The Gender Query

General Name Discussion
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Hello, Berries!

I noticed this a few years ago on my original Nameberry account, and I’m sure many of you guys have to. I thought this could make for an interesting discussion, so I’ll leave some question prompts and you can leave your thoughts in the comments.

The Girl [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Name forum category gets SO much more traction than the Boy [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Name category - from expecting moms, Teenberries, visitors, lurkers, everyone. All the threads seem to have significantly more views and replies than in the boys’ group. I remember a thread talking about how there is far more variety in girls names than boys names (girl names in the top 10 are less common than boy names in the top 10 in the general population)

So, my first question for you guys - Why do we think this is? Why are parents way braver and creative with girl names than boy names?

Second question: [name_f]Do[/name_f] you find it easier to fall in love with a boy name or a girl name? I’ll also leave a poll to vote on in case you’re short on time.

I find it easier to fall in love with…
  • Girl names
  • Boy names
  • Both names equally
  • Unisex names
0 voters

Third question: Are you BRAVER with boy names or girl names?

I am braver with…
  • Girl names
  • Boy names
  • Both names equally
  • Unisex names
0 voters

Fourth question: [name_f]Do[/name_f] you ENJOY discovering girl names, commenting on girl threads etc, than boy names?

I prefer discovering and commenting on…
  • Girl names
  • Boy names
  • Both names equally
  • Unisex names
0 voters

Please leave any additional thoughts in the comments! I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion here.

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I see a few reasons for that:

There are more girl names. Boy names are just the boy names, but girls have more:
Respellings
Diminutives
Gender-bending names
Feminisations (so, girl names are actually girl names + girl versions of boy names)
Nature names

Also, we can think it like that: When you go to a clothes store, there will be more place for baby girls, girls and women. Because creating something feminine is easier: If you add more colours to a t-shirt, it will look more feminine. If you add flower patterns, it will look more feminine. So, you add anything pretty and it looks feminine. What do most t-shirts for males look like? They’re plain.
Names are the same. When you add -ie to Ann, you get Annie. -ika? Annika. -ette? Annette. Elizabeth? Anneliese. You add a nice sound and create numerous names. But that isn’t the case for most boy names.
And for gender-bending, again with the clothes example: A girl can wear trousers, but people find it strange when a boy wears a dress. Gender-bending goes in a similar direction: yes to boy names on girls, no to girl names on boys. So this results in a bigger name diversity for little girls.

As for my preference, I like over-frilly names so I tend to like feminine names more.

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I’ve always thought it could be because most users are female (although I can’t say I’ve paid much attention to what threads male and non-binary users comment on) - maybe there’s some truth in the old fashioned (imo) stereotype that mum wants a daughter and dad wants a son. I also think that the trend of boy names becoming girl names has meant that there’s more choice for girls than for boys. I’ve never named an actual person so not too sure on this one, but it might be that it’s easier to agree on a boys name as boys names tend to be more versatile, if that makes sense, so there’d be no need to post.

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This is the case on every name forum I’ve ever visited, it’s so interesting!

Personally, I (very boringly) voted “both equally” for all of these questions BUT with the disclaimer that the boys’ names I love and want to use remain far more constant than the girls’, so I probably post more frequently about girl names for that reason.

Also, there is statistically still more variety in girls’ names in real life usage. The gap is closing, but there’s still something like a 10% difference between the proportion of girls vs boys in the US who receive a name outside the Top 1000 for their year of birth. (That’s from memory, so forgive me if I’m a bit out!)

Boys do still tend to receive more traditional names, including those outside the Top 1000. Many rare (in the US) boy names are traditional in different cultures, whereas the rare girl names are more often respellings and modern inventions, although of course there are lots of international names too.

I think this is why people feel like there are more girl names possibilities out there; there’s more of a precedent for thinking outside the box for girl names, and society is maybe even more accepting of it. Girls can have “fanciful” names or “pretty” names chosen just for their aesthetic appeal or fashion value, whereas boys need “strong” or “classic” names that will look good on a professional resumé (not my opinion, obviously, I’m projecting!)

So often, boys’ names feel like a done deal. People have loved, eg. [name_m]Samuel[/name_m], since high school, and it’s still not feeling dated, plus it honours a bunch of family members. Perfect! Whereas girl names you loved in high school have probably already gone out of fashion or shot up in popularity since you “discovered” them (at the same time as everyone else!)

This is an interesting idea and could well play a role too! I know growing up, I definitely imagined my future daughter more often than my future son — although, obviously, I love my real life son and daughters equally! I guess, as a girl/woman, I could identify with my imaginary future daughter more, including what name I’d have loved to have been given.

Great topic! I look forward to reading the other responses :blush:

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Ive noticed this too !

i think its more to do with society and gender roles as a whole that affects how brave/the amount of variety of names people give their daughters compared to sons. in particular the apparent “hatred” of femininity for not just boys, but people, where it is perceived as weak, and naturally parents wouldn’t want their sons to be seen negatively. conformity tends to show a lot higher in males.

potentially fear of humiliation, or fear of being viewed as “feminine” that traditional, more safe names are given to boys. yet with girls, uniqueness and femininity are embraced, allowing for parents to happily name their daughters something they feel they could never name their sons. at least that’s my interpretation of the gender divide of the name statistics. it’s a shame, because there are so many beautiful undiscovered boys names id love to be able to use !

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This is really interesting! It’s true that most users on naming websites are female, which could explain the preference for girl names.
On the other hand, not all women want daughters. I’ve always wanted a son, and I voted that I fall in love more with boy names, maybe because I can actually imagine them on my future child. I also voted that I’m more adventurous with girl names, again maybe because I don’t expect to ever have to name one in real life.

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I’ve been wondering about this too. I think it has something to do with mothers wanting daughters, although that has never really been the case for me. I mean, I don’t mind either way.

Personally I find it much easier to fall in love with boy names. [name_f]My[/name_f] list of boy names is much longer than my girl names list. On the other hand, when I do fall in love with a girl name it stays on my list for ages, whereas my top 10 of boy names changes all the time.

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Most Nameberry members are female, so in my opinion that probably plays a role. I personally enjoy thinking and talking about girls’ names more. Because I’m a woman, I can imagine what it would be like to have “X” as my name. I can’t say the same about boys’ names, because it’s a different cultural experience. For example, I’ve never heard a boy/man complain that his name is too common, but I’ve heard that complaint from girls/women many times.

Also, there is a long-standing tradition of boys being named after male relatives, so you might plan to name your baby boy [name_u]James[/name_u] after his grandpa [name_u]James[/name_u], so there’s less need to talk about different options on a baby name forum. It’s less common for girls to be named after their mothers or grandmothers (at least not in the first name slot). This means that girls’ names tend to be more varied and fashion-driven. Think of the Kardashian siblings. [name_f]Kourtney[/name_f], [name_u]Kimberly[/name_u], [name_f]Khloe[/name_f] and… [name_m]Robert[/name_m].

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Honestly for me, I’m just far pickier with boys names and my style is pretty well set for boys, and hasn’t changed in years, so I feel less need to ask about them. Girls I am constantly changing and find it hard to get comfortable with a set list, for a lot of personal reasons.

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Everything I wanted to say has pretty much been covered already, thank you @ethelmary for explaining it way better than I could :joy:

I think it was discussed a little on the #momberries thread about gender disappointment, but I am reminded of how (thankfully) girls are encouraged and allowed to be anything they want to be, a girl can like princesses, painting, dinosaurs, trucks… But for boys it doesn’t seem to have caught up yet.

It’s okay to dress a girl in a top with dinosaurs on it, but when a boy wears a top with fairies, or a princess dress, it’s frowned upon. I think that in the same way, it feels okay to call a girl [name_f]Tallulah[/name_f], [name_f]Aurora[/name_f], [name_u]Riley[/name_u], [name_u]Max[/name_u] or [name_u]James[/name_u]. For boys, the name pool is much smaller.

On the other hand, for me personally, I probably spend more time on the girls forum looking for inspiration because I just can’t seem to love girls names :joy: boys are way easier for me & thus require less discussion.

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I always think about this too, I think it’s really interesting! I said that I find it easier to fall in love with girl names than boy names, which is really only partly true. I definitely love a lot more girl names and I find it much easier to come across a new girl name and like it, whereas with boys it usually takes me a lot longer to fully come around to them. But once I love a boy name, it sticks. Although that could be because I don’t love very many boy names and I end up cycling through the same ones over and over. A lot of the time I don’t bother with the boy forums because I know that nothing is going to pique my interest, but with the girls people always seem to be talking about cool names that I really enjoy. This could be that the girl forums are generally more in line with my own style than the boy ones too.

I think the point about women being stereotyped into wanting daughters and men being stereotyped into wanting sons is interesting, too. Personally, I can imagine myself with a little girl but not with a boy and I think that likely plays a part in my larger interest in girl names. But it definitely doesn’t apply to everyone, and gender preference doesn’t always mean it’s easier to fall in love with certain names. I think it could definitely play a part in my own preferences though.

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I wouldn’t say I’m specifically braver with girl names, but I have slightly different tastes between the two, and my girl style is more out there! I’ve also been interested in girl names longer than boy names - I’ve always loved girl names, and didn’t find any boy names I genuinely love until very recently.

Edit: there’s a non-zero chance that this was a manifestation of my disinterest in boys as a child

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I like unisex & girl names — But the polls weren’t multiple choice, so I just pixked unisex on the first one. ^^

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I quite struggle to fall in love with girls names. I can find boys names i love very easy but struggle with girls names. Sometimes I will find a girls name i love but I find boys names so much easier.

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I think there are a few different factors for me - some external, some internal.

First I think that girl names get tired more quickly. I’m not sure if people’s desire to have a “different” name came before or after the constant variation, but a top name like [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] isn’t just [name_f]Olivia[/name_f]… it’s [name_f]Alivia[/name_f], [name_f]Olive[/name_f], [name_f]Liv[/name_f], [name_f]Livia[/name_f] plus [name_u]Oliver[/name_u], [name_u]Ollie[/name_u], [name_f]Alicia[/name_f], [name_u]Vivian[/name_u]. The names get changed by a letter or two so often that it feels overused. And because so many names are adapted from boy names or there is an -e version, an -a version, and an -ie version ([name_f]Ann[/name_f], [name_u]Anne[/name_u], [name_f]Anna[/name_f], [name_f]Annie[/name_f], need I go on) the names are everywhere even though “[name_f]Ann[/name_f]” is close to the end of the top 1000. I know people named [name_f]Lilly[/name_f], [name_f]Lily[/name_f], [name_f]Lilian[/name_f], [name_f]Lillian[/name_f], [name_f]Lillianna[/name_f], [name_f]Liliana[/name_f], [name_f]Lillianne[/name_f], [name_f]Lilia[/name_f], [name_f]Lillie[/name_f], … so even though [name_f]Lilou[/name_f] isn’t really part of that group and is virtually unheard of here and isn’t in the top 1000 it’s like “been there done that.” Whereas with boy names [name_u]Bennett[/name_u] is #108 but feels fresh and bright even though it does fall into [name_u]Benjamin[/name_u], [name_m]Benedict[/name_m], [name_m]Ben[/name_m], etc. I don’t know any Bennetts (counterpart is [name_f]Everleigh[/name_f]!).

If I picked a boy name that is outside of the top 1000 today and said “this is it, this is the one” in 5-10 years it’ll most likely still be outside of the top 1000. I likely won’t have met one or even heard about the name. With girl names that just doesn’t feel like the case. The rise and fall is rapid and difficult to predict. Names outside the top 1000 are used so often.
I tend to back myself farther and farther into the corner on girl names. [name_f]Every[/name_f] name feels boring or overused or too recognizable. And so I keep trying to find more and more uncommon names until I pick a name that is “too out there” and have to reign it in.

This got very off topic but the idea of mothers wanting daughters below;)

Summary

In a non name, more gender based way - I only recently could picture myself with a son. For so many years I dreamed of having a bunch of girls. I could raise them to be loud and unafraid and utterly themselves. I think some of this stemmed from “encouragement” to have or want boys. Those gender reveal videos where pink confetti comes out of the balloon and the father goes of to sulk. “Carrying on the family name.” I see tropes on TV of girls being raised to be masculine because they wanted a boy, but never boys being raised differently because they wanted a girl. Totally off track from any name discussion but it made the idea of boys difficult for a long time - my tune has very much changed I genuinely don’t care about the gender distribution of my hypothetical kids (though my mom has my childhood dresses saved).

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For me at least, I find boys names easier. The boys names I like stay fairly consistent so I don’t tend to post too often about them - they’re definitely safer choices though and my list for boys is a lot smaller. (Reflecting the difference in how many boys names there are?) There are also more boys names I love that I wouldn’t ‘actually’ use for fear of how society would judge ([name_u]Aubrey[/name_u], [name_u]Vivian[/name_u], [name_u]Marion[/name_u] etc.)

Girls, on the other hand, I just can’t quite pin down. I like a name and then suddenly everyone does and I’m worried it’s going to date a lot more clearly than any of the boys names I like equally so I change those names more often.

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Girl names are like those frozen yogurt shops - there’s the typical vanilla ([name_f]Emma[/name_f]), strawberry ([name_f]Emily[/name_f]), and chocolate (I don’t know, maybe [name_f]Louisa[/name_f]).

BUT there are just SO MANY TOPPINGS displayed right there you can’t help but add some. Gotta put some fresh sliced strawberries on your vanilla swirl ([name_f]Emmalee[/name_f], [name_f]Emmaleigh[/name_f]), or swirl the vanilla and chocolate altogether ([name_f]Emma[/name_f]-[name_u]Louise[/name_u]). Maybe some whipped cream (-ianna), sprinkles (-lyn), and oh, don’t forget the M&M’s (i → y, c → k, double n’s, l’s, s’s…)

After you’re done with the whole schpeal you’ve got your very own personalized-to-the-sprinkles frozen yogurt ice cream (idk, [name_f]Emalyn[/name_f]-Luisyanna) and you’re feeling mighty proud about it.

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That’s a great imagery :joy:

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I can’t imagine myself with boys. This used to bother me so much because I thought this would jinx the universe and I’d end up with 10 sons or something, but I’ve recently decided that it’s not really an issue. First, I’m not having kids anytime soon, and I’ve found that I can imagine myself being excited about having a boy if the time does come. Second, whether or not I imagine myself with a son or daughter or non-binary child doesn’t actually impact the sex or gender of my kid in the future. It’s still a coin flip each time. And finally, I do enjoy girl names more. I can imagine myself with daughters with far many more names than sons, where the pool is small and it takes a lot more for me to love a name. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference, especially given the last two reasons.

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Historically, people don’t pick unique names for boys as much as they do for girls. Since boy names don’t go through as many trend cycles as girl names, more of them remain classic. [name_f]Purity[/name_f] is at the bedrock of a lot of girl names (at least in the Western world, from my knowledge) and attitudes toward sexuality bend with the wind of time. I love [name_f]Virginia[/name_f], a name which could’ve been a classic, but the “virgin” syllable scares people off. Boy names tend to be steeped in bravery and lineage and heroism, whereas girls are flowers and social movements (I say this as someone who loves flower names).

Growing up, I was always told to give a boy a boring name so he won’t be bullied — I have clung to that advice like it’s scripture and whittled my boys’ names down to just firmly masculine, classic choices.

Also, my family is ripe with women and girls, so I assume I’ll have more daughters than sons. However, I do know a family where the boy is [name_m]Wolfgang[/name_m] and the girl is [name_f]Rose[/name_f]. Perhaps they’re ahead of their time in some ways :wind_face:

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