So, I’m 28, my partner and I have been together for 3 years and married 4 months. He wanted to wait to have kids until after we were married, but now I am back in grad school so we have to wait 6 months or so to start trying. It is driving me up a wall! I have wanted to start having kids since I was 20ish, but I hadn’t found the right person to do it with, and now that I have, I have to wait, and to make it worse, I already know of one potential fertility problem.
Anyway, I was wondering how you all who have been in similar situations have coped and not driven yourself insane. I know I am still relatively young, but so many people have told me “Oh, you better start soon!”. It is definitely adding to my anxiety.
I’m so there with you. Well except that we aren’t married. Next month we will have been together for 4 years and at 28 my biological clock has been ticking for a few years now. SO is refusing to have children or discuss children will after we are married but he doesn’t want to get engaged because he’s positive I’ll plan a 200 person wedding in 3 months and then “force him” to get pregnant the next day. (Can you tell he’s not ready for kids yet?).
I am about to finish my second year of a 3 year grad school program so I can tell you from experience how stressful that can be on a relationship. I know waiting sucks, and there is never the “right time”. However, going to grad school can be exhausting esp if you work, being pregnant or having a new born would make it grueling. You want to enjoy the time with your little one. Also, the first year of marriage is often considered to be a big challenge, you don’t need to add grad-school and a newborn to that. And in reality six months isn’t that long - enjoy all the new stuff you get to experience as a newly wed and student. Some days are harder than others but I promise the time will fly by. ([name]Even[/name] if it doesn’t feel that way right now).
First, I adore the names in your signature- If I though I could get away with using both Ilyria and Cytheria I totally would!
I totally feel you. My hubby pretty much thought I was going to do the same thing - so I promised him both a small wedding and that we would wait at least a few months before even thinking about TTC. I will be done with grad school in a year, so waiting 6 months or a few more to start will also mean I will be finished by the time a baby might arrive. And after hearing all the horror stories about fertility issues I am just crossing my fingers that we don’t have any problems!
Thanks. Yeah I defiantly seriously consider names that are too similar and usually don’t put both on my top ten. (Currently mulling over Cedric and Hector but they just strike me as to close to Alaric and Victor).
I tried that with my SO but he just isn’t buying it. (smart man. lol.)
His mom died last summer so he’s even more skiddish.
I’m giving him till November before he gets a serious talking to
(we will have been dating for 4 1/2 years and living together for 3) also that would leave me with one last grad school semester.
Don’t worry so much about the potential fertility problems now, you have plenty of time to worry about it later if and when it becomes an issue. Remember not to put the cart in front of the horse. (My fingers are crossed for you too and me when the time comes.)
LOL. Yeah, trauma like that can make people shy about baby-making for sure! I am crossing my fingers for you also! You’re totally right that I shouldn’t worry about fertility - after all, my sister barely looks at a man wrong and seems to get pregnant (she was on birth control all 3 times she concieved)! She had to get her tubes tied after the third one just to be sure. So good luck to us and keep me posted on your progress!
I’m also waiting! My husband and I have been together for seven and a half years but the time just isn’t right. We’re still quite young (23–high school sweethearts) and our jobs are in flux. I keep watching friends get pregnant (not married, no jobs) and they are seemingly as happy as can be… We’re going to be waiting a few years yet because we want to be financially responsible, but both of us have been mentally and emotionally ready for years. I just get so frustrated when I see people who aren’t “ready” by my standards popping kids out. And then I feel guilty for getting frustrated. I’m so glad to see other people are playing the waiting game, too!
Oh, man, I hear you! My husband and I have been together nearly 4 years, and married 18 months. We talked about waiting 1-2 years before TTC, but I’ve been ready for a year or so now and he wants to wait until we’ve been married two years. I’m already 32, so the waiting stresses me out so much… especially as THREE people have told me they’re expecting in the last month alone. Still, I would never want to force my husband into a decision that he’s not ready for.
As to other people’s comments, I’ve told a few that I just need them to stop because it’s stressing me out. Obviously you can’t do that for everyone, but it has seemed to work for close family or friends.
Thanks, ladies. It is always comforting just knowing others are out there in the same situation - like you all said, it is hard to see everyone around you popping kids out when you have to wait to even start trying.
I totally understand you. We’re currently waiting to conceive until at least the summer, possibly the fall. My husband “needs some time to regroup” before another baby, and we’re waiting for [name]Rowan[/name] to be a little older so she can be slightly more independent when a new baby arrives. I’ve got the “itch” right now and I can feel myself starting to slide into full blown baby fever, even against all our rationale for waiting. Obsessing over names helps though, in the meantime.
Since you asked for advice for how to cope in the meantime, I suggest taking prenatal vitamins and even possibly charting your cycle using Natural Family Planning. That way, when the time is right - you will know EXACTLY how your cycle works. [name]Just[/name] a suggestion:)
Good thoughts! I also try to prepare by working at getting/staying in as healthy as possible so I’ll be as ready as I can when it’s time to TTC. [name]Haven[/name]'t charted my cycles yet since I’m still on the Pill. And because I’m neurotic, I try to do some pre-research on baby things, so that when I’m full of hormones and want to buy everything, I’ll have some idea of what’s actually necessary and what we can do without.
This exactly! I’m 29, married six months today(!) and still on the Pill. I will go off sometime in the summer, but I am trying to get healthy now and do research about fertility, pregnancy, raising babies, etc now. Because why not?!
[name]Glad[/name] to know that I’m not the only one having trouble waiting to get started TTC! Sometimes I think I want to be trying to get pregnant more than I want to actually be pregnant. But I’m also trying my best to enjoy being married, and spending time just as us as a couple.
I have been hoping to try to conceive at the end of this year because I have a two year old son and I truthfully cannot imagine a happy childhood as an only sibling. Well, after numerous recent discussion with my husband it has been decided that we are putting ttc off for an unspecified amount of time, but at least two or three years or more. It’s been very very difficult for me to cope with this idea and I have been terribly depressed about it. To me, it seems that six to seven years age difference is too much for children to really be brothers/ brother and sister and my brothers are the only family I have left after a long series of losses in my family. I have to agree with my husband, though because my argument is completely emotional while his is completely logical. Neither of us are secure in our careers (he doesn’t even know what he wants to do, just no more heavy labor jobs) and we definitely weren’t ready for my son although I think we are doing a great job. To make matters worse, I realized that I don’t know what I’m doing in college anymore and am going to quit and try to work. I hope we get things together quickly as I have cried about this nearly everyday since our conversation last week, I’m not sure if it’s normal to be this depressed about it. Sorry for the novel, I just need to vent about this.
I think that the best way to deal with the insanity of impatience to conceive is to try to focus on your goals that need to be accomplished before you can conceive BUT try to find other reasons why those goals are important to you so you are not constantly thinking about future baby because if you have issues with obsessive thinking like I do thinking of future baby may be distracting. Then when it gets within a year of likely being a good time to conceive start preparing other ways for the baby such as getting a check up and starting vitamins and improving eating habits (although any time is good for those things). Also, I know many people don’t like to, but I like trying to figure out what to name my children. I knew my sons name for years (since middle school) and was so glad when my husband declared it the only name he would consider. Having a name for my son really helped me feel closer to him from the very beginning and really made the pregnancy real to me.
I feel your pain! I’m 27, my husband and I have been together for over 5 years and married 6 months with no set time frame for TTC. He isn’t where he wants to be in his career and says that we need to wait to be more financially stable before TTC. Which I know is the logical thing to do - but will we ever feel financially stable?! I have the worst baby fever, I think about it all the time. Literally ALL of my friends and coworkers either have children, are pregnant, or they’re trying to conceive. And here I am painting the laundry room, starting a vegetable garden and going back to school part time. I am so ready to be a mother and it’s so hard to wait. I’m so scared that I won’t be able to conceive!
I totally understand how you feel too!! I’m 31 and have been with my husband for 5 years. I’ve had baby on the brain for a long time now…its super embarrassing how much baby clothing I have knitted or bought myself! I finally finally finally got him on board recently, so we have been ttc for the last 3 months.
For me it definitely helped to be in the “pre-pregnancy preparing” phase for 6 months before we started to try. I began jogging, I lost weight, taking pre-natal vitamins, cut back on drinking, learned to knit baby booties, opened a “baby savings” account, and eating well. It took the edge off the waiting game because it helped me feel like I was taking action and making changes that would help me have a healthy pregnancy when the time came. When you really want something, it is so hard to just sit around and wait.
I think prepping if you have a finite pre-ttc window makes sense. If you are unsure of how long that period is going to be I’d probably advise against it. [name]Don[/name]'t you think that after a year of pre-natal vitamins, and researching it could just make you more depressed and anxious (at least I think that’s what it would do to me).
That’s what I was thinking, Lexiem. With three years’ wait ahead of me (probably) I think it’s a little too soon for me. I’d just get depressed. I think I’m going to have to keep lurking around these forums instead!
