I feel like one of my baby names was stolen by my [name]SIL[/name]… They found out they’re having a boy, and decided a few days ago to name him [name]Zachary[/name]. Sounds great, except I’ve always dreamed of using the name [name]Zachary[/name]. Our oldest sibling was stillborn when he was eight months along, and he was named [name]Zachary[/name]. I have wanted to use his name since I was old enough to understand the concept of naming your children. Everyone in my family knew this, I thought. My childhood friends remember me mentioning it, and I know for a fact that I told her (my [name]SIL[/name]) that I wanted to use it when we first met. I remember telling my mother that I was worried my [name]SIL[/name] would steal the idea. I understand that she got pregnant first, and that he was my brother’s brother too… I guess I just feel like since I’ve been dreaming of it my whole life that I should have deserved some consideration in the situation, but since they announced it no one has said a word to me. Has this happen to anyone else? I’ve honestly been in tears about it, and when the family met for Labor [name]Day[/name] yesterday and my mother went on and on about them using the name, I nearly lost it. Should I just stay quiet and try to live with it? Should I speak up before he’s born and there’s a chance to change it?
Nobody owns a name and just because they used it, I don’t see why you can’t. You have your heart set on it. You could also use it as a middle name later. It’s your sibling too so it’s fine.
From the sounds of it maybe they forgot? If your mother knew you wanted to use it, then I don’t think she would have gone on about it. Also it could be because you are young/not going to get pregnant anytime soon? I’m just guessing. They might think you changed your mind. It’s also possible that you might never have a boy. No one can predict the future.
Plus the sibling was also your brother’s sibling, so there’s nothing wrong with him wanting to use the name.
Sorry if I’m not all on your side, but if it does bother you, talk to your family about it. Let them know that you still plan on using the name some day if they choose to. I’m a passive person so I’d be worried about starting a fight, but hopefully they are understanding. Otherwise just keep quiet and name your child whatever you want later.
Could you talk with your brother about it? This is very important to you, so I do not think you should grin and bear it.
Express your concerns to him and just get a feel for the situation. I am friends with a couple who were expecting a baby and had chosen his name. They were 100% sure they were that was his name. Then, a couple days before he was born, they decided to consider a couple of other names, and ended up naming him something very different than they had originally planned.
I agree with all of this. Your brother and sister-in-law have just as much right to use the name [name]Zachary[/name] as you do. Also, for all you know, when you do have children you could have all girls or if you do have a boy, you (or your husband) could decide that you don’t want to use [name]Zachary[/name] after all. That being said, I see no reason why you can’t use [name]Zachary[/name] in the future as well. It is a family name, after all.
If [name]Zachary[/name] is your dream boy name then why do uou have a different boy name listed ([name]Linden[/name]) on your signature?
I can’t say I’ve ever been in this situation, but I feel like you should speak to your brother and sister-in-law. If you know you mentioned using it, and you thought that your brother and sister-in-law knew you were planning on using it, then I think they’re being rather inconsiderate. Maybe it’s true they forgot, but it seems like it’s common knowledge you want to use it, so I find this kind of unlikely. Mention this to them and see what they say. They may decide to use it anyways, but I think you’d probably regret not bringing it up and not knowing.
I can tell you’re hurt and feeling a sense of loss, and I’m sorry. In your position, I have to say I would just try to be happy that my late brother’s name was being given to a new generation, and that my new nephew will have a name I love.
I wouldn’t confront your brother and sister-in-law because I don’t know what it would do except create bad feeling between you. You can’t call “dibs” on a name you and your brother are equally entitled to and that is equally significant to you both. Since it’s the name he chose, it’s clearly just as important to him as it is to you. There’s no reason why they should give up the name of their soon-to-be-born son in order to save it for a hypothetical son you may never have, and I honestly don’t think it would be fair to ask them to.
[name]Just[/name] my two cents. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. It’s an unhappy one.
Thanks for all the replies, like I said I was expecting it by the way her face lit up when I mentioned [name]Zachary[/name] the first time, and they are definitely the sort of people who would adopt a ‘we got here first, she can’t tell the future’ attitude (not in a rude way, more like a realistic way). I doubt bringing it up to them would do anything except cause hurt feelings and no change. I’m sure after a month or so of thinking about it I will be able to look at it in a new light!
I’ve been trying to fall in love with a new baby name for a boy ([name]Linden[/name]) and I’m pretty sure I do love it, it’s just that it’s only recently that they announced their using [name]Zachary[/name] and I’m surprised at how disappointed I am over not being able to use it (i like the suggestion about telling them I’m using it anyways, but I’m fairly sure that would get the whole family mad at me!) I’ve also had other friends use both baby names I previously had chosen for a girl, so I have a little of that ‘can’t believe it’s happening again’ feeling.
I understand no one owns a name, but it can be hard sometimes lol, I get so attached to baby names that I can’t help but feel ownership over them!! Thanks for reminding me about the important things though, if I never have a boy my brother is still honored, and my nephew will have a name that I love! (I’m sorry for any typos, I’m on my cell phone and it’s difficult to proofread)
My friend loves [name]River[/name] and plans to use it she’s more close to having a child with that name then me. I was the one who told her I loved it for my kid. I figure I can either be upset or be happy I’d know a person named [name]River[/name]. lol I chose to be happy. I Still plan on using [name]River[/name] anyways.
I say use it anyways I have two cousins with the same name.
I think it is really bothers you that your brother and sil named their son [name]Zachary[/name] you should talk to them about it. [name]Honesty[/name] is always the best policy. I wouldn’t attack them but instead question them about their choice. You wouldn’t want to carry that resentment around with you for in the future - they are your family. I think sitting down with them and saying that you were hurt - since for years you’ve been saying that this was your favorite name. You just wanted to sit them down and talk about it - ask about their reasonings because you don’t want to hold this in an let the resentment grow. If they chose it because of your deceased brother then you can express how cool that they are honoring him with the choice since that was your driving reason for wanting house the name. Make sure you let them know that you fully understand that you don’t own the name - you were just surprised and hurt by the their choice and want to understand it better. (You can always still use [name]Zachary[/name] as a mn for your child should you have a boy.)
I agree with Catloverd and Goodhope but wanted to add, as much as it hurts, and I’m sorry that it does, you have no way of knowing it wasn’t already on her list or that her face didn’t light up because she got nervous when you mentioned it.
I’m not sure what good sitting them down and telling them you wanted to use it would do unless you’re willing to just say you’ve always wanted to use the name but are legitimately happy they found one they liked and can then move on and are not trying to be passive aggressive or guilt them out of using it then I don’t think it’s a good idea.
I’m very sorry that you’re hurting over this.
I know I already posted once, but I wanted to add something.
Like previous posters, I don’t see why there can’t be two Zacharys in the family. If anyone ever made a smart alec remark about it, elaborate on how you have dreamed of naming your future son [name]Zachary[/name] after your dear brother all your life. No one can argue with that!
Aww, I can feel your pain. I’ve announced to my family that I will be using [name]Grace[/name] for my first daughter to honor my grandmother, on multiple occasions, as far as I’m concerned, it’s the only thing truly set about my first daughter. I have no problem if another family member uses it, my grandmother’s amazing and she deserves to be honored more than once. My sister had planned to use [name]Genevieve[/name] [name]Grace[/name], too, and I was fine with that. Now if someone in my family used it first and expected me to drop this dream I’ve had of honoring my grandmother, well, you could forget about that. This is family we’re talking about, nobody gets “dibs” on honoring someone special. That’s just childish and pathetic, imo. If they don’t have a problem with you using [name]Zachary[/name] down the line, then I would just try and get over the hurt, especially if you’re not wanting to cause a fuss and talk to your brother and [name]SIL[/name] about it. It may have been purposeful, or it may not, but [name]Zachary[/name] was your brother’s brother, too, and I would try to keep from being upset unless he purposefully says that it wasn’t to honor your brother’s memory, your parents, or your family in general. Much as we’d like to, we can’t really call dibs on names, family or not.
Maybe you could use [name]Linden[/name] [name]Zachary[/name]? I actually think that’d be stunning and sentimental.
I’d still use it. If anyone in the family asked I’d tell them it’s been my favorite name all my life. They nor bro and [name]SIL[/name] have any right to be upset because he was your brother too and you made it known that you wanted the name
My favorite boy name, [name]Ashley[/name], is my cousin’s name. When we were young he gave me permission to use it because he said he’d never name a child after himself. [name]Both[/name] times his wife was pregnant she and others suggested [name]Ashley[/name]. I was upset but only mentioned it to my mom. She told me not to say anything to him because he probably didn’t remember our little childhood deal. And even if he did use [name]Ashley[/name] that didn’t mean I couldn’t use it too. I did a private happy dance when [name]Ash[/name] vetoed the name both times but if he hadn’t I’d use it anyway