Some Truths About Not Having Children

I love nameberry. I’ve loved if for years, though not nearly as many years as I’ve loved names or wanted to have children.

Very quickly said, I tried many means to have children, and have two unborn children in heaven.

I still love nameberry and I still love names. (I am past childbearing years, by the way).

Sometimes I just want to post a thought or feeling about what it’s like not having kids when you always wanted to. I thought if I created this thread, I could do that on occasion and perhaps others might want to share too. Kinds comments only please.

I guess my first thought isn’t too heavy. It’s that my love of names continues unabated so it’s clearly something more than wanting to name actual children! Of course, now I want to name everyone’s children. :slight_smile:

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Harvest (What do you want to be called? I’m assuming [name_u]Harvest[/name_u] but would like to know for sure. :slightly_smiling_face:), I have a somewhat similar story. From the time I was little, I always wanted kids. But recently, I’ve been very torn, & even though I’m still young & know that I can just decide when the time comes, it still bugs me - The constant question of whether I will or will not.

I just wanted to share & can’t really relate so- :sweat_smile:

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I’m sorry nobody has been replying to this thread, even though it’s getting so many likes- :pensive:

It might seem a little weird to hear someone a lot younger say this, but I’m proud of you! Clearly this is a chance to express some really complicated emotions and I think it’s a really good outlet to do so in! It’s really a blessing that you’ve been able to keep your love for names throughout the hardships you’ve experienced, and that’s really admirable. :purple_heart:

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It’s fine to call me [name_u]Harvest[/name_u]. Thanks for your kind words. [name_m]Constant[/name_m] questions have a way of shredding one up… good to take a thought vacation if possible.

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:slight_smile:

I have kids but I wanted to drop in and say sorry for your two losses and always love seeing your taste in names.

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The things I miss most about not having living kids of my own are often little, idiosyncratic things. Like how I wanted to put Bactine and Campho-Phenique on their scrapes. Like waiting by the oak tree for the school bus to come. Like sewing the girl a corduroy jumper. I’m not trying to paint a sad picture; these are some quite specific little things I wanted to do.

The most luminous is raking leaves in autumn with the father and the children and the dog then them coming in for my tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. [name_f]My[/name_f] girlfriend who chose not to have kids feels the same way I do about this image: the fall, the leaves, the kids, the dog, the rake, the soup, the sandwiches. Must be something archetypal.

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My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your story; I am sure it will be helpful and comforting to many others that are going through a similar situation.

I’m only a teenager, so my story looks quite different. I’ve wanted a baby for so long now, probably since about 13 or 14 years old. It feels ridiculous to say. Most of the time I wish I could just jump ahead 5-10 years and give my future kids the warmest cuddles.

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Thank you for starting this thread. I’m so sorry for your losses :heart:. I do have children but I have friends and family members who don’t (some because they chose not to, some because they can’t for one reason or another). I think it’s an important topic to talk about and for people to consider when making a decision on whether having children is the right path for them or not.
I think I will always love names too. [name_m]Even[/name_m] when my kids are grown :blush:

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I really appreciate you sharing this. While I have limited years left for which to make a decision on whether they are how I would like to spend my future, it is almost a conflicted longing. I see those around me sharing warm smiles and the unconditional love of a child, all the while feeling lost in the sense that I may purge my very being and liberties for another created entity. It’s a strange prison of not knowing. It keeps you from enjoying some of life’s greatest heartfelt moments, yet spares you from them just the same. I guess what I feel i’m missing out on is the ability to share with them my favourite stories, things I grew up with that meant so much, that true sense of posterity.

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I don’t talk about this much because… well, it’s not that uplifting on a naming site! But anyway, I have a few medical conditions that mean I am debating getting pregnant ever - coming off contraception will have a huge negative impact on me and my PCOS then means it could take a while to get pregnant if I am even able to with all my varied health conditions. It’s strange to come to terms with - I’m 24 and have a few years to make decisions but none of them are great decisions, you know.

Then there’s the question of do I even want children.

It’s been rattling me recently.

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This is a very hard thing to face and I am sorry you have to face it. Sending all good thoughts your way.

You put this so well.

While I feel sad about not having children of my own to leave my family heirlooms (assuming kids of this generation even want old stuff), I feel even greater sadness about not having anyone to whom I can pass down my relatives and memories and family stories.

In a strange way, not having kids, that next generation, can make one feel clogged up. So many centuries of ancestors, so many objects, so many family stories… and no outlet for them, going forward. Like a dammed up river.

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It is that time of year when I miss having children more. Valentines, [name_f]Easter[/name_f], Mother’s [name_u]Day[/name_u], the upcoming one year passing date of my mother, summer vacation.

Once Covid is done, my husband and I plan to buy and have installed another Tuff Shed (tidy little storage shed) and we’re going to turn it into a Mrs. Piggle Wiggle cabin. If you don’t know those wonderful old books, look them up. They are about an older widow who loves kids and they come to play at her wacky house. I have all my childhood things in storage and I plan to put them all out in the Tuff Shed - doll canopy bed, dolls, both baby and “foreign” and [name_f]Barbie[/name_f] , toys, games, books, the dollhouse my parents made and painted me, etc. It will be for the children of friends and relatives when they visit and will be lovely.

I also want to get a see-saw and a swing set for the yard for the same reason.

The playground-type cyclone fence we recently got when our old fence disintegrated also reminds me of happy childhood times (and my husband too- we both love it).

It could sound like I’m obsessed with children, but I’m really not. Life is full and good and interesting, but I love the idea of sharing my (and my ancestors’) childhood things with children now. It will be happy memories for them.

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