Everyone says to use the name you love best, but what if you don’t love the root name it takes to get there?
I really love [name_u]Toby[/name_u], and husband is ok with the name too. But… neither of us is really keen on the name [name_m]Tobias[/name_m], and I have a deep-seated aversion to putting a nickname on the birth certificate. Hubby had the great idea of stealing [name_u]Toby[/name_u] as a nickname for a different given name, like [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. We both like [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], but don’t love [name_m]Tom[/name_m] or [name_m]Tommy[/name_m]. Could a [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] or [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Bartholomew[/name_m] be called [name_u]Toby[/name_u]?
Since I grew up without any nicknames at all, I’m asking all you Berries who grew up with nicknames, or grew up with one given name but were called by your middle name. [name_m]Will[/name_m] he hate it? [name_m]Will[/name_m] he wish we had just put [name_u]Toby[/name_u] on the birth certificate? What do you advise?
[name_m]Just[/name_m] name him [name_u]Toby[/name_u]!
I don’t know where you’re from, but in my area [name_u]Toby[/name_u] is a relatively common given name. I think trying to find a different name to get [name_u]Toby[/name_u] from is silly. [name_u]Toby[/name_u] isn’t just a nickname, it’s frequently used as a given name (at least it is these days). It could be a stretch to get [name_u]Toby[/name_u] from [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], but it could work. I just don’t see why you’d bother naming him one thing and calling him something else, when you could just name him [name_u]Toby[/name_u]. I doubt anyone would bat an eye over it.
I think [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] or [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Bartholomew[/name_m] could definitely be [name_u]Toby[/name_u]. Then you’re getting both things you want - [name_u]Toby[/name_u] and a longer full name.
I definitely agree that [name_u]Toby[/name_u] counts as a first name by itself and doesn’t sound too nick-namey at all. I’d go for it and use [name_u]Toby[/name_u] as the first name, it’s a lovely name.
Having said that I’ve been tempted to do a sort of similar thing and use [name_f]Cleo[/name_f] as a nickname for [name_f]Claire[/name_f] (not because I think [name_f]Cleo[/name_f] sounds too nick-namey, but because I love both and they’re too similar to be siblings!) But I don’t know if I could get away with it… [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] is probably more convincing!
I think [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] B______ can give you [name_u]Toby[/name_u] as a nickname. I’m totally with you on not wanting to give names that sound like nicknames to me, as full names. I much prefer a longer name with nickname options. [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Benjamin[/name_m] is great and I’d suggest [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] [name_m]Balthazar[/name_m] because [name_m]Balthazar[/name_m] is my latest name crush
I think you should use [name_u]Toby[/name_u]!
My name is [name_f]Vasilia[/name_f] but I grew up being called [name_f]Celia[/name_f] or [name_f]Lili[/name_f]- and while I dislike both names for personal reasons the fact that I was always a [name_f]Celia[/name_f] or [name_f]Lili[/name_f] never bothered me
[name_u]Toby[/name_u] is definitely a name in its own right. I don’t necessarily agree with having to use a long name just to call a kid by a nick name. If the shortened version is what you prefer and is a decent name, I believe just use it then.
For years my man joked about naming a boy [name_m]Tobias[/name_m] if we ever have a boy, and I always said no way, but I would use [name_u]Toby[/name_u] as his first name if ever it came to it.
So use [name_u]Toby[/name_u] if you really love it and prefer it. [name_m]Don[/name_m]'t forget [name_m]Coby[/name_m] is also a first name and not a nick name and is also used just as that.
If you plan on calling him [name_u]Toby[/name_u], I’d name him [name_u]Toby[/name_u]. Otherwise, he might start using [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] or [name_m]Tom[/name_m] or [name_m]Tommy[/name_m] in first or second grade when teachers try to use it. My sister did that to my parents: her name is [name_f]Elizabeth[/name_f] and they called her [name_f]Beth[/name_f] until, in second grade, she decided she was [name_f]Liz[/name_f]. And has been ever since. If he is [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] and goes by [name_u]Toby[/name_u], he’ll also have to explain that it comes from his middle name all the time and share that name.
I’m with you on the not wanting to put a nickname type of name on the birth certificate. [name_u]Toby[/name_u] is commonly used as a stand-alone name, but it doesn’t really give him options as an adult. I think [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] B-- is a great way to get to [name_u]Toby[/name_u]!
I think I’d go with [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] _____; however, it’s possible that [name_u]Toby[/name_u] would end up more a pet name than an “everyone uses it” nickname, since it is not as intuitive.
What do you think about the name [name_u]Tobin[/name_u]? I’ve heard it several times; it’s more modern than [name_m]Tobias[/name_m] but obviously leads to [name_u]Toby[/name_u] as a diminutive.
[name_u]Toby[/name_u] is not a nickname to me, it’s just a different form of the name, like [name_m]Matthew[/name_m] and [name_m]Matthias[/name_m]. It could be a nickname for something else, but not [name_m]Thomas[/name_m]. It’s just not intuitive at all. If someone said to me “I’m [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] but I go by [name_u]Toby[/name_u]”, I would think ‘huh, that’s weird’. I mean, I understand it with the middle name thing, but it seems a bit contrived to me.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] name him [name_u]Toby[/name_u].
[name_u]Toby[/name_u] isn’t actually a nickname for [name_m]Tobias[/name_m] but the medieval English form, like [name_m]Jeremy[/name_m] for [name_m]Jeremiah[/name_m] and [name_m]Zachary[/name_m] for [name_m]Zechariah[/name_m].
Oh my goodness, Berries, thank you for all the wonderful replies! Unfortunately, you’re too good at seeing both sides of the issue. Still makes for a tough decision for us!
Well, it is certainly doable, but it doesn’t feel intuitive to me. If someone told me their name was [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] B___ but they went by [name_u]Toby[/name_u] I think I’d just assume they didn’t care for either of their “real” names. As for your son, every year in school he’d have to decide whether to let the teacher know the name on the roster is not the name he goes by (which lots of kids do, this is not the end of the world), or perhaps he’d just start going by [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] or a more common nickname for that ([name_m]Tom[/name_m], [name_m]Tommy[/name_m], etc.).
I do think [name_u]Toby[/name_u] could be a full name, but it does also have a kind of youthful or nickname-ish feel to it. I think [name_u]Tobin[/name_u] is a great alternative to [name_m]Tobias[/name_m], if you don’t want to use [name_m]Tobias[/name_m].
I would prefer to find a Tob- name that I loved, I think. Have you exhausted that list?
What about [name_u]Tobin[/name_u], Tobar or even [name_f]October[/name_f]? Or something like Torben/Torbern?
I think [name_u]Toby[/name_u] is a perfectly good name by itself, and if you don’t like [name_m]Tobias[/name_m] or any other one name with “tob” in it, [name_m]Thomas[/name_m] B— would work as well, though
Still makes for a tough decision for us!