The Imaginary Chrysanthemum

I considered posting this in Imaginary [name_u]Baby[/name_u] Announcement thread, since that’s technically what it is. But it is also more than that and the people who hang out in this category are the people who might be interested in reading all this.

I was inspired to finally post this after reading this post:

But in reality, I wrote this in [name_f]September[/name_f] 2017, when my son was about a month old.
I figured it was worth posting now. [name_f]My[/name_f] 2nd son is now a month old, and it was very interesting to reread in the light of being in this transitional phase to new parenthood all over again. But moreso I thought it would be great to share now that I can ACTUALLY tag users. Please, if others have changed usernames and you know who they are now, TAG THEM!!!

Here goes:

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[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] K… arrived safely at home on [name_u]August[/name_u]/[name_f]September[/name_f] 00, 2017, at 00:00am/pm measuring 00 inches and 00lbs 0oz.

“That’s C-H-R-Y-S-A-N-T-H-E-M-U-M.”

“OK, Ms. K***, just so we’re sure that I have this correct in our system, that’s C as in [name_u]Charlie[/name_u], H as in Hotel, R as in [name_m]Romeo[/name_m], Y as in Yankee, S as in [name_u]Sierra[/name_u], A as in [name_f]Alpha[/name_f], N as in [name_u]November[/name_u], T as in [name_m]Tango[/name_m], H as in Hotel, E as in [name_u]Echo[/name_u], M as in [name_m]Mike[/name_m], U as in Uniform, and M as in [name_m]Mike[/name_m].”

“…Yep…”

[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] is a contentious name. I anticipate some pushback, some weird looks and poorly-concealed eyerolls, and for my daughter to go through phases of dreaming and wishing she had anything but this name. But I came to realize over time that, as a longtime name nerd, it would feel dishonest to myself to exclude a name I love from the running in this very important decision just because I know a lot of people out in the world won’t like it. The people who matter to us, who love us and whom we love, will either like the name or get on board with the name despite their distaste for it. The other people don’t really matter. And I believe I will raise a daughter who will have the wherewithal and fortitude to surround herself with similar people in life. Ultimately, this name was too special to us. It overcame every reservation we had with it. And it ties together everything we hope for our daughter in one convenient package. It “eclipsed” every other choice we had, like tanaquil described, and it ultimately would have been “settling” had we chosen something “vaguely safer,” as mcinkat put it.

Since I am as much a family historian as I am a namenerd, the decision of what to name our daughter came with a lot of baggage. We wanted a name that spoke to our child’s inheritance of a family filled with love and tradition and intersectionality of identity. And this was it.

[name_f]My[/name_f] partners’s side

[name_f]My[/name_f] husband’s family is entirely Chinese-American. In Chinese tradition, it is taboo to name after an ancestor, so that put us in a bit of a bind. We set out looking for options that would honor my husband’s heritage, without explicitly naming based on family members (this restraint was really hard for me, because I have an excellent relationship with his family, and have studied his ancestry extensively and there’s so much about their history I want to honor!). Chinese names didn’t really feel right as we speak no Chinese languages, and my husband self-identifies as Chinese-American, not Chinese. Choosing a Chinese name for the American birth certificate felt performative to us in a way that choosing a Western name didn’t [baby will have a cultural Chinese name that has yet to be decided, but will be chosen in collaboration with babe’s great-grandmother, who also named my husband his Chinese name by analyzing the balance of the five elements at the time of his birth, which is the traditional way to decide]. In the end, we settled on three names that speak to baby’s heritage as half Chinese-American, but which are not Chinese names themselves.

[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] flowers are very symbolic in Chinese culture and poetry. They are part of the Confucianist “[name_u]Four[/name_u] Gentlemen” and the flowers of the four seasons in Chinese painting, symbolizing [name_f]Autumn[/name_f]. [name_f]Autumn[/name_f] in the solar Chinese calendar began on [name_u]August[/name_u] 7th this year, so she arrived squarely in Chinese "[name_f]Autumn[/name_f].”

[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] is unlike a lot of other unusual names we considered, in that it is recognizable to my husband’s diasporic family members, for whom [name_f]English[/name_f] is usually a third or fourth language. They all have [name_f]English[/name_f] names that are very standard and were popular for the time of their respective births (I can only think of one that wasn’t a top 100 name for that relative’s generation). Slightly more unusual names often trip them up (for example, my own name frequently gets turned into [name_f]Elaine[/name_f] or [name_u]Vivian[/name_u], common [name_f]Asian[/name_f]-American names, by well-meaning relatives who accidentally slip up because they have a harder time remembering [name_f]Lilian[/name_f]). But, [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] is a word that is really well-known among non-native Chinese-American [name_f]English[/name_f]-speakers thanks to the cultural significance of the flower and the necessity of celebrating happy occasions with fragrant pots of [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] tea (my partner’s favorite tea). This was a reason for us not to convolute with derivative names like [name_f]Chrysanthe[/name_f] or Chryanthème, which are also beautiful options. [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] is more straightforward as the [name_f]English[/name_f] word, even though it’s longer.

[name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_f]Pearl[/name_f], on the other hand, are both extremely well-known [name_f]Asian[/name_f]-American names with a long history of use.

To top it off, my beloved grandmother-in-law is [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f], a name that (hush-hush) isn’t etymologically related to [name_f]Helen[/name_f], but is certainly reminiscent of and commonly associated with [name_f]Helen[/name_f]. On our first meeting, when [name_f]Eleanor[/name_f] expressed to me her wish for a great-grandchild, she gave me a well-loved strand of heirloom pearls that she has worn since the ‘50s. So there’s even more symbolic importance to me for the name [name_f]Pearl[/name_f], representing the gift of inherited good fortune and well wishes. Lastly, our surname is a common, one-syllable Chinese surname, and is the true ethnic inheritance our baby receives from us.

[name_f]My[/name_f] side

[name_f]My[/name_f] family is entirely European-American, and we definitely have the habit of naming our babies after other people. The name [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] ties together 6 generations in my family along the family line I feel the most connection to.

Granny [name_f]Pauline[/name_f], babe’s 4th great-grandmother, was a [name_u]Saxon[/name_u] immigrant (back when [name_m]Saxony[/name_m] was its own kingdom) to the US. She was an adventurous woman. She not only left her homeland to come to [name_u]America[/name_u] as a teenager to be a Midwestern pioneer, surviving snake bites and rough waters, but was also the eldest member of my family to live abroad in [name_f]China[/name_f] for several years. She was the start of a naming tradition in my family that has thus far generated 12 Pauls and Paulines (options strongly vetoed by my partner). She is represented by the [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] element of the name.

Granny [name_f]Pauline[/name_f] birthed [name_f]Daisy[/name_f].

[name_f]Daisy[/name_f], babe’s 3rd great-grandmother, was truly ahead of her time. She was the first woman in our family to attend and graduate college. She waited until she was 27 to marry, but not for lack of suitors. [name_m]Even[/name_m] in marriage to a man who doted on her (she was truly the love of HIS life), she remained fiercely independent of her husband, which created quite a bit of strife and drama over the course of their tumultuous lifelong romance. She lived in [name_f]China[/name_f] with him, but after losing one of her two children to illness and under pressure to continue to bear more children, she left with her 3-year old son to divorce and return alone to the United States to be a single, working mother in the roaring ‘20s and explore her own career. She split her time between [name_m]Washington[/name_m] DC and traveling the country to study and document women’s working conditions on behalf of the U.S. Department of Labor’s Women’s Bureau. After 10 years of gallant, globe-trotting attempts to woo her back, her ex-husband won her over again and [name_f]Daisy[/name_f] agreed to remarry him and the two lived bickering happily ever after. She is represented by the [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] element of the name. Daisies and mums are part of the same flower family. While we wanted to give our daughter a first name she could call her own and not share, the symbolic connection to [name_f]Daisy[/name_f] remains. They will always be part of the same family, yet distinct from one another.

[name_f]Daisy[/name_f] birthed [name_m]Paul[/name_m]. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] married [name_f]Helen[/name_f].

[name_m]Paul[/name_m] and [name_f]Helen[/name_f], babe’s 2nd great-grandparents, were the great-grandparents I had the fortune of growing up with. Their love story began in childhood, when [name_m]Paul[/name_m] was best friends with [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s only brother, perpetually teasing little [name_f]Helen[/name_f]. When [name_f]Helen[/name_f]'s brother took his own life during college, [name_m]Paul[/name_m] and [name_f]Helen[/name_f] came together in their grief. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] continued to be one of the only supports [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and her mother had during a time when suicide was such a taboo that they became outsiders of their community by extension. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] went to work in [name_f]China[/name_f] after college, as his father had done, but he held out hope that [name_f]Helen[/name_f] would wait for him. When he came back on leave three years later, they married, and honeymooned for three whole months up and down [name_u]California[/name_u]. In the political tensions leading to WWII, women and children were not allowed to accompany their husbands with work in the Far [name_u]East[/name_u], so [name_m]Paul[/name_m] returned to Shanghai alone. Within two months, on the day of the attack on [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] [name_u]Harbor[/name_u], the Japanese also invaded [name_f]China[/name_f] and began taking Westerners as prisoners of war to concentration camps. That morning, [name_m]Paul[/name_m] realized the British ship that had been in harbor the night before was sunk and the others were flying the Japanese flag. So he quietly left without his American passport and fled on horseback into the countryside, believing that was likely his only way out from capture and internment. He took refuge with peasant farmers, then eventually guerilla communists took him in and helped him along the way to unoccupied [name_u]Free[/name_u] [name_f]China[/name_f]. In Chongqing, after more than a month of travel, he was finally able to send word to [name_f]Helen[/name_f] that he was alive. For fear that mail would be intercepted, he included a cryptic message about reminiscences of a certain holiday the couple had enjoyed together at a hotel in [name_u]New[/name_u] [name_m]York[/name_m] City. They had never been on such a vacation (or to [name_u]New[/name_u] [name_m]York[/name_m] at all), but [name_f]Helen[/name_f] understood his meaning and committed to leaving her work and family and traveling cross-country to NYC at a moment’s notice. She checked into the very hotel [name_m]Paul[/name_m] had mentioned, knowing no checkout date, and set to waiting for him. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] travelled through [name_u]Burma[/name_u] and [name_f]India[/name_f] and was able to secure passage back to the United States, where they gratefully reunited at the hotel mere days after [name_f]Helen[/name_f]’s arrival. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] studied Naval strategy at [name_f]Columbia[/name_f] and joined the war effort, while [name_f]Helen[/name_f] fundraised for [name_f]China[/name_f] Relief while pregnant with my grandmother. After the war, [name_m]Paul[/name_m], [name_f]Helen[/name_f], and my toddler grandmother moved to [name_f]China[/name_f], where they lived until Communist takeover (the same time my husband’s family became diasporic Chinese as well). They then moved to the Philippines for several years, then [name_f]Italy[/name_f], and finally back to [name_u]California[/name_u] in time for my grandmother’s high school years. [name_m]Paul[/name_m] and [name_f]Helen[/name_f] enjoyed a 59 year-long marriage before his death when I was 8 years old. [name_f]Helen[/name_f] lived 9 more years, during which time I was able to profit from her intelligence and storytelling and mahjong strategy in my young adolescence. She was a wonderful woman with the most patient of hearts, an ever-friendly disposition, and a lot of stories to tell. [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_m]Paul[/name_m] are represented by the middle names [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]. I think it’s only fitting that she be honored with the use of her full name, and that she nestle beside [name_f]Pearl[/name_f], representing [name_m]Paul[/name_m], forever.

[name_f]Helen[/name_f] birthed [name_f]Margot[/name_f].

[name_f]Margot[/name_f], babe’s great-grandmother, is one of my closest friends and confidantes. She has just moved cross country to live near us, and I’m so glad [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] will hopefully be able to profit from getting to know her just as I got to know [name_f]Helen[/name_f] in my childhood. [name_f]Margot[/name_f] is represented by the [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] element of the name, and was one reason why we chose [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] over a [name_f]Pauline[/name_f]- based derivative.

[name_f]Margot[/name_f] birthed [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] [name_m]Paul[/name_m]. [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] [name_m]Paul[/name_m] had [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_m]Jr[/name_m].

[name_f]My[/name_f] uncle is great, but my cousin is the real star of the show. I am an only child, so my cousin [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] [name_m]Paul[/name_m] [name_m]Jr[/name_m]. is the closest I have to a brother. We grew up thick as thieves, only 18 months apart in age. He attended college in my town during my last two years of high school, when we got to become even closer without geographical separation between us. When he graduated college, I was just finishing studying abroad in Japan, and we got to travel together along the Trans-Siberian railway and on to parts of Western Europe on an adventure inspired by a similar one taken 99 years earlier by Granny [name_f]Pauline[/name_f] to get back to the U.S. from [name_f]China[/name_f]. Anyway, during those 7 days of train time across Siberia from [name_u]East[/name_u] to [name_u]West[/name_u], when we did little else except talk and play cards and sip soup and watch the winter scenery pass outside, we talked a lot about what our families might look like in the future. He said he wanted to continue the [name_m]Christopher[/name_m] [name_m]Paul[/name_m] name into the next generation. He and his girlfriend of 9 years have since decided not to have children, so [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] and [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] represents this connection to my cousin.

So there you have one line of my family tree connecting six generations of kinship ties, represented by one name. [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]. Although it’s a lot of name, In the end I just couldn’t imagine not including any element of it, because it ties the history and relationships together so neatly. I feel the individual names simply can no longer be dissected.

Namesake Role Models

[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] Tran, [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_u]Keller[/name_u], [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_u]Zia[/name_u], [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_m]Williams[/name_m], [name_f]Helen[/name_f] Suzman, and [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] S. [name_m]Buck[/name_m] are also women I hope will inspire my daughter as she becomes a woman. I love that these are such a diverse array of women with different abilities, backgrounds, and talents.

And of course who could forget [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], the adorable mouse in the eponymous picture book by [name_m]Kevin[/name_m] Henkes? She made me love my own name ([name_f]Lilian[/name_f] was an “old-lady” name for an early ‘90s girl) and really turned me into a name nerd from that point forward. The book also offers potential prophylactic defense against teasing, and a guideline for self-esteem and a mirror for support when the going gets tough should she find herself hating the name.

Part way through my decision process, Nameberry member tanaquil informed me that Dr. Seuss and his wife, coincidentally named [name_f]Helen[/name_f], had an “imaginary daughter” named [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]. This was such a quirky and unique connection to the name we already loved, and I’m really glad to know about it now!

The sounds

With our four-letter, monosyllabic surname, a long alliterative name sounded so cool, or as @yuma put it, “punchy and awesome!” @Geeknamezyo commented,

“She’s a mild-mannered alter ego with a flourishing business or a popular magazine column […] a famous author, or celebrity, or Nobel prize-winning scientist – someone innovative and respected. [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f]]K— is such a stunning, show-stopping, memorable name! [… You] have one of the few last names that is short and simple enough to sound great with it and complement it really well.”

In many ways, our surname was an advantage to us that helped make a doozy like [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] more wearable without complete gravity.

By contrast, when it came to considering the similar but shorter [name_f]Chrysanthe[/name_f]/Chrysantha names, we found that these alternatives sounded awkward with our surname. The u in our surname made [name_f]Chrysanthe[/name_f] K… sound like someone trying to say [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] and bumbling, whereas the bumpiness of the decidedly clunkier full name [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] against our surname felt more natural.

[name_f]Helen[/name_f] softens [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] and makes it “sepia-tinted and sweet,” as @morning_glory described. And with the other three names ending in m, n, and ng respectively, [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] “helps to complete the flow [… by finishing] it off nicely with a different sound” (@wildmoonchild).

The nickname possibilities

With a name like [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], nicknames are inevitable. Luckily, we found no shortage of options. For the time being, we think [name_f]Xanthe[/name_f] will be great, and will probably introduce her as “[name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], but you can call her [name_f]Xanthe[/name_f].” In Japanese and [name_u]French[/name_u] (which we speak at home), we will likely nickname her Kiku (meaning “chrysanthemum” in Japanese), and [name_f]Kiki[/name_f]. Fun, cute, and spunky options.

But just in case she needs them, there are so many excellent fallbacks that we feel can fit any type of girl she wants to be: [name_u]Kit[/name_u], [name_f]Anthea[/name_f], [name_u]Andy[/name_u], [name_u]Chris[/name_u], [name_f]Chryssa[/name_f], [name_f]Thea[/name_f], [name_f]Annie[/name_f], [name_u]Rhys[/name_u], and Ysi, among many others! She certainly has a lot to choose from on the day she decides she would rather be someone different. She could also choose to go by [name_f]Chrysanthe[/name_f] or by [name_f]Helen[/name_f] or [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]. I don’t think we’re at a loss for possibilities by any stretch of the imagination.

The decision process

I posted earlier this year [2017] about my mother’s advice on naming a child. At the time of my conversation with her, I was just beginning to settle with [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] in my head, but was still to vacillate between sheer confidence and total doubt for months. I didn’t realize how true and salient her words were then, but she was completely right about how the journey would unfold. She said:

“It’s kind of the last sense of control you’ll have. Parenting a child is all a big partnership and out of your hands in so many ways, so giving a name is your gift and wish of an identity that expresses yourself, your history, and the love you feel for someone you don’t know, but have waited all your life to meet. You are lucky that you love [your husband] and want to include him [*she was a single mom when she named me]. It makes it more complicated, but a good problem to have. It all sorts itself out. You live with ideas, move to and away from them, toss some out, pick them up later, feel settled for a bit, then not. But at some point, it feels right and perhaps it’s because as a baby moves inside you, keeps you up, startles you, as others can’t help but touch as your belly grows, as your baby grows, so does the sense that you either need to meet this little person and feel it then, or the name quietly settles and seems right. Almost without you noticing. Perhaps you never ‘choose’ it at all. It chooses your baby.”

It was summer of 2015 when my husband first suggested [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f]. I posted here about it then, but I had moved on to other name options in the next year and a half before we began trying to conceive.

From the very early days of my pregnancy, when I was nauseated day in and day out, hibernating through the winter, I had a vision of this baby growing inside me. I wrapped myself in my coziest blanket, a comforter with oversized bright yellow and orange flowers against a crisp white background. I waited out those rough, sick days when there was little light and the sky was grey and the trees were bare and the ground was covered with snow. I just knew, male or female, this baby was a bright sunshiny yellow-orange. The kind of color befitting of a child expected in the late summer or early fall. I had this image of a luminescent ball of orangish-yellow, growing and growing, but waiting in the darkness. It had some kind of tendril, petal-like things that would wave gently back and forth in the fluid inside me like an anemone or sun coral.

That image happened to fit with the happy image of the name we had already chosen for our firstborn boy, but it definitely guided our choice of a name for a girl.

I soon came to think of “baby if she is a she” as [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], my “golden flower.” [name_f]Helen[/name_f] came next, “bright, shining light.” And [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] was reminiscent of the sea, like the anemone, and also the spherical shape and iridescence of this orb-like being as it grew. I moved away from all the other name options I thought I loved.

I posted in the Nameberry forums several times about her name in its various stages of evolution. At first I worried, like others, that it was too long, too complicated, too clunky, too unrecognizable, too out there, too pretentious, too hippie, too big of a name for anyone other than a precocious and boastful little starlet-type to carry–too much in every way.

But in responding to the questioning and challenges in the Nameberry posts I made, I found that I could move past every criticism and argument against it. The deal breakers simply weren’t deal breakers after all. Aside from a couple insensitive and unhelpful, harshly-worded comments I think I maybe could have done without, this was the Nameberry community functioning at its best.

[name_m]Reading[/name_m] support from those who loved it for me immediately was fortifying [tags in follow-up due to span limit] geeknamezyo, saracita00, morning_glory, mysweetrose, wildmoonchild, yuma, yellowplums, moontrees, evelinrose, aielbereth, pliechassereleve, ashthedreamer, auroralights, erulassearanel, myosotis, apriltulips, paris_et_son_parapluie, otri, you were always [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f]’s advocates and reading and rereading your responses convinced even me when I found myself wavering].

[name_m]Reading[/name_m] all of the naysaying counterarguments made me realize how deep my passion for the name extended. It would ignite a fire within me to prove that the counterarguments did not HAVE to hold true if I didn’t want them to. I certainly hope that those of you who have expressed your continued distaste for the name don’t feel that you wasted your time in responding to my posts. Your thoughts helped me think through all the options, weigh all the reasons why not, and helped me discover how passionate I really was about [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f]. Without your voices, this decision would not have been nearly as thorough.

The most gratifying of all was hearing from those who initially said nay (whether in early responses or those who chose to remain silent at first when they couldn’t think of anything to say to this crazy woman with her crazy ideas), and yet discovered themselves endeared to [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] over time [tags in follow-up due to spam limit : luneth, alicemarie1, sarah1800, amberdaydream, claireelisewren, a_r, opelle, sansavesper, tanaquil, chelsanne22, futuremommyto5, kpearl8, mummacat92, jalila13, handsallover, tamparays8, mcinkat, I’m looking at you].

@Claireelisewren commented, “I wasn’t a fan of [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f]…Until I read about your reasons for using it, and got a sense of all the love behind your choice.” @Handsallover wrote, “I think it’s better to go with the name you adore than with something more ‘sensible’ you’d later regret choosing.” You often recognized a strength in my logic that I didn’t see myself (@kpearl8)

“Thanks for taking the time to reply to my question! I admit that I was skeptical of [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], but anyone who can answer with that much detail and confidence obviously has found the perfect name”

Entering parenthood is obviously a time of great transition in life. I appreciated hearing this community make favorable assessments of the type of mother I aim to be. This has helped to build my self-confidence at a time when that’s exactly how every soon-to-be/new mother should be made to feel.

“…I genuinely think it’s a stunning name and if there’s anyone who can pull it off, it’ll probably be [name_f]Lilian[/name_f]'s child” [@luneth].

@Alicemarie1, you reflected beautifully on your relationship to your own name in a way that enlightened me:

“I was not a big fan of [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] at first. But just reading how passionate you are about that name is beautiful to me. I have a rare, unique name. […] When I was younger, I used to hated it. But, growing up and knowing that it has meaning and ties to my family (as [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] has to yours) and that I probably won’t ever meet another woman with my name makes it amazing. […] [name_m]Just[/name_m] seeing my mom’s face when she talks about my name and how much she loves it is amazing. You are so passionate about [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] that I feel your daughter would come to feel the same way.”

It is certainly my hope that she will love her name, but either way, I now believe confidently in my ability to raise a daughter who can understand my multi-dimensional love for her, which I believe will ultimately guide her to love herself. I hope she will view this name as a gift from her parents whether or not she loves to be called [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f].

Everyone, your kind words have guided me through my doubt. I have returned to your messages time and time again whenever doubt has crept in. I know now that my husband and I have made the right choice for us. What the proponents made me believe might be possible, the reluctantly-endeared made me know was possible. There will still be naysayers, and that is fine. I accept it. As @amberdaydream commented,

“It is not any argument I have laid out, but the ones you have laid out, that tell me you’re passionate about [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f].”

All I had to do was recognize what you saw in me: that my love for the name ran too deep to let it go.

I’m so happy to share our news and celebrate the lovely [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] [name_f]Helen[/name_f] [name_f]Pearl[/name_f]!

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In light of this post, please know that my partner and I decided long ago that no other child could have been [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] but the one that my elder son would have been had he come with female parts. [name_f]Helen[/name_f] and [name_f]Pearl[/name_f] are both names we still consider for a girl (though it is hard to imagine them together as double middles anymore), but I wrote this article/manifesto/post years ago to aid my grieving process over the name we didn’t get to use, and choose not to in the future. We will keep coming back here time and time again to help us search for the option that will speak to us THIS much for our third and final child, because Nameberry is such a magical community. I love you, Berries, naysayers with antithetical taste and all! Thanks for reading if you made it this far, even skimming. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

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Supporters part 1 [@geeknamezyo, @saracita00, @morning_glory, @mysweetrose, @wildmoonchild, @yuma, @yellowplums, @moontrees, @evelinrose , @aielbereth]

Supporters part 2 [@pliechassereleve, @ashthedreamer, @auroralights, @erulassearanel, @myosotis, @apriltulips, @paris_et_son_parapluie, @otri]

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Initial naysayers part 1 [@luneth, @alicemarie1, @sarah1800, @amberdaydream, @claireelisewren, @a_r, @opelle, @sansavesper, @tanaquil]

Initial naysayers part 2 [@chelsanne22, @futuremommyto5, @kpearl8, @_thelittlefairywren, @jalila13, @handsallover, @tamparays8, @mcinkat]

Wow! What a beautiful and interesting read! Thank you for posting this. Like you my first kid was born in 2017 and my second in late 2019 so i totally get being in that transistional phase…

Your knowledge of your family history is really incredible and wow! I am in awe of the careful consideration you took in creating this beautiful name. I also considered the name Kiku.

I love what your mom said about the name choosing the baby. I think that is so true. With my last baby we had the name choosen at 6 months pregnant even though i resisted and i sometimes wish i had experimented with other names, but the name felt right then, and it was such a hard pregnancy i just needed something to be right and still feels right now even though i still have all these names i need to let go off… i think that a part of me wants more children, but obviously we are finished…

Anyway… beautiful post. Thank you for being so honest and open about how one gets to a name.

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Wow, [name_f]Lilian[/name_f]! I was a bit surprised to see this notification, but it has been an interesting read. I still remember the discussion about [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] back when you were pregnant with H a few years back. I did recall I hesitated because of the -mum part at first, but after reading how passionate you were (and still are!) about the name, I started to see more of its appeal.

I pictured you’d be the kind of mum who enthusiastically tells backstories, family history and all personal significance to your children. You’d teach [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] to be confident in her name. She’ll know how beautiful and meaningful her name is to her parents. [name_m]Hence[/name_m] I stick with my words back then: if anyone could pull off the name [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], it’ll be [name_f]Lilian[/name_f]’s child. :slight_smile:

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I haven’t been around here in ages, but I got a mail with this post and I’m so glad I did. It was beautiful reading about your story, your path. And it was beautiful of you to share this with us. Thank you for doing it! I do remember feeling a little skeptical about [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] at first, but it took me one post of yours to understand why that should be the name for you. Passion is very much needed in this world, and I admire how passionate you are about names, and [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] in particular. It was impossible not to support that decision. Again, thank you so much for sharing this with us (and tagging, I would never see it other way)!

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Thank you for sharing this with us, and for letting us know how much our feedback meant to you. I remember reading your original post and being in awe by your baby-naming prowess. It’s a shame that [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f] is off the table but I know you will choose an amazing name for baby number three. Much love :blush:

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I loved reading your posts when you were expecting H, and I loved reading this imaginary announcement! Your family history is fascinating, and you have such an imaginative way of describing names and people. Thank you for sharing! It’s a shame that you didn’t get to use [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], but I’m sure H will appreciate what extensive thought you put into both his name and his “almost” name. :slight_smile:

@_thelittlefairywren
Tagging my new account, so I can find this again!

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You know what they say, the wand chooses the wizard!

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All I can say is wow. [name_m]Reading[/name_m] this was like reading poetry or song lyrics. It was beautiful.

Fascinating read! Thanks for sharing. I admit we have chosen “off the beaten path” names for each child—and while some family members speak wistfully of a new [name_f]Sophia[/name_f] or [name_f]Eliana[/name_f] that was born elsewhere in the family, our names have eventually grown on all. Most of all, our kids like them.

I do think the name chooses the child often. I’m still waiting on that for our current bun in the oven although I think I have found it for a girl option if I can separate my head & my heart. :crazy_face:

Thanks again. [name_f]My[/name_f] littlest girl loves the children’s book [name_f]Chrysanthemum[/name_f], btw. :heart:

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