I didn’t know where to put this post so forgive me if this isn’t the right place for it.
I’m a step-mum to two amazing little humans: [name_f]Cara[/name_f] who turned 8 last month and [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] who is 5 but soon to be 6 in [name_u]August[/name_u] and I am pregnant with baby number 1 for me but obviously baby number 3 for my husband. We generally switch off having the kids with their mum by them having two weeks with her and then two weeks with us because my husband works offshore for two weeks and then has two and half weeks off until he goes back so the arrangement works well for us. We live in the same area and we have a cordial and amicable relationship with the kids mum and I think that what we have going is pretty good; granted it took some time to find the right balance but I think we have it just right but the balance is going to be shifted come [name_u]November[/name_u] when this baby arrives.
Both [name_f]Cara[/name_f] and [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] are really excited about having a new little brother or sister but I want them to still feel like part of our family and not feel out of place or something once the new baby comes. I understand that the dynamics are going to change but I still want them to know that they are as much part of our family as ever. I consider them to be “my kids” as I’ve known them since they were 5 and 2 and I love them to pieces.
Any advice on how to make the transition easier or how to make them feel more included?
Thanks, [name_u]Nat[/name_u].
I agree with the pp about involving them as much as they like.
I am not from a blended family either, but my mum always had a special present for each of us that we got when we first met the baby. It helps with all the presents and extra attention that the baby receives.
I come from a blended family. I was about [name_m]Lucas[/name_m]’ age when my youngest sister was born- the daughter of my mom and stepdad. I really can’t remember life without her, honestly, so I obviously got over her showing up lol.
It can be so very tricky to blend a family, then add more members to it. @tfzolghadr listed some great ways to keep the kids included. The only thing I really have to add is to be sure to still get in some one-on-one time with the kids, both before and after the birth. Life will become all about the baby…the baby will take much of you and your husband’s attention, strangers will oogle the baby whenever you go out…it can be such a change to them. [name_f]Cara[/name_f] is older and may have an easier time with things, since she is already a big sister, but still.
Also, I honestly wouldn’t obsess too much about this. Keep them involved and show them that you still love them, yes, but ultimately, they will adjust. It will just take a bit of time, but I’m sure you all will do great! Congratulations!!
Thank you to everybody from your advice. My husband and I are doing our upmost to involve [name_f]Cara[/name_f] and [name_m]Lucas[/name_m] in the pregnancy. We are all going to go and pick out furniture and baby things together in a few weeks and we are trying to get them involved in everything that we can. We are going to go on a nice holiday next month and the plan is for my husband to have a private chat with each of them.