Would you ever “steal” a baby name from family or friends? Or have any horror stories of having names stolen from you? This is a big reasons I keep my names hidden as it’s more common than not! I saw a twitter thread on baby names often stolen by sisters, friends, or even ex’s? I find the whole topic so interesting as it’s my worse baby name fear!
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So I sort of have a story of name stealing but not a hundred percent but here goes…
When my best friend was pregnant she had both [name_f]Eva[/name_f] & [name_f]Sienna[/name_f] on her list but she wasn’t completely sure on either name. She liked the idea of using [name_f]Eva[/name_f] as a double barrel choice I suggested [name_f]Eva[/name_f]-[name_f]Kate[/name_f], [name_f]Eva[/name_f]-[name_f]Lily[/name_f], [name_f]Eva[/name_f]-[name_f]Mae[/name_f] & [name_f]Eva[/name_f]-[name_f]Violet[/name_f] she didn’t really love any of those. She then proceeded to ask me what my favourite girls name was I said [name_f]Rose[/name_f] as it is [name_f]Rose[/name_f]. I have loved [name_f]Rose[/name_f] for years it also a family name and honours someone very significant as soon as I said [name_f]Rose[/name_f] she jumped on it. Fell completely in love with the idea of having something [name_f]Rose[/name_f]. When her daughter was born she was nameless for three weeks then she decided that the names would either be [name_f]Molly[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f], [name_f]Lola[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f], [name_f]Daisy[/name_f]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f] & [name_u]Peyton[/name_u]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f]. Eventually she settled on [name_u]Peyton[/name_u]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f] and her daughter is always called [name_u]Peyton[/name_u]-[name_f]Rose[/name_f]. I’ve always been a bit gutted as [name_f]Rose[/name_f] is so special to me and it’s now very strongly associated with her daughter. After much consideration I’m still considering using [name_f]Rose[/name_f] as well as [name_f]Rosemary[/name_f] but I wish I never told her [name_f]Rose[/name_f] as I know she wouldn’t have used it if I hadn’t suggested it.
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Isadora is gorgeous 
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Personally, I don’t think names can be “stolen” but it’s always friendly and a gesture of good will to let go of certain names if we know someone else is waiting to use them.
There is no “one size fits all” answer, because many factors come into play when it comes to letting go of names in other people’s list: the type of family relation (maybe there is some degree of separation between cousins than siblings, but some friends come before family), how close the relationship is or could be in the future, the family’s sense of humor when it comes to repeated names, and even superstitions/ traditions.
I think honor names are particularly hard, because multiple people in one family might have the same desire to name a child a grandparent or an important ancestor. Who gets to claim the name first? Is it the oldest sibling? The one who was closest to the relative they want to honor? What happens if someone doesn’t mind repeating the name of a cousin? It’s all up on the air, every family is different.
My sister used [name_f]Nora[/name_f] for my niece when I expressly said that I wanted to use that name for a daughter. I didn’t take it badly, because I had three boys by then, and it seemed kind of silly to call dibs on a name we weren’t using since we had sons. I’m glad my niece got the name, and my sister and I are fine.
Other people might take it differently. Family and naming politics are tricky!
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Even though I would be gutted if someone used a name that was on my top list, I don’t think names can be stolen. People who you don’t suspect would have the same taste in names as you, could very well have a name that’s on your list. Or you could mention a name you love and it can click with someone. It sucks, but it happens.
I’m really surprised to see stories of people expressly using names that meant something to previous posters. That is really sad, and makes me a little worried about how open I’ve been with my choices.
It’s really tricky, and difficult to walk the line between wanting to share your potential name choices and worrying about someone taking a shine to that name and using it before you get the chance to!
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When I was working I was pregnant the same time as a colleague and we were both expecting son’s. She was due [name_u]August[/name_u] and I was due [name_f]October[/name_f]. She asked me what names I had and I said he will be [name_m]Zachary[/name_m] [name_u]George[/name_u] and we had this name planned from 12 weeks. Anyway she said she didn’t have any names. So come [name_u]August[/name_u] what does she decide to call him? [name_m]Zachary[/name_m]. It kinda did piss me off because it was blatant that she got the name idea from me and she was totally unoriginal but I guess names are not exclusive.
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I wouldn’t be upset if a friend/relative used one of my first names as they’re all fairly popular, but if someone used, say, Addiena I’d be a bit annoyed.
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I think it really does depend on a lot of factors like previous posters have stated. If, say, I told my sister my favourite name that I planned to use and then she named her child that I would be really upset. But if one of my cousins happened to choose that name, not knowing it was my favourite, I could let it slide. I think if the person deliberately and blatantly stole your name choice, that’s when it’s a problem.
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People used to ask if my older (half) brother and I were twins (some still do). We are 4-4.5 years apart. Yet our thought processes and looks are very much the same.
I put the name [name_m]Brayden[/name_m] on my list 15-20 years ago, but never told anyone. It actually ranked at the top of my list. My brother had his sons in 2013 and 2015. He and his wife wouldn’t share names until they were born, and only the one they were giving that son with hopes of using the other name(s) later. When my second nephew came along, I was picking my jaw up off the ground. The name they chose… [name_m]Braeden[/name_m]. I recently told my brother this and, along with other revelations that day, he was shocked as well.
I won’t use the names of any of my nieces or nephews, so it is the name that “got away”, so to speak. I’m fine with it though as I’ve found other names that I like just as well if not better for my future kids.
I’m in agreement with this. I don’t think names can be stolen as people’s taste can definitely overlap. I just wouldn’t personally use a name of a niece or nephew (or another close relative) because I grew up in a family where matching names was normal and highly confusing. Friends and distant relatives I’m a little more lenient about.
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My mom kind of stole a name. I have a cousin two years older than me, and my aunt mentioned the fact that she liked my name. [name_f]My[/name_f] mom told her that it was too popular. You can imagine my aunt’s shock when, after two years and being forced to pick a name she didn’t like 48 hours after giving birth, my mom used the very name she decreed too popular.
When in doubt, blame my dad, who didn’t want to use Sanjana for me.
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@trixiehobbit @pinkbar I agree completely! I think no name is over someones! And that people have the right too chose whoever! Personally, by stolen I mean names people consciously decide to steal after being told it’s your “dream” name or a name you plan on using! When it comes to honor names I think it’s fair game but personally I heard horror stories of people choosing names after being told that’s someone dream name
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Funny story… both of my brothers like the name [name_f]Emma[/name_f], and they’re way older than me! It freaks me out sometimes! But, I have other names that I love, and while I would be sad to let go of [name_f]Emma[/name_f], it’s not the worst thing in the world (of course, whenever I’m older and actually naming a child, pregnancy hormones might have something else to say about the matter. 
)
So, no, I wouldn’t “steal” a name if I knew I would be interacting with them often. It’s one thing if it’s a cousin that you never see, but a best friend or sibling would be off limits for me personally.
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I would “steal” the name [name_u]Asher[/name_u] from my cousin (she named her son [name_u]Asher[/name_u]). Other than that no. I always keep my names hidden, I don’t even tell friends bc I don’t want them to steal my names. I would be very upset if that happened.
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Since I’m not naming real kids yet, I don’t really share names. [name_f]My[/name_f] parents would assume that I was TTC then!
If we do get there, I still don’t think I’ll share names but that’s just because I don’t need that many extra, judging opinions. If some here said “ew” to a name it would not be as upsetting is if my mom did, you know?
That said, if someone gets to a name first, then it is what it is. Only if it’s my sister would I suddenly consider that name now off the table for myself. I wouldn’t say it was stolen because she would have no way of knowing I wanted it!
I do agree though that if a name is introduced to you as “I’m naming my kid this” then you really should think twice about it. [name_m]Just[/name_m] because you may not mind your child having the same name as a friend or family member’s child, it doesn’t mean they won’t mind. I would hate to make someone else feel like they couldn’t use a name because I had asked what their favorite was and then used it, or that they had been blatantly copied.
Honestly though, if it’s not a name used by my sister, it’s fair game. It’s not stealing to like the same name as someone else.
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[name_f]My[/name_f] sisters and I were in a name stealing panic years ago, which in hindsight was ridiculous as only one of us was in a long term relationship back then (I had literally only left university the month beforehand) and none of us were planning on having kids in the near future.
We were talking about kids and what we would potentially name them. We all said that we would love to honour our grandmothers
O l i v e & J e s s i e, and we settled on our preferred version ([name_f]Jessica[/name_f] [name_f]Olivia[/name_f], [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] and [name_f]Jessa[/name_f] [name_f]Olivia[/name_f]). Then we realised that only one of us could use the name. I genuinely can’t even remember who voiced honouring out grandmothers first but I think we had all individually thought about it before having this discussion and so accused each other of stealing our names. In the end we said whoever had the first daughter would get to use the names. There were a lot of eye rolls and “it’s not fair” but it was settled.
Fortunately for my sisters I was out of the ‘competition’ early on, as two years later I met future DH who already had a niece called [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] and a few years into dating his sister had a daughter called [name_f]Olivia[/name_f]. I did tell my sisters I wasn’t fond of the idea of having two [name_f]Olivia[/name_f]’s or Jessicas for nieces, sister 1 was understanding and said she’d probably just use one as a middle name, sister 2 said she didn’t care and that wasn’t her problem.
[name_f]My[/name_f] sisters got pregnant around the same time. I think they might have used [name_f]Jessica[/name_f] or [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] as a middle name if it was girl, but they had changed their mind about first names. In the end they both had boys. [name_f]Sister[/name_f] number 2 considered using [name_u]Jesse[/name_u] as her son’s middle name but ended up dismissing it when someone told her that [name_u]Jesse[/name_u] could be used as an insult for a weak, soft boy.
Ironically, our cousin ended up having a boy and she used [name_u]Jessy[/name_u] for his middle name 
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I do think this can be a problem, especially when a favorite name is becoming popular. I completely understand why you want to keep your fave names to yourself.
Oh there was another incident, but I’m not sure whether it was intentional or not, and it never really bothered me enough to say it was name stealing
But when we were pregnant with DS1 (I was the first one to get pregnant out of my sisters) we were stuck between the names [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] and [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]. I preferred [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] a little more because I thought [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] was becoming too popular, but DH preferred [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]. In the end we settled on [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] but agreed that if we had another boy we would call him [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]. I’m pretty sure we had told people about this, maybe we did and she just forgot (I don’t think people take as keen an interest in names as I do ) but I know I definitely said that I loved [name_f]Thea[/name_f] for a girl and would probably call a daughter [name_f]Theodora[/name_f].
My sister ended up getting pregnant about 6 months later. She was convinced she was having a girl so didn’t really think too much about boys names, other than to say she liked [name_m]Henry[/name_m] (DS1’s middle name) but didn’t want to steal the name (I told her I wasn’t bothered as it was only a middle name). When she realised she was having a boy she said she was considering [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]. We were planning on getting pregnant again in the next year and DH was a bit put out that we couldn’t use [name_m]Theodore[/name_m]. I was secretly happy as I had wanted to call DS2 (and DS1 tbh) J a s p e r and I said the only other name I liked apart from [name_m]Theodore[/name_m] was J a s p e r (which DH wasn’t too keen on). In the end I got my own way and am thankful that sister used the name
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My friends are all having babies at the moment and I’m always tense before I hear their names wondering if I’ll lose another one! Some major loves that I’m still mourning are K@ia, El0die, Jarr@h… I guess if I really wanted to I could still use them but I would loathe to be seen as a name stealer, especially as I’m the only name nerd amongst us!
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Some times it depends on how big your family is as well.
For example, I only have 9 cousins between both sides of my family. Therefore, I would expect my family to not ‘steal’ or copy names.
However, my DH has had around 30 cousins (half cousins not included). The amount of times we said we liked names with DS1 ([name_u]Ezra[/name_u], [name_u]Alfie[/name_u] etc) but on further investigation ended up being the names of a cousin’s kids was exhausting. In the end, even our chosen name of [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] ended up being DH’s grandad’s step grandson’s (whose family we had never met) name.
Sometimes you can drive yourself crazy with it. I think that if you’re not majorly close to that person, or if you have a massive family and it’s hard to keep tabs on, you can let people have it or take liberties.
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