Stealing a name??!?

I am not pregnant right now, nor do I plan on in the next year. However, I have loved the name [name]Violet[/name] for at least 8 years and have planned on using it as my daughters name for at least the past 6 years. I have told several family members that I hope to name my daughter that in the future (if I should have one).

Enter cousin and cousin-in-law. They have 2 girls, one from previous relationship, one born last year, and now are expecting their third. [name]Lacey[/name] [name]Rose[/name], [name]Alexia[/name] [name]Lily[/name] and ___ ___. I can only assume that they will use another flower name as her middle name.

I really have loved [name]Violet[/name] for a long time. Now, I know that I may never have a daughter, and yes, there is a first come first served kind of rule… but I am still hoping that they do not use [name]Violet[/name] as a middle name, because as silly as it sounds… it will “ruin” it for me.

Should I mention it to them, that I would like to use that name for a future daughter? Am I being silly? Should I not say anything and hope they don’t use it? I have a feeling that if I say anything, they might use it to spite me too…

I am sure that I am not the only one who has gone through this… what is your advice?

Should I suggest [name]Daisy[/name]? Build [name]Daisy[/name] up as being a perfect mn for their daughter?? Try to keep them distracted from [name]Violet[/name]?

Well, my first daughter was almost [name]Quinn[/name] even if she had been a boy. I know we told everyone what are favorite names where at the time. Of course we never planned on having any more children at the time either, we have 2 now and are planning on a third. About 3 years after our first was born and 3 years before our second, our nephew [name]QUINN[/name] was born :(. At the time I felt “our name” had been stolen. Yes we didn’t use it for our first nor did we plan at the time to have more but we really LOVED the name [name]Quinn[/name]. Not too long ago I asked my sister in-law how she came to the name [name]Quinn[/name] and I think she said they liked the name [name]Aiden[/name] but it was popular and had thought of [name]Aiden[/name] [name]Quinn[/name] and said “oh [name]Quinn[/name] that’s a good name” , something along those lines anyway. I still love the name [name]Quinn[/name] but now that I have nephew with this name it’s off limits. Now however had it only had been his middle, I’d probably use it. Well, maybe, I don’t know.

I think it’s hard to stake claim to a name. Really no one can own a name but I do understand your love for a certain name and not wanting to “lose it”. You could always let them know that you’ve loved the name [name]Violet[/name] forever and PLANNED on using it for your own daughter one day. This might make them hesitant to use it but maybe not. I don’t think anyone would name they child to spite someone else, well I really hope not anyway, so I wouldn’t worry about that.

Maybe we can help you think of some other lovely floral middle names to suggest to them instead of [name]Violet[/name]. In the case they do use [name]Violet[/name] as a middle name (it’s a lovely name gaining popularity) I don’t see why you couldn’t us [name]Violet[/name] for a first name.

There are lots of lovely flower names out there and so far they have only picked two and you have a favourite one that you don’t want them to use right? I would explain to them, if you haven’t already, how you feel about the name [name]Violet[/name] and how it would mean a lot to you if they don’t use it. If they’re your family would they really do it to spite you? I would then suggest to them a list of other flower names, equally pretty that they could use for their daughter. That’s just my advice anyway and I’m sure other people will have something to say. Here are some other flower names you could suggest to them:

[name]Fleur[/name] (means flower in French)

[name]Hope[/name] this has helped:)

[name]Jessica[/name] [name]Alba[/name] named her daughter ‘[name]Honor[/name]’ after a friend said she would name a girl that if she ever had one, I remember reading that and thinking…, “and your admitting you stole the name?” lol… I think it is horrible, as to me, names mea SO much… and to find a perfect one and have someboyd else use it… horrible!
I know this doesnt answer your question, just thought Id share!

[name]Rose[/name], [name]Lily[/name] and [name]Daisy[/name]… I think that sounds better than [name]Violet[/name] anyways!

Yes, I know that they are using it as a middle name, and that yes, I could use it as a first name still… I like it better as a first name.

I guess I should just shut up and let them use it if they think of it. After all, who is to say that I will ever have a child anyways?


I say that they might take it in “spite” because this side of the family has a long history of name stealing!! I am not neccessarily close to these cousins, I only see them about 2-3 times a year. One of my cousins was pregnant and had [name]Hailey[/name] picked out for her daughter and it was announced. Her sister had a baby girl one month before and stole the name [name]Hailey[/name] for her daughter. The first sister had to change her daughters name a few weeks before she was born to Halen.

Oh btw there is a botanical thread floating around here too. [name]Do[/name] a search at the top of the page for it, it has a TON of names they might love. In fact print it out and cross of [name]Violet[/name] and then give it to them :stuck_out_tongue:

[name]Flora[/name] - covers all the flowers.
Nasrin - means “wild rose” in Hindi

I’d definitely let them know how much you love the name. I mean there is a chance that maybe they’ll see your love for the name and honor you by not using it. If you love it more for a first than they love it for a middle. Okay, we’re considering [name]Michael[/name] for a first name and I have a nephew with the middle name [name]Michael[/name]. I talked to my sister about using [name]Michael[/name] as a first and wanted to make sure she was okay with it before we put in pen on our list. She was fine with it. Of course [name]Michael[/name] is pretty popular so …
I have another sister who loves the name [name]Ezra[/name] and even though she says she’s not having any more children ( I did too) I wouldn’t use [name]Ezra[/name] because I know how much she loves it. Same goes for [name]Callista[/name] and the name [name]James[/name] in my family. [name]Just[/name] be honest with them, it wouldn’t hurt.

My advice is to name your daughter [name]Violet[/name] no matter what if you love it.

No one has a mandate on a name. In our family we have lots of Jeremys, Sachas, and Alexanders and no one minds at all.

Name stealing is such a tough one. I think it’s wrong, but I also don’t think you can have a mandate on a name.
My ex always said he wanted to call his first son [name]Alexander[/name] after his father (the only name we ever agreed on). A while ago a friend who was starting to try for her first child told us if it was a boy it would be called [name]Alexander[/name]. To avoid awkwardness later, I told her straight away that IF I married this guy and IF we had a son, he would have the same name and I was fine with that (the nns would have been different) but I didn’t want her later on to think I’d name napped it. She was okay with that, but still not thrilled, I have to say. I also know someone who named her son [name]Jonathan[/name], and a few hours later the mother of her best friend turned up at the hospital to visit and freaked out because apparently [name]Jonathan[/name] was a family name and her daughter “had” to name her son [name]Jonathan[/name]. (They were both about 23 - the friend was very single and not looking to have kids for a long long time at this point!) She made such a fuss that my friend changed it to [name]Joshua[/name].

I guess what I am saying is that, if they know you love [name]Violet[/name], I think it wouldn’t be fair to use it, but on the other hand I’m not sure that if they love it you have the right to stop them. I agree with the suggestion of giving them a huge list of other options they may never have thought of, but if they do choose [name]Violet[/name] as a mn and you’re not close to them, I think you would be fine going ahead and using it when you have a daughter too.

If you happen to see these cousins, I would ask if they had come up with a name, and if they were going to choose another flower name for the middle, and if they happen to say [name]Violet[/name], stake a claim to it – say you have ALWAYS wanted to use that name (then perhaps suggest some other lovely flower names). Or if they don’t say [name]Violet[/name], go ahead and say “I’m naming my daughter [name]Violet[/name]” – indicate that you will use it no matter what! That may deter even someone willing to spite you. It sounds like there could be some real age difference between your children too, which would help if one has the same first as another’s middle.

One would hope that family members and friends would be sensitive to this issue, but often, they are not. I know that my niece asked us about names at our last family get together, and mentioned that [name]William[/name] went really well with my other children’s names, but then said she really loved it and hoped to use it herself. I consider it OFF LIMITS now!

Finally, as to mentioning it or just hoping for the best – I think mentioning can be best in hopes that a) family member will be conscientious about it, and b) you can go ahead and use it without it looking like you are stealing/copying their name. We had a particular middle name picked out the last time I was pregnant (but had a miscarriage) and a family member had a baby the same year and used that same middle name – I can’t complain a bit though, because she had no idea we had picked out that name. (And I have to say I’m glad that name is out because I think I’ve found a combination I love even more this time!)

If it’s a middle I don’t think its such a big deal.

My response may not be popular but I actually feel very strongly about this topic.

While I completely understand your fears and potential sadness if [name]Violet[/name] gets used by a family member before you can use it, I do not believe it is your to stake claim to.

Let me illustrate with my own situation.

I have loved the name [name]Jack[/name] for years. When DH and I started talking about kids a couple of years ago I mentioned it to him and he also loved it. At one point my brother and his wife were talking about getting a dog and naming him [name]Jack[/name]. Because it was a dog and not a baby I felt I could at least let them know it was a name we thought we might use for a boy someday so they might consider using another name. They ended up not getting a dog at that point but I was very concerned for months about it and was just sure they would still name a dog [name]Jack[/name] despite my plea.

[name]Just[/name] this last year my cousin and his wife found out they were expecting a boy. Her dad’s name is jack so I again was just sure they would use it and we wouldn’t be able to. Despite my concern I realized that if they wanted to use jack, they SHOULD because why should I think I have a right to it over them? I asked them to please not tell us what names they are considering and that I wouldn’t tell them ours just so that if we had any duplicates they wouldn’t feel badly for using it… Because they are having their child first and if they pick a name we love too, well that’s how it goes and we would find another. They didn’t use it.

But my parents best friends daughter did just a few months later and then I started to become aware of just how popular the name is and began to like it less. Thus, my desire to name a child jack diminished.

Now we are expecting a girl, and I would feel very badly if I had tried to dissuade anyone from using [name]Jack[/name] seeing that we likely wouldn’t use it even if we were having a boy!

I think you put yourself at more risk if you tell people in advance the names you like or are trying to claim, because then if someone uses them you feel like it was a personal attack, when in fact they used it because they like it. And they GET to! [name]Just[/name] as much as you do.

Think about how much you would hate it if someone tried to tell you a name that they wanted to claim!

I had a friend the other day do this to me. She asked about names and I told her we weren’t sharing. She proceeded to tell me that she has a name she wants to use someday (she’s not even dating much less married or expecting). I asked her please not to share it with me just in case it was on our list. We are having a tough enough time choosing a name without someone else’s added pressure! But she wouldn’t give me the gift of not knowing. She HAD to tell me. Luckily its not one we’re considering but it made me really dislike her for a while because of the fact that she would potentially put me in that position.

Anyways, this is long, but I wanted to share another perspective for you to consider.

Since you love the name [name]Violet[/name] so much, go ahead and use it unless your cousins use it as a first name. [name]Even[/name] then you could name your daughter [name]Violet[/name] if you don’t see them that often. You could tell them that one day if you have a daughter, you are absolutely set on naming her [name]Violet[/name]. Then if they steal the name, they will know what they’re getting into. They’ll know that there will be two Violets. I think that’s what I would do if I were set on one particular name like [name]Violet[/name]. My problem is I seldom fall in love with just one name. You are fortunate that you love [name]Violet[/name] so much!

Erinpurple has a really good point here too. I’m not sure it would hurt to let your relative know that you really liked [name]Violet[/name], but I also agree that you can’t really stake a claim to it either. I would still think it ok to feel her out for what names she likes (if she’s willing to tell), and I think its okay to mention what you like, just to have that notice out there especially in case its a name she may like but is not necessarily set on using. Also, its true that your tastes in names and favorites often change – none of my picks have been exactly the same for any pregnancy (with the exception of my boy’s first name), and this is my fifth (I lost two).

Personally, in your situation, I would just let it go… Worst case scenario that you envision is that your cousin uses [name]Violet[/name] as a middle name. My response is la dee la. Middle names rarely get used. It shouldn’t affect your desire to use [name]Violet[/name] as a first name at all!! To me, middle and first names are completely different arenas. Finally, as several people have already mentioned, your taste in names may change anyway. I used to love the name [name]Sylvia[/name], love, love, love it. Suffice it to say, I don’t even really like that name anymore, though I still like [name]Sylvie[/name].

I completely understand where you are coming from. I had told a family member that my husband and I really liked the name [name]Alyssa[/name] for a girl (it was actually the only name we had ever kinda agreed on) and we were planning on having kids about the same time. They end up having a baby girl and sure enough…they named her [name]Alyssa[/name]. I was so upset because we specifically had a conversation about names so that we wouldn’t “steal” each others names that we had always liked. When she told me that they were planning on using this name I referred her back to that conversation and I was clearly upset. She kinda laughed it off and said that she didn’t remember the names we had said…funny…cause I clearly remember hers…and [name]Alyssa[/name] wasn’t one of them!!!. It was heartbreaking to take that name off of our list, and am trying to find another one that we love just as much. We are due in [name]May[/name]…hopefully we will agree on another name by then…and that name will remain a secret until the baby is born!!!