The Mary debate...opinions

I was left by my fiance 2 months ago when I was 3 months pregnant three weeks before our wedding. He became a well known pro athlete this year and the family all of a sudden thought that this was “not the right situation for him” despite being 27 years old and with me for almost 2 years. He has not called me in almost 5 weeks and the family even changed his phone number and will not respond to emails. I was “defriended” on Facebook and that’s how I learned of all of this.

Before he bailed, we discussed the name “[name]Mary[/name]” because both of our mothers are named [name]Mary[/name]. However, his mother had a HUGE hand in breaking us up and now says that I’m not a good Catholic and I’m going to burn in hell.

SO…my mother has been a HUGE support for me while his mother has been such a source of hurt and anger. [name]Mary[/name] is now up in the air as I don’t know if I can still name this baby after the woman who shut me out and cast me aside yet my mother has been there thru thick and thin.

Your thoughts? Maybe other combos? My mom and her mother are both [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name].

Firstly, I would like to say how sorry I am that you have been so badly let down by your fiance and how unkind his family have been toward you.

Nevertheless with the wonderful, loving support of your mother who will I am sure be by your side through thick and thin you will triumph over this sad time of your life to give birth to a beautiful gift from God.

So I think we will think of a lovely happy name for this child of yours.

Unfortunately I think [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is out at this time. (see edit)

([name]EDIT[/name] I misread the relationship the first time thinking that his mother and yours were named [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name])

However, there are variants that may take the pain out of hearing the name but still give you a way of honouring your mother.

Eg [name]Elizabeth[/name], could be [name]Bethany[/name], [name]Eliza[/name], [name]Ellen[/name], [name]Elise[/name], [name]Lisa[/name], [name]Ella[/name], [name]Elodie[/name], [name]Eloise[/name]

[name]Mary[/name] could be [name]Miriam[/name], [name]Marianne[/name], [name]Marion[/name], [name]Mairi[/name], [name]Marisol[/name], [name]Mariella[/name], [name]Marissa[/name]

Some combos not all with the two names included

[name]Marissa[/name] [name]Joy[/name]
[name]Bethany[/name] [name]Hope[/name]
[name]Elodie[/name] [name]Faith[/name]
[name]Eliza[/name] [name]Miriam[/name]
[name]Marion[/name] [name]Elise[/name]
[name]Ellen[/name] [name]Hazel[/name]
[name]Ella[/name] [name]Beatrice[/name]
[name]Ellery[/name] [name]Mairi[/name]
[name]Lisa[/name] [name]Marianne[/name]
[name]Bethany[/name] [name]Mariella[/name]
[name]Marisol[/name] [name]Elise[/name]
[name]Marissa[/name] [name]Ellen[/name]
[name]Naomi[/name] [name]Miriam[/name]
[name]Ellen[/name] [name]Ruth[/name]
[name]Naomi[/name] [name]Ruth[/name] (see Biblical story)

My best wishes to you and please keep running names by us till you find the best match for your beautiful baby.

hmmm. tough one. [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is a beautiful name. I think overall that your Mom’s love and personality would overcome your mother-in law’s. Plus your baby will take on her own traits so you completely forget about the horrid nature of your mother-in law.

[name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is beautiful!!

My recommendation is to stick with [name]Mary[/name]. Your baby will grow up knowing your mother but probably won’t know the other [name]Mary[/name].

I agree with other posters. [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is a beautiful timeless name! And in her life, it seems as though your daughter will not know your almost mother in law, and only your mother and i believe that is a beautiful gift to give your mother. I say stick with [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name], unless the connection to your almost mother in law is that strong. Because regaurdless as to what a b***** (sorry!) your almost mother in law seems to be, your mother is very supporting and a big part of yours (and im sure your daughters!) life.

I would like to express how deeply sorry i am that you had to go through this, let alone while pregnant. Its horrible that it happened to you, and your daughter, but it makes you a much better person in the end:) I hope all goes well in the coming months and that your luck turns around in the biggest of ways:)

Good [name]Luck[/name]!

I’m sorry to hear about your bad situation. As a Catholic myself, I have to say that it doesn’t sound like your ex’s mother is being a good Catholic, so I’m not sure who she thinks she is saying that about you. If I were you, I don’t think I’d want to use [name]Mary[/name] because of the association with his mother and also because you and he discussed it together. I think I’d use [name]Elizabeth[/name] to honor your mother, and maybe a form of [name]Mary[/name] or something similar to [name]Mary[/name] for the middle name. A few ideas:

[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Mae[/name]
[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Maren[/name]
[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Maureen[/name]
[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Mara[/name]
[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Maura[/name]

Good luck!

I think that since [name]Mary[/name] is your mother’s name, and you would like to honor her, it is a fine choice. I don’t think your ex-fiance’s mother’s name should factor into your choice at all. If her name was also [name]Mary[/name], you can still use the name [name]Mary[/name]; it will be clear to you that your Daughter was named after your OWN mother and no one else. I would also give your daughter your own and your own mother’s last name. (I assume that since you never ended up marrying your Daughter’s father, that you still have the same name as your mom.) Your daughter, then, will have the exact name as your Mom. [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] + Your Last Name. That will tie your baby into your family even more.
I’m sorry to hear about your situation, but you have a supportive mother who will no doubt be a great grandma.

That’s horrible! I think you probably ought to see what happens between now and your baby’s birth before deciding (or not) to go ahead with [name]Mary[/name]. I’m really shocked that him and his family wouldn’t want anything to do with the baby, particularly after a two-year long relationship. Very sad. However though, if you really know your daughter will never see her, I think naming her after your mother would be nice.

I think naming her a variation of [name]Mary[/name], as other have suggested, could work.
[name]Marie[/name] [name]Alina[/name] (I’m probably alone, but I just love this!)

Good luck!

[name]Mary[/name] is a great name, and I’d move forward with it. It’s your name, your mother’s name, and a gorgeous, overly-neglected name in it’s own right. I’m sure your daughter would be proud to carry it, and I would bet before long, you won’t associate it with your ex’s mother at all. And, to echo what others have said, I am sorry about your fiance’s behavior.

I’m really sorry this happened to you, especially while pregnant. However, you do have a new baby girl to look forward too, and your mother seems to be very supportive.

I do think you should name your daughter after your mother, and forget your ex-fiance’s mother. As others have mentioned you could also name her a variant of [name]Mary[/name] if you’re not entirely comforable with naming her [name]Mary[/name]. I do think [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is very pretty though.

I was just coming to say the exact same thing. Definitely, definitely give your daughter YOUR last name, not the father’s. After all he’s done to you and put you through, the last thing you should do is give him the honour of passing his name onto your daughter. Sorry if this seems harsh or untraditional, but I really think your daughter needs to have your last name.

I agree with not giving my daughter my former fiance’s last name. He has completley abandoned my baby and me and has not so much called to ask about her gender. He has a very distinct last name so people in the sports world would know immediatley who the the father is. I don’t think she or I should have to explain the “last name but dad not in the picture” story over and over. So sad that 2 months ago we were picking names that sounded good with his last name and I was supposed to have been married. Now I don’t even have the phone number of the man’s child I am carrying.

My aunt’s name is [name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] and she goes by [name]Maidie[/name]. [name]Just[/name] a thought if you want to honor your mother but have a distinct nn for your daughter.

Good luck with everything.

I love the name [name]Mary[/name]!! My 4 year old daughter is [name]Mary[/name]-[name]Elizabeth[/name] [name]Kate[/name]. We call her [name]Mary[/name]-[name]Elizabeth[/name], and always get compliments on her name. I am sorry for all you have gone through, but I agree with sticking with [name]Mary[/name]!! It is beautiful, timeless, classic yet “fresh” as you just don’t hear it as often anymore!

I agree that [name]Mary[/name] is a beautiful name and that it is wonderful to honor your Mom. And I understand the sentiment expressed by the previous posters of not allowing this man’s actions to dissuade you from using this wonderful name for your daughter or from honoring your Mom.

That said, I have to express the opposite opinion. If I were you, I would NOT use [name]Mary[/name], not only because it is his Mom’s name, but also because it is a name that you and him had decided on together. I think it is extremely important, given your situation, for you to do the work that needs to be done to recreate the vision of your future with your daughter, and to try to do this before your daughter is born. Instead of thinking about the past, you need to find your strength in focusing on the future, and in building your life and your family without this man. I think a very necessary and important step in that process is letting go of the dreams you had of your life with him the way you thought it would be. A symbol of that is letting go even of the name you had planned to give your daughter. [name]Don[/name]'t let her come into this world with an identity that is burdened by vestiges of this past relationship and therefore enter into a life that is always in the shadow of the life you “should have” had. Instead, let her identity be strongly grounded in the life you are going to give her. Let her name be a starting point for the pride you and her will both take in that life. What is the name you want to give your daughter all by yourself? Maybe it’s a name he never would have agreed to - better if it is!

In raising your daughter alone, in overcoming this tragedy, you will discover strength you never knew you had, and joy you never knew you could have hoped for. Your daughter will learn from your example, and she will grow into a strong person in her own right who seeks out joy in her own life. Give her a name that is suited for the journey; make it a personal connection between you and her alone because that is the foundation that she has, and let it be a name that only makes you smile. You need that.

jlm - well said!

You could honor your mom by asking her to help you choose your daughter’s name, and [name]Mary[/name] could be her MN. [name]Just[/name] a thought.

I wouldn’t go with [name]Mary[/name] anymore, at least not up front. What about a variation, like [name]Margaret[/name] or something of the sort? You could also just use [name]Elizabeth[/name] as a first name, for the connection to your mom and grandmother.

Thanks to all who have posted, especially jlm who had some very inspiring words. I think it helped with the letting go of the “what could have been” reality and moving forward. [name]Just[/name] so hard to do when I work in sports and have to see his smug face on TV saying how great his off season is when I’m bately functioning.

With that being said, what about the names [name]Emma[/name] [name]Caroline[/name] or [name]Ava[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name]? I’ve always liked the first although I mentioned it to him when he was still in the picture and he liked it. [name]Ava[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] was something I came up with and it still has my mom’s name in it. Maybe [name]Emma[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name]? Which sounds better?

My favourite combo of all time, for me is

[name]Ava[/name] [name]Caroline[/name], does this appeal to you?

[name]Love[/name], love, love [name]Ava[/name]

PS Wonderful advice jlm, well thought out and spot on.

To our OP all the best for the future and we would love to see you post a birth announcement when you have your beautiful baby girl. From my heart all the best always for you, your darling daughter and your wonderful mother.

[name]Mary[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] is a beautiful name and [name]Mary[/name] is very much an underused name these days, but i understand your concern with the connection.
[name]Emma[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] and [name]Ava[/name] [name]Elizabeth[/name] are both lovely, but also quite popular names.
while watching the golden globes this week i looked up meryl streep on imdb and discovered her name is actually [name]Mary[/name] [name]Louise[/name]. Her mother was [name]Mary[/name] [name]Willa[/name] and she named her daugher [name]Mary[/name] [name]Willa[/name] after her mother, but her daughter goes by [name]Mamie[/name]. so perhaps you could name your daugher [name]Mary[/name] after your mother but call her a nicname for [name]Mary[/name] like [name]Mamie[/name], [name]Mae[/name], [name]Maizie[/name], [name]Molly[/name] or [name]Mimi[/name]. or use a variation of [name]Mary[/name] like [name]Maura[/name], [name]Maribelle[/name], [name]Marianne[/name], [name]Mariel[/name] or [name]Marilla[/name].
good luck with it all and just go with your gut on all your decisions.