I’m almost 33 weeks with my second child and thought it would be fun to start a thread on the things no one tells you about pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period. Or maybe there are some things you had heard before but just want to reinforce.
I’ll start off, of course.
I never heard about the contractions a woman will experience immediately after she gives birth and begins breastfeeding, when the uterus is contracting back to its original size. Ladies, these “after pains” HURT, even just as much as early labor contractions. Breastfeeding will stimulate them, so you can expect to have them for a couple of days after delivery as your uterus begins to return to its normal size.
Also, I had heard that if you breastfeed, you won’t get your period for quite some time after delivery, perhaps not even until you begin weaning. What they don’t tell you is that you must keep up regular breastfeeding or pumping (as in every few hours) for this to happen. If you go more than a few hours without feeding or pumping (for example, if you pump before bed, and then your partner stays up for the late-night bottle feeding), your period may return sooner than you had planned. I did the pump before bed routine, and mine returned about 6 weeks after delivery.
Also, I was prepared for this, but I think ALL women can expect to experience some amount of postpartum depression. The combination of haywire hormones, lack of sleep, and a major life change is enough to trigger bouts of depression in just about anyone. Mine was bad enough that I should have asked for help. I know better this time around.
What about you? If you’ve had a baby before, what did you experience that no one ever told you to expect?
Good idea for a thread lyricmom. I’m pregnant with my 1st but am a trainee midwife so know a fair amount about what to expect. The after pains you mention will happen even if you don’t breastfeeding & they get worse after every pregnancy so get some good pain relief for them. Also breastfeeding is only a reliable contraceptive if you fully breastfeed (every few hours, no pumping) & its not foolproof so you should always take precautions as you can get pregnant before that period arrives.
[name]Love[/name] the link you posted, ange84, especially the bit about bludgeoning one’s husband with a breastpump. I confess I’ve had similar thoughts.
That you get gassy, awkward and uncoordinated. You get insomnia, even early in pregnancy. [name]How[/name] big your feet can swell. That your shoe size will probably change by the end of the pregnancy. [name]Baby[/name] brain really does exist (not matter what science says). That every stranger will feel the need to talk to you about your pregnancy and discuss their labor. That at least once in your pregnancy you will look at the father of your child and think “I hate you for doing this to me”
My first labor was 26 hours. [name]Baby[/name] was born at 4:00 a.m. I didn’t sleep a wink through the entire thing. No one told me how cruel it would be to be woken up every three hours after that ordeal to breastfeed. Sorry if that sounds incredibly selfish, but jeez, my body had just been through hell and back. I needed to sleep!
oohh, and at somepoint, Your husband will be sleeping, while your up AGAIN, with the baby - you [name]WILL[/name] consider smothering him with a pillow.
I feel like nobody told me about peeing! Immediately after my first, the need to pee would come out of nowhere, and it was nearly impossible to hold it! I guess everything was weakened after giving birth. [name]One[/name] day when [name]Willow[/name] was about a week old I had just started changing a dirty diaper, and the urge hit. I couldn’t leave her alone on the change table, and there was poop everywhere (I was still new at the whole diaper thing) so I didn’t want to carry her with me to the bathroom, so I took a couple of seconds to figure out what to do. …That was a couple seconds too long. …Yes, I peed myself! *Healing after baby #2 was a breeze, though, so maybe that makes up for it?!
And yes, that cramps you feel after the 2nd baby are worse than the 1st. [name]One[/name] nurse told me that it’s worse with every consecutive baby because the uterus has to work just a little bit harder to get back to normal.
I also didn’t know that my feet would swell after I had given birth. With [name]Willow[/name], they only swelled a little towards the very end of the pregnancy. After she was born, they were so swollen (for weeks, and weeks) that they hurt!
labmama, what you say about peeing is so true. I feel like my bladder has never been the same since giving birth. And with this pregnancy, I swear bladder control and frequency are much, much worse.
I didn’t realize I’d go through so many changes of clothes the first week or so. For the baby, yes, but I mean for me. I was such a mess, and I felt like my body had sprung multiple leaks–sweating like a pig, leaking milk, bleeding, semi-incontinent, splattered with the baby’s effluvia…
I wasn’t prepared for the lochia. I knew it was going to happen, of course, but I figured it would be just like a regular period, only longer. It really wasn’t. It felt different, smelled different…it was just different. I was grossed out, TBH, and desperately eager for it to end.
Oh, and all the parenting books, parenting blogs, parenting techniques, and parenting philosphies you’ve studied? Yeah, your baby hasn’t read any of them and doesn’t care. He has his own ideas. [name]Don[/name]'t cling slavishly to someone else’s ideal and make yourself and your kid miserable. Be prepared to adapt until you find something that works for you.
It is so hard to go number one after a vaginal delivery.
The after birth contractions hurt way worse and way longer on baby number two.
It was way harder to lose the baby weight, or at least it took longer, after baby number two.
Breast feeding cravings can be worse than preg cravings.
Not everyone loses tons of weight bc of breast feeding. In some cases, yes mine, it actually can slow down weight loss bc your body thinks it needs to hold onto the extra fat in case of famine or something.
Oh jeez, more to look forward to. I gained 50 lbs. with my first, and it took two years to get it off (right in time to get pregnant again). And I agree with you about not losing weight while breastfeeding. I think the whole breastfeeding/weight loss thing is another myth perpetuated by the patriarchy to keep women at home and kids on the tit. I think you actually need to maintain a layer of blubber in order to breastfeed (at least I did).
There’s a lot that came as a surprise to me after I had a baby. The pregnancy itself was pretty uneventful besides the common knowledge issues of peeing every 10 minutes, and never being able to find a comfortable position to sleep. I had an “emergency” c-section and I did not breastfeed…
No one tells you that it’s the actual hospital bed and all the wires and gadgets you’re hooked up to that’s the most uncomfortable part of labor. If I was able to get up and move around and get my mind off of it, it would have been so much easier.
[name]How[/name] hard it is to go hours and hours without eating, my labor was 23 hours and I didn’t eat the entire time. And then after the surgery, you don’t want to eat because you’re in so much pain. I think the no eating rule is ridiculous.
It might just have been my baby in particular, but no one tells you how easy a newborn is. Now that she’s almost 10 months, I look back on the newborn stage and I’m like “Why does everyone make it seem like newborns are so hard?” I’m definitely not worried about it with the next child.
No one tells you when you have a c-section, they have to push on your uterus to help expel all the blood and it hurts SO BAD, it literally feels like they’re killing you. And how much you bleed afterwards, and the clots are so huge it looks like a horror movie.
Rowangreeneyes you are right to question the not eating the whole time while in labour. More and more hospitals (at least where I am) are letting you make that decision for yourself as well as being hooked up to an IV and fetal monitors. (I know it sounds strange but apparently constant fetal monitoring has no scientific backing for healthier mothers and babies when compared to intermittent monitoring) Also, being able to move around is supposed to be a lot more conducive to moving baby down that canal, so it sounds like your instincts were right on track.
saraallison and lyricmom, thanks fort the tip about breastfeeding and weight-loss, it makes sense that your body wants to hold onto some more fat and probably slows down your metabolism. I will have to try to make it a priority to eat more to accommodate for all the extra outgoing calories!
The whole prohibition against eating during labor is a major flaw in the western system of childbirth, [name]IMO[/name]. [name]How[/name] can a woman be expected to perform a major feat of physical strength and endurance without any sustenance besides jello and ice chips? It’s insane.
Ladies, before you take off for the hospital, EAT! Eat lots of protein!
Well I’m back to my pre baby weight after baby #2, only my jeans still don’t fit - turns out my body shape has changed, no one I know has told me that could happen! Also, I had really, thick shiney pregnant lady hair with both my pregnancies; both times I had handfuls of hair falling out afterwards, no one told me that could happen. As a side note please be reassured it seems to have stopped before getting a receding hairline or bald patches but still freaked me out seeing all that hair fall out!
No one ever told me that when your water breaks, it’s not necessarily a big gush. We thought my water hadn’t broken after five hours of labor, so the doctor went to break it, only to find most of it had leaked out already. Let me tell you, it hurts when they poke an empty water sac.
No one ever told me that it your child is born on the small side, they can do the ‘wake up every two hours to eat at night’ thing for as long as two years. My daughter was 5lbs, 5oz, and she finally stopped that at about 19-20 months.
I had no idea morning sickness could last so long; mine didn’t stop until I was just over 8 months along. Also, I didn’t know that you don’t necessarily lactate. My daughter had to be almost exclusively bottle fed because I hardly lactated at all.
Also, no one ever told me post partum depression can last as long as a year after the baby’s born, I’d always assumed it was one of those things that went away after a couple of months.
I remember freaking out at hemmeroids after birth. I never had them until I was pregnant and after birth woah…made the mistake after my third of looking at them in a mirror after a shower and it was so gross and frightening!!! I was gifted some awesome stuff by a brand called [name]Earth[/name] Mama [name]Angel[/name] baby that I used when pregnant and after the birth of my 4th, it was awesome. A spray and a balm to put on after using the bathroom. I am goingto order some in another month, the zofran I am on is not helping me in the #2 department, ugh.
Being pregnant at the end during the summer…nobody told me how hot and swollen I would get and how hard it would be to just walk!!! Crocs were thankfully around by the time I had my 3rd. He was born end of september after a super hot aummer and crocs were all I could wear. Flipdlops were awful because of how fat my toes were etc.
