So my SO and I are planning on getting married, probably in about 2 years when I’m done with grad school and things are a little more stable.
We’ve decided we want to change our surname. There are a lot of reasons for this. He isn’t close to his family (as in, they don’t talk… don’t ask.) and he doesn’t feel a lot of connection to his family name because of this. I’ve never really cared for my surname, but I also don’t really care for his either. I’m also a big feminist and I probably wouldn’t change my name to his anyway, but hyphenating causes a lot of problems with the future kids, blah blah. So long story short, we’re creating a new family with a new name. It’s an unusual one, but since we’ve decided I’ve heard about more and more people doing it, and it just feels like the right one for us.
It’s obviously early and we have some time, but we’ve started tossing some names around. We both have [name_m]German[/name_m] heritage, love to travel and read.
We’ve discussed [name_m]Beckett[/name_m] and [name_m]Dietrich[/name_m], but the only one we’ve seriously considered is [name_m]Rainer[/name_m]. I’m from Seattle and I love the rain, and there’s apparently a character he loves with the surname [name_m]Raynor[/name_m]. The fact that it’s [name_m]German[/name_m] makes it even better.
I know this is long and not everyone will agree with our choice, but does anyone have any suggestions/ideas? I love the berries, so I hope you’ll help!
If it is something you feel strongly about, then I would go for it. You two will be creating a whole new family together, and if you want to leave his past behind, then starting fresh with a new name could be perfect.
And of all your choices, I like [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] the best too!
I’ve actually considered this, too. I think its a really neat thing to do with someone you love; you’re creating your own family after all. I don’t really understand why society doesn’t work like this already: Two people meet, fall in love, get married and pick (or combine, like [name_m]Smith[/name_m] and Hail would become Sail) their own family name, since they’re staring their own family, after all.
I think [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] is an awesome surname, and it just seems to fit into both of your lives perfectly. I love the rain too; its soothing and beautiful, as well as life giving. What better word to use when spending a life together?
Personally I love the idea of a new surname for both of you, you’re both going to be changed by marriage after all, and your family is new together.
But, don’t slap me, I’d personally go [name_u]Rain[/name_u]/[name_f]Rayne[/name_f]/[name_f]Raine[/name_f] over [name_m]Rainer[/name_m]. I just like short last names, I’ve never had a 1-syllable one but I like the idea! But [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] is perfectly usable and pleasant.
I would just consider if for example all your favourite baby names would sound weird, like [name_u]Winter[/name_u]/[name_m]Asher[/name_m] [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] or whatever. You have a number of -er names on your favourites list is why I mention it.
I checked my genealogy records and the best [name_m]German[/name_m] names are [name_m]Lorenz[/name_m] (a first name, but I love it),Albrecht, Brinker, [name_u]Reed[/name_u] (evolved from [name_m]Ried[/name_m]), Dietz, Rhiem, Thuringer, Vandiver/Vandivear, Waldenburg, Ziegler. There are many more, but I don’t find them to be very attractive or they’re overly common. Too bad you’re not looking for a [name_m]French[/name_m] name!
[name_m]Rainer[/name_m] is fantastic! I love it as a first name and I love it for you as a surname. It has a striking sound and a strong meaning. Use it!
Personally, I’m an academic and have already published under my name, so even if I ended up with a man it wouldn’t be practical for me to change it (I’m queer). Not that I ever would – my name is who I am. My ex and I did talk about creating our own surname, which I would take as a middle name and which we would give our children.
Of the couples in my friend group who have married, most either kept their own names or chose a new surname. Not a single woman I know has changed her name. I see this as a very positive trend. Perhaps we’ve finally arrived in an age of compromise, not sacrifice and domination, when it comes to marriage.
Some other options for you:
[name_u]Dexter[/name_u] – I really like this as a surname for some reason
[name_m]Adler[/name_m] – a la [name_f]Irene[/name_f] [name_m]Adler[/name_m] of [name_m]Sherlock[/name_m] [name_m]Holmes[/name_m]
[name_u]Beck[/name_u] – Sleek, [name_m]German[/name_m], and goes with just about everything
Fabel – Phonetically similar to ‘fable’, another literary reference
[name_m]Gable[/name_m] – I just think this is a great surname
[name_m]Errol[/name_m] – Means ‘to wander’
[name_m]Booker[/name_m] – Speaks for itself
[name_m]Lewis[/name_m] or [name_m]Clark[/name_m] – Connotations of travel, naturally
Wow, I am totally blown away by everyone’s support! Thank you so much!
stripedsocks- [name_f]Raine[/name_f] is a little too literal for me, I think! We also live in Northern [name_u]California[/name_u], so there’s always the hippie factor as well.
rkrd- Of your list, I like [name_m]Albrecht[/name_m], [name_u]Reed[/name_u] and Dietz. I also wish we were looking for a [name_m]French[/name_m] name! They’re so romantic, but my SO is set on a [name_m]German[/name_m] one.
Augusta_lee- Your friends sound fabulous! I just read that only 26% of women actually keep their names in the US, so you have quite progressive friends. Of your list, I like… actually I like them all! But [name_m]Booker[/name_m] and [name_u]Beck[/name_u] would probably be unusable for us. Unfortunately, because [name_m]Booker[/name_m] is such a great name! I love the suggestions of [name_m]Errol[/name_m] and [name_m]Lewis[/name_m] and [name_m]Clark[/name_m].
The [name_m]Rock[/name_m]-Singers! The [name_f]Star[/name_f]-[name_m]Powers[/name_m]! Then Ms [name_f]Lovely[/name_f] married Mr [name_m]Hooker[/name_m].
My husband and I briefly considered this. He has a surname that is difficult to pronounce (my first name is also difficult to pronounce) and it came from his late stepfather, who adopted my husband but he had PTSD from Vietnam and it ruined their relationship before he passed away (lung cancer from agent orange…yeah war sucks). Anyway, we seriously considered changing our surname to my husband’s mother’s maiden name, which is also the surname of his favorite uncle (the closest older male figure in his life). The only reason we didn’t change it is because he already has other children with the same (difficult) surname so at least now we all sound like a family. My husband at one point offered to take my maiden name, but I couldn’t have that, as I am close to my father so that would be weird if they shared the same surname.
Anyway, so my suggestion is to think if there is anyone on either side of your family that you are close to and consider using those names. Consider maiden names in from your families. Consider surnames of close friends/mentors.
I talked to my SO, and shared your ideas. He also likes [name_m]Adler[/name_m], [name_m]Albrecht[/name_m], [name_m]Errol[/name_m], Bosch, [name_m]Ritter[/name_m], and [name_u]Linden[/name_u]! They’re going on the list. [name_m]Adler[/name_m] and [name_m]Rainer[/name_m] are probably the frontrunners now.
Thanks again for everyone’s support. This is just the beginning of the process.
