Thinking about adopting?!?

Heeeyy berries!
My husband and I as most of u know have just welcomed little girl, [name]Livvy[/name]… ([name]Olivia[/name]). Well anyways, we want one more child. We are going to adopt this child, in 5+ months. We will get a girl, here are name suggestions!

[name]Navy[/name]
[name]August[/name]
[name]Karleigh[/name]
[name]Anabel[/name]
[name]Eliana[/name]

[name]Feel[/name] free to suggest names && make combos!!

XOX ttyl,

So let me get this straight, you have a 3, 2, 9 month old, 3 day old, and are going to be starting the adoption process? OK.

Are you thinking about adopting a newborn, toddler, or older child? International adoption or domestic adoption? [name]Will[/name] you adopt through the foster care system or a straight adoption?

You will need to go through an agency - apply as an adoptive family, consent to background checks and fingerprinting, have health screenings, have home studies (your agency or a delegate comes to your home to assess the readiness of your family and home to add a new child). Some states or agencies require you complete certain parenting training classes or classes about foster care. These steps don’t happen overnight and they are not without costs. In very urgent adoption situations, you can complete everything in 4-6 weeks, but most often it takes several months for all the steps I listed. Then many more to actually be matched with a child or pregnant woman (years in some cases) then the child would be placed with you and you have post-placement visits and court dates to finalize everything. [name]Just[/name] a warning, some agencies may require your youngest be a certain age before you pursue adoption.

Oh, and I don’t know if you saw it or not, but I had a question for you on your other thread.
Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums!

If your child is already 5+ months old, they have a name.

Period.

I think you understood wrong. We are going to start looking for agencies in about 5 months. All my kids have names, [name]Chase[/name], [name]Mason[/name], [name]Paisley[/name] & [name]Olivia[/name].

Oh and maybe a 5 year old? I know my kids will like the idea, and so will my husband. He loves the idea. I rather straight adoption.

Let me rephrase: unless you’re adopting an infant, the child will already have a name. Please, please have enough respect for them and their heritage not to change it.

Wow, already thinking of adoption with a three day old baby?

When my girls were that old I was barely out of hospital and the only thing on my mind was when I was next going to get some sleep!

You’re a brave lady.

Anyway, as the others have said, an older child will already have a name and to change it would be cruel.

I’m very curious to hear your reasoning as to why you want another child so soon after having your youngest?

I don’t want to pile on, but I do honestly find it to be a bit strange that you supposedly have a baby who’s less than week old and you’re already talking about moving on to the next one.

Also, in response to adopting a 5-year-old when your oldest child is 3, I’ve heard that adopting “out of birth order” can be problematic and is sometimes advised against. Not to say that it’s impossible, but it’s definitely something that you should read up on.

Honestly, the way you’re approaching this is generally really offensive and ill-informed. You realize it could take YEARS to adopt, right? And kids aren’t like a restaurant dinner, you can’t just “order” up a five-year old. You have to be committed to taking the child in the most need. Please also realize it’s likely your child will have trauma and attachment issues. I highly recommend researching this issue more.

Thank you augusta_lee and nono - you just brought up the two points I wanted to here.

If you didn’t have 4 kids under the age of 4, I wouldn’t be so worried about adding a special needs adoption (all kids over 5 are considered “special needs” because as they get older they become eligible for grants and such to aid in their placement) to your family. If you had upper elementary children and teenagers, I think you’d have much more time to deal with a 5 yr old with behavior and attachment issues.

There have been several false posts on NB lately regarding adoption and to borrow your words august, they are very offensive and ill-informed. I just feel like it must be a new “trend” for people to pretend they have many children and are adopting even more lately. Adoption is a heart wrenching process for all involved. It’s disrespectful for families who are going through the adoption process after years of infertility, thousands of dollars, or a true and lifelong calling to adopt to see someone haphazardly talking about going to pick up a 5 yr old because her kids will like it.

HEAR HEAR, crunchymama!

As someone with an adopted sister–and hopefully a future adoptive mom in the far-off future–I find the way this entire intro is worded somewhat disturbing.

You don’t just say you want to adopt in 5+ months. The way you’re putting it makes it seem like you want to run by in 5+ months and pick up a five year old. (And, like others have mentioned, adopting out of birth order makes an already delicate process even more difficult.) Frankly, many reputable agencies will be slightly concerned if a family just shows up with a new baby–which a five month old is–looking for a five year old. Why not focus on the kid you have–if you have one at all, as the way this post is phrased casts some doubt.

Honestly, it’s a good thing that this is probably all made up, and I hope that it is. Because anyone wanting to pick up a five year old girl–and by the way, no matter what you specify, you can’t exactly order up a child, as someone else mentioned–because her kids like the idea probably isn’t suited to parent an adopted older child. You realize that most of them have been through situations that are at the very least stressful and at the most traumatic, right? Children adopted at five don’t come without stories.

Also, the idea that you’d throw out a five year old girl’s name with reckless abandon is so completely offensive that I really don’t know what else to say.

I was thinking along these lines, so Amen. Isn’t this the same poster who said she was adopting a Canadian baby the same week as her newborn was born? Correct me berries if I’m wrong!

To respond to the other posts, I worked for a couple that was trying to adopt, and eventually won. I especially respected the struggle they went through to adopt the little girl I babysat. They really cared about her and had to go through a lot to adopt her. I’ve seen the same thing, although not quite as first hand as pp, with other couples.

If you want to have “what if” conversations of having several kids because you’re just looking for names or want to hear about what it’s like to have 5 kids, many berries are happy to help with name ideas, feedback and sharing experiences! I’m not even TTC yet and I’ve gotten lots of wonderful advice! There even are several teenberries who admit that they are searching names just for fun and we welcome them right in! And I think I speak for other berries when I say that we would be happy to do the same for you whenever you’d like to come back to reality, even daydreaming. But please don’t invent offensive situations anymore. I hope you understand that what you’re saying is hurtful and on nameberry we try to avoid that. Thank you.

Sorry everyone for my mis-wording! I meant that I would be ready in 5 months, but I don’t care when I get this child. Also, I never really thought about the name changing thing. So now I’m back to the start again, just wanting to adopt! Also, a child won’t be coming into our family now because we just found out my husband’s grand-father is diagnosed with cancer! :frowning:

As an adoptee I dont think it’s a good idea for you to try to adopt, at least not any time soon.

Adopted children need extra time and attention and thats probably not possible for someone with 3 young kids, especially when one is a newborn. Wait until your children are a little older and rethink this issue. If you only had one two other kids then I would say go for it, but you dont so it’s probably best that you spend time with the children you have now instead of expanding your family.

I really hope this is trolling because like someone else said it’s a little disturbing the way you speak in terms of adopted children. You cant go out and buy a tailor made child to suit your desires and if you think you can then the world is better off without adoptive parents like you. I’ve seen families like this and it can have devastating effects on the kids when parents start off with a mindset like this, we arent accessories or charity cases who are “lucky to have parents at all”, we’re much more than that.

I agree with everything Crunchymama said - this also reminds me a LOT of another recent poster, can’t recall her username, but she too supposedly had four kids under 4, including a newborn, and claimed to have adopted a Canadian newborn who just so happened to have been born the same day as her biological one. LOL. As someone who has several adoptees in her own family, and who is considering starting the arduous process herself, this is really offensive to me.

Sorry!!! Thanks thetxbelle, I think you’re right. I guess we’ll wait, until the kids are a bit older. Thanks for the help!

I thought that other post was also from mom9. Correct me other berries if I’m wrong. I hope that this is all made up too, because it is a bit disturbing.

To respond to pps, I worked for a couple that was trying to adopt, and eventually won. I especially respected the struggle they went through to adopt the little girl I babysat. They really cared about her and had to go through a lot to adopt her. I’ve seen the same thing, although not quite as first hand as pp, with other couples. As the oldest of 5, I think that being an older sibling to 4 kids all of the sudden is way too traumatic. It’s a lot of responsibility, and when you come from a rough situation, you do need a lot of love and extra attention, at least at first. With a lot of little ones, you can’t do that just yet. The good news is that a family with that situation probably wouldn’t even be taken into consideration. They’ll know when a couple is ready, right?

Mom9, If you want to have “what if” conversations of having several kids because you’re just looking for names or want to ask questions about different family situations, many berries are happy to help with name ideas, feedback and sharing experiences! I’m not even TTC yet and I’ve gotten lots of wonderful advice. There even are several teenberries who admit that they are searching names just for fun and we welcome them right in!

If you are inventing these things, as many believe you are, please stop. I hope you understand that it is hurtful. If you aren’t making this up, a newborn and three other little ones is plenty for now! If you want someone to help you play with the kids, there are a lot of fun babysitters out there that you can hire.

Oh, you mean this:
Nameberry - Welcome to the Nameberry Forums)-)-)

This one annoyed me too:

Mommie23! That was it. Remarkably similar to Mom9 too… same person, I wonder? She stopped posting on April 6th, and this new one joined the next week. Haha.