Teling People the Name?

General Name Discussion
1

I was wondering how many of you discussed names with people (obviously excluding the internet) prior to the birth of your child?

I personally don’t have a problem with it. I mean, I don’t plan on announcing it on facebook, but I also think it’s nice to run names by people or talk about them in general.

However, I’ve got this one friend who is extremely pushy about her stance on not sharing the name. Her and her husband are, quite frankly, wearing on me quickly with their opinions on the subject. They both feel very strongly that it doesn’t make the baby as “special” to other people if they know the name ahead of time.

To each their own, but I think it’s kind of a bizarre way of thinking. I will admit there is something exciting about annoucing the name of a baby to the world and I definitely think that there is such a thing as “oversharing” (like the woman I know who has posted every detail about her pregnancy, including that she has currently been 1 cm dialated for over a week). However, I also think it’s nice to bounce names off people close to me and get “real world” reactions to a name.

[name]How[/name] many people feel this same way?

2

I was all about sharing with whoever asked…

Including with my pregnant bil/sil (who initiated a conversation & promised not to use my name) who used the name my husband & I planned to. With the same surname & age it just felt unusable at that point!

So I think name sharing is fine as long as you’re fine with asserting yourself through anything like that or general stuff like rude people telling you how awful your choice is.

I think talking to people about the name before the baby is born could make them feel like they’re part of collaborating in the process. When I was talking names with everyone I got to hear all about how everyone’s old neighbor’s dog was named [name]Nina[/name] or how a girl named [name]Nina[/name] was the meanest girl in middle school…

For any other pregnancies I ever have I think naming will be between me, my husband & the name nerds on the internet.

3

I know some people who withheld the name and it was very exciting when the babies were born and their names announced and they were all lovely and creative.

I think there’s no problem at all to not announce. My Mom told everyone I would be called [name]Garrett[/name]. Everyone called me [name]Garrett[/name] until she got tired of it! She realized she needed a new name since she didn’t want to name her baby a name she would get tired of. She changed the name to [name]John[/name], but then I was a girl so it was all a moot point. :slight_smile: There are definite perks like trying the name out and people can catch any negative problems with the name (i.e. you love the name [name]Brock[/name] but your last name is [name]Lee[/name] and you didn’t realize it sounds like broccoli).

4

I haven’t been there yet, but certainly it’s a personal choice. I know some people who announced the name early and enjoyed having their loved ones call the baby by name. Others keep it to themselves, either because they’re deciding at the last minute or because they know their opinionated relatives will have to keep their mouths shut if the name is already on the birth certificate. :slight_smile: If your friends and family are supportive and not rude in their criticism, there is nothing wrong with discussing the name ahead of time.

That said, it’s a bit odd of your friend to force her opinion so strongly. If a baby’s arrival is “less special” to friends and family because they know the name ahead of time, they clearly don’t care that much!

5

I understand both perspectives. My friend told her family members and closer friends, but was pretty confident there wouldn’t be any name stealing amongst her friends (a very irish name) and she’s fairly opinionated/confident so people didn’t feel like judging her choices. (They didn’t find out the sex and told people their likely two choices for each.)
Other friends who have found out the sex have referred to the baby as ‘baby [first initial]. If I found out ahead of time, that’s what I’d do, just the initial. I’d probably tell my two best friends, however :slight_smile: maybe before my own family/inlaws because they would probably be more supportive than family members who feel some weird ownership of the grandbaby.
But I do think telling people about the name is entirely the new parents’ decision. I’ll bet your friend that was so outspoken about that has other strong opinions in general, or a weird experience that shaped her with regard to that.

6

I haven’t been there yet either. I think it’s a very personal choice and I don’t see anything wrong with however people do it. I think it’s weird someone would be pushy about when others choose to reveal their own baby’s name.

I like the idea of naming the baby beforehand and telling people. I think it’s wonderful when people go ahead and start recognizing the baby as a little person before it’s born.

However, I doubt we will do this, for two main reasons:

  1. If we suddenly change our minds when we meet our baby, I want to be able to name him or her without feeling bad because we already have twelve monogrammed onesies with matching bibs.

  2. I don’t want to hear everyone else’s opinion on the name I’ve decided on. I’ll listen to people’s opinions and discuss names til I’m blue in the face - obviously! - but once I’ve decided I don’t want to watch my whole big crazy family make “ew” faces and “try” to be nice about the name I’ve chosen. Once there’s an actual baby they love that they can see who has that name, they’ll have way more perspective. This may be different for people with families who aren’t so opinionated and nutso, but I feel this is the best way to deal with mine.

7

We have a girl name decided and set. I have told a few people who have asked and gotten good remarks, besides one bad association they had prior. However the only family member that I told is my sister the other people who know are co-workers or parents for my pre-k kids. I did have an aunt right after we announced suggest a name and I said we were still discussing names, because we dont know the gender and I think I’d not just randomly post it without telling my parents and in-laws. So if people ask yes I share, am I worried about “name stealing” no I don’t know any people pregnant I’m super close to or live near, the couple I know either have names already or aren’t announcing yet.

8

I understand not sharing a name because you haven’t decided for sure or that you want to surprise everyone in the delivery room. I think a lot of people might want to keep the name a secret so no one tries to change their mind or say anything nasty. I’ve heard some rude comments before about names when they weren’t on the birth certificate yet. Though, I don’t think I’ll completely keep names from anyone when I due fall pregnant. My mom sometimes tells me about names she likes but, never pushes anything on me. I think that a baby being born is always special.

Side note: Also on the over sharing note. This is going to sound weird but, there is a girl who’s on my Facebook that I went to high school with her boyfriend and she also is sharing way too much about her pregnancy. What is worse is that she can’t use punctuation in the right place ever. She also complained the last 2 months about how she wanted to induce labor which really irks me. (TMI sentence coming up) She also is saying the 1cm dilated and about blood clots. So gross. Thank goodness her due date is in 2 days. I’m getting sick on like 17 posts a day about her problems. I can’t delete her because I’m friends with her boyfriend.

9

It was painless for us, since our son was named after his paternal grandfather, and there is the weight of centuries of tradition in my husband’s culture to do so. It was completely unobjectionable-- no one can possibly say anything nasty when you say “[name]Antoine[/name], like his grandfather.”

It will be uncharted waters if/when we have another child and simply choose a name we like. I don’t believe in waiting till the birth to announce to close friends and family, and I enjoyed talking about [name]Antoine[/name] by name before he was born. It helped mentally form him into a little person rather than a parasitic ball of cells.

10

I honestly wasn’t decided 100% up until recently, so at most I told people the options. At 36-37 weeks I felt sure and started confirming to family and close friends the name. It still feels weird calling him by name while he’s in utero, but at 38 weeks, 5 days it feels a lot less awkward than it would have immediately after the 20 week ultrasound, like some of my friends have done. Also, I’m not announcing it on facebook or anything to general acquaintances until after he’s born.

11

I’m using my grandfather’s name, which I make sure to mention when I tell the name, just b/c it’s outside the top 1000 and I figure it makes it harder for people to question if they know it’s significance to me.

12

It’s not an issue for me yet (not dating or married yet), but I think there would be some people I would share the name with and some I wouldn’t. It would entirely depend on the person. My dad, sister, oldest brother and close friends would probably be told. My youngest brother has a big mouth and you can never really trust what he tells whom. As close as we are and as much as I love them, my aunts are major busy bodies who have to have their nose in everyone’s business and won’t hesitate to tell you how they feel, very bluntly. And no matter how set on a name I was, they would never tire of trying to change my mind from the time they found out to when I had the kid. They definitely wouldn’t be told! (It sounds like I don’t like my family, and I really do love them to pieces. And they’d do anything for me and I for them. Some of them just have no off switch and can be very persistent.)

13

Thinking more about it, I can imagine myself telling close friends the name. And my mom. But the rest of the family? No way. They’re too insane. :slight_smile:

14

Funny story…friend has a surname that’s a name of a fish. We spoke for ages that she was going to call her son [name]Ky[/name]. That was the spelling. Told my husband, this was link he made:

  1. [name]KY[/name] Jelly
  2. Surname that is a name of a fish
  3. Nickname Jellyfish.
    [name]Hence[/name], she named her son [name]Kai[/name].
    Sometimes it’s good to chat about it… :wink:
15

Funny :slight_smile: so are mine! No way would I share!

16

[name]Don[/name]'t delete her but hide her posts from your timeline so you don’t have to bored with her too much info! I do that for ‘friends’ that I would like to delete but the grief that would come from that would be unbearable so I just hide and ignore them instead :wink:

17

This is why I think it’s a bad idea to keep a name secret. I don’t understand people who say “I don’t want to hear anything negative” so they keep it between them and their partner. Well the reality is a human being has to live with your choice for at least 18yrs so open your eyes and ears to any negatives about the name. Others may see problems that you don’t.
I’m not so thin-skinned that I can’t take negative opinions, I welcome them. Sometimes I end up liking a name more/less after hearing other perspectives. You don’t have to tell the whole word but don’t be close-minded either

18

Good Idea, Thanks. I will attempt to figure out how to do that. I’m still not used to the new layout.

19

Sometimes you will hear legitimate concerns, but some people will just be mean and tell you the name is awful b/c it’s not their style. I think that’s what people mean by not wanting to hear negative comments. Also, a lot of people don’t know what’s popular now, especially if they don’t have children of their own yet (or had theirs a long time ago) and what goes over well in a child’s peer group would have more impact on them in the long run, I’d think. Plus, the flip side is name stealing. It might not be a huge risk, but it happens. If you’re wanting to use a very popular name, it might be more helpful to announce it and “call dibs” but an uncommon one might just be the suggestion someone you know was waiting for.

20

I told pretty much everybody who was close to me and revealed the name on FB. In my case, though, I just knew as soon as I found out I was having a boy what his name was, similar to how people just know the name when their child is born. I think this is the best option.

Number [name]One[/name]: The people around you feel much more connected to your unborn child when he/she has a name. The baby suddenly has an identity and is addressed with a name. It was so personal for me to hear my friends and family already addressing him by name.

Number Two: I understand not wanting to reveal the name because of potential negative reactions from family and friends, but like a pp mentioned, referring to the baby by name, regardless of whether other people like it or not, is a really great way to see whether or not you can live with it. You’ll not only get other people’s opinions, which can be annoying, yes, but you may get sick of the name or realize that it’s difficult for other people to pronounce/spell, or maybe you just realize you can’t imagine having a kid with that name when, before, when you rarely used the name in conversation, you could. Your unsatisfied [name]MIL[/name] might actually decide she likes the name after using it whilst referring to unborn baby. You just never know!

Number Three (and not totally important in the grand scheme of things): This allows you to get some personalized baby gifts, which can be really cheesy but also really cute.

My sister is currently pregnant and sharing the name of her firstborn, and while I think, now looking back, that I probably wouldn’t be quite so revealing, I still think it’s an okay thing to do. Maybe next time I won’t announce on FB, but I would still definitely tell my family and friends I see all the time.

Of course, there is the conundrum of having a name picked out that you’re not really sure about. [name]Don[/name]'t share it with everybody. A good friend just had a baby a few days ago and did not reveal the name, but I’m pretty sure he and his wife were having a hard time deciding on a name. In the end, the big reveal was so special and everybody loves the name, but I just wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you have no other choice.

In summary, I would like to say that revealing the name can be just as, or even more special than keeping it secret. My sister’s fetus is very much a part of our family now and has a solid identity, which I think is because we all know her name and feel that much more connected than we would have if she were just “[name]Baby[/name] C” or “it” or “she.”