I know the title sounds weird. It should say struggling with (in)fertility but I dislike connecting myself with that term. I hope if I ay fertility enough times I will manifest that into my life instead of the alternative. I began TTC with my partner when I was 25, in 2009. After 8 months he left, got someone else pregnant, and never looked back. I worked on healing a broken heart, realized I didn’t want to keep waiting for Mr Right, starting back at square one and waiting for someone to be ready, so I decided to begin TTC on my own in 2011. Fertility treatments are expensive though so I try, take a break, save, and try again. I have been trying and waiting for so long now I sometimes feel like it’s all I’ll ever do. My last BFN left me in such a depression I decided to have a “funeral” for the baby I felt like I’d never have. But in the end, I realized I wasn’t really ready to give up yet.
So instead, I am taking ab break to try and get in radiant good health, in the hopes that it will help me to conceive. All my tests with three different RE’s over the years have been normal with the exception of AMH that was on the very low side of average (point one lower would have put it on the high side of low). This indicates egg quality and quantity. My cycles are somewhat long and regularly irregular. That is to say, I’m never 29 days to the day every month like my mom told me she always was, but I can usually count on my cycles being 30-32 days, occasionally as long as 35 days, usually when I’m stressed out, waiting to test an hoping my period being late means something.
I have to assume that in a community this large I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling currently. I am hoping that maybe anyone can offer me advice on what you did to finally bring about your little miracle. What worked for you? I’m in a million pregnancy and infertility groups on FB but the infertility groups are more for support than for tips. Everyone in them is sad and hopeless. The pregnancy groups are full of so many pictures of positive pregnancy tests, I feel like all those double lines are strangling my heart. I needed somewhere to talk without any pictures that would make me sad.
[name_m]Even[/name_m] if no one has any advice, thank you for letting me talk it out. Sometimes, that’s all I feel like I can do.
I’m sorry that no one has any advice for me. I was really hoping to hear some ideas from those who have had success in the past. Thank you all for your time, though.
Hey, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this. I remember your posts from a while back and I’m sorry things haven’t improved for you. It must be so so hard, especially on a community like this.
I hesitate to offer any advice, having never been in your situation. I can only imagine how irritating and upsetting it is when people chime in gung-ho with tips and reassurances, assuming they know everything there is to know simply because they have been biologically lucky. But I am listening!
There used to be a great group of ladies on here who were going through similar struggles and had a long-running thread going: here. It seems to have gone quiet recently, but I’m sure it would be welcomed if you wanted to resurrect it. I know there are others on here who are going through similar, though of course it’s completely up to each individual person to decide whether they want to discuss it.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m], I’m ever so sorry to read about your struggles. I’m afraid I’m not going to be much help, I have never had an issue per se of getting pregnant it’s more getting the baby to stick around that is my problem. It took us awhile of actively trying to get pregnant but I miscarried twice before the birth of my son and twice again before my current pregnancy. I know how hard it can be to see a negative pregnancy test when you have been trying for so long.
It must be especially difficult for you as you are by yourself, I think it would be a good idea to focus on getting yourself physically, emotionally and psychologically in a good place. I found it really helpful to keep a diary of all my dates and symptoms throughout my cycle and to also log my emotions about each negative test and miscarriage.
Have you maybe thought of getting some counselling? I started attending counselling after my second miscarriage and it’s been such a massive help. Or perhaps even talking to a friend or family member, the people who love you will want to help you through a difficult time, a shoulder to cry on and somebody to listen can sometimes relieve most of the depressive feelings.
I hope things start to look up for you soon, my thoughts and prayers are with you!
Hey there. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles it isn’t an easy thing to go through. My husband and I are currently battling infertility and have been for just under 2 years now. I know, it isn’t quite as long as some but it is more than enough to cause pain and heartache. Anyhow, I can’t really comment as to any success, as we still haven’t conceived (the doctor does think I had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago, but I didn’t have any tests done during that time to confirm anything).
As far as making this easier to get through, I don’t know much about that, either. Some turn to a higher power or a church group. Some turn to therapy and counseling, or FB groups. Some vent to friends. Some try meditation, acupuncture, or stress-relieving actives, or even exercise. All are great. My husband and I…we just get by. It feels like we just exist at times- same struggle, different day kind of thing- but it helps us to see that even the worst days have 24 hours and the end of those 24 hours brings us that much closer to the day when we hopefully conceive. That right there has helped us the most.
I do hope things turn around for you soon! Take care of yourself!
My husband and I struggled for 15 months before we were able to conceive our daughter. I know that’s not terribly long, but it was awful nonetheless. I can only imagine how hard it is doing it on your own. I agree with the others who suggested finding someone you can talk to about all this, whether it be a friend, family member, or counselor. At the fertility clinic I went to there were always pamphlets about support groups or one on one counseling in the area. It may be a good place to start asking your doctor what they’d recommend.
I don’t really have any advice, since everyone is different and what worked for us won’t necessarily work for you. All I can say is don’t give up. If you feel you want to be a mother and this is what’s right for you, don’t stop trying. I believe there’s always hope.
Taking a break and focusing on your health is a good step to take. Give yourself time to grieve and don’t be so hard on yourself. I hope things start to look up for you very soon.
@katinka I’ll look into the thread you posted about. Thank you for that.
I do appreciate all the suggestions to find someone to talk to. Unfortunately all of my money had gone into attempting to conceive and I haven’t the money for a therapist, which I think would be most helpful. Talking to my closest friends and family, all of whom have kids, feels insincere. They haven’t struggled with infertility, and although they will listen and try to tell me whatever they think I want to hear, they almost never say what I actually need to hear, no matter how well-intentioned they are. They don’t understand how much t consumes me and how sometimes I just need to speak my fears aloud into the universe in and effort to relieve the pressure they put on my heart. I have found talking with friends and family often leaves me more despondent. A professional would be just the ticket, but sadly, isn’t a possibility. I suppose that is why I posted here. I just wanted to talk into a space that didn’t feel inconvenienced by my grief and my neurotic need to talk about it.
I understand that paying to see someone might not be possible financially but what about talking to a priest/vicar/pastor? I’m not sure if you are religious so it might not be for you but it’s an idea.
If not religious counselling what about various telephone helplines? I know here in the UK there are the likes of the samaritans and other brilliant counselling helplines that you can call, most of them are free. I’m assuming (just by the fact that you wrote “mom” in your signature) that you are in a [name_u]North[/name_u] [name_u]America[/name_u] (?) so I don’t know what sort of help they have but most countries have those type of helplines.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you start to feel better. I know it might not help a lot but please feel free to PM me anytime, I’m not sure how much help I might be as I’m not a professional or anything but the offer is always there.
I am 36 and experiencing “circumstantial infertility.” My situation is not the same as yours (I have yet to TTC, so I don’t know the status of my biological fertility, and I would prefer to have a partnership before parenthood). However, I can empathize with your grief- that profound grief that is felt at once in the heart and the womb. I found this article, especially the recognition of disenfranchised grief, to be helpful in framing my experience: My Secret Grief. Over 35, Single and Childless | HuffPost Women. I am currently in the process of grieving the child I never had with my ex, a process that has included naming her. I am working on disentangling that loss of the opportunity at motherhood from the chance at motherhood altogether.
I can’t offer any logistical advice on conception, but I wanted you to know that for myriad reasons many women are struggling with this cycle of hope and disappointment and the grief that accompanies it. I’ve gone the therapy route, but I feel there must be support groups out there. (I’ve experienced the power of support groups in another area of recovery.) I wish you the best of luck in becoming a mother and emotionally healing, however that may look for you.
[name_m]Hi[/name_m]
We will have been trying for two years in [name_u]January[/name_u]. It is the most awful and heartwrenching thing to have to go through, and like you I often feel like I am ‘mourning’ my baby that I am longing to meet. I suffer with PCOS, so I rarely ovulate, and my cycles are all over the place. I usually bleed for weeks at a time, have a few days break and then it starts again, but overall there is no pattern to it at all.
I’m due to have a HSG test shortly which will check if my tubes are clear or not. I’m absolutely terrified and thinking the worst, because I’ve always had bad luck throughout my life I don’t see why anything would change now. If my tubes are fine then they’ll probably give me medication to help me ovulate. However if my tubes are blocked then I’ll either have to have surgery to fix them, or surgery to remove them and try IVF.
Sorry I can’t really offer you any advice on how to cope, because I am not coping myself. [name_f]Every[/name_f] single second of my day I’m wondering what I’d be doing now if my baby was here. [name_m]How[/name_m] old they would be now if we had been successful sooner, what they’d look like. And I totally get what you mean with all the baby forums - even being here is hard as there are so many BFPs and birth announcements! Everyone on my Facebook are getting pregnant - people who are in no position to have children, but do anyway. And it’s not fair.
I will think of you as often as a can and pray that you will be blessed with your little one. Please feel free to message me if you want to talk - I like to rant as well! Sorry if this post comes across a bit ‘me me me…’ I can only really explain to you how I’m feeling!
it isn’t an easy thing to go through. My husband and I are currently battling infertility and have been for just under 2 years now. I know, it isn’t quite as long as some but it is more than enough to cause pain and heartache. Anyhow, I can’t really comment as to any success, as we still haven’t conceived (the doctor does think I had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago, but I didn’t have any tests done during that time to confirm anything).