involved with her girly things. Paint her nails and let her paint yours. [name]Don[/name]'t worry about looking silly, she will love it.
and what a great idea to do!! I really love the ones about the letters and not worrying about being perfect…