When you were married (or in the future) will you take your husbands/partners last name replacing your own?
I’d like to know people’s opinion on this; and why they did or didn’t choose to.
Did you hyphenate? Did it affect your children’s last name? Was your partner offended by this choice?
No one in my family has ever kept their maiden name after getting married but I am tossing up keeping my last name (this is in the future of course).
I changed mine when I got married. Keeping solely my maiden name was never an option I considered because I wanted that connection to my husband by taking his name. I did play with the idea of hyphenating as i’m very family orientated and was proud of my surname, I worked in admin at the time though and it annoyed me when i had to address things to ‘Mr [name]Smith[/name] & Mrs [name]Jones[/name]-[name]Smith[/name]’ rather than just, ‘Mr & Mrs [name]Smith[/name]’ (more typing!). Anyway, i weighed it up for months but eventually decided to just take his name his name and be done with it 
I’d change mine. I don’t like the letter mine starts with. Fingers crossed I end up with a better letter.
I’ve played around with what to do with my last name for months now. I have an uncommon but easy to pronounce last name, other than family I’ve never met anyone else with it. SO has the 38-39th most popular name in the US. I’ve decided I will use his last name but I don’t know if I’m making my maiden name a middle or just dropping all together.
I’ve hyphenated! Best of both worlds lol
I have some insight on this as I have done it two ways. First you should know that I have always loved my maiden, it is part of my identity, and it is now used as a girls first name (ranked between 500-1000 in 2012).
The first time I married I kept my middle name and hyphenated my last name and my husbands. This made for a long, unwieldy last name that was a bit odd because it was an Irish name, hyphenated with an Italian name. I decided to use my ex husbands name though because I knew I would have children with him and wanted to share the last name.
When I divorced I went back to my maiden name and even though my son had a different last name, I felt I had my identity back. People stopped assuming I had Italian heritage,and asking me about growing up as an Italian American. I no longer had to deal with a 17 character last name. My sons having a different name has never mattered.
When I remarried, I assumed I would just keep my maiden name. But it mattered a lot to my husband that we would be Mr. and Mrs. W not Mr. W and Ms R. So I decided I would drop my middle name and keep my maiden name as my middle name. I use a shortened version of my first name and my maiden/middle as the name I usually go by. This has been the best solution for me. I have both my identity in tact and the unity with my husband that I enjoy.
To me, it seemed like a choice between my father’s name and my husband’s name, so I didn’t much care. Either way, the patriarchy wins, right? 
I told people that ideally, I would just go by one name. It works for [name]Madonna[/name], after all.
Anyhow, I ended up keeping my maiden name for the first couple of years. I was just too lazy to deal w. the paperwork, honestly. Then we moved states (from FL to [name]CA[/name]) and my husband told me that he wished that we had the same last name, so I said, okay, cool. I have to get new ID anyhow, I will just switch it. I planned to move my maiden name to my middle name and take his last name. However, the SSA office told me that I would need a court order to do this. So I just kept my middle name (which I like more than my maiden name anyhow) and took his last.
The funny thing was that before I took his name, people used to find out that I had kept my name and they would tell me how terrible this was. I got comments like, “[name]Don[/name]'t you love your husband?” and “Are you planning to eventually divorce him?” Then I took his last name when we moved to [name]CA[/name] and people would find out that I had taken his last name and they would tell me how terrible THAT was. They said things like “What happened to your identity?” and “Does he let you vote?”
I don’t think that most people have such extreme opinions on this. But I figure that the people who would say anything are going to be the ones who feel very strongly.
For me, I did not really care what my last name is. I still don’t care. I am glad that it makes my husband happy for us to share a last name. I would not say that having different names would necessarily make things difficult w. kids, but in our case, we are of a different race than our son. So it does help, I think, that we all share one name in terms of proving that we are actually his parents.
I did return to school after changing my last name and the one benefit that I noticed was that my maiden name is a late alphabet name. My married name is an early alphabet name. So I got called sooner for things in school. So that was nice, after a lifetime of being called near the end. His last name is also easier to pronounce.
I changed mine. And here are my reasons:
- no attachment to my maiden name - it’s not really mine to begin with, it was my father’s and his father’s, etc…
- wanted all our children to share the same last name
- hyphenating would be [name]WAY[/name] too long and a pain to write down
- husband paid all the bills and a full time job so it would be too much work to change his last name and…
- I wanted us both to share the same last name
I used to think of it as kind of sexist, the man never taking the woman’s name, so that’s why I was on the fence at first, but when you think about it, you never really “own” your last name, it belonged to someone else (unless you made up your own, I would have loved to do that, but DH was not a fan of the idea) so to me last names aren’t that big of a deal as people make them out to be.
I changed mine to my husband’s but kept my maiden name as my middle name. I didn’t hyphenate. When I went to the SS office to change it, I just scrapped my old middle name ([name]Rosemary[/name]) to make room for my former last name.
I took my husband’d last name: Toon, because it practically gave me a brand name. I’m a professional cartoonist/caricaturist, and illustrator, so having the name K**** Toon was too good a chance to pass up. Technically I did also keep my maiden name, I just added it on after my original middle name.
I changed mine, I loved my last name, My dad and family own a lot of places in town and everyone knew who knew my name knew my family and who I was. But your starting a new life with someone and you will start a family. [name]Just[/name] think of the little things in the future, your [name]Christmas[/name] cards it won’t just say from “The B’s”
I will be taking my partners name when we marry - our children already have it, but that’s not my main reason.
It may sound silly, but my last name is so long, complex and impossible to pronounce in English that I can’t wait to have a normal “that what everyones called” last name.
I won’t hyphenate for that reason either. My maiden name really IS stupidly long so going from an 18 letter last name (yes, EIGHTEEN) to a 6 letter one that people can pronounce AND spell will be heaven!
I am getting married this [name]October[/name] and I have decided to take his name for my surname and move my maiden name to the middle name spot. I have a strong attachment to my maiden name because it is part of my identity and links me to my birth family, but I also want the connection to my husband and his family and I want my future family to have the same name between me, my husband, and my children.
I changed mine. I would have kept it if it was something interesting, but my maiden name was White - blah! “White” in my case is also an Anglicisation of a longer Maori name, so it doesn’t even feel like a real name to me. I traded it for something better My friend whose surname is [name]Joy[/name] told me she’d never ever change her name. Yeah, well neither would I if I had something that lovely lol.
I completely understand why people keep their name though. From a feminist perspective changing your name to your husband’s is a little bit unsettling. Then again, as another poster mentioned, most people get their maiden names from their fathers… Can’t really win.
No. From a pratical pov, I already have 3 last names — it would be tiresome to add yet another one. On the other hand, I don’t like the sexist/conservative undertones this practise has in my country (it’s basically a fake tradition here, “imported” in mid-20th century by the fascist government and later popularised by american influences).
I changed mine. My maiden name was long and frankly, it was unattractive. My husbands surname is 2 two syllable name starting with Mc, and I always loved it because it was simple and nobody would mispronounce it, as nobody could pronounce my maiden name.
I’ll admit to being torn on this issue myself. But that’s speaking as a one-time divorced woman. I happily took my first husband’s last name - his was very simple and easy to say and spell and my maiden name is very Italian and has been a hassle my entire life. I dreamed of being able to change it ever since I was a little girl!
But it’s not a simple process. It’s a pain in the rear end actually, all of the stops at government offices, all the letters you have to send. Ugh. And then 6 months later the marriage fell apart. So not only was I a devastated mess but now I was stuck with his last name - unless I wanted to go thru ALL of that work to change it back again. Who wants to go thru all of that twice in one year???
So I kept it. Then a couple years later I met my second husband. He’s wonderful - and very traditional and it really meant a lot to him for me to take his name. More than I can explain, his heart was set on it. So I went thru it all again - dropped my first married name, put my maiden name in the middle spot, and took my new husband’s name again. I still get mail for all 3 names - my maiden name, my first married name, my current name. As I said before, it’s a real p.i.t.a.!
But overall, I’m glad I did it now too. To me, yes it’s the patriarchy and all that (I consider myself a very modern feminist), but it really does make a marriage feel like one whole family unit. Also, it meant the world to both of my husbands - I’m sure there are men out there who don’t care but most of the guys I’ve ever brought up the topic to, do seem to prefer the tradition. Also, I’ve been told by women who didn’t take their husband’s last name that that can also be a pain once you have kids. The kids generally get dad’s last name so mom’s last name doesn’t match and it can cause administrative issues. But I can’t speak about that angle from experience! Go with what feels right to you and your future husnand
I’d change mine. And I wouldn’t ever join my name with future husband’s- so much more hassle and confusion!
My reasons for why:
- I’m very traditional and taking husband’s name has always been done in my family
- I’m not massively attached to my surname
- My identity doesn’t depend on my surname
- I’d like to have the same surname as future husband and future children
- I don’t need to keep my maiden name to feel close to my family
- People expect it- I’d still get called Mrs [name]Smith[/name] even if I wanted to be Mrs [name]Jones[/name]
- There are boys in my family to carry the name on
- I just want to!
I changed mine. His was more aesthetically and aurally pleasing, and I had little to no attachment to my own. I changed it for many of the reasons already listed - I wanted us to have the same name, etc.
We have no intention of getting married (been together for 20 years) but if we did I wouldn’t take his name. Simply put, I see no reason to, for me there are no benefits. If he was willing to double barrel his as well I’d do that as our kids have both our names, but I wouldn’t take his alone.