I am a bridesmaid for a wedding early next year, and one of the other bridesmaids has proposed holding the staggette/hen do this Halloween. The kicker – I will be 36 weeks pregnant. The event would be a weekend music festival (masked ball theme) about four hour’s drive from where I live. I’ve looked into it, and I could possibly get a ”hobbit hut” accommodation in the campsite, which has a real bed. I am really not excited about this, but also don’t want to overreact. I guess the major issue is that if I go into labour early, I will either have to drive myself four hours back home (as I suspect I’ll be the only sober one there), or give birth in the local hospital without my husband. I suppose another alternative is to bring the husband and leave him in a hotel room somewhere close by, but I can’t really see him going for this (and I can’t blame him). His view is that I should say no to this plan. Any advice greatly appreciated.
I’d bring hubby along. He can stay in the hut if need be.
i wouldnt go but wouldnt stop them from doing it. Or bring hubby along if possible
I couldn’t do it. You don’t know how comfortable/miserable you will be then…and there’s always the chance you could deliver early. Whats the bathroom situation? [name]How[/name] annoyed will you be as the pregnant sober one in the crowd? Have you mentioned it to your doctor? I know my OB didn’t want me traveling over an hour away in the last month.
I’d encourage them to go and have fun and make plans to take the bride out for a nice celebratory dinner instead! Surely everyone will understand.
I wouldn’t go. I would suggest doing a Stagette dinner a few weeks or so before hand. A lot of people are pregnant while in others’ weddings, so it’s not uncommon to do something like that to accomodate pregnant women. They should be understanding. That way you can celebrate with the bride to be, while not doing something you’re uncomfortable with.
I wouldn’t go either. It sounds way more stressful than fun for 36 weeks.
I wouldn’t go and I’m very very sure my OB wouldn’t let me! A 4 hours drive at 36 weeks would be hellish and if you did go into labour even worse! You will be uncomfortable and standing for a long time at a festival would not be fun. The last few weeks of pregnancy are uncomfortable enough.
Since the wedding is next year surely the hens do closer to the wedding? If not let them do their celebration then, I’m sure your friend will understand.
First off - the idea has been proposed. Is this an official decision by the wedding party/girls attending? No sense in getting upset about making a decision if something is only an idea.
Secondly - if it is just still in the idea phase and you think everyone would enjoy another activity, bring up your idea that is closer to home. No harm in that. If you feel like this is the perfect thing your girlfriends would all love to do together and you’d totally jump on board too if you weren’t pregnant, just graciously bow out and wish them all a good time. [name]Do[/name] something special with the bride to be (and maybe a few close friends) close to home…something inexpensive and personal. The bride will appreciate your effort and I’m sure no one will hold it against you if you decide not to attend.
Life is full of tough decisions and decisions that will end up with “losers” or unhappy parties. You can’t please everyone. If you don’t feel like it’s the best timing or situation for you, you need to make the decision that works for you. If others are unhappy, sorry, you can only apologize, offer a quick explanation, and move forward.
Thanks, for the advice. Unfortunately, not going is not an option as I’m one of two bridesmaids planning it. However, I could try to veto the idea. I guess the question is whether it is better to be 36 weeks pregnant four hours from home, or attending a staggette/hen do with a newborn in tow. Kind of a lose/lose situation, me thinks.
There is no way that I could’ve done a music festival at 36 weeks. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to know how you’ll feel then either. I can guarantee that it won’t be fun unless you have a place to sit where you can actually see, a dedicated johnny on the spot, and a beer hat filled with ice water. And maybe a helicopter on hand to airlift you back if you should go into early labor. Sorry, mama, it sounds like an alternative plan needs to be found if you aren’t able to pass off the planning reins to another bridesmaid.
Surely the bride would understand if you didn’t go… honestly, she would have to be a horrible friend not to. You can still help plan, even if you don’t go! I am going to a bachelorette party in a couple of weeks where one of the MOH’s is in a very similar situation - she will be about 36 months pregnant and the bachelorette is about a 4 hour drive from where she lives. She isn’t going, but has been super helpful in planning - and EVERYONE understands. Talk to the bride, I bet it won’t be as big a deal as you think.
Any OB I have ever encountered would say no way to traveling that far from home at that stage. That’s just issue number one with the whole arrangement…
I did a lot of things people thought were crazy in later pregnancy (going 1.5 hours away from home, sleeping on friend’s floors, etc…) and even camping or music festival doesn’t sound THAT bad if you have a perfectly healthy pregnancy with no signs of preterm labor, but there are no guarantees by 36 weeks you won’t be exhausted, contracting, have horrid back pain, sore feet, etc. Plus, 4 hours is quite far.
I would not go. Either help plan, skip it, and offer to host a dinner for the bridal party or do something special with the bride (spa day, perhaps) instead, or convince the other bridesmaid to have another plan.
Can you do something else around the same time or slightly earlier closer to home? I think for me the biggest issue would be the four hour drive and I would say if you go then your husband HAS to go with you if nobody else could drive you to the hospital if you’re in labor. I attended a wedding that was two hours away when I was like 34 weeks and that was an uncomfortable drive so I think four hours would be just miserable.