My response may not be popular but I actually feel very strongly about this topic.
While I completely understand your fears and potential sadness if [name]Violet[/name] gets used by a family member before you can use it, I do not believe it is your to stake claim to.
Let me illustrate with my own situation.
I have loved the name [name]Jack[/name] for years. When DH and I started talking about kids a couple of years ago I mentioned it to him and he also loved it. At one point my brother and his wife were talking about getting a dog and naming him [name]Jack[/name]. Because it was a dog and not a baby I felt I could at least let them know it was a name we thought we might use for a boy someday so they might consider using another name. They ended up not getting a dog at that point but I was very concerned for months about it and was just sure they would still name a dog [name]Jack[/name] despite my plea.
[name]Just[/name] this last year my cousin and his wife found out they were expecting a boy. Her dad’s name is jack so I again was just sure they would use it and we wouldn’t be able to. Despite my concern I realized that if they wanted to use jack, they SHOULD because why should I think I have a right to it over them? I asked them to please not tell us what names they are considering and that I wouldn’t tell them ours just so that if we had any duplicates they wouldn’t feel badly for using it… Because they are having their child first and if they pick a name we love too, well that’s how it goes and we would find another. They didn’t use it.
But my parents best friends daughter did just a few months later and then I started to become aware of just how popular the name is and began to like it less. Thus, my desire to name a child jack diminished.
Now we are expecting a girl, and I would feel very badly if I had tried to dissuade anyone from using [name]Jack[/name] seeing that we likely wouldn’t use it even if we were having a boy!
I think you put yourself at more risk if you tell people in advance the names you like or are trying to claim, because then if someone uses them you feel like it was a personal attack, when in fact they used it because they like it. And they GET to! [name]Just[/name] as much as you do.
Think about how much you would hate it if someone tried to tell you a name that they wanted to claim!
I had a friend the other day do this to me. She asked about names and I told her we weren’t sharing. She proceeded to tell me that she has a name she wants to use someday (she’s not even dating much less married or expecting). I asked her please not to share it with me just in case it was on our list. We are having a tough enough time choosing a name without someone else’s added pressure! But she wouldn’t give me the gift of not knowing. She HAD to tell me. Luckily its not one we’re considering but it made me really dislike her for a while because of the fact that she would potentially put me in that position.
Anyways, this is long, but I wanted to share another perspective for you to consider.