The Gayberries are here :)

i anonymised it because i was trying to take a break from NB! i’m back now, though, and am in a much better place.

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Hello!

proud of you :heart:

I’m so sorry [name_f]Ella[/name_f]. [name_f]My[/name_f] mum reacted exactly like that when I came out and it made me question everything all over again I’m still in the process of figuring it out. I don’t have any advice because I’m in the same position you are in I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and that you are valid. Don’t feel too pressured to find a label Multisexual is an umbrella term for bisexuality, pansexuality, omnisexuality, polysexuality and all other types of non monosexual sexual orientations. You can also just use the term queer. [name_f]My[/name_f] PMs are always open if you wanna talk.

Yeah parents will probably be a part of that friend group too smh

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im glad you are doing better <3

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hi! i’m not gay but I support the community and I’m not homophobic.

I need some advice.

Help

So, I have a friend who recently came out as non binary. They (let’s call them Pat) changed their name and stuff. Before middle school (we’re currently in 8th grade) [name_u]Pat[/name_u] was a very girly girl- they liked pink stuff and unicorns and always wore dresses. Before 6th grade, I was more tomboyish and I used to get annoyed by their girliness. In 6th grade, I was much less of a tomboy. [name_u]Pat[/name_u] and I started getting along very well. We realized we had more in common than we thought. In the middle of the year, [name_u]Pat[/name_u] came out as lesbian. I was surprised but supportive, and it didn’t affect our friendship. 7th grade was virtual, completely online. We talked a little over Zoom. At the end of the year [name_u]Pat[/name_u] came out as genderfluid, which shocked me, but we never talked about it. We didn’t talk at all over the summer. This year, my friend informed me that [name_u]Pat[/name_u] was non binary, using they/them pronouns exclusively, and had changed their name. I was VERY shocked. The first day of school, they came up to me and went “Hi [name_f]Birdie[/name_f]! I go by [name_u]Pat[/name_u] now.” I put on a big smile and said “Hi, Pat!” We stood there for a second, then I went “do you like my dress?” and [name_u]Pat[/name_u] said (unenthusiastically) “Oh, yeah, it’s nice”. We just stood there for a minute, then [name_u]Pat[/name_u] went “Well, it’s good to see you” and i was like “yeah you too” and then the bell rang and we each went to our (different) first periods. Since then, I always smile and wave to [name_u]Pat[/name_u] in the halls and stuff, but… we never talk anymore. It kind of feels like we have nothing to talk about- lots of the things we had in common aren’t relevant to [name_u]Pat[/name_u] anymore. I support Pat’s identity, but part of me feels weirdly sad. It’s like I lost a friend- [name_u]Pat[/name_u] being a girl used to be a big aspect of their personality, and it’s just… gone. I feel awful for wishing [name_u]Pat[/name_u] was still the girly girl [name_u]Pat[/name_u] I used to know, because I understand that [name_u]Pat[/name_u] feels non binary now and I don’t want to disrespect their identity. I always use they them pronouns and don’t refer to them as their old name, but I’m still confused about how much [name_u]Pat[/name_u] changed within a year. But, I’ve known [name_u]Pat[/name_u] for a long time, and they’re my FRIEND. They have a new name, new pronouns, and new interests that don’t match mine. The old [name_u]Pat[/name_u] is gone. I want to connect more with new [name_u]Pat[/name_u], but it’s really hard. (jsyk [name_u]Pat[/name_u] has NO IDEA that I feel this way and I would NEVER want to hurt their feelings.) Anyway, I don’t know what to do, but I want my friend back. Help!

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@Miss_Mayhem Is it possible that growing apart from [name_u]Pat[/name_u] and their coming out aren’t as much related as you think? If I read correctly most of your friendship so far had to be online, so you never both never had a chance to develop routines like having lunch together, walking each other to class or even just a way to talk casually.
Also - maybe I read that wrong? - it seems like they never came out to you, you heard about it from someone else. Maybe [name_u]Pat[/name_u] is apprehensive because they don’t know how much you know both about their current labels and non-binary identities in general, and if they have your support.
Try to remember your friend didn’t really become someone else - their label changed, not them. They just learned something new about themself. And presentation isn’t identity! Your nonbinary friend might still be interested to talk about fashion and femininity with you. You’ll just have to find out!
[name_f]My[/name_f] advice is to try and find a way of spending time together casually (lunch?) so both of you can find out how your dynamic changed and get used to the new situation if needed. You can ask honest questions about Pat’s identity like how long they have known or where they’d sort themself on a spectrum so they can see you’re accepting and supportive - and maybe learn some more about why they didn’t come out to you directly without “confronting” them about it.
Good luck!

@flowellagrace Sorry your mom didn’t understand, but maybe with enough time she’ll come around. Others have already given you the best advice possible: You know best how you feel. You’ve made the huge step of realising you feel the same about men and women and put it into words. [name_u]Trust[/name_u] yourself with this.
Between bi and pan (and the lesser known poly, omni, multi), I think you can really just pick what you like (or use both)! Definitely don’t listen to people who tell you you have to use a specific term for whatever reason. “Bi because it’s the first word for it I knew” is just as valid as “Pan because attraction to different genders feels the same to me” or “Multi because I don’t want to rule out attraction to nonbinary genders but can’t possibly know all of them”. You got this!

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Hey, identity report:

I still identify as genderfaun, but now also as a termcollector & as cro. I was having a lot of confusion about my sexuality a while ago but for now I identify as abrosexual (primarily demi) & panro. I describe my pronouns as faunpronominal now.

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also i just found a really cool new way to express your sexuality (& maybe gender) :blush:

hey same!! i think i have 114 labels in my hoard atm??

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i also forgot to mention that i think i may be faesari :]

wow thats a lot- /pos

yeah it is haha, its sort of become a pastime

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[name_f]My[/name_f] haircut is planned for [name_u]November[/name_u]! :heart::heart: Super excited to finally have my hair reflect my gender identity

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Hey there :blush: I’m [name_f]Kristin[/name_f] and I use she/her pronouns

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[name_f]Welcome[/name_f] [name_f]Kristin[/name_f]! I go by [name_u]Courtney[/name_u] & use they/he/xe pronouns.