This is so tricky because right now — at the pregnancy and newborn stage — the name seems like a really big deal. It’s one of the most exciting parts of expecting and announcing a baby, and also of awaiting a friend or family member’s birth announcement. I think that very intense focus on one of the few details we can give or hear about a new baby (besides weight, length, who he/she looks like, etc.) makes everyone way more sensitive about things like “name stealing” than they would be about, say, 14- or 40-year-old friends or cousins happening to share a name.
That doesn’t mean it’s not a big deal — it really is, to many people — I’m just trying to put things into perspective (with the disclaimer that your friend may not have the same sense of perspective).
If it’s a fairly common name, I think you’re in safer territory. With something like [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] or [name_f]Katherine[/name_f] or [name_f]Penelope[/name_f], your friend has to be expecting to meet other children with the name a fair amount. If we were talking [name_f]Araminta[/name_f], [name_f]Ottilie[/name_f] or [name_f]Eponine[/name_f], then that would be a different matter. But we’re not, and it sounds like your girls could choose to go by different nicknames, if she ever ended up using the name as well.
Also in your favour is the fact that she knows you like the name, and that you already liked it when she first got the idea (from you). It’s not like she’s mentioned it as her lifelong favourite and you’ve jumped on the bandwagon afterwards and nabbed it before she got a chance to use it.
That said, only you know your friend, her temperament and your relationship. [name_m]How[/name_m] do you think she’d take it if you used the name? Would your friendship be at risk? Would it be worth it to use the name in question, or are there other, drama-free, names you like just as much? Would it be worth asking for her “blessing”, or might this be a recipe for disaster if she says she doesn’t want you to use it — what would you do then?
As I said, only you know the answer to these questions, but as an impartial outsider it doesn’t sound like you’d be “stealing” “her” name. But that doesn’t mean she won’t see it that way!