The relationship to age with names, and where that comes from

Okay, here goes. While I love making combinations and playing name games, what I love most about being “into” names is really thinking about names and the concept of naming - why people choose what they do, what this even is and means, and what is the point, etc. I follow the Nameberry Instagram, but rarely comment. Recently, what, in my opinion, was a snide meme was posted. Something along the lines of, “I hate babies with grown-a$$ names. No, I don’t want to hold Craig.” Aside from the obvious issue of disrespect and insensitivity, (Like, what if you are that child named [name_m]Craig[/name_m] or that parent who chose Craig…? We are talking about a baby, real or imagined.) this is a mentality I have been thinking on for years. When and why did “we” (Even that is a layer to unpack. Who is “we,” and why do “we” carry the sensibility? What “we” really seems to mean on Nameberry is predominantly white, leftist, young, well-to-do, American metropolitan or cosmopolitan women.) as a society and culture decide that certain names were childrens’ and adults’ names? I know that following trends has been practice for quite some decades. Naming practices - in the above demographic - have drifted further and further away from criteria like family and/or tradition based on culture and religion, and toward an individual sense of choosing what one likes for the aesthetic or aesthetic association alone or names informed by popular culture, as that developed has developed in the last century. What I really think this boils down to is the complete change in the philosophy of children, child-rearing, and society. Up until about 50 years ago, the point of children was not that they were their own entities for and of themselves (While that certainly was part of it, it was not thought of as the whole point.), but that they were in the process of growing into adults. The point of child-rearing was to “raise” or “bring up,” enculturate children into an adult world that actually existed, carried its own expectations, and was distinct from a youth culture. [name_f]Do[/name_f] these things exist anymore for Nameberry’s target audience? Why do we have adult vs. baby names? Why do we painstakingly choose sibsets like luggage sets? Why do we work at not choosing names that are prolific, and gravitate toward the iconoclastic for its own sake? (Full disclosure, I find the Social Security top 15 or so to be pretty milk-toast, but not because they’re popular, although that’s beside the point.) [name_f]My[/name_f] theory is that its because the very point has shifted - from humanity being propagated to carry on a collective mission or sense of truth and reality which is agreed upon, to humanity being propagated as a personal lifestyle choice to emotionally enrich the individual person choosing to procreate. In a society where there is no shared sense of truth or reality, where everyone may be or do whatever they wish, even have their own facts, where there is no role or goal for anyone, aside perhaps from wherever a persons’ feelings may lead them, kids are just accessories or showpieces in a greater aesthetic. If, in the 2020s, you are wealthy enough to manage to afford them and all that comes with them, which itself is not a piece of this to be easily overlooked. Anyway, this is overly philosophical, deep, and may have stepped on some people’s toes. But I had to put it out there. Thoughts?

2 Likes

I personally don’t think it’s that deep? [name_m]Craig[/name_m] was a name popular in the 70s and 80s, and it’s less popular now, which makes it more common for adults than children. [name_m]Hence[/name_m] it’s a “grown” name and it’s unusual and jarring to see it on a kid? Names going in and out of fashion has been the case for an incredibly long time. Names that were fashionable in the 1600s are different to names from the 1700s etc, so I don’t think the fact that some names are outdated has anything to do with modern times or pop culture or whatever you’re talking about :man_shrugging: You can think what you like though, I’m not offended / you didn’t step on my toes particularly.

10 Likes

From how I see it, the distinction between adult names and children’s names comes 90% from when the name was popular. Is the average [name_m]Craig[/name_m] a child or an adult right now? The answer is adult, and that’s what makes it an adult name. There isn’t that much more to it. Sure, the 10 remaining percent are about sound and imagery, but that’s not something “we” attached to the name. Children go by [name_m]Tommy[/name_m] and adults by [name_m]Thomas[/name_m], this rule is way older than nameberry or any of us.
The conclusion (that thinking some names are for children and some for adults implies ignorance of the fact that children will at some point grow up, or seeing them as fashion accessories rather than people) is pretty far-fetched.

I agree with you though that the [name_m]Craig[/name_m] meme wasn’t the best. “I found the joke like this and just re-posted it because it has names in it” is not an excuse to be rude or insensitive.

6 Likes

I find the [name_m]Craig[/name_m] meme sort of funny because now Im imagining holding a 40-60 year old man :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye: But of course it is sarcastic/mean too. I think most people come to see the “old man” names as adorable on babies anyway, after the initial reaction.

I think what you’re saying about naming is true for a small demographic of namers of real babies but a lot of people think hard about what the reaction will be in their community way more than expressing themselves or choosing a unique name. Most parents prefer to choose a popular name over an obscure one. Im currently choosing a name for a real baby and definitely dont want to choose anything weird!

3 Likes

This is interesting! I’ll clarify before I reply that I am neither a sociologist nor a child psychologist, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. Also, the issue of what makes an “old” man name has been addressed, so I’ll focus on the rest.

  1. I think that there is a distinction between treating children as an individual class separate from adults and treating children as accessories to the adult experience. I disagree that allowing the development of youth culture, and more broadly allowing children to have experiences that are not solely preparatory, is a negative development - and although you can argue in favour of a causal relationship, this philosophy developed post-Enlightenment and was already being applied when a third of parents were naming their daughters Mary. Also, I think that parents who insist on the individuality of their children are trying to raise healthy adults. I would say that there are parents who go too far in that direction, but history is filled with flawed parenting philosophies that promised to make children into productive, well-adjusted grown-ups.

  2. I also don’t think that the act of deriving individual fulfillment from raising children is inherently negative. Women, at least, have been encouraged to develop a personal identity based near-entirely in childrearing for centuries. Also, I think that the acknowledgement that parenting can be a fulfilling choice rather than an obligation is really healthy! The experience of parenting should be beneficial to the adults who choose to undertake it. As a more minor counterpoint, I think that “having a lot of children” is a status symbol only to a very specific demographic, as demonstrated if you look at US birth rates by income bracket.

  3. Back to the names themselves. I agree with your demographic characterization of Nameberry. That said, I think it’s worth noting that name trends are set by…people who are naming babies, and people who are naming babies are not primarily young, wealthy white women. Obviously high-status individuals are the drivers of trends, but I actually don’t think that Nameberry’s taste in names is indicative of the general public. Of course people who care enough about names to join and regularly post on a forum are going to think more about sibling sets, you know? A lot of the naming on here is purely theoretical; when the time comes to name a real baby, I think a lot of people are suddenly more drawn to “safe” names and honour names. Also, there are thousands of posts on here already about honour names and preserving cultural heritage through naming!

8 Likes

I simply think names that were popular a long time ago and maybe names that sound formal and serious are seen as adult names and names that are popular nowadays and names that sound cute are seen as baby names.

3 Likes

I think you’re being a bit too cynical here. I do not think the average parent sees their child(ren) as ‘accessories or showpieces in a greater aesthetic’. The suggestion that they do seems rather hurtful. And while I disagree with you on some other points, particularly the parts about freedom and feelings, I agree that the [name_m]Craig[/name_m] post was rude and inappropriate. Overall, your post was an interesting read :slightly_smiling_face:.

4 Likes

I get where you are coming from but I don’t think it’s so deep. There were over 10,000 Craig’s born in 1960, but so few born in 2020, that I couldn’t find any data on the name. So of course you would just assume someone named [name_m]Craig[/name_m] would be around 40-50 years old. This is the case with most names. I would guess someone named [name_f]Linda[/name_f] would be 50-70, while someone named [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] would be 0-20, but there are 70 year olds named [name_f]Olivia[/name_f] and babies named [name_f]Linda[/name_f]. There are very few names that don’t seem to have an expiration date (ex. Elizabeth) but even those but even those names peaked at some point. Now, I understand that the [name_m]Craig[/name_m] comment might have been rude to the select few who like the name, I won’t deny that. But, perhaps we just deserve an apology and then we can move on (although I did kind of find the [name_m]Craig[/name_m] comment funny).

2 Likes

I get where everyone is coming from by saying that [name_m]Craig[/name_m] was popular years ago and so now it’s seen as an old man’s name. But that argument doesn’t always work. Look at [name_f]Mary[/name_f]. It was popular for sooooo long and is still in the top 200. Why did [name_m]Craig[/name_m] become an old man name but [name_f]Mary[/name_f] stayed relatively popular? It’s an interesting thought.

Also, why are names that were popular a long time ago coming back into style, but not [name_m]Craig[/name_m]? (for example).

I agree that really thinking about names and why they are trendy is a fun thing to do. I don’t think I’ll ever figure out the answer because as someone else said, I’m not a sociologist lol.

It’s been awhile since this post, and I have been busy with life. But thank you all for replying and for the good insights. :slight_smile: