Thoughts on getting married young

So I am a very good friend that’s younger than me and she is a junior in college. She has been with the same guy since freshman year of college and they are talking about marriage. [name_f]Do[/name_f] you think getting engaged your senior year of college is too young (she’ll be 22 as well as her boyfriend). They are talking about getting engaged there senior year and then getting married the summer they both graduate college. Any thoughts/opinions?

I feel like it’s way way too difficult to ever have a set opinion on this matter considering every person and every situation will be entirely different based on attachment styles, life goals, etc. [name_m]Case[/name_m]-by-case.

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Just for fun though, I’d like to add that my parents were married at that exact same time! The [name_u]June[/name_u] directly following their graduation! And they’ve been happily married ever since. That being said, no one’s relationship will have exactly the same trajectory.

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Seconded. Totally depends on their life.

Not something I’d personally do but I don’t find it wrong or something.

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I think it depends where you are in life rather than age. I mean you could get a 19 year old ready for marriage but a 30 year old who thinks this is the worse thing possible it just depends on who you are as an individual I think

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I agree with others who say it depends on the situation. It might be stressful to get married in college if you don’t know for sure you’ll have a stable job. That kind of financial struggle may put a strain on a marriage, but if they have sure plans for the future it might be fine.
As long as they’re not having kids anytime soon (I personally wouldn’t raise kids with someone I’d been with for less than 4 years) then it’s fine if it makes them happy.

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I think young marriages are great as long as you’re sure about making that big decision!! [name_f]My[/name_f] parents got married at 19 and 20 years old and they have had a very successful marriage. I’m 20 right now (a sophomore in college) my boyfriend is a few years older but we’re planning on getting engaged my junior/senior year of college.

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I think there’s nothing wrong with it as long as it’s thought through properly with a solid plan in place :slight_smile: like everyone else says it’ll be different for everyone and depends on life goals, money etc.

HOWEVER money when you’re young is hard to come by unless you get very lucky with a stable career from when you graduate (I think the pandemic will have a knock on effect on jobs for a while), or have a wealthy family that are willing to help. Me and my bf have been wanting to do the whole “house, marriage, kids” thing for ages (we’re nearly 23) but have been holding off for the sake of making sure we’re financially stable before we do :slight_smile: it’ll depend on cost of living wherever you live I guess. Obviously money isn’t the be all and end all but the way society romanticises the “we don’t need much money 'cause we’re in love” cliche is bad and it really isn’t so romantic in reality :joy:

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Everyone has their own journey and timeline. There is no right or wrong time to do anything. Is marriage harder when you’re both young and still trying to find yourself, survive financially, and figure out life? Definitely! But nothing good in life comes easy. :slight_smile:

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I think people change a lot in their 20’s. I think waiting until 25 or after is a good idea, but that may just be me. Better too late than too early. That transition from college to adult life can be a big deal so maybe get through that a bit first.

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If you’re too young to rent a car, you are too young to get married. Your brain is not fully formed until average age of 25 (some studies say 27). That’s why the 7 year hitch is so common. People get married young then they realize they want different things and divorce by the time they are 30. [name_u]Or[/name_u] they stay in a marriage they don’t whole heartedly want because of family or societal pressure, they aren’t finally independent, they’re scared of being alone, etc. The couples that HAPPILY stay together the longest get married between the ages of 29-32. That’s scientifically proven. Also, with women having more rights, like being able to have their own bank account and credit cards, getting married young is no longer a necessity.

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It totally depends on the situation in my opinion, and a big factor is how long they have been together. I think college seniors who have been dating for several years could be ready.

Personally as a sophomore I could not even imagine myself getting engaged in 2 years, but I know people who have and their marriages have worked out well. [name_m]Just[/name_m] for my own life I want to establish a career first and become more financially stable (probably 26/27 youngest), but everyone has a different path :slight_smile:

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My parents got together when they were fifteen, but they’d known each other since SECOND GRADE! They were high school sweethearts, and as soon as my mom graduated from college in 2001, she and my dad got married. They were both 22.

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I agree that it greatly depends on the individuals and how they work together as a couple! That said, I would like to get married relatively young myself, so I don’t have issues with it.

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I’m not familiar with the American schooling system. Because in England it’s a lot different etc. We leave secondary school at 16, some go onto college with A-levels and then further education is university (BA/graduate degrees) and this is the route I took as I have a BA, but anyway as you gave the age I feel I can comment.
I don’t feel it is too young if that is her life path that she wishes to make for herself. Some women are very content to get married and have children earlier on in life, others want to travel the world and some want high flying careers. Having said that, being married to someone is literally a life long commitment and whilst I don’t think the age is an issue, to me the idea of marriage to a person you will spend the rest of your life with is a very important and serious question to ask. So I would have to be 100% sure that my partner was the one.
I have been with my partner for 9 years. Love can grow or change over time but as long as the foundations to your relationship is primarily love/loyalty and respect then I honestly don’t see why not.

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Sorry I disagree with this. The 7 year hitch (actually called 7 year itch in some circles) is not so much to do with the age of when you got married, it’s primarily to do with the longevity of being with someone for that long. So it can occur in any age bracket. You can be married in your 30s and still experience the 7 year itch from there, you don’t have to necessarily be young and in your 20s. Usually the first 1-5 years of any relationship is refered to as the ‘honeymood period’ and anything after that where couples are likely to have settled into a routine/had children, the relationship either matures and it becomes a mature love or one or both couples can get restless and therefore restless with each other and thus discord happens in the partnership.

Marriage doesn’t have to be viewed through a materialistic lense either. There are genuinely some young couples out there who wish to get married because they feel what they have is love and it’s not because they wish to have a joint bank account.
Marriage isn’t a necessity but it really shouldn’t be viewed from that standpoint regardless. If you are getting married for financial support then you are getting married for the wrong reasons. If we look at the word marriage it literally means ‘union’ and if two people are prepared to work as being a unit/team then it will be successful.
We are perhaps a bit more emotionally mature in our 30s to better prepare ourselves for a married life, but like anything it’s not a one size fits all approach. Some 20 year olds are more mature than their peers and may do just fine getting married.

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I know you’re in the UK but you should read before commenting. Until 1974, with the Equal Credit Opportunity Act, women could not open up a bank account without a man signing on and having joint access. [name_m]Even[/name_m] then banks could turn women away and they were not allowed to have a credit card in their name. Some other things women couldn’t do until the 1970s: serve on a jury, go to an [name_f]Ivy[/name_f] League school, take legal action against sexual assault and harassment, work while pregnant, get birth control, legally fight against marital rape which wasn’t even a term, nevertheless acknowledged, until the late 70s and the UKs history is very, very similar. So marriage was absolutely a necessity especially for financial reasons.

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I feel somewhat qualified to answer this since I recently got married young, so here’s my take. I got married in 2019 when my husband was 20 and I was 23- younger than average in the US especially in the midwest I think, and we aren’t religious either. We both agree that if we could go back in time, we would have waited a few more years, but we’re happy and we don’t regret the decision.
We got married and moved in together the same month. Moving in together is the tough part- many a fights have occured over cleaning habits, furniture or space decisions, and mostly visitor boundaries. Meaning, who is allowed over when, how often, and do they need to let us know beforehand.
Marriage doesn’t change much about the fights you’ll have as a married couple, the one thing it does though is make it legally and financially difficult to break up. So when you’re arguing, you have to really work through it with the goal in mind to still be with that person no matter how staunchly you disagree on the subject and no matter how much it upsets you. Of course if that relationship is abusive in any way, you should most definitely seek therapy, and if it can’t be resolved there you should seek a divorce.
But that’s another case to be made for waiting to get married: It’s much more difficult to recognize abuse when you’re young and haven’t seen much of the world yet.
Of course, what should matter most is maturity rather than age, and to a degree that does apply, my self and husband included. But experience matters too, and experience oftentimes comes with age.
I don’t judge anyone who gets married young. There is something beautiful about it too, and it works for many people. But anyone who considers doing so should take all of the risks into account, and understand that they are connected to that person forever, trusting them to represent you and sometimes make decisions for you in the world, and be your arms and legs when the world crashes around you. That decision should be made with the upmost care for yourself.

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I have several friends who got married right after graduating and they’re all still together. I think if you’ve been together for a long time and you want to stay together then great - why not? If you just got together it might be wise to leave a bit more time, but honestly it’s really their decision.

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This is absolutely, 100%, not something that can be answered.

Everyone is on their own path. Some people meet the right person young, others don’t.

My college roommate met her husband during our freshman year. She got engaged on their 1 year anniversary, during our sophomore year (age 19-20). They got married during [name_f]Spring[/name_f] Break of our senior year (age 22). They are one of the happiest couples I’ve ever met. They are lucky to have grown together as adults and still be compatible.

Meanwhile, I was in my freshman year of college when I got engaged (age 18-19). We had been friends since we were 15-16… Then we broke up when we were 21. A few years later, he married someone else. I’m about to be 29 and unmarried, no boyfriend, not dating, and very happy with my life. He was a great guy, but I’m glad we didn’t get married.

We were too young.

My college roommate and her now-husband were not too young.

So who knows :woman_shrugging:t2:

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