Thought on "first in" philosophy...

Hey there lovely people,

I’ve been mulling this over in my head and though it could be an interesting discussion starter…

I have realised recently that I am subconsciously stressing that other family members will beat us to using names I/we love. My hubs has a big family, and a few of them currently have babies, are having babies, or are looking to have babies soon. We are about two years of ttc, and I have noticed myself thinking “but what if they use our name?!” a lot!

Now, normally my philosophy is “if you love it, use it” … but in this case, it would be first cousins close in age and that live reasonably close to each other, so I feel like it would be awkward to use a name that was already used.

There are double ups in my extended family, so having multiple of the same name in the family is not new to me, but they are spread out so I feel more comfortable with it (e.g I have two cousin Michaels, but there are like 10 years apart, and live on opposite coasts of the country).

We like unique names, and I feel like that should be a comfort… but his siblings like unique names too! So it doesn’t really make me feel any safer. (Example: I have nephews [name_m]Zebadiah[/name_m], [name_m]Osvaldo[/name_m], Peppino, etc)

Anyway, I mentioned it to my hybby and he was like “I doubt anyone will like the same names we do, and even if they do [use them], what does it matter?”

Then he posed the following: if we chose our baby names two years ago and then have a baby in two years, we have like the name for four years total. If his sibling chooses a name while pregnant, then even though they technically got to use it first, we loved it first. Thus, their using it should not disqualify us from using it.

So… what do you think? [name_f]Do[/name_f] you believe in “if you love it, use it” or " first in, first served"?

Would you give up a favourite name, because a close family member used it?

Interested to see your answers, and thanks for letting me think out loud. xoxo

It depends on a few factors. Firstly closeness which you’ve already stated is quite close. Two is family significance. Is the name significant to you and your husband eg. Place you got engaged , his grandmothers middle name etc. If it’s significant to your family it’s fair game. The other thing is whether it’s a middle name or a first name. For example if you had a niece named Hannah and you named your daughter Annabelle Hannah that would be fine as no one uses their middle names often. If name stealing is a worry and you still are team first in you should make a list of your top 10 favorites and find three alternatives for them eg. If Olivia is at the top of your list and someone uses it you might choose Ophelia , Olympia and Orla as alternatives. That way if someone does use a favorite but you still want to use a similar name it’s not as much of a worry.

I believe unless you’ve made some kind of agreement with your relatives (let them know what’s your ultimate favourite and ask them not to use it -things like that), then it’s first come, first served. I mean, there’s a chance you will have all boys or all girls, or that within two years more you change your mind, so if I am your sister and we both love for example [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f] and I’m due with a baby girl early next year, of course I’ll name my daughter [name_f]Evangeline[/name_f]. Not unless I’ve previously agreed to let you have it.

In my own case, well, I’ll of course be disappointed if a family member uses the name I want to use, but that’s the point of having a short list. My youngest cousin is named Jessen, which eliminates [name_m]Jason[/name_m], one of my favourite boy names for years. But I still have [name_m]Leon[/name_m], [name_m]Felix[/name_m], etc on my list and my future son will have another name I really love as well.

In my philosophy, I don’t want to reuse a name that I’ve already deeply attached to someone else I know. Whether it’s a close family member or not. Whether I see them often or not.

That’s a really good way of thinking through it. Significance being a deciding/key factor wasn’t something that I had thought of.
I also like the idea of having spare/similar names on hand. Knowing there is a similar name you like would lessen the pain of not being able to use a favourite name.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts :slight_smile:

My philosophy has always been if you love it then use it. But on the other hand I totally get not wanting to use the same name family or friends have used. Luckily for me, my sisters/brother and I have very different taste in names. Although one of my close friends favorite boy name is [name_m]Lorenzo[/name_m], and I love it as well. Also it would be an honor name for my dad, [name_u]Loren[/name_u], but if she has a boy first and named him [name_m]Lorenzo[/name_m], I probably wouldn’t use it as a first name.

I think the only way I’ll use the same name a family member or friend used is if it has significant meaning to me and my DH, or it’s a family name, or if that is the only name that we both loved and can agree on.

This is exactly how I’m feeling! Although my fiance and I have been ttc for 18 months+, other members in his family are lucky enough to get pregnant without even trying! And my biggest fear is them using our name choice!
We’ve had our names picked for about 6 years. But even so, we started ttc before they got pregnant. So in my mind these names are our names. Although of course, nobody owns a name.

There are two pregnancies in the family at the moment and luckily one of them is close enough for us to say, please dont use this name and they’d happily find something else. But the other one awkward because we don’t see them often, but other family that we do see often, see them. So for the family in the middle, they would know two family members with the same name.

It depends on a number of factors I suppose. Closeness being the number one!

Yep! Exactly!

We’ve been talking about names so long that I’m very much the same. I think of them as “our names”.

It’s an odd conundrum… if you keep your names secret, then there’s a chance they’ll get used as no one knew… but if you share your names, the others might like them and want to use them…

And I can’t imagine asking someone not to use a name. Like you said, no one owns them. Being all “you can’t have it, it’s mine” seems petty.

Such an odd situation :confused:

I believe that first cousins can have the same name. It’s not so difficult to distinguish between them. Yes, if you love it, use it. Being unique depends on the personality, not the name. It will be a strong and cute connection between cousins.

I am having a similar dilemma, but with a family name that would be used in the middle. Personally, I don’t care about cousins sharing a middle name, but others in my family would.

However, I have to admit I’d hesitate to use a first name that was already in use. I come from a VERY large family, lots of siblings and cousins, and none of us have intensely popular names, and there are no repeats. It would feel weird to have two cousins named Peppino!

I feel this way a bit as well. For instance, my husband loves the name [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m], but his brother already used it (so [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] is our nephew). This really puts me off it, because we are already close to someone with this name. I have currently moved [name_m]Sebastian[/name_m] to a middle spot in one of our combinations, because I don’t see my hubby letting it go any time soon. But I admit that it does feel a bit odd to re-use it.

I guess this odd feeling is the reason for my original question…

This is true! The uniqueness of names makes repeats stand out more… much more likely to look like you “stole” someone else’s baby name…