There is a possible middle option. This is one that has been in consideration ever since expecting our first.
However, as we’re trying to create combos and I’m at the same time over analyzing names I’m wondering if this should be on the list or not.
Without saying the actual name for privacy reasons. I realized that the name for middle name consideration is actually a gender variation of someone we’ve had to “cut out” of our lives in recent years. Though never “close” to this person their is relational closeness…: I’m wondering if this middle being in our potential child’s name would have others thinking that this was some sort of honor.
To give some unrelated examples for clarification it’d be like giving a child the middle name Alana when the name of concern were Alan. Or Michael when the name of concern is Michaela.
Changing up the spelling wouldn’t really appeal to either of us because there is a namesake we like that comes with the actual potential middle. This is the 5th pregnancy but the first where the name similarities dawned on me and when I told hubby he didn’t disagree with my concerns. But where it did take so long to realize it ourselves…. Does that make this a dealbreaker?
I think without knowing the names themselves it’s hard to say. If the middle name were popular in its own right then it would probably be okay, i.e. I wouldn’t assume [name_u]Julian[/name_u] was named after [name_f]Juliana[/name_f]. But if the middle was rarer then it might be a little bit more touchy, i.e. I might question if [name_f]Thomasina[/name_f] was named after [name_m]Thomas[/name_m].
I agree with PP, it depends on how common and how related the names are. I would assume that [name_f]Giuliana[/name_f] was after [name_f]Juliana[/name_f], or [name_f]Estella[/name_f] after [name_f]Estela[/name_f], as they are the same name spelled different. I wouldn’t assume, however, that [name_f]Lucy[/name_f] was for [name_f]Lucilla[/name_f].
I am assuming that your closest family and friends are aware that this person has been cut out of your relationship for a very long time, so I’m pretty sure they would KNOW that this person is not being honoured. No explanation required. Especially, as you would be using a gender variation, have a namesake in mind to honour, and it is in the middle position I think you are fine in using it. Not a dealbreaker at all.
How many people around you would know that you’d had to cut out that person from your life? How many people around you know the other person/would be likely to recall them?
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you associate the name you want to use with them or do you see them as separate names - not related, not influenced by one another in terms of you finding them?
Does it make you feel uncomfortable? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think of them every time you now hear it?
[name_f]Do[/name_f] you have other associations or other reasons to use the name, that you could easily turn to if someone did ask?
Is the name super unusual, super tied to that one person in your life? [name_f]Do[/name_f] they feel like names you would have arrived at separately? (ie. if the name was Charles/Charlie and the person was [name_f]Charlotte[/name_f], I wouldn’t even think about it. Same with anything like Nicole/Nicolas, Tamsin/Thomas, Julian/Juliet, Joseph/Josephine - either they sound distinct enough or are popular in their own right. If it’s something like Alba/Alban, Ernestine/Ernest, Valentina/Valentine where it’s an unusual gender variation or generally an unusual name, then I might question it more??
In short, it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. Maybe mention the name to someone around you, see if they bring up that person?
I think you’re over analyzing way beyond. Most people don’t remember middle names and it helps that they aren’t used in school unless the child chooses to go by that. Most people would just know your child as their first name or the nickname you give them. If I loved a name nothing would stop me from using it. Go for it!
[name_u]Honor[/name_u] names are for whomever you choose to honor. It’s unfortunate that it’s similar to someone you disowned but I agree that you may be overthinking. It’s in the middle spot- so much less prominent.
[name_m]Just[/name_m] think of the actual namesake and decide if not naming after that person is worth the possible connection to the one you dislike. If so- I’m sure there is another way you could honor the actual namesake even if you had to get creative with a birth month, nickname, etc
Thank you to everyone who has responded. I think I have the feedback I’ve been looking for. Not sure if it’ll stay on the list or not…. At this point I’ll just see if it’s still a top pick for hubby after all this time!