I posted this question on facebook & would like some berry feedback as well. Give me your thoughts. [name]Just[/name] looking for a good discussion here. I know someone that after 5yrs of marriage has not taken her husband’s last name & her husband doesn’t understand why she won’t take his name. They have 3 kids with one on the way & all the kids have their dad’s last name. Here’s my facebook post:
This question is for all the MEN - [name]Do[/name] you expect a woman take her husband’s last name? Why or why not?
Now this question is for the LADIES - Did you take your husband’s last name? Why or why not?
That sounds exactly like one of my good friends. Her and her husband have been together for 8+ years, have 3 children together and all the kids have his last name but she doesn’t. I asked her about it once, and she just said “I like my last name better.” I haven’t changed my name either but it’s because I feel slightly guilty that if I do, I’ll be pretty much the last person to have my Father’s last name, since he died in 2007. But I do much prefer my husband’s last name to mine, that’s why we gave it to [name]Rowan[/name]. My best friend just got married a few months ago, and took his name because she preferred it to hers.
I’m not married, but the tradition in my family is to take the husband’s name and either hypenate or just move it to a second middle. I’ll probably do the same thing if my husband’s name isn’t outrageous.
I love the name my parents gave me, I’m an only child and my family is fairly affluent in my area so I don’t want to just hand that over because I got married.
This thread may also get fairly heated based on other threads I’ve read about the subject.
If/when I get married, I doubt I’ll take my husband’s name. I don’t like the tradition of taking your father’s last name, then taking your husband’s. I got my mom’s last name, not my dad’s, and I’m glad. I really like my last name, despite it being 12 letters and a little intimidating. It’s [name]German[/name], and there’s a history behind my name I don’t want to give up. It also sounds great with my first and middle names.
In the end, I think it’s a personal choice between the couple. I won’t dictate how others live, and I hope they’ll do the same in return.
Well it’s definitely a personal choice. I won’t be married for many years, but for me it comes down to how much I like my future husband’s last name! The whole patriarchal thing doesn’t really bother me that much, but my last name is kind of part of my identity, it is very unusual and only my family in all of [name]Canada[/name] has it basically. So I don’t think I’ll be overjoyed to change it. If my husband’s last name was an embarrassing one or didn’t sound good at all with my first name, I wouldn’t take it. Shallow? perhaps. However, I also don’t like to think of the possible difficulties/judgement of having a different last name from my husband/kids.
I took my husbands last name because I was starting a new chapter in my life. [name]Do[/name] I still call my self by my last name, yep I love my maiden name and I didn’t put in the middle spot because it’s long same reason I didn’t hyphenate it wayy to long.
However I will give my maiden name as a middle to at least one of my children (can’t do a first, since my maiden name is a last name and my married name is a first name)
Most of the women I know who kept their maiden names did so because they had established careers. If a doctor has established patients, and a good reputation, for instance, starting over with a new name could cause more trouble than it’s worth.
For me, I think I’d be ok with taking a married name. My last name belongs to my estranged father, with whom I share no biological or emotional ties, whereas a husband would be someone I loved and who I chose to be with. I’ve considered dropping my last name and going by my first and middle (my middle is my mom’s maiden name) but haven’t mostly because it’s inconvenient and if I later married and changed my name again, it would seem burdensome to have 2 formerly-known-as names.
I have also joked though that if I was going to marry someone with an unfortunate last name, that I’d offer to let him take mine as a wedding gift. I’m sure there are lovely people with last names like Hoar, Karkas and Raper, but I don’t particularly want to be one of them.
I will take my SO’s ln even though I’ll be sad to see my current one go. Its uncommon and still easy to say/spell and my SO’s name is extremely common (think [name]Smith[/name]/[name]Jones[/name]/etc). So my options are to either drop it completely, move it to the middle or make it a second middle. It doesn’t sound right as a second middle so that’s off. Making it my middle will do nothing but confirm my mom’s opinion on the subject but I might do it anyway.
I personally never even considered not taking my husbands name and I don’t even really like it. I would not want to keep my maiden name. I am out from under my parent’s authority and I have placed myself under the love and care of my husband and really want his name. We did use my maiden name as one of my son’s middle names since I have not brother’s to carry on my father’s name. I personally think it is kind of odd not taking your husband’s name just because you don’t like it but by no means would I ever say it is wrong or a bad thing or criticize someone for that decision. That’s just my personal thoughts on it.
I’m keeping my last name. His last name is great and all, but I think I’ll miss the long conversations about [name]France[/name] that come whenever someone asks about my last name. It’s a long, elegant French name and I don’t think I want to drop that for a relatively common Irish name (not a drop of Irish blood in me either).
I’d love to change it, and I see nothing wrong with changing or not changing it. The whole Patriachal thing is blah, to me. I don`t see it as such an issue nowadays. I like the idea of having a family unit as one with the same surname.
However, I am shallow. Lol If it was something very unattractive, such as Gassi (which I know of a woman who marries and took on this surname) then I’d probably pass. Also, if it’s something that is so far-fetched from my ethnicity, such as Wu, or Balasubraniam, names that would cause great surprise when people actually met me.
Exactly, for me. It wasn’t a looming feminist issue, by any means. I already had degrees and professional licenses that would be a hassle (though by no means impossible) to retrofit and just couldn’t be bothered. My husband, too, is Arab, and his last name would sound slightly ludicrous on me.
Of note-- in Arabic culture it’s customary for the woman to change not only her surname, but also her middle name. All children, boys and girls, are given their father’s first name as their middle (so your name would be [name]Jessica[/name] [name]George[/name] [name]Taylor[/name], daughter of [name]George[/name] [name]Taylor[/name], for example). When you marry, you take your husband’s first name as your middle (I.e. you become [name]Jessica[/name] [name]Peter[/name] [name]Smith[/name], wife of [name]Peter[/name] [name]Smith[/name]). It’s a holdover from the relatively recent days when the Arabic-speaking world did not have inherited surnames, just huge genealogical trees where you were Name son of Name son of Name…ad infinitum.
Obviously that was not if interest.
Honestly, in my circle of friends, I would say perhaps 10-15% changed their names after marriage.
The tradition in my family, if you are a girl, is to take your maiden name and add your married surname to it as well. So I have a sboule barrelled surname. My children just take their daddy’s surname but [name]Eliska[/name], [name]Naomi[/name] and [name]Scarlett[/name] (if they want to) will take their maiden name and married name together.
[name]Bree[/name]
I’m not married and won’t be until I’m 18, but I will take my boyfriends surname. For me it’s because of tradition, the way I’ve been raised. I like the idea of the whole family having the same surname, and therefore I will take his surname
I have an annoyingly common last name and if I say it, most are like “Oh, are you related to so and so?” So if and when I get married I’d most-likely change my last name and wouldn’t hypanate or use a second middle name because I would then have two sickenly common middle names (my last name is also a normal first name and my neighbour has it so our conversations go like “Hey [name]Greg[/name]” “Hey [name]Greg[/name]”.) So in conclusion, I’d change my last name. Plus, I’ve got male cousin’s with my last name to carry it on, so I’m safe.
Speaking of common last names, I know a couple where both had the last name [name]Williams[/name], so there was no choice to make when they got married. It would have been kind of amusing if she’d hyphenated anyway, though.
Oh that’s funny! I couldn’t imagine having such a varying surname from my ethnicity either.
And the professional licenses and degree changes would be a hassle to back and change, plus your drivers licsence, passport etc.
You’re absolutely right about the Arab naming, I know a set of 4 surviving quintuplets who are Lebanese, and they all have they’re father’s name in the middle, [name]Ali[/name]. I wasn’t aware of the marriage switch though.
I changed it. I’m a sucker for that tradition, I guess. That’s what all of the women in my family did, and I never really thought to question it. Was a tiny bit mournful of the change, but because I moved my maiden last name into the middle name spot, it didn’t feel like that big of a deal. I loved my original middle name and felt twinges of loss, but figured we could always give that name to a daughter.
I had friends who (jokingly) said that because I took his last name I must be one of those women who “really loves her husband”. Obviously, the name change is NOT a litmus test for really loving your spouse.
I did. I wanted to have the same last name as my children, for one thing. Also, I feel like when marrying someone you’re forming such a bond it’s just expected to take your husbands last name.
I did take my husband’s last name, but it was kind of a tough decision for me. It came down to me wanting to have the same last name as my future children, and not wanting to hyphenate due to terrible initials.
I am not a fan of patriarchy, but I didn’t see much difference in having my father’s name vs. my husband’s. We thought about taking a new name, but my husband is the last with his name, and I think it’s cool that our children will carry it on.
I would not want to keep my maiden name. I am out from under my parent’s authority and I have placed myself under the love and care of my husband and really want his name.