Forgive me if I ramble a bit. I’m expecting my 5th child this summer. With our first 3 children we didn’t use any family names. For our fourth child we really liked the idea of calling a daughter [name]Kate[/name] and my mom happens to be [name]Catherine[/name] (nn [name]Cathy[/name]) so we named our baby [name]Katharine[/name] [name]Rose[/name]. It’s always been wonderful that we could use a name we would have picked otherwise and have it honor my mom. Aware of the in-law politics we chose [name]Rose[/name] as her mn which was also the mn of dh’s recently deceased grandmother. Everyone is happy right?
Well, there was an unintended consequence. My sister’s daughter has [name]Catherine[/name] as a mn after my mom as well. So my dad has been feeling a little left out that no one has used his name [name]Lawrence[/name] for their sons’ name. My sister did use our maiden name as her son’s mn but I don’t think my dad felt like it was the same. So I’ve been planning on using either my dad’s first or middle name ([name]Elias[/name]) in my next son’s name. DH is very lukewarm on the idea. He’s fine with doing it but doesn’t really want to. [name]Lawrence[/name] happens to be his middle name and he’s never cared for it.
Here’s where it gets complicated one of our strong contenders for a first name is [name]Andrew[/name]. I’m pretty lukewarm on either [name]Andrew[/name] [name]Lawrence[/name] or [name]Andrew[/name] [name]Elias[/name] but I really like [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] which gives us the possibility of the nn A.J. It also keeps the pattern of each of my kids having a one-syllable name in either the first or middle spot and a total of 3 syllables combined in their first and middle names (We say [name]Katharine[/name] as 2 syllables).
I don’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings. He’s an incredibly involved and awesome dad and grandpa but I’m so vested in this naming process that I’m getting frustrated by being boxed in my either [name]Lawrence[/name] or [name]Elias[/name].
I think you should talk to your dad about it. I actually like all of the names, but I think you’ll regret using a family name just because you think you have to. The fact that you would have picked [name]Katharine[/name] regardless, means that it wasn’t as much of a family name as a name that you just loved. Go with [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] and tell your dad that you love him.
It is a difficult situation. You don’t want to make your father feel left out, but you don’t want to use a name you don’t like, especially if your husband doesn’t care for it. I’m of the belief that family names are nearly always better than names just chosen because they sound nice, as the pleasantness of the sound is totally subjective but a family name is unquestionably meaningful.
My advice would be to use two middle names- [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Eli[/name], [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Elias[/name], or [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Lawrence[/name]. It may not match the siblings names, but really I think that if something as simple as adding an extra middle name will make your father incredibly happy why not do it? Second middle names are rarely used anyway, and the first two names will follow the syllabic pattern you’ve established. If you have an L name you like (like [name]Luca[/name], [name]Liam[/name], etc.) you could pair it with [name]James[/name] or another J-middle so he has the same initials as your dad. You could also do it the other way around- if you like [name]James[/name] or another J name as a first, you could pair it with an L middle to get the reversed initials. If he has a nice last name, you could use that Best of luck!
That’s a tough spot. [name]Do[/name] you like [name]Elias[/name] enough to use it as a first name? [name]Elias[/name] [name]James[/name] has a nice sound and you could use the nickname E.J. instead of A.J.
We have considered [name]Elias[/name] as a first name. It’s definitely in the top 5 but I haven’t been totally sold on it. I’m not sure it is as great a match for the sibset as [name]Andrew[/name] (or [name]Henry[/name]) would be. [name]Elias[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Tyson[/name] would be a little “s” heavy but we’ve considered [name]Elias[/name] [name]John[/name].
I agree with [name]Daisy[/name]: just use two middle names! [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Eli[/name] or [name]Andrew[/name] [name]James[/name] [name]Elias[/name] both sound very nice. It may not fit with the other siblings, but is that really that important? This way you get to use the name combo you love while ALSO making your dad happy - win/win!
That is good to keep in mind. I have enjoyed that my youngest’s daughter’s name has more significance. We almost gave our oldest daughter a family mn -[name]Frances[/name] - but didn’t and I have sometimes wished we had done so.
I just wanted to add that I am in a very similar situation. For the last 5 generations in my family the oldest son of the oldest son has been named [name]Lawrence[/name]. In my generation, the oldest son had a girl and so my mom (second oldest child) gave me “[name]Lauren[/name]” as a middle name to continue the tradition.
Now, my partner and I are being really pressured into using the name [name]Lawrence[/name] as a mn if we have a boy since it’s up to ME to continue the tradition. [name]Lawrence[/name] doesn’t flow right with the names we’re looking at. We don’t have the option of using two mn’s because our last name is already hyphenated and that is TOO many names.
You know what worked for us? We have not told ANYONE our names, but we’ve let my mom in on some of the middle names we are considering (none of which are [name]Lawrence[/name] or [name]Lauren[/name]). We let her be part of the discussions around mn’s and listen to her thoughts and advice. It makes her feel as though she is part of a really kewl, secretive part of naming the baby and has given her some ownership so she doesn’t even really care that [name]Lawrence[/name] probably won’t be used.
Is it possible to have your dad involved in selecting the mn? Like offer him the choice of [name]James[/name] and something else you love and see what he says?